Re: Kids and illness

[Guest guest]

Thanks Tracie, I plan to have a heart to heart with him, I just need a few days for us both to calm down, today is better although still tense at times.. You guys know how much I love this kid... I'm doing better.

I know you know all to well about our boys.. it kills us to see someone else hurt them yet there are times we want to ring their little necks ourselves.. lol

You know, if he had just asked me if he could go to my mom's house it would have been fine, but the way he picked up and left without saying a word, broke my heart. He doesn't owe me anything, but I've always demanded his respect.. I know he's trying to become a man out of that little boy that would crawl up in my lap and run to me when he was scared or happy to see me.. I miss those days... lol

Hugz,

t

-- Re: Kids and illness

As far as Damian goes you guys, I know he's scared, I would be too. But I still wouldn't have left my mom all a lone her first night from the hospital to fend for herself. He came back yesterday, with his list of demands.. Which was to switch bedrooms with me, since I would be waking him up in the middle of the night, He is very distant.. ,You're right, he shouldn't have left you alone. I keep thinking that there is a little boy in a young man's body that is crying inside, because he sees himself being abandoned again--just as he had happen when he was a 5 yr old.I wish I had answers for you-- I know you understand all this, and right now want to have us affirm your right to be angry with him. You do have the right to be angry with him. You do.Please also, take time, make him sit down with him, and start this very hard conversation-- the one about abandonment. He needs to work thru this--and he'll be running the other way as fast and hard as he can-- or he will learn to speak from his heart, as we all know he has one.I know you can't promise that you will be there for him for many years to come-- but I do believe you and all of us do have years left--so we have to make the best of the time we have.I suspect that part of his drug and alcohol process is to kill these feelings he's having. He needs a better escape than that. He deserves a better escape than what he'll get from drugs or alcohol.We're going thru a similar thing here at our home. My son's girlfriend has moved in with my son, and she is a binge drinker. We've had to put the hammer down, and give them notice to move out-- (or at least she'll be out) and it's coming down to the wire at the end of this month.At this time she doesn't want help-- and she is 21-- so she can have her life-- but not here.I've had to have multiple talks with her about her abandonment issues--her mom left her when she was 2. Came back when she was 9--only to get her to come live with her as her childcare provider for 2 little brothers she didn't even know she had.Man this is such a huge issue, and these kids didn't deserve the hand they ended up with. Yet here they are-- and they can change their futures, and not bring the past into their life. They'll have to do that for others around them-- and be the strong ones.Let him know you believe in him-- and that no matter what happens, even if he makes the wrong call when he's trying to help you-- that you'll still love him. When you think about it-- it's pretty cool that he is willing to change rooms--his reasoning is that you keep him awake--but his reality is that he's been off pondering what to do to keep you as safe as possible. It might need to be a short term solution to a short term problem.Know you are loved-- even in their angry way of talking (or not talking) to you.Hugs,Tracie