Re: need some TLC (or a reality check)

[Guest guest]

Rose,

This is not your fault. made her decisions--and she gets to pay the price. I suspect that she won't get to see her Certificate of Graduation--due to her priorities.

We're in kind of the same situation here. Tor's girlfriend has been living with us since last June, and it has turned out that she is a binge alcoholic. She was given March 31 as a move out date--but being mid-semester, there isn't much open that she can afford.

Last weekend her family came up for the night--they stayed in a motel--and she blew off work the next day. That doesn't go over well when it's the Friday before Easter in one of 3 chain stores in town. They were swamped all day--and down by a couple of turkeys.

I suspect the right thing to do would have been to call Sam on the carpet the first time you caught her screwing up-- but she made these decisions.

The fact that she doesn't want to talk with you is typical of the troubled kid-- they want to blame everyone else for their crap.

We don't need to take this on, and truly can't take this on. It is a sickness that only the person that is in violation can fix. Give the garbage back to her, and let her do some growing up. Tough love is a bitch to do-- but you and I know that it is the most loving act we can give to our kids.

Hang in there,

Tracie

[Guest guest]

Rose,

This is not your fault. made her decisions--and she gets to pay the price. I suspect that she won't get to see her Certificate of Graduation--due to her priorities.

We're in kind of the same situation here. Tor's girlfriend has been living with us since last June, and it has turned out that she is a binge alcoholic. She was given March 31 as a move out date--but being mid-semester, there isn't much open that she can afford.

Last weekend her family came up for the night--they stayed in a motel--and she blew off work the next day. That doesn't go over well when it's the Friday before Easter in one of 3 chain stores in town. They were swamped all day--and down by a couple of turkeys.

I suspect the right thing to do would have been to call Sam on the carpet the first time you caught her screwing up-- but she made these decisions.

The fact that she doesn't want to talk with you is typical of the troubled kid-- they want to blame everyone else for their crap.

We don't need to take this on, and truly can't take this on. It is a sickness that only the person that is in violation can fix. Give the garbage back to her, and let her do some growing up. Tough love is a bitch to do-- but you and I know that it is the most loving act we can give to our kids.

Hang in there,

Tracie

[Guest guest]

Rose,

This is not your fault. made her decisions--and she gets to pay the price. I suspect that she won't get to see her Certificate of Graduation--due to her priorities.

We're in kind of the same situation here. Tor's girlfriend has been living with us since last June, and it has turned out that she is a binge alcoholic. She was given March 31 as a move out date--but being mid-semester, there isn't much open that she can afford.

Last weekend her family came up for the night--they stayed in a motel--and she blew off work the next day. That doesn't go over well when it's the Friday before Easter in one of 3 chain stores in town. They were swamped all day--and down by a couple of turkeys.

I suspect the right thing to do would have been to call Sam on the carpet the first time you caught her screwing up-- but she made these decisions.

The fact that she doesn't want to talk with you is typical of the troubled kid-- they want to blame everyone else for their crap.

We don't need to take this on, and truly can't take this on. It is a sickness that only the person that is in violation can fix. Give the garbage back to her, and let her do some growing up. Tough love is a bitch to do-- but you and I know that it is the most loving act we can give to our kids.

Hang in there,

Tracie

[Guest guest]

Rose, I have been in a similar situation with one of my own children....We actually had to take him out of our home permanently also. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I felt like a complete failure as a parent. You are doing your best and you can't do anymore than that. Don't beat yourself up over it, it only makes you feel worse not the child. Someday she will want you back in her life again. I can't tell you when...as right now you are the perfect scapegoat for her. She will do everything she can to make you feel guilty, DON'T. You are only one person. To give you some hope and make my this short......MY child has grown up, thanked me for what I did for them, gotten married, and given me 2 beautiful granddaugters and a third on the way. God Bless you and your family and may you see that you are not the bad guy here. Lynne M.Rose

wrote: I'm feeling pretty down today. My granddaughter, , was taken back to the Girls School yesterday by her parole officer. She's been acting out lately, but I didn't report it, because I kept hoping she would get back on the right path & stay there. But Monday she & another girl skipped school & shoplifted some clothes. They were caught, although Sam didn't actually have any merchandise on her, so she wasn't arrested for the shoplifting. But the truancy was a parole violation, along with having another passenger in the car. The clincher was when her P.O. went to the school & checked her attendance record. In two months she had 52 incidents of missing one or more classes, plus the full days that I knew about. The school has a website

where parents can check grades, attendance, etc. I've been checking it, but apparently they don't include missed classes, just full days. I took her to school yesterday morning, knowing that her P.O. was going to take her out of school. She knew it was likely too, but she was hoping I'd talk him out of it. I came home & just went to sleep, so I wouldn't have to think about it. He came by later & talked about it. She will have a hearing in 2-3 weeks to determine what happens next. I feel like I failed her, even though I did everything I could think of to encourage her to make healthy choices. Last week we were talking about the prom, and looking on the Internet for info on cheap travel in Europe, as she wanted to do something like that before starting college. And all this time she was skipping school, blowing off school assignments, and lying to me about where she went, etc. I

tried the philosophy that kids will live up to your expectations, so I gave her some freedom, and she just took advantage of me. Now she tells her P.O. she never wants to talk to me again, like I'm the one who screwed up. What can I do? What should I do? I just feel demoralized. The only way I can function is to just shove it down under some of the other shit I've buried. Thanks for being the kind of people I can be honest with. Ramblin' Rose Moderator Find just what you're after with the new, more precise MSN Search - try

it now!

