Guest guest Posted December 3, 2003 Report Share Posted December 3, 2003 Hi, I've been reading the boards for a few days but just now got my own account. I have an open bite and TMJ. I was in a splint for over two years (24/7) to stabilize my jaw, and now I've been in braces for almost two years. (The clear ceramic ones, top and bottom.) I'm having upper and lower and maybe a genio as soon as the insurance says I may. My issue: My husband is freaked out. For the past two years he's been in denial about this surgery. (The braces are going to fix everything and you won't need surgery after all.) This past week when I saw the surgeon for the 1st time and surgery became an undeniable fact, he just plain freaked out. He doesn't want my face to change. He says I'm beautiful the way I am. (He looks through the eyes of love.) Through patience and small doses of making him deal with this, I finally got him from, " No, no, no, " to a mantra of, " I love you and you will be beautiful no matter what you look like. " Then I started reading these boards, and heard that you can stay swollen for months ... that your face doesn't settle into place immediately ... and he panicked again. On Sunday I decided it was time to start preparing family and friends at church. The next day my MIL called and said that I 'alarmed' her with this surgery talk. Obviously I wasn't doing a good enough job about being upbeat and factual yet gentle... Then my sister, who loves all things medical and has the stomach for just about anything, e-mailed me to say, " I thought you were having some simple procedure done. The more I read that website you sent me, the more awful this sounds! What are you doing??? " Et tu, Brute? I'm going to be with the entire family at Cmas, and I want to sit down with the nieces and nephews (ages 8-18) then and explain to them that Aunt Kris is going to be having surgery, and I'm going to look different for a long time, and let them ask questions. What's the best way to do this? I thought I had a good approach going, but not if everyone I tell freaks out. Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 3, 2003 Report Share Posted December 3, 2003 I can give some perspective for you, having had some major change (upper/lower/genio August 2002). I showed my husband some of the immediate post-op pictures as we got closer to surgery, just so he would know what to expect. I told him that from my readings, things would get worse during the first week, but then start to dramatically improve, that the swelling could last a year (but would probably not be noticeable to him), that I might have dramatic change or not, etc, all the things I thought might happen. I emphasized that there were good and not-so-good recovery experiences, and that having prepared myself well with a variety of things, I expected to have a good recovery. I also gave him a list of things to take care of for me, it sometimes helps to give them a job to make them feel more a part of it - I think they feel a little bit helpless when it's all happening to someone they love. He stayed 24x7 in hospital with me (slept in a reclining chair), then stayed home from work for 2 weeks, cooking/cleaning/fetching meds, etc. All I had to do was rest and recover (and eat, clean my mouth). Family I simply told it was necessary for structural deformity. I didn't allow anybody to come see me in hospital, and my parents came only after 2 weeks (I live about 3 hours from them, the rest of my family is 2-3 hours away, in different directions). I finally saw the rest of my family in mid-Oct 2002 for Canadian thanksgiving. As for reactions, my older brother took one look and said " you look fantastic! " . My sister doesn't say much, I'd been to see her before then, so no surprises there. My younger brother and his wife sat next to me and didn't say a word, although my brother did tell me about his major surgery (vasectomy). My dad had to ask them what they thought about the stranger in the room! As for the kids, I have 2 teenaged niece/nephew and 2 pre-school niece/nephew. The older ones never say much (although my nephew and I were in braces at the same time, so we commiserated about that), and the younger ones are normally quite shy around us. They really didn't make strange at all, and have totally adapted to my new appearance. It's only my mom that occasionally says it's strange to hear my voice (which also changed) coming out of a different face. I wouldn't focus too much on it, other than to say you're doing it for structural reasons, you may be weak for a bit, have eating challenges, etc., but that you hope it will give you a better functional result. That's the best thing to focus on over the long run, and it will help you get through the very tedious long recovery period. Good luck! > Hi, I've been reading the boards for a few days but just now got my > own account. > > I have an open bite and TMJ. I was in a splint for over two years > (24/7) to stabilize my jaw, and now I've been in braces for almost > two years. (The clear ceramic ones, top and bottom.) I'm having > upper and lower and maybe a genio as soon as the insurance says I may. > > My issue: > > My husband