work & identity

[Guest guest]

Hi, . Are you on anything for the nerve pain (the burning, tingling, etc.)? Has your hearing been evaluated? The ringing may be from 8th nerve damage. Do you also have vertigo? I have bilateral hearing loss from NS. I have ringing in the right ear only. At first I thought it would drive me insane, but after awhile I didn't notice it much.

I know how difficult it is to contemplate losing a career you love. I was a nurse-midwife for 20 years, but had to give it up 2+ years ago. Between hand tremors, balance problems, muscle weakness & memory problems, it became unsafe. I'm still just going around in circles like a moth. (Actually, I don't think I've ever seen a moth go in circles around a light. Hmm.) I have started a business degree, but can't concentrate enough to even pay my bills, let alone do coursework.

Right now I'm using the perspective of land needing to lie fallow every few years, to recuperate the nutrients. You guys know what I'm trying to say.

Anyway, I included a couple of messages from our very own, very wise (because she's really a gnome) Tracie! regarding this issue of careers & identity. I hope you find it interesting & helpful.

This first one, in blue, was written 7/1/03. The second one, in purple, was written 4/8/05. The archives are full of valuable resources like this.

DebbieI know that when i lost my job last summer and went on SSDI and fortunately, long-term disability that the change and loss was as big an insult as this disease is. Like you, I can't go thru the newspaper without reading the help wanted section. I still wrestle daily with the concept that I probably won't work again. My work was a big part of "who" I was. I found companionship, friendship, exhilaration, frustration, empathy, compassion, socialiazation, all of those needs were met by working. Not only were so many emotional needs met, but the paycheck afforded us a relatively nice lifestyle. So finding ways to play was easier.Now comes the loss of the social circle, the income, the freedom to make spontaneous choices, and the change of my personal character from Tracie the professional to Tracie. My life script, as written in my mind, changed completely.So, what now? Rewriting that identity script we have about ourselves is the toughest part. I don't have the new me done yet. Not sure I ever will. I'm not sure that I really even want to rewrite it. I say that from both the point of I liked who I was, and since I don't yet know who I am-- it's damn scary to "make" a new me. Debbie, know that you are supported in where-ever this journey is taking you. I know that my husband actually has come to accept the fact that I won't be working again alot easier than I am. If your husband can support you in this transition, let him. Snuggle into his arms, and let him hold you thru this. (yep, that's the part can't do). Be kind to yourself.Love, Tracie I've been spending some time just trying to figure out why it is that I need to spend so much time looking for answers for my sarcoidosis, when I know what it is, how it works, and that it is serious, even life threatening for me. This self-investigation is leading me to a place where I'm ready to put my energy to better use. Instead of frantically racing around, reading everything I can on sarcoidosis, and giving all my energy away to solving something that is not yet solvable-- I'm missing out on the beautiful things that are going on all around me. Don't get me wrong-- I'm not giving up, and I'm not walking into my MD's offices unarmed and uninformed. That would be the equivelent to suicide. I'm just really ready to plant some flowers, and keep them watered so they can grow. I'm ready to make a car to play with out of crystals. I'm ready to laugh, and be happy. I know that I will need oxygen supplementation to take the walk thru the mall, and down the road, I may need the wheelchair or scooter. When that time comes, I hope that I can find a friend that wants to race down the mall in our "buggies." I know that I may lose my vision, and my hearing is starting on the way out-- so I want to sit in the park, and watch the little kids play. I want to hear their laughter, and ingrain the sound in my mind. So many times when we are faced with chronic illness-- we lose track of all that is important. We lose our identities, as wives, as husbands, as mothers, as women and men, as the child we are to our parents, as the coach we are to the soccer team. Those losses come with great expense. They can, and rightfully do - steal our joy. We don't need to feed ourself huge doses of guilt because of these changes. We don't need to stay stuck in the pain of these losses, because when we do-- then we become emotionally dead-- even while we're still very much alive. The season is changing, for those of us in the states, it's Springtime! It's time to start anew. Even if you've just been diagnosed with sarcoidosis, or are waiting for a diagnosis-- you can still celebrate the victories of today. Maybe it's the tulip poking through, or maybe it's already blooming, following the sun's path thru the day-- opening so very wide so every inch of it's surface can be warmed. I saw my first butterfly of the season today! I also saw rain, and sleet, and hail, and a rainbow, and snow, and the blackest clouds, and the whitest clouds, all in the space of 30 minutes. All while sitting on my couch. This disease is a bitch-- pure and simple. But it does not have to take my spirit, and it doesn't have to take your's either.So grab ahold of the grapevine, and pull yourself up-- we'll hang on to the other end, and it will be good.

Ramblin' Rose

Moderator Make FREE PC-to-PC calls with MSN Messenger. Get it now!