Blab-away for as little as 1¢/min. Make PC-to-Phone Calls using Yahoo! Messenger with Voice.

[Guest guest]

Rose, I have been in a similar situation with one of my own children....We actually had to take him out of our home permanently also. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I felt like a complete failure as a parent. You are doing your best and you can't do anymore than that. Don't beat yourself up over it, it only makes you feel worse not the child. Someday she will want you back in her life again. I can't tell you when...as right now you are the perfect scapegoat for her. She will do everything she can to make you feel guilty, DON'T. You are only one person. To give you some hope and make my this short......MY child has grown up, thanked me for what I did for them, gotten married, and given me 2 beautiful granddaugters and a third on the way. God Bless you and your family and may you see that you are not the bad guy here. Lynne M.Rose

wrote: I'm feeling pretty down today. My granddaughter, , was taken back to the Girls School yesterday by her parole officer. She's been acting out lately, but I didn't report it, because I kept hoping she would get back on the right path & stay there. But Monday she & another girl skipped school & shoplifted some clothes. They were caught, although Sam didn't actually have any merchandise on her, so she wasn't arrested for the shoplifting. But the truancy was a parole violation, along with having another passenger in the car. The clincher was when her P.O. went to the school & checked her attendance record. In two months she had 52 incidents of missing one or more classes, plus the full days that I knew about. The school has a website

where parents can check grades, attendance, etc. I've been checking it, but apparently they don't include missed classes, just full days. I took her to school yesterday morning, knowing that her P.O. was going to take her out of school. She knew it was likely too, but she was hoping I'd talk him out of it. I came home & just went to sleep, so I wouldn't have to think about it. He came by later & talked about it. She will have a hearing in 2-3 weeks to determine what happens next. I feel like I failed her, even though I did everything I could think of to encourage her to make healthy choices. Last week we were talking about the prom, and looking on the Internet for info on cheap travel in Europe, as she wanted to do something like that before starting college. And all this time she was skipping school, blowing off school assignments, and lying to me about where she went, etc. I

tried the philosophy that kids will live up to your expectations, so I gave her some freedom, and she just took advantage of me. Now she tells her P.O. she never wants to talk to me again, like I'm the one who screwed up. What can I do? What should I do? I just feel demoralized. The only way I can function is to just shove it down under some of the other shit I've buried. Thanks for being the kind of people I can be honest with. Ramblin' Rose Moderator Find just what you're after with the new, more precise MSN Search - try

it now!

Blab-away for as little as 1¢/min. Make PC-to-Phone Calls using Yahoo! Messenger with Voice.

[Guest guest]

Rose, I have been in a similar situation with one of my own children....We actually had to take him out of our home permanently also. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I felt like a complete failure as a parent. You are doing your best and you can't do anymore than that. Don't beat yourself up over it, it only makes you feel worse not the child. Someday she will want you back in her life again. I can't tell you when...as right now you are the perfect scapegoat for her. She will do everything she can to make you feel guilty, DON'T. You are only one person. To give you some hope and make my this short......MY child has grown up, thanked me for what I did for them, gotten married, and given me 2 beautiful granddaugters and a third on the way. God Bless you and your family and may you see that you are not the bad guy here. Lynne M.Rose

wrote: I'm feeling pretty down today. My granddaughter, , was taken back to the Girls School yesterday by her parole officer. She's been acting out lately, but I didn't report it, because I kept hoping she would get back on the right path & stay there. But Monday she & another girl skipped school & shoplifted some clothes. They were caught, although Sam didn't actually have any merchandise on her, so she wasn't arrested for the shoplifting. But the truancy was a parole violation, along with having another passenger in the car. The clincher was when her P.O. went to the school & checked her attendance record. In two months she had 52 incidents of missing one or more classes, plus the full days that I knew about. The school has a website

where parents can check grades, attendance, etc. I've been checking it, but apparently they don't include missed classes, just full days. I took her to school yesterday morning, knowing that her P.O. was going to take her out of school. She knew it was likely too, but she was hoping I'd talk him out of it. I came home & just went to sleep, so I wouldn't have to think about it. He came by later & talked about it. She will have a hearing in 2-3 weeks to determine what happens next. I feel like I failed her, even though I did everything I could think of to encourage her to make healthy choices. Last week we were talking about the prom, and looking on the Internet for info on cheap travel in Europe, as she wanted to do something like that before starting college. And all this time she was skipping school, blowing off school assignments, and lying to me about where she went, etc. I

tried the philosophy that kids will live up to your expectations, so I gave her some freedom, and she just took advantage of me. Now she tells her P.O. she never wants to talk to me again, like I'm the one who screwed up. What can I do? What should I do? I just feel demoralized. The only way I can function is to just shove it down under some of the other shit I've buried. Thanks for being the kind of people I can be honest with. Ramblin' Rose Moderator Find just what you're after with the new, more precise MSN Search - try

it now!

Blab-away for as little as 1¢/min. Make PC-to-Phone Calls using Yahoo! Messenger with Voice.

[Guest guest]

Rose, I really feel your pain, I've not had that many problems with Damian, but dang when I do its a big one. I agree with Tracie, she's speaking out of anger, it was all her doing, she's only angry she got caught. You try and you try to trust them, give them a little bit of space, etc and it always comes back and bites you on the butt. When she calms down and gets to thinking about what happened she knows its not anyone's fault but her on, she may never admit it, but she knows.