is freaked out. For the past two years he's been in > denial about this surgery. (The braces are going to fix everything > and you won't need surgery after all.) This past week when I saw the > surgeon for the 1st time and surgery became an undeniable fact, he > just plain freaked out. He doesn't want my face to change. He says > I'm beautiful the way I am. (He looks through the eyes of love.) > Through patience and small doses of making him deal with this, I > finally got him from, " No, no, no, " to a mantra of, " I love you and > you will be beautiful no matter what you look like. " > > Then I started reading these boards, and heard that you can stay > swollen for months ... that your face doesn't settle into place > immediately ... and he panicked again. > > On Sunday I decided it was time to start preparing family and friends > at church. The next day my MIL called and said that I 'alarmed' her > with this surgery talk. Obviously I wasn't doing a good enough job > about being upbeat and factual yet gentle... > > Then my sister, who loves all things medical and has the stomach for > just about anything, e-mailed me to say, " I thought you were having > some simple procedure done. The more I read that website you sent > me, the more awful this sounds! What are you doing??? " Et tu, Brute? > > I'm going to be with the entire family at Cmas, and I want to sit > down with the nieces and nephews (ages 8-18) then and explain to them > that Aunt Kris is going to be having surgery, and I'm going to look > different for a long time, and let them ask questions. What's the > best way to do this? I thought I had a good approach going, but not > if everyone I tell freaks out. > > Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 3, 2003 Report Share Posted December 3, 2003 I can give some perspective for you, having had some major change (upper/lower/genio August 2002). I showed my husband some of the immediate post-op pictures as we got closer to surgery, just so he would know what to expect. I told him that from my readings, things would get worse during the first week, but then start to dramatically improve, that the swelling could last a year (but would probably not be noticeable to him), that I might have dramatic change or not, etc, all the things I thought might happen. I emphasized that there were good and not-so-good recovery experiences, and that having prepared myself well with a variety of things, I expected to have a good recovery. I also gave him a list of things to take care of for me, it sometimes helps to give them a job to make them feel more a part of it - I think they feel a little bit helpless when it's all happening to someone they love. He stayed 24x7 in hospital with me (slept in a reclining chair), then stayed home from work for 2 weeks, cooking/cleaning/fetching meds, etc. All I had to do was rest and recover (and eat, clean my mouth). Family I simply told it was necessary for structural deformity. I didn't allow anybody to come see me in hospital, and my parents came only after 2 weeks (I live about 3 hours from them, the rest of my family is 2-3 hours away, in different directions). I finally saw the rest of my family in mid-Oct 2002 for Canadian thanksgiving. As for reactions, my older brother took one look and said " you look fantastic! " . My sister doesn't say much, I'd been to see her before then, so no surprises there. My younger brother and his wife sat next to me and didn't say a word, although my brother did tell me about his major surgery (vasectomy). My dad had to ask them what they thought about the stranger in the room! As for the kids, I have 2 teenaged niece/nephew and 2 pre-school niece/nephew. The older ones never say much (although my nephew and I were in braces at the same time, so we commiserated about that), and the younger ones are normally quite shy around us. They really didn't make strange at all, and have totally adapted to my new appearance. It's only my mom that occasionally says it's strange to hear my voice (which also changed) coming out of a different face. I wouldn't focus too much on it, other than to say you're doing it for structural reasons, you may be weak for a bit, have eating challenges, etc., but that you hope it will give you a better functional result. That's the best thing to focus on over the long run, and it will help you get through the very tedious long recovery period. Good luck! > Hi, I've been reading the boards for a few days but just now got my > own account. > > I have an open bite and TMJ. I was in a splint for over two years > (24/7) to stabilize my jaw, and now I've been in braces for almost > two years. (The clear ceramic ones, top and bottom.) I'm having > upper and lower and maybe a genio as soon as the insurance says I may. > > My issue: > > My husband is freaked out. For the past two years he's been in > denial about this surgery. (The braces are going to fix everything > and you won't need surgery after all.) This past week when I saw the > surgeon for the 1st time and surgery became an undeniable fact, he > just plain freaked out. He doesn't want my face to change. He says > I'm beautiful the way I am. (He looks through