Re: Feeling ignored

[Guest guest]

Tracie,

Thank you so much for the kind words. It helps to know that other couples out

there are going through the same thing. It is so great to have this group to

vent to - Marla wrote back - you and I am sure there are others I just haven't

gotten to yet. I know I am not alone in the house.

Thanks for all of the support.

Terri G.

>

> In a message dated 1/27/06 1:14:29 PM Pacific Standard Time,

> mosaicgirl1@y... writes:

>

>

> > My husband, all of a sudden, has been awful. I know it must be difficult

> > to live with someone who is sick all the time, but it is such an about face.

> > I was singing his praises (and about our marriage) a couple of weeks ago and

> > all of a sudden he is not even speaking to me. He works out every day after

> > work and doesn't get home until 6:30 or so. He just doesn't want to be at

> > home. He golfs every Saturday (all day) so the only time I really see him is

> > on Sunday. I just don't understand what is going on. Maybe it is just too

> > much for him. If it is, I wish he would just say so...I don't need the

> > additional stress. I woke up with facial pain and drooping today and I know

it is

> > in part caused by the stress that I am feeling from being ignored all week.

>

> This is such a common problem, and is so very distressing when you're the one

> being ignored. My heart goes out to you.

> Our spouses go thru the same grieving process we go thru. They have lost a

> partner, lover, wife, best friend, mother to the kids, etc. Most men have no

> idea how to tell us what they're feeling, and they too get caught up in the

" no

> bandage, no cast--no illness. "

> They don't understand that this isn't going away. Why isn't it responding to

> the medication that they have us on. why are we still depressed, or subdewed

> (sp) when we're on medication for that. Why can't we be the lovers we were.

>

> The questions without answers go on- and on.

> It's only been in the last 6 months that finally got it. It's now ok

> for me to use my parking placard, and if I need my oxygen, then we take it

with

> us- even if it's just a walki thru the mall.

> I still fight all those " hats " I think I need to be-- Mom, lover, wife,

> friend-- and I am still that woman. It has taken on a whole new essence. One i

> don't wish on any of us.

> Get a copy of the " Invisible Disabilities Advocate " -- BUT YOU LOOK GREAT!

> booklet and read it with your partner.

> Another great book is CHRONIC ILLNESS, ONE MAN'S JOURNEY ALONG HIS

> CHRONICALLY ILL WIFE

> bOTH of these address the losses that we feel as partners, and both give you

> great tips on how to help each other share the fear and loss.

>

> Blessing to you,

> Tracie

> NS Co-owner/moderator

>