I know you have to be feeling pretty low because I know you love her, but she's done this to her own self, not you. Hang in there.

teresa

-- need some TLC (or a reality check)

I'm feeling pretty down today. My granddaughter, , was taken back to the Girls School yesterday by her parole officer. She's been acting out lately, but I didn't report it, because I kept hoping she would get back on the right path & stay there. But Monday she & another girl skipped school & shoplifted some clothes. They were caught, although Sam didn't actually have any merchandise on her, so she wasn't arrested for the shoplifting. But the truancy was a parole violation, along with having another passenger in the car. The clincher was when her P.O. went to the school & checked her attendance record. In two months she had 52 incidents of missing one or more classes, plus the full days that I knew about. The school has a website where parents can check grades, attendance, etc. I've been checking it, but apparently they don't include missed classes, just full days.

I took her to school yesterday morning, knowing that her P.O. was going to take her out of school. She knew it was likely too, but she was hoping I'd talk him out of it. I came home & just went to sleep, so I wouldn't have to think about it. He came by later & talked about it. She will have a hearing in 2-3 weeks to determine what happens next. I feel like I failed her, even though I did everything I could think of to encourage her to make healthy choices. Last week we were talking about the prom, and looking on the Internet for info on cheap travel in Europe, as she wanted to do something like that before starting college. And all this time she was skipping school, blowing off school assignments, and lying to me about where she went, etc. I tried the philosophy that kids will live up to your expectations, so I gave her some freedom, and she just took advantage of me. Now she tells her P.O. she never wants to talk to me again, like I'm the one who screwed up.

What can I do? What should I do? I just feel demoralized. The only way I can function is to just shove it down under some of the other shit I've buried. Thanks for being the kind of people I can be honest with.

Ramblin' Rose

Moderator

Find just what you're after with the new, more precise MSN Search - try it now!

[Guest guest]

Rose, I really feel your pain, I've not had that many problems with Damian, but dang when I do its a big one. I agree with Tracie, she's speaking out of anger, it was all her doing, she's only angry she got caught. You try and you try to trust them, give them a little bit of space, etc and it always comes back and bites you on the butt. When she calms down and gets to thinking about what happened she knows its not anyone's fault but her on, she may never admit it, but she knows.

I know you have to be feeling pretty low because I know you love her, but she's done this to her own self, not you. Hang in there.

teresa

-- need some TLC (or a reality check)

I'm feeling pretty down today. My granddaughter, , was taken back to the Girls School yesterday by her parole officer. She's been acting out lately, but I didn't report it, because I kept hoping she would get back on the right path & stay there. But Monday she & another girl skipped school & shoplifted some clothes. They were caught, although Sam didn't actually have any merchandise on her, so she wasn't arrested for the shoplifting. But the truancy was a parole violation, along with having another passenger in the car. The clincher was when her P.O. went to the school & checked her attendance record. In two months she had 52 incidents of missing one or more classes, plus the full days that I knew about. The school has a website where parents can check grades, attendance, etc. I've been checking it, but apparently they don't include missed classes, just full days.

I took her to school yesterday morning, knowing that her P.O. was going to take her out of school. She knew it was likely too, but she was hoping I'd talk him out of it. I came home & just went to sleep, so I wouldn't have to think about it. He came by later & talked about it. She will have a hearing in 2-3 weeks to determine what happens next. I feel like I failed her, even though I did everything I could think of to encourage her to make healthy choices. Last week we were talking about the prom, and looking on the Internet for info on cheap travel in Europe, as she wanted to do something like that before starting college. And all this time she was skipping school, blowing off school assignments, and lying to me about where she went, etc. I tried the philosophy that kids will live up to your expectations, so I gave her some freedom, and she just took advantage of me. Now she tells her P.O. she never wants to talk to me again, like I'm the one who screwed up.

What can I do? What should I do? I just feel demoralized. The only way I can function is to just shove it down under some of the other shit I've buried. Thanks for being the kind of people I can be honest with.

Ramblin' Rose

Moderator

Find just what you're after with the new, more precise MSN Search - try it now!

[Guest guest]

Tracie, thanks. I know you're right; I need to save your letter & read it every day. I'm not too worried about her not wanting to talk to me. A couple of years ago she told me, in front of her counselor, that she prayed I'd get hit by a bus! So things are actually improving, I guess.

Ramblin' Rose

Moderator

From: tiodaat@...Reply-To: Neurosarcoidosis To: Neurosarcoidosis Subject: Re: need some TLC (or a reality check)Date: Thu, 20 Apr 2006 18:57:55 EDTRose,This is not your fault. made her decisions--and she gets to pay the price. I suspect that she won't get to see her Certificate of Graduation--due to her priorities.We're in kind of the same situation here. Tor's girlfriend has been living with us since last June, and it has turned out that she is a binge alcoholic. She was given March 31 as a move out date--but being mid-semester, there isn't much open that she can afford.Last weekend her family came up for the night--they stayed in a motel--and she blew off work the next day. That doesn't go over well when it's the Friday before Easter in one of 3 chain stores in town. They were swamped all day--and down by a couple of turkeys.I suspect the right thing to do would have been to call Sam on the carpet the first time you caught her screwing up-- but she made these decisions. The fact that she doesn't want to talk with you is typical of the troubled kid-- they want to blame everyone else for their crap. We don't need to take this on, and truly can't take this on. It is a sickness that only the person that is in violation can fix. Give the garbage back to her, and let her do some growing up. Tough love is a bitch to do-- but you and I know that it is the most loving act we can give to our kids.Hang in there,Tracie ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~The Neurosarcoidosis CommunityNS CHAT:- Has been cancelled for now.Message Archives:-http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Neurosarcoidosis/messagesMembers Database:-Listings of locations, phone numbers, and instant messengers.http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Neurosarcoidosis/database

[Guest guest]

Tracie, thanks. I know you're right; I need to save your letter & read it every day. I'm not too worried about her not wanting to talk to me. A couple of years ago she told me, in front of her counselor, that she prayed I'd get hit by a bus! So things are actually improving, I guess.