the eyes of love.) > Through patience and small doses of making him deal with this, I > finally got him from, " No, no, no, " to a mantra of, " I love you and > you will be beautiful no matter what you look like. " > > Then I started reading these boards, and heard that you can stay > swollen for months ... that your face doesn't settle into place > immediately ... and he panicked again. > > On Sunday I decided it was time to start preparing family and friends > at church. The next day my MIL called and said that I 'alarmed' her > with this surgery talk. Obviously I wasn't doing a good enough job > about being upbeat and factual yet gentle... > > Then my sister, who loves all things medical and has the stomach for > just about anything, e-mailed me to say, " I thought you were having > some simple procedure done. The more I read that website you sent > me, the more awful this sounds! What are you doing??? " Et tu, Brute? > > I'm going to be with the entire family at Cmas, and I want to sit > down with the nieces and nephews (ages 8-18) then and explain to them > that Aunt Kris is going to be having surgery, and I'm going to look > different for a long time, and let them ask questions. What's the > best way to do this? I thought I had a good approach going, but not > if everyone I tell freaks out. > > Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 3, 2003 Report Share Posted December 3, 2003 Hey Kris, There is such a thing as too much information. I would back off. They know enough already and will deal with whatever comes. 's line is a good one, " I'm doing this to fix a structural irregularity " or something of that nature. Maybe show your husband some of the before and after pics on the site if you think he can handle it. I wouldn't worry about siblings or in- laws, you have enough to worry about. Let them deal with their own feelings themselves. It's not your job to make this easier on everyone else. Time to start focusing on yourself. Keep reading the site and take whatever measures you can to prepare yourself for the operation. Everyone else will be fine! You sound like quite a nurturer. One of the lessons that comes with this whole process involves learning how to be nurturing to yourself. Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 3, 2003 Report Share Posted December 3, 2003 Hey Kris, There is such a thing as too much information. I would back off. They know enough already and will deal with whatever comes. 's line is a good one, " I'm doing this to fix a structural irregularity " or something of that nature. Maybe show your husband some of the before and after pics on the site if you think he can handle it. I wouldn't worry about siblings or in- laws, you have enough to worry about. Let them deal with their own feelings themselves. It's not your job to make this easier on everyone else. Time to start focusing on yourself. Keep reading the site and take whatever measures you can to prepare yourself for the operation. Everyone else will be fine! You sound like quite a nurturer. One of the lessons that comes with this whole process involves learning how to be nurturing to yourself. Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 3, 2003 Report Share Posted December 3, 2003 I think Cheryl, as usual, gives good advice. As for whether you are, were or will be beautiful... Well, tell your hubby that the right answer to all the above is " yes, " enthusiastically, and that you expect him to remember it! (Do this in a lighthearted way, though.) It may be that you do NOT have such dramatic changes. I did not (but I did not have an open bite, and did not have work on the upper at all). It may be that you do. But hey -- these folks love you, and they're sposed to be the ones who will care about you through thick and thin, injury and repair, in sickness and in health, no? If someone isn't gonna be involved in your immediate aftercare, it's none of his/her business. And as for folks who are medical junkies -- you don't need that just now. You're gonna be obsessive enough about this, if you're like most of us. As for anybody else deciding what you need to do to fix your problems, once again, it's MYOB time. I certainly would NOT advice a sit-down with the nieces and nephews at Christmastime -- at least not for anything more than a round of carols or holiday tales! And why subject yourself to a Q and A session, for heaven's sake? Don't keep it a secret, but you don't owe anybody, much less an 8-year-old niece, an explanation! I finally started saying to the second-guessers: " My, isn't it interesting that you know more about this than my orthodontist and oral surgeons do? Why don't you call them and tell them all about it? Here are the numbers. " That's a sort of snooty approach to take, but if you start trying to listen to and answer everyone who has an idea about it, you'll wear yourself out just with that. Many people do not understand, and sometimes families understand least of all, I'm sorry to say. Yep, you'll probably have some bruising and sweeling -- but honestly, you would if you were in an car or plane crash, too. (And I would hope they'd support you in that instance!) These