Guest guest Posted February 15, 1999 Report Share Posted February 15, 1999 le and , I hope you can work it out with your husbands. My ex left 10 years ago, so on top of my RLS problems I am raising a child on my own with no child support. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. Kate ___________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com/getjuno.html or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 1999 Report Share Posted February 15, 1999 I have also been guilty of taking out my frustrations on my husband. It doesn't help me, and it hurts him. In fact, it makes me feel worse, because I know it's not his fault, and then I feel guilty. My goal is a balance in all relationships, by not dwelling on my frustrations to other people, family included. That's why most of my friends don't even know I have this problem. I need a break, and I'm doing myself a favor by avoiding the whole topic. They have problems too! And I need to " get over " something that will probably be with me forever. That's why this group is so great - it's OK to talk about the misery, and then go on and leave it alone in our other relationships. ne, 59, Lawrwnceville, NJ ___________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com/getjuno.html or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 1999 Report Share Posted February 15, 1999 I have also been guilty of taking out my frustrations on my husband. It doesn't help me, and it hurts him. In fact, it makes me feel worse, because I know it's not his fault, and then I feel guilty. My goal is a balance in all relationships, by not dwelling on my frustrations to other people, family included. That's why most of my friends don't even know I have this problem. I need a break, and I'm doing myself a favor by avoiding the whole topic. They have problems too! And I need to " get over " something that will probably be with me forever. That's why this group is so great - it's OK to talk about the misery, and then go on and leave it alone in our other relationships. ne, 59, Lawrwnceville, NJ ___________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com/getjuno.html or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 1999 Report Share Posted February 15, 1999 I wonder what these husbands would expect if the shoe was on the other foot. My " ex-husband " complained for years about my inability to stay still in bed. Many nights I would lay in bed on my stomach with my legs tightly wound around each other to keep from moving and disturbing him. Of course it did nothing to help me to go to sleep - I just stayed still suppressing screams. Funny, I was the one who had to wake up and go to work. In 38 years of marriage the longest he stayed in a job was 2 years so I ended up the breadwinner. No, I'm not whining. I'm just so grateful that I survived and with medication etc I am now living a contented life. Just me, Mr. Biggles and Machka the cat. When I do go through a bout of RLS I can do anything I please to get relief with no one grousing in the background. God, it's wonderful!! My heart goes out to each one who is living with someone who just doesn't understand what we are going through. Sheesh, why not have separate beds if not separate bedrooms. Sounds romantic to me! But that would require an amenable spouse. CHEERS!! Jeanne and Mr. Biggles in Poultney, VT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 1999 Report Share Posted February 15, 1999 I wonder what these husbands would expect if the shoe was on the other foot. My " ex-husband " complained for years about my inability to stay still in bed. Many nights I would lay in bed on my stomach with my legs tightly wound around each other to keep from moving and disturbing him. Of course it did nothing to help me to go to sleep - I just stayed still suppressing screams. Funny, I was the one who had to wake up and go to work. In 38 years of marriage the longest he stayed in a job was 2 years so I ended up the breadwinner. No, I'm not whining. I'm just so grateful that I survived and with medication etc I am now living a contented life. Just me, Mr. Biggles and Machka the cat. When I do go through a bout of RLS I can do anything I please to get relief with no one grousing in the background. God, it's wonderful!! My heart goes out to each one who is living with someone who just doesn't understand what we are going through. Sheesh, why not have separate beds if not separate bedrooms. Sounds romantic to me! But that would require an amenable spouse. CHEERS!! Jeanne and Mr. Biggles in Poultney, VT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 1999 Report Share Posted February 15, 1999 You're unique Suzanne if you can leave it alone in your other relationships. I've had to excuse myself while attending movies, concerts etc with friends because if I didn't leave my seat I'd end up screaming. Even in church I told my Pastor about it because I didn't want him to think I was walking out on him in the middle of a sermon (it's a small congregation). I don't go into detail. I just say I have a neurological problem that makes sitting still for any amount of time impossible. The only person who didn't understand was my husband. Cheers!! Jeanne and Mr. Biggles in Poultney, VT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 1999 Report Share Posted February 15, 1999 You're unique Suzanne if you can leave it alone in your other relationships. I've had to excuse myself while attending movies, concerts etc with friends because if I didn't leave my seat I'd end up screaming. Even in church I told my Pastor about it because I didn't want him to think I was walking out on him in the middle of a sermon (it's a small congregation). I don't go into detail. I just say I have a neurological problem that makes sitting still for any amount of time impossible. The only person who didn't understand was my husband. Cheers!! Jeanne and Mr. Biggles in Poultney, VT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 1999 Report Share Posted February 15, 1999 Jeanne, I too have had to leave events that require sitting. By leave it alone, I mean that like you, I offer a very brief explanation about my legs bothering me. I guess I'm real lucky to have a husband who doesn't criticize - he can't really understand, but I certainly don't have to lie (or sit) still in torture because of him. He says he feels lucky that he doesn't have it, because he gets crazy if he doesn't have at least six hours of uninterrupted sleep a night! I am also fortunate that he sleeps so well and so soundly, that my getting up in the middle of the night and roaming around doesn't cause his sleep to suffer. Like all of us, I'm trying to deal with a problem that can overtake us if we let it. Hope I don't sound smug and know-it-all - it's a very big job, but full time misery is not an option. ne, 59, Lawrenceville, NJ ___________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com/getjuno.html or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 1999 Report Share Posted February 15, 1999 To Jeanne, ne,etc.,, I don't reply often to the group as a whole, I