Ramblin' Rose

Moderator

From: tiodaat@...Reply-To: Neurosarcoidosis To: Neurosarcoidosis Subject: Re: need some TLC (or a reality check)Date: Thu, 20 Apr 2006 18:57:55 EDTRose,This is not your fault. made her decisions--and she gets to pay the price. I suspect that she won't get to see her Certificate of Graduation--due to her priorities.We're in kind of the same situation here. Tor's girlfriend has been living with us since last June, and it has turned out that she is a binge alcoholic. She was given March 31 as a move out date--but being mid-semester, there isn't much open that she can afford.Last weekend her family came up for the night--they stayed in a motel--and she blew off work the next day. That doesn't go over well when it's the Friday before Easter in one of 3 chain stores in town. They were swamped all day--and down by a couple of turkeys.I suspect the right thing to do would have been to call Sam on the carpet the first time you caught her screwing up-- but she made these decisions. The fact that she doesn't want to talk with you is typical of the troubled kid-- they want to blame everyone else for their crap. We don't need to take this on, and truly can't take this on. It is a sickness that only the person that is in violation can fix. Give the garbage back to her, and let her do some growing up. Tough love is a bitch to do-- but you and I know that it is the most loving act we can give to our kids.Hang in there,Tracie ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~The Neurosarcoidosis CommunityNS CHAT:- Has been cancelled for now.Message Archives:-http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Neurosarcoidosis/messagesMembers Database:-Listings of locations, phone numbers, and instant messengers.http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Neurosarcoidosis/database

[Guest guest]

Tracie, thanks. I know you're right; I need to save your letter & read it every day. I'm not too worried about her not wanting to talk to me. A couple of years ago she told me, in front of her counselor, that she prayed I'd get hit by a bus! So things are actually improving, I guess.

Ramblin' Rose

Moderator

From: tiodaat@...Reply-To: Neurosarcoidosis To: Neurosarcoidosis Subject: Re: need some TLC (or a reality check)Date: Thu, 20 Apr 2006 18:57:55 EDTRose,This is not your fault. made her decisions--and she gets to pay the price. I suspect that she won't get to see her Certificate of Graduation--due to her priorities.We're in kind of the same situation here. Tor's girlfriend has been living with us since last June, and it has turned out that she is a binge alcoholic. She was given March 31 as a move out date--but being mid-semester, there isn't much open that she can afford.Last weekend her family came up for the night--they stayed in a motel--and she blew off work the next day. That doesn't go over well when it's the Friday before Easter in one of 3 chain stores in town. They were swamped all day--and down by a couple of turkeys.I suspect the right thing to do would have been to call Sam on the carpet the first time you caught her screwing up-- but she made these decisions. The fact that she doesn't want to talk with you is typical of the troubled kid-- they want to blame everyone else for their crap. We don't need to take this on, and truly can't take this on. It is a sickness that only the person that is in violation can fix. Give the garbage back to her, and let her do some growing up. Tough love is a bitch to do-- but you and I know that it is the most loving act we can give to our kids.Hang in there,Tracie ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~The Neurosarcoidosis CommunityNS CHAT:- Has been cancelled for now.Message Archives:-http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Neurosarcoidosis/messagesMembers Database:-Listings of locations, phone numbers, and instant messengers.http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Neurosarcoidosis/database

[Guest guest]

thanks, . I've been meaning to ask how Damian was doing. Did he switch bedrooms like he wanted?

Ramblin' Rose

Moderator

Reply-To: Neurosarcoidosis To: <Neurosarcoidosis >Subject: Re: need some TLC (or a reality check)Date: Thu, 20 Apr 2006 18:13:33 -0500 (Central Daylight Time)

Rose, I really feel your pain, I've not had that many problems with Damian, but dang when I do its a big one. I agree with Tracie, she's speaking out of anger, it was all her doing, she's only angry she got caught. You try and you try to trust them, give them a little bit of space, etc and it always comes back and bites you on the butt. When she calms down and gets to thinking about what happened she knows its not anyone's fault but her on, she may never admit it, but she knows.

I know you have to be feeling pretty low because I know you love her, but she's done this to her own self, not you. Hang in there.

teresa

-- need some TLC (or a reality check)

I'm feeling pretty down today. My granddaughter, , was taken back to the Girls School yesterday by her parole officer. She's been acting out lately, but I didn't report it, because I kept hoping she would get back on the right path & stay there. But Monday she & another girl skipped school & shoplifted some clothes. They were caught, although Sam didn't actually have any merchandise on her, so she wasn't arrested for the shoplifting. But the truancy was a parole violation, along with having another passenger in the car. The clincher was when her P.O. went to the school & checked her attendance record. In two months she had 52 incidents of missing one or more classes, plus the full days that I knew about. The school has a website where parents can check grades, attendance, etc. I've been checking it, but apparently they don't include missed classes, just full days.