procedures are done with detailed calculations and planning, by experts and give you an outcome that repairs something that was out of kilter to begin with! And they leave most of us (by a large and larger proportion) with more functional bodies that serve us better, and let us do likewise for those we love. Best, Cammie > Hi, I've been reading the boards for a few days but just now got my > own account. > > I have an open bite and TMJ. I was in a splint for over two years > (24/7) to stabilize my jaw, and now I've been in braces for almost > two years. (The clear ceramic ones, top and bottom.) I'm having > upper and lower and maybe a genio as soon as the insurance says I may. > > My issue: > > My husband is freaked out. For the past two years he's been in > denial about this surgery. (The braces are going to fix everything > and you won't need surgery after all.) This past week when I saw the > surgeon for the 1st time and surgery became an undeniable fact, he > just plain freaked out. He doesn't want my face to change. He says > I'm beautiful the way I am. (He looks through the eyes of love.) > Through patience and small doses of making him deal with this, I > finally got him from, " No, no, no, " to a mantra of, " I love you and > you will be beautiful no matter what you look like. " > > Then I started reading these boards, and heard that you can stay > swollen for months ... that your face doesn't settle into place > immediately ... and he panicked again. > > On Sunday I decided it was time to start preparing family and friends > at church. The next day my MIL called and said that I 'alarmed' her > with this surgery talk. Obviously I wasn't doing a good enough job > about being upbeat and factual yet gentle... > > Then my sister, who loves all things medical and has the stomach for > just about anything, e-mailed me to say, " I thought you were having > some simple procedure done. The more I read that website you sent > me, the more awful this sounds! What are you doing??? " Et tu, Brute? > > I'm going to be with the entire family at Cmas, and I want to sit > down with the nieces and nephews (ages 8-18) then and explain to them > that Aunt Kris is going to be having surgery, and I'm going to look > different for a long time, and let them ask questions. What's the > best way to do this? I thought I had a good approach going, but not > if everyone I tell freaks out. > > Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 3, 2003 Report Share Posted December 3, 2003 I think Cheryl, as usual, gives good advice. As for whether you are, were or will be beautiful... Well, tell your hubby that the right answer to all the above is " yes, " enthusiastically, and that you expect him to remember it! (Do this in a lighthearted way, though.) It may be that you do NOT have such dramatic changes. I did not (but I did not have an open bite, and did not have work on the upper at all). It may be that you do. But hey -- these folks love you, and they're sposed to be the ones who will care about you through thick and thin, injury and repair, in sickness and in health, no? If someone isn't gonna be involved in your immediate aftercare, it's none of his/her business. And as for folks who are medical junkies -- you don't need that just now. You're gonna be obsessive enough about this, if you're like most of us. As for anybody else deciding what you need to do to fix your problems, once again, it's MYOB time. I certainly would NOT advice a sit-down with the nieces and nephews at Christmastime -- at least not for anything more than a round of carols or holiday tales! And why subject yourself to a Q and A session, for heaven's sake? Don't keep it a secret, but you don't owe anybody, much less an 8-year-old niece, an explanation! I finally started saying to the second-guessers: " My, isn't it interesting that you know more about this than my orthodontist and oral surgeons do? Why don't you call them and tell them all about it? Here are the numbers. " That's a sort of snooty approach to take, but if you start trying to listen to and answer everyone who has an idea about it, you'll wear yourself out just with that. Many people do not understand, and sometimes families understand least of all, I'm sorry to say. Yep, you'll probably have some bruising and sweeling -- but honestly, you would if you were in an car or plane crash, too. (And I would hope they'd support you in that instance!) These procedures are done with detailed calculations and planning, by experts and give you an outcome that repairs something that was out of kilter to begin with! And they leave most of us (by a large and larger proportion) with more functional bodies that serve us better, and let us do likewise for those we love. Best, Cammie > Hi, I've been reading the boards for a few days but just now got my > own account. > > I have an open bite and TMJ. I was in a splint for over two years > (24/7) to stabilize my jaw, and now I've been in braces for almost > two years. (The clear ceramic ones, top and bottom.) I'm having > upper and lower and maybe a genio as soon as the insurance says I may. > > My issue: > > My husband is freaked out. For the past two years