RE: Uncomfortable Encounter

[Guest guest]

Thanks Rose, for your "bricklaying" reinforcement story . I understand what you mean. I have to learn to have a stronger backbone and not let these things bother me so much, I guess. Thanks everyone else for their support too. I really appreciate it. I love this group. And am so glad I have found it 3 years ago. You have been here for me always. Love, DebbieRose wrote: Debbie, I have probably told this story before, but for the newbies & the memory-challenged, I'll repeat it. My older daughter, Theresa, has struggled with low self-esteem all of her life, beginning with rejection & neglect from her birth mother. She married at 18, a jerk who constantly put

her down & was never satisfied with anything she did. She finally left him, then got involved with another jerk. She tried really hard to make that work. We talked about her life compared to a house. I told her that with her early life, she didn't have a good strong foundation. Then (husband) came along & instead of helping to strengthen the foundation, he just covered it up with a rug, so that it looked better for awhile, until his real self came out & started critizing the rug & everything else. When she left , she started building some walls (boundaries) to protect herself, brick by brick. Then along came Rick. At first he seemed okay, then the same thing started. After a couple of years and a baby (), during which he was cheating on her, she called me one day & said that she and Rick had had a fight & she told him that he was NOT going to tear her bricks

down! Of course, he didn't know what she was talking about & thought she was just nuts. But I was proud of her & told her it didn't matter if her understood; I knew how important that was. Debbie, the point of this story (and yes, I do have a point; credit to Ellen Degeneres) is that you don't have to let people like the woman in the library tear your bricks down--not even ONE brick! If you let your guard down, like in this incident, then pick up that brick, grab a trowel full of concrete, & put that sucker back in place! We understand how important those boundaries are. Love from your ramblin' bricklayer, Ramblin' Rose Moderator Reply-To: Neurosarcoidosis To: neurosarcoidosis Subject: Uncomfortable EncounterDate: Sun, 4 Jun 2006 07:06:08 -0700 (PDT) I was working at the library yesterday. And boy, did I have a bad experience with a library patron that comes in quite often. One of the other library personnel introduced to her to me and we were talking. She then started asking some personal questions and got around to "So what do you do besides work here

for a few hours a week?" I was quite taken by her question and felt like it was none of her business to answer. I did not feel like I should have to tell her of my illness of sarcoidosis and all. So I said well, I just stay home and take care of the family. She then just kind of rolled her eyes because I had already told her my kids were older 21, 18 & 15. SO then she goes on to brag about how she worked full time for 40 years for one company , blah, blah ,blah, and how it built up her self confidence and all. I felt like butting in and telling her that I had worked from age 18 to 41 , 17 of those years for one company myself. But then I became ill and had to stop. Maybe I am just too sensitive , but the whole scenario made me feel so low and unworthy. I couldn't wait to go home . She made me feel like a dumb little kid. Maybe the oldies in the group here

remember what a big identity crisis I had when I lost my job when I first became ill, well this was a big reminder like a big kick in the stomach. It took me a long time to accept the changes I had to face in my life when I became ill with sarcoid. It took a lot of counseling and therapy and even a stay in the hospital for depression to make me realize that my life wasn't over. There was still self-worth left inside of me. Then 2 years later I started volunteering at the library and then actually filling in for people when they were out sick or out on vacation (then I actually made $$! when they were out) . Although it wasn't as complex a position as I used to have, it gave me back a purpose in life . A reason to get out of the house to be with people , to use my brain and perform simple tasks. It was just a couple of hours a few days a week that wouldn't wear me out . If I didn't feel well , I didn't have to go in. It was a

perfect fit for me. Yes, there are days when I don't feel well and can't go in. There also times when I come home and feel like just laying for awhile . But the good days outweigh the bad and I believe this has helped to keep me out of depression. Well, I think I have rambled on long enough. Thanks for listening. I feel better now just getting everything out and that woman can't bother me again! LOL, HUGS, Debbie __________________________________________________