I took her to school yesterday morning, knowing that her P.O. was going to take her out of school. She knew it was likely too, but she was hoping I'd talk him out of it. I came home & just went to sleep, so I wouldn't have to think about it. He came by later & talked about it. She will have a hearing in 2-3 weeks to determine what happens next. I feel like I failed her, even though I did everything I could think of to encourage her to make healthy choices. Last week we were talking about the prom, and looking on the Internet for info on cheap travel in Europe, as she wanted to do something like that before starting college. And all this time she was skipping school, blowing off school assignments, and lying to me about where she went, etc. I tried the philosophy that kids will live up to your expectations, so I gave her some freedom, and she just took advantage of me. Now she tells her P.O. she never wants to talk to me again, like I'm the one who screwed up.

What can I do? What should I do? I just feel demoralized. The only way I can function is to just shove it down under some of the other shit I've buried. Thanks for being the kind of people I can be honest with.

Ramblin' Rose

Moderator

Find just what you're after with the new, more precise MSN Search - try it now!

~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~The Neurosarcoidosis CommunityNS CHAT:- Has been cancelled for now.Message Archives:-http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Neurosarcoidosis/messagesMembers Database:-Listings of locations, phone numbers, and instant messengers.http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Neurosarcoidosis/database

[Guest guest]

Yeah, Rose we did.. but I make him keep the door open, and won't let him stay in there day in and day out like he thought he would do. So there is some give and some take, and actually since I'm in a powerchair now, this gives me the ability to get to the bathroom and back easier, so it worked really better for the both of us.

I share with everyone that knows our situation, the wisdom you shared with me about "Aliens snatching him," with the hopes of them bringing him back when he's turning26. and you know what? Everyone agrees with you.. lol so take your on advise and know that Samatha is still ruled by the aliens.

teresa

-- need some TLC (or a reality check)

I'm feeling pretty down today. My granddaughter, , was taken back to the Girls School yesterday by her parole officer. She's been acting out lately, but I didn't report it, because I kept hoping she would get back on the right path & stay there. But Monday she & another girl skipped school & shoplifted some clothes. They were caught, although Sam didn't actually have any merchandise on her, so she wasn't arrested for the shoplifting. But the truancy was a parole violation, along with having another passenger in the car. The clincher was when her P.O. went to the school & checked her attendance record. In two months she had 52 incidents of missing one or more classes, plus the full days that I knew about. The school has a website where parents can check grades, attendance, etc. I've been checking it, but apparently they don't include missed classes, just full days.

I took her to school yesterday morning, knowing that her P.O. was going to take her out of school. She knew it was likely too, but she was hoping I'd talk him out of it. I came home & just went to sleep, so I wouldn't have to think about it. He came by later & talked about it. She will have a hearing in 2-3 weeks to determine what happens next. I feel like I failed her, even though I did everything I could think of to encourage her to make healthy choices. Last week we were talking about the prom, and looking on the Internet for info on cheap travel in Europe, as she wanted to do something like that before starting college. And all this time she was skipping school, blowing off school assignments, and lying to me about where she went, etc. I tried the philosophy that kids will live up to your expectations, so I gave her some freedom, and she just took advantage of me. Now she tells her P.O. she never wants to talk to me again, like I'm the one who screwed up.

What can I do? What should I do? I just feel demoralized. The only way I can function is to just shove it down under some of the other shit I've buried. Thanks for being the kind of people I can be honest with.

Ramblin' Rose

Moderator

Find just what you're after with the new, more precise MSN Search - try it now!

~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~The Neurosarcoidosis CommunityNS CHAT:- Has been cancelled for now.Message Archives:-http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Neurosarcoidosis/messagesMembers Database:-Listings of locations, phone numbers, and instant messengers.http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Neurosarcoidosis/database

[Guest guest]

, thank you for reminding me of that! Of course the aliens have her--she's a pod person! God bless you, Booger.

Ramblin' Rose

Moderator

Reply-To: Neurosarcoidosis To: <Neurosarcoidosis >Subject: Re: need some TLC (or a reality check)Date: Thu, 20 Apr 2006 20:12:27 -0500 (Central Daylight Time)

Yeah, Rose we did.. but I make him keep the door open, and won't let him stay in there day in and day out like he thought he would do. So there is some give and some take, and actually since I'm in a powerchair now, this gives me the ability to get to the bathroom and back easier, so it worked really better for the both of us.

I share with everyone that knows our situation, the wisdom you shared with me about "Aliens snatching him," with the hopes of them bringing him back when he's turning26. and you know what? Everyone agrees with you.. lol so take your on advise and know that Samatha is still ruled by the aliens.

teresa

-- need some TLC (or a reality check)

I'm feeling pretty down today. My granddaughter, , was taken back to the Girls School yesterday by her parole officer. She's been acting out lately, but I didn't report it, because I kept hoping she would get back on the right path & stay there. But Monday she & another girl skipped school & shoplifted some clothes. They were caught, although Sam didn't actually have any merchandise on her, so she wasn't arrested for the shoplifting. But the truancy was a parole violation, along with having another passenger in the car. The clincher was when her P.O. went to the school & checked her attendance record. In two months she had 52 incidents of missing one or more classes, plus the full days that I knew about. The school has a website where parents can check grades, attendance, etc. I've been checking it, but apparently they don't include missed classes, just full days.