he's been in > denial about this surgery. (The braces are going to fix everything > and you won't need surgery after all.) This past week when I saw the > surgeon for the 1st time and surgery became an undeniable fact, he > just plain freaked out. He doesn't want my face to change. He says > I'm beautiful the way I am. (He looks through the eyes of love.) > Through patience and small doses of making him deal with this, I > finally got him from, " No, no, no, " to a mantra of, " I love you and > you will be beautiful no matter what you look like. " > > Then I started reading these boards, and heard that you can stay > swollen for months ... that your face doesn't settle into place > immediately ... and he panicked again. > > On Sunday I decided it was time to start preparing family and friends > at church. The next day my MIL called and said that I 'alarmed' her > with this surgery talk. Obviously I wasn't doing a good enough job > about being upbeat and factual yet gentle... > > Then my sister, who loves all things medical and has the stomach for > just about anything, e-mailed me to say, " I thought you were having > some simple procedure done. The more I read that website you sent > me, the more awful this sounds! What are you doing??? " Et tu, Brute? > > I'm going to be with the entire family at Cmas, and I want to sit > down with the nieces and nephews (ages 8-18) then and explain to them > that Aunt Kris is going to be having surgery, and I'm going to look > different for a long time, and let them ask questions. What's the > best way to do this? I thought I had a good approach going, but not > if everyone I tell freaks out. > > Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 3, 2003 Report Share Posted December 3, 2003 I can understand your wanting to help everyone through what you're getting ready for, but it's true that for once, you should focus that energy more on you, not others. As for the why - " skeletal malformation " are the words my oral surgeon used in his letter to my insurance company. Seeing my before and after, it's so obvious that those two words were 110% accurate. But before surgery, no one could really tell I had an open bite. One of my good friends asked me why I needed to have it done, so I showed her where my lower jaw fell when I had my muscles as relaxed as I could get them. Then I moved it forward to make it meet with my upper teeth. It was a real " omigosh " moment. At any rate, so many board members have probably read about my ranting over an arthritic left TMJ, so I'll keep it short. Once a jaw joint gets arthritic, there is little if anything that can be done to truly fix it. It's all just patches and band-aids trying to make the pain less. I was diagnosed with an arthritic left joint when I was 24 years old (now 26). I wonder what things would be like now if I'd been told I needed this surgery before it was too late. Now I'm facing open joint surgery to repair or removed the cartilage. You do not want to end up like me and you can tell your friends and family that you don't want to end up like me if it'll help. As for recovery, mine really wasn't bad at all after upper segmentation and lower advancement. The worst part of the whole process was the night in ICU. The second worst part was right after I got my braces, long before I ever had the surgery. My pics are posted on site 2 if you would like to see the minimal changes I went through, despite the invasive surgery. Best of luck to you. > Hi, I've been reading the boards for a few days but just now got my > own account. > > I have an open bite and TMJ. I was in a splint for over two years > (24/7) to stabilize my jaw, and now I've been in braces for almost > two years. (The clear ceramic ones, top and bottom.) I'm having > upper and lower and maybe a genio as soon as the insurance says I may. > > My issue: > > My husband is freaked out. For the past two years he's been in > denial about this surgery. (The braces are going to fix everything > and you won't need surgery after all.) This past week when I saw the > surgeon for the 1st time and surgery became an undeniable fact, he > just plain freaked out. He doesn't want my face to change. He says > I'm beautiful the way I am. (He looks through the eyes of love.) > Through patience and small doses of making him deal with this, I > finally got him from, " No, no, no, " to a mantra of, " I love you and > you will be beautiful no matter what you look like. " > > Then I started reading these boards, and heard that you can stay > swollen for months ... that your face doesn't settle into place > immediately ... and he panicked again. > > On Sunday I decided it was time to start preparing family and friends > at church. The next day my MIL called and said that I 'alarmed' her > with this surgery talk. Obviously I wasn't doing a good enough job > about being upbeat and factual yet gentle... > > Then my sister, who loves all things medical and has the stomach for > just about anything, e-mailed me to say, " I thought you were having > some simple procedure done. The more I read that website you sent > me, the more awful this sounds! What are you doing??? " Et tu, Brute? > > I'm