Re: contractions=god mentioned

[Guest guest]

Mandy,

I understand how you feel. My hd and tell

ea and others that this the last child this way. I know once I hold this child I

will change my mind. I used to pray to god to never have children I prayed this

for years. I made a mistake and I thought the answer was never to have

children. Now I am singing a different tone. If I knew what it was like to

carry a baby I would have done a lot of things differently. The only person

that I can be myself is in front of God. I talk to him all the time. I do not

know what happened in the last two years but my soul and spirit has changed for

the best. I do not ask why or say, why me. I have a feeling down deep that this

is going to work but it is going to be a long ride for me.

Adoption is great. I have friends that

have done this and they say it was the best decision they ever made. I think one

knows down in their heart that this their way to do things. I have thought

about surragancy several times. We are thinking about that for the second

child. They is so much our bodies, mind and heart can take. It does not make

you less of a person if you do not try the ab cerclage it just means that it is not for you. Who

knows maybe you will adopt twins…this procedure is not for everyone. Some

cannot afford to take the time off for SBR. There are numerous reasons to try other

ways. It is your decision. I believe in signs. The day I delivered