I took her to school yesterday morning, knowing that her P.O. was going to take her out of school. She knew it was likely too, but she was hoping I'd talk him out of it. I came home & just went to sleep, so I wouldn't have to think about it. He came by later & talked about it. She will have a hearing in 2-3 weeks to determine what happens next. I feel like I failed her, even though I did everything I could think of to encourage her to make healthy choices. Last week we were talking about the prom, and looking on the Internet for info on cheap travel in Europe, as she wanted to do something like that before starting college. And all this time she was skipping school, blowing off school assignments, and lying to me about where she went, etc. I tried the philosophy that kids will live up to your expectations, so I gave her some freedom, and she just took advantage of me. Now she tells her P.O. she never wants to talk to me again, like I'm the one who screwed up.

What can I do? What should I do? I just feel demoralized. The only way I can function is to just shove it down under some of the other shit I've buried. Thanks for being the kind of people I can be honest with.

Ramblin' Rose

Moderator

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[Guest guest]

, thank you for reminding me of that! Of course the aliens have her--she's a pod person! God bless you, Booger.

Ramblin' Rose

Moderator

Reply-To: Neurosarcoidosis To: <Neurosarcoidosis >Subject: Re: need some TLC (or a reality check)Date: Thu, 20 Apr 2006 20:12:27 -0500 (Central Daylight Time)

Yeah, Rose we did.. but I make him keep the door open, and won't let him stay in there day in and day out like he thought he would do. So there is some give and some take, and actually since I'm in a powerchair now, this gives me the ability to get to the bathroom and back easier, so it worked really better for the both of us.

I share with everyone that knows our situation, the wisdom you shared with me about "Aliens snatching him," with the hopes of them bringing him back when he's turning26. and you know what? Everyone agrees with you.. lol so take your on advise and know that Samatha is still ruled by the aliens.

teresa

-- need some TLC (or a reality check)

I'm feeling pretty down today. My granddaughter, , was taken back to the Girls School yesterday by her parole officer. She's been acting out lately, but I didn't report it, because I kept hoping she would get back on the right path & stay there. But Monday she & another girl skipped school & shoplifted some clothes. They were caught, although Sam didn't actually have any merchandise on her, so she wasn't arrested for the shoplifting. But the truancy was a parole violation, along with having another passenger in the car. The clincher was when her P.O. went to the school & checked her attendance record. In two months she had 52 incidents of missing one or more classes, plus the full days that I knew about. The school has a website where parents can check grades, attendance, etc. I've been checking it, but apparently they don't include missed classes, just full days.

I took her to school yesterday morning, knowing that her P.O. was going to take her out of school. She knew it was likely too, but she was hoping I'd talk him out of it. I came home & just went to sleep, so I wouldn't have to think about it. He came by later & talked about it. She will have a hearing in 2-3 weeks to determine what happens next. I feel like I failed her, even though I did everything I could think of to encourage her to make healthy choices. Last week we were talking about the prom, and looking on the Internet for info on cheap travel in Europe, as she wanted to do something like that before starting college. And all this time she was skipping school, blowing off school assignments, and lying to me about where she went, etc. I tried the philosophy that kids will live up to your expectations, so I gave her some freedom, and she just took advantage of me. Now she tells her P.O. she never wants to talk to me again, like I'm the one who screwed up.

What can I do? What should I do? I just feel demoralized. The only way I can function is to just shove it down under some of the other shit I've buried. Thanks for being the kind of people I can be honest with.

Ramblin' Rose

Moderator

Find just what you're after with the new, more precise MSN Search - try it now!

~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~The Neurosarcoidosis CommunityNS CHAT:- Has been cancelled for now.Message Archives:-http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Neurosarcoidosis/messagesMembers Database:-Listings of locations, phone numbers, and instant messengers.http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Neurosarcoidosis/database

[Guest guest]

Rose,

It is difficult raising teenagers and especially today. I rasied 5

and I had pretty good luck with them. It is NOT your fault.......you

are not the one to blame. Sam is just angry that she got caught and

she is hurt, so she wants to hurt someone and you are the closest one

to hurt! She will get over it.........it might take a while for her

to grow up, take responsibility, and realize that she is accountable

for her actions,

but one day she will and she will need you to be there and be forgiving

for her at that time.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.........know that we are all

here for you and you can just rant away......:-)

Love,

Darlene

[Guest guest]

Rose,

It is difficult raising teenagers and especially today. I rasied 5

and I had pretty good luck with them. It is NOT your fault.......you

are not the one to blame. Sam is just angry that she got caught and

she is hurt, so she wants to hurt someone and you are the closest one

to hurt! She will get over it.........it might take a while for her

to grow up, take responsibility, and realize that she is accountable

for her actions,

but one day she will and she will need you to be there and be forgiving

for her at that time.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.........know that we are all

here for you and you can just rant away......:-)

Love,

Darlene

[Guest guest]

Rose

Please don't blame yourself. There is only so much that you can

do. People make their own choices, right or wrong, and they are

usually only thinking of themselves when they make them. It sounds

like you have tried to be honest, fair, and loving. Some people

accept that, others just take advantage of it or throw it away. I

come from a family who likes to blame everyone else for their

problems. I don't see them anymore because I got tired of it. They

also have the attitude if they pretend it is not there, it will go

away. I have a nephew who has been in and out of juvenile centers

since he was 14. He spent a year in a center where we could only

visit 1 hour a week. He came out, got back into trouble, and is now

in prison. I have to drive by that prison on my way to church. It

breaks my heart. My sister is in jail also and may be facing prison

time.

Again, don't blame yourself. Someday when she is grown up and looks

back, she will see that you were right and she was wrong. She will

wish that she had done things differently. She will also know that

you tried to help her and that that she hurt you by what she did.

She will also know that you loved her.

Take care of yourself and try to keep your spirits up.