going to be with the entire family at Cmas, and I want to sit > down with the nieces and nephews (ages 8-18) then and explain to them > that Aunt Kris is going to be having surgery, and I'm going to look > different for a long time, and let them ask questions. What's the > best way to do this? I thought I had a good approach going, but not > if everyone I tell freaks out. > > Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 3, 2003 Report Share Posted December 3, 2003 I can understand your wanting to help everyone through what you're getting ready for, but it's true that for once, you should focus that energy more on you, not others. As for the why - " skeletal malformation " are the words my oral surgeon used in his letter to my insurance company. Seeing my before and after, it's so obvious that those two words were 110% accurate. But before surgery, no one could really tell I had an open bite. One of my good friends asked me why I needed to have it done, so I showed her where my lower jaw fell when I had my muscles as relaxed as I could get them. Then I moved it forward to make it meet with my upper teeth. It was a real " omigosh " moment. At any rate, so many board members have probably read about my ranting over an arthritic left TMJ, so I'll keep it short. Once a jaw joint gets arthritic, there is little if anything that can be done to truly fix it. It's all just patches and band-aids trying to make the pain less. I was diagnosed with an arthritic left joint when I was 24 years old (now 26). I wonder what things would be like now if I'd been told I needed this surgery before it was too late. Now I'm facing open joint surgery to repair or removed the cartilage. You do not want to end up like me and you can tell your friends and family that you don't want to end up like me if it'll help. As for recovery, mine really wasn't bad at all after upper segmentation and lower advancement. The worst part of the whole process was the night in ICU. The second worst part was right after I got my braces, long before I ever had the surgery. My pics are posted on site 2 if you would like to see the minimal changes I went through, despite the invasive surgery. Best of luck to you. > Hi, I've been reading the boards for a few days but just now got my > own account. > > I have an open bite and TMJ. I was in a splint for over two years > (24/7) to stabilize my jaw, and now I've been in braces for almost > two years. (The clear ceramic ones, top and bottom.) I'm having > upper and lower and maybe a genio as soon as the insurance says I may. > > My issue: > > My husband is freaked out. For the past two years he's been in > denial about this surgery. (The braces are going to fix everything > and you won't need surgery after all.) This past week when I saw the > surgeon for the 1st time and surgery became an undeniable fact, he > just plain freaked out. He doesn't want my face to change. He says > I'm beautiful the way I am. (He looks through the eyes of love.) > Through patience and small doses of making him deal with this, I > finally got him from, " No, no, no, " to a mantra of, " I love you and > you will be beautiful no matter what you look like. " > > Then I started reading these boards, and heard that you can stay > swollen for months ... that your face doesn't settle into place > immediately ... and he panicked again. > > On Sunday I decided it was time to start preparing family and friends > at church. The next day my MIL called and said that I 'alarmed' her > with this surgery talk. Obviously I wasn't doing a good enough job > about being upbeat and factual yet gentle... > > Then my sister, who loves all things medical and has the stomach for > just about anything, e-mailed me to say, " I thought you were having > some simple procedure done. The more I read that website you sent > me, the more awful this sounds! What are you doing??? " Et tu, Brute? > > I'm going to be with the entire family at Cmas, and I want to sit > down with the nieces and nephews (ages 8-18) then and explain to them > that Aunt Kris is going to be having surgery, and I'm going to look > different for a long time, and let them ask questions. What's the > best way to do this? I thought I had a good approach going, but not > if everyone I tell freaks out. > > Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 3, 2003 Report Share Posted December 3, 2003 Hi, I haven't followed this thread entirely. So, I apologize if I make any redundant points. All of us go through varying degrees of frustration when explaining why we want to go through surgery. It isn't easy telling others sometimes. What I found extremely helpful was borrowing the models of my teeth from my ortho and showing them to my family when explaining my jaw problems. When people saw the models, it was clear to them what my problems were. Anyway, I am just over 6 months post-op from lower + genio to correct an underbite and assymetry. The recovery process was uneventful (in a good way). The bite fits wonderfully now and I am scheduled to get my braces off in Jan/Feb Good luck to all, on > > Hi, I've been reading the boards for a few days but just now got my > > own account. > > > > I