prefer to respond privately, but in this case would like to respond to all. I had already answered le, but after reading Jeanne's letter I would like to say that my husband and I chose separate bedrooms years ago. Ladies and gents, this does not have to destroy your marriage, it can save it. I am not saying this would be right for everyone, but is sleeping in the same bed and worrying about distubing your spouse or not sleeping at all worth it. My husband not only does not like being kicked during the night, he is also protective of my sleep and tries never to wake me once I have fallen asleep and also forbids others to do so except in case of extreme emergency. Our situation is different from others, I'm sure, as we go to sleep and wake at different times. My husband is in the entertainment business and was a musician for years. It is the nature of " most " musicians to go to bed in the wee hours of the morning and sleep till late in the day. I've never criticized his sleep habits and he has never criticized mine. Working out a solution to where one can get the best sleep seems to me like a good thing for all. This is only my experience and I KNOW would not be right for everyone. Now after all that jabber, aren't you glad I don't respond openly on a regular basis. God bless all and sweet dreams, (wherever you sleep, as long as you do) Ninette - 51 - TN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 1999 Report Share Posted February 15, 1999 To Jeanne, ne,etc.,, I don't reply often to the group as a whole, I prefer to respond privately, but in this case would like to respond to all. I had already answered le, but after reading Jeanne's letter I would like to say that my husband and I chose separate bedrooms years ago. Ladies and gents, this does not have to destroy your marriage, it can save it. I am not saying this would be right for everyone, but is sleeping in the same bed and worrying about distubing your spouse or not sleeping at all worth it. My husband not only does not like being kicked during the night, he is also protective of my sleep and tries never to wake me once I have fallen asleep and also forbids others to do so except in case of extreme emergency. Our situation is different from others, I'm sure, as we go to sleep and wake at different times. My husband is in the entertainment business and was a musician for years. It is the nature of " most " musicians to go to bed in the wee hours of the morning and sleep till late in the day. I've never criticized his sleep habits and he has never criticized mine. Working out a solution to where one can get the best sleep seems to me like a good thing for all. This is only my experience and I KNOW would not be right for everyone. Now after all that jabber, aren't you glad I don't respond openly on a regular basis. God bless all and sweet dreams, (wherever you sleep, as long as you do) Ninette - 51 - TN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 16, 1999 Report Share Posted February 16, 1999 Hi ne, I'm fortunate also, in the fact that when my husband goes to sleep, he really goes to sleep! Five minutes after he hits the pillow, you could trigger a bomb off in the room and it wouldn't faze him. He and I have different sleep schedules, due to his job and my RLS. He goes to bed at 8p.m. because he has to get up at 3 or 4 to be at work at 5 or 6. Well, for me, I've always been a night person, but I would be ready to go to bed at around 2 or 3, thinking that I'd at least be able to cuddle with him (even if it's only for 30mins) before he has to get up and go to work. The only problem with all that is.....once I get into bed....cuddle up....BINGO!! You guessed it! The RLS monster comes screaming into bed with us! And of course, like I mentioned before, my husband, being a very, VERY sound sleeper, is not affected by this demon of the night. But, me, not wanting to affect or disrupt his much needed sleep, I try to hold back the urge to twitch, which, as you all know, is a lost cause. So I end up getting out of bed and sleep on the couch until he gets up. I think I brought on the attack just by thinking of being still and not waking him. So now I tend to just stay up until he gets up, fix him his coffee, give him a kiss, and send him on his way. Which was just about 5 mins ago...it's 5:10am right now. Then I've found that the best way to get to sleep, is to take a hot bath. Not just any old hot bath. A really nice bubbly bath. Treat yourself! I was never one for taking baths, always a shower type of person. But about a month ago, I found heaven! Truly! You take hot water, lots of bubbles, lots of candles, and soft music and you feel like you're in heaven. All I need now (and maybe one of you might have a suggestion) is to find someway to keep my head above the water. I keep slipping down. Sorry this is so long...I got carried away. Talk to you later, time for me to start the tub water going. See ya! Kristy, 43 Fountain HIlls, AZ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 16, 1999 Report Share Posted February 16, 1999 Hi ne, I'm fortunate also, in the fact that when my husband goes to sleep, he really goes to sleep! Five minutes after he hits the pillow, you could trigger a bomb off in the room and it wouldn't faze him. He and I have different sleep schedules, due to his job and my RLS. He goes to bed at 8p.m. because he has to get up at 3 or 4 to be at work at 5 or 6. Well, for me, I've always been a night person, but I would be ready to go to bed at around 2 or 3, thinking that I'd at least be able to cuddle with him (even if it's only for 30mins) before he has to get up and go to work. The only problem with all that is.....once I get into bed....cuddle up....BINGO!! You guessed it! The RLS monster comes screaming into bed with us! And of course, like I mentioned before, my husband, being a very, VERY sound sleeper, is not affected by this demon of the night. But, me, not wanting to affect or disrupt his much needed sleep, I try to hold back the urge to twitch, which, as you all know, is a lost cause. So I end up getting out of bed and sleep on the couch until he gets up. I think I brought on the attack just by thinking of being still and not waking him. So now I tend to just stay up until he gets up, fix him his coffee, give him a kiss, and send him on his way. Which was just about 5 mins ago...it's 5:10am right now. Then I've found that the best way to get to sleep, is to take a hot bath. Not just any old hot bath. A really nice bubbly bath. Treat yourself! I was never one for taking baths, always a shower type of person. But about a month ago, I found heaven! Truly! You take hot water, lots of bubbles, lots of candles, and soft music and you feel like you're in heaven. All I need now (and maybe one of you might have a suggestion) is to find someway to keep my head above the water. I keep slipping down. Sorry this is so long...I got carried away. Talk to you later, time for me to start the tub water going. See ya! Kristy, 43 Fountain HIlls, AZ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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