Thought and prayers are with you.

Bonnie

[Guest guest]

Rose

Please don't blame yourself. There is only so much that you can

do. People make their own choices, right or wrong, and they are

usually only thinking of themselves when they make them. It sounds

like you have tried to be honest, fair, and loving. Some people

accept that, others just take advantage of it or throw it away. I

come from a family who likes to blame everyone else for their

problems. I don't see them anymore because I got tired of it. They

also have the attitude if they pretend it is not there, it will go

away. I have a nephew who has been in and out of juvenile centers

since he was 14. He spent a year in a center where we could only

visit 1 hour a week. He came out, got back into trouble, and is now

in prison. I have to drive by that prison on my way to church. It

breaks my heart. My sister is in jail also and may be facing prison

time.

Again, don't blame yourself. Someday when she is grown up and looks

back, she will see that you were right and she was wrong. She will

wish that she had done things differently. She will also know that

you tried to help her and that that she hurt you by what she did.

She will also know that you loved her.

Take care of yourself and try to keep your spirits up.

Thought and prayers are with you.

Bonnie

[Guest guest]

Rose

Please don't blame yourself. There is only so much that you can

do. People make their own choices, right or wrong, and they are

usually only thinking of themselves when they make them. It sounds

like you have tried to be honest, fair, and loving. Some people

accept that, others just take advantage of it or throw it away. I

come from a family who likes to blame everyone else for their

problems. I don't see them anymore because I got tired of it. They

also have the attitude if they pretend it is not there, it will go

away. I have a nephew who has been in and out of juvenile centers

since he was 14. He spent a year in a center where we could only

visit 1 hour a week. He came out, got back into trouble, and is now

in prison. I have to drive by that prison on my way to church. It

breaks my heart. My sister is in jail also and may be facing prison

time.

Again, don't blame yourself. Someday when she is grown up and looks

back, she will see that you were right and she was wrong. She will

wish that she had done things differently. She will also know that

you tried to help her and that that she hurt you by what she did.

She will also know that you loved her.

Take care of yourself and try to keep your spirits up.

Thought and prayers are with you.

Bonnie

[Guest guest]

Rose

Don't blame yourself for Sams choices. You did the

best you could and then it was up to her. I have been

both the rotten child & the parent of one that just

wouldn't stay away from a man I didn't want her

around. And don't believe she won't ever talk to you

again. She will grow out of this stage.

grannylunatic@...

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Hi Rose - When we were foster parents we fostered mainly "troubled" or "wayward" teens. We had so many kids pass through our lives whom we loved deeply. The most difficult thing for us was when we thought we had made progress and yet lost one of them because they made bad choices. I'd get calls from the shelter where the kids would beg us to talk with their PO's and try to get them back, but that was rarely ever successful. I know your love for Sam is so much deeper, and I do understand your heartbreak and your disappointment. You can't blame yourself. You are doing everything you can to train Sam in the way she should go, and you are providing her with unconditional love. The first tactic a kid uses when they don't get their way is to cut you off emotionally. They can't really do that, of course, but they are really good at acting

it out. She's angry and she wants to punish you because you aren't doing anything, in her book, to reclaim her lost liberties. Ouch! That's what kids do. It's the pits, because they are so darned good at it. We want everything for them - the beautiful Cinderella ball, college, travel, success; and we do whatever we can to help them get there... But then they backfire by using their estrogen- and testosterone-poisoned teen minds and take matters into their own hands without caring about the consequences (or, rather, thinking they can pull it off without having any consequences)... I am sure that deep down Sam knows she screwed up, but at that age, they don't want to take blame or responsibility for their actions. They want to be adults and act out their perception of what adults do. When it backfires on them, they want to be little

kids again and comforted by the adults in their life - you know, taken care of - have everything smoothed over and nicey nice so they can go right back and try to get away with it again. When they are called to the carpet and expected to take their punishment for their actions (you know - wanting to be an adult, therefore handle the repercussions of their actions as an adult), it's a whole different ball of wax again and they turn on the adults in their life. They love you, they deceive you, they need you, they hate you.... We can't win that battle!!! But in time, they really do grow up to be adults, and that's when the dynamics of your relationship will change for the better. Sam will love you for all of this someday. She does love you because you are the one who has always been and is always there, but she isn't going to show you that. She wants her way - or for you to hit the highway!

She will understand about parenting when she becomes one, and she'll turn to you for advice and to commiserate. It will be good someday. In the meantime, you are absolutely right: you cannot abide by her negative behaviors because they are self-destructive no matter how pretty a picture she paints for you. You can't be expected to turn the other cheek when she steals, when she lies to you, when she skips school, etc... Not only is she being deceitful, but she could conceivably be putting herself in dangerous situations, or the repercussions could land her in dangerous situations. Part child, part blossoming young woman; it's a very confusing time in a girl's life. And she is going to despise anyone who sets limits on her, and I'm sure she resents you siding with the PO keepomg her from being free to do whatever the heck she wants. PO's can be nasty SOB's - I've dealt with

my share of them through fostering teens. But they are that way for a reason. I'd rather see my child have to deal with an ugly tempered PO than go to prison and deal with anyone there, I'll tell you that. Our foster son, Adam, has done hard time in prison and it is a crushing experience. Miss Clairol is my close friend for a reason, and Adam could tell you the day I met her - the day he gave me my first gray hair. You don't want to ever be in that type of situation. Prison is wrenching to the heart and the mind; and devastating to prisoner and to everyone who loves him or her. You have to be strong for her, Rose. You have to be willing to be the tough guy; the "meanie" who she thinks doesn't care, doesn't understand and who she thinks is out to ruin her life. You have to love her enough to take it all, because if you don't, she or someone