have an open bite and TMJ. I was in a splint for over two years > > (24/7) to stabilize my jaw, and now I've been in braces for almost > > two years. (The clear ceramic ones, top and bottom.) I'm having > > upper and lower and maybe a genio as soon as the insurance says I > may. > > > > My issue: > > > > My husband is freaked out. For the past two years he's been in > > denial about this surgery. (The braces are going to fix everything > > and you won't need surgery after all.) This past week when I saw > the > > surgeon for the 1st time and surgery became an undeniable fact, he > > just plain freaked out. He doesn't want my face to change. He > says > > I'm beautiful the way I am. (He looks through the eyes of love.) > > Through patience and small doses of making him deal with this, I > > finally got him from, " No, no, no, " to a mantra of, " I love you and > > you will be beautiful no matter what you look like. " > > > > Then I started reading these boards, and heard that you can stay > > swollen for months ... that your face doesn't settle into place > > immediately ... and he panicked again. > > > > On Sunday I decided it was time to start preparing family and > friends > > at church. The next day my MIL called and said that I 'alarmed' > her > > with this surgery talk. Obviously I wasn't doing a good enough job > > about being upbeat and factual yet gentle... > > > > Then my sister, who loves all things medical and has the stomach > for > > just about anything, e-mailed me to say, " I thought you were having > > some simple procedure done. The more I read that website you sent > > me, the more awful this sounds! What are you doing??? " Et tu, > Brute? > > > > I'm going to be with the entire family at Cmas, and I want to sit > > down with the nieces and nephews (ages 8-18) then and explain to > them > > that Aunt Kris is going to be having surgery, and I'm going to look > > different for a long time, and let them ask questions. What's the > > best way to do this? I thought I had a good approach going, but > not > > if everyone I tell freaks out. > > > > Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 3, 2003 Report Share Posted December 3, 2003 Hi, I haven't followed this thread entirely. So, I apologize if I make any redundant points. All of us go through varying degrees of frustration when explaining why we want to go through surgery. It isn't easy telling others sometimes. What I found extremely helpful was borrowing the models of my teeth from my ortho and showing them to my family when explaining my jaw problems. When people saw the models, it was clear to them what my problems were. Anyway, I am just over 6 months post-op from lower + genio to correct an underbite and assymetry. The recovery process was uneventful (in a good way). The bite fits wonderfully now and I am scheduled to get my braces off in Jan/Feb Good luck to all, on > > Hi, I've been reading the boards for a few days but just now got my > > own account. > > > > I have an open bite and TMJ. I was in a splint for over two years > > (24/7) to stabilize my jaw, and now I've been in braces for almost > > two years. (The clear ceramic ones, top and bottom.) I'm having > > upper and lower and maybe a genio as soon as the insurance says I > may. > > > > My issue: > > > > My husband is freaked out. For the past two years he's been in > > denial about this surgery. (The braces are going to fix everything > > and you won't need surgery after all.) This past week when I saw > the > > surgeon for the 1st time and surgery became an undeniable fact, he > > just plain freaked out. He doesn't want my face to change. He > says > > I'm beautiful the way I am. (He looks through the eyes of love.) > > Through patience and small doses of making him deal with this, I > > finally got him from, " No, no, no, " to a mantra of, " I love you and > > you will be beautiful no matter what you look like. " > > > > Then I started reading these boards, and heard that you can stay > > swollen for months ... that your face doesn't settle into place > > immediately ... and he panicked again. > > > > On Sunday I decided it was time to start preparing family and > friends > > at church. The next day my MIL called and said that I 'alarmed' > her > > with this surgery talk. Obviously I wasn't doing a good enough job > > about being upbeat and factual yet gentle... > > > > Then my sister, who loves all things medical and has the stomach > for > > just about anything, e-mailed me to say, " I thought you were having > > some simple procedure done. The more I read that website you sent > > me, the more awful this sounds! What are you doing??? " Et tu, > Brute? > > > > I'm going to be with the entire family at Cmas, and I want to sit > > down with the nieces and nephews (ages 8-18) then and explain to > them > > that Aunt Kris is going to be having surgery, and I'm going to look > > different for a long time, and let them ask questions. What's the > > best way to do this? I thought I had a good approach going, but > not > > if everyone I tell freaks out. > > > > Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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