else or something could take her life or her future away, and I honestly don't think that is anything either of you could live with. This you can handle. This you can bear. Everything you do for your granddaughter is done with love and with much consideration. The hardest part about being a parent for me is to have the "dead air" between us - that cold emptiness where warmth and joy used to reside. We're not here to be their friends (although it is a really nice bonus, I'll give you that!)... friendship can come later. But for these years, you are her mentor, her teacher, her guide; you are the one who sets boundaries and those aren't arbitrarily placed - they are there to protect her, to nurture her and to help her grow. Think of it this way: You are the gardener; you provide the warm sunlight and the refreshing water in her

life that helps her vines grow. If she's not flourishing, you'll have to add some fertilizer to help her along. (Haven't you seen how much better plants do in the garden when you've add a little cow poop? For plants, poop is good - even if it stinks for a while!) If it rains and her roots get too soggy and she starts to fade, cause the light to shine with even more vibrance and warmth, thus drying up the mud and helping her roots to spread and her leaves to turn back to your light. And if you find her completely slumped over, unable to do anything to help herself, tie her to a stake, encouring her tendrils to entwine themselves around the splintered wood; this will train her to go in the right direction. As she grows, you will see her budding blossoms watching them burst forth into amazing splendor. And she will be to you a fragrant

profusion of beauty. It's late, so I'm not so sure that came out the way I meant it to (i.e. don't tie her up! LOL!). It will all work out. I know it will. I have a great book to recommend to you. It's called, "The Power of a Praying Parent" by Stormie tian. (I think there's one called "The Power of a Praying Mother," too.) It gives you focus and helps you to pray specifically soas to target your child's specific needs. I gave mine to our Pastor when his son was in a similar situation as our Adam's, otherwise I'd send it to you. The book really helped me not to feel so helpless. It helped me to understand that God loves my child even more than I ever could, and it helped me to be a better parent and gave me a calmness and peace. Hee hee...now who's "ramblin'?" I'll add to my prayer list! Keep your

chin up! Big, warm hugs, Jeannie Rose wrote: I'm feeling pretty down today. My granddaughter, , was taken back to the Girls School yesterday by her parole officer. She's been acting out lately, but I didn't report it, because I kept hoping she would get back on the right path & stay there. But Monday she & another girl skipped school & shoplifted some clothes. They were caught, although Sam didn't actually have any merchandise on her, so she wasn't arrested for the shoplifting. But the truancy was a parole violation, along with having another passenger in the car. The clincher was when her

P.O. went to the school & checked her attendance record. In two months she had 52 incidents of missing one or more classes, plus the full days that I knew about. The school has a website where parents can check grades, attendance, etc. I've been checking it, but apparently they don't include missed classes, just full days. I took her to school yesterday morning, knowing that her P.O. was going to take her out of school. She knew it was likely too, but she was hoping I'd talk him out of it. I came home & just went to sleep, so I wouldn't have to think about it. He came by later & talked about it. She will have a hearing in 2-3 weeks to determine what happens next. I feel like I failed her, even though I did everything I could think of to encourage her to make healthy choices. Last week we were talking about the prom, and looking on the Internet for info on cheap travel in

Europe, as she wanted to do something like that before starting college. And all this time she was skipping school, blowing off school assignments, and lying to me about where she went, etc. I tried the philosophy that kids will live up to your expectations, so I gave her some freedom, and she just took advantage of me. Now she tells her P.O. she never wants to talk to me again, like I'm the one who screwed up. What can I do? What should I do? I just feel demoralized. The only way I can function is to just shove it down under some of the other shit I've buried. Thanks for being the kind of people I can be honest with. Ramblin' Rose Moderator Find just what you're after with the new, more precise MSN Search - try it now!

Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for ridiculously low rates.

[Guest guest]

Rose,

My Mom always said to do the best with your kids (grandchildren

included) and that is all you can do. They have their own minds and

just be there for them. She will come back around when she matures. I

will pray for your situation.

Terri G.

>

> Rose

> Don't blame yourself for Sams choices. You did the

> best you could and then it was up to her. I have been

> both the rotten child & the parent of one that just

> wouldn't stay away from a man I didn't want her

> around. And don't believe she won't ever talk to you

> again. She will grow out of this stage.

>

>

> grannylunatic@...

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Rose,

My Mom always said to do the best with your kids (grandchildren

included) and that is all you can do. They have their own minds and

just be there for them. She will come back around when she matures. I

will pray for your situation.

Terri G.

>

> Rose

> Don't blame yourself for Sams choices. You did the

> best you could and then it was up to her. I have been

> both the rotten child & the parent of one that just

> wouldn't stay away from a man I didn't want her

> around. And don't believe she won't ever talk to you

> again. She will grow out of this stage.

>

>

> grannylunatic@...

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Rose,

My Mom always said to do the best with your kids (grandchildren

included) and that is all you can do. They have their own minds and

just be there for them. She will come back around when she matures. I

will pray for your situation.

Terri G.

>

> Rose

> Don't blame yourself for Sams choices. You did the

> best you could and then it was up to her. I have been

> both the rotten child & the parent of one that just

> wouldn't stay away from a man I didn't want her

> around. And don't believe she won't ever talk to you

> again. She will grow out of this stage.

>

>

> grannylunatic@...

>

> __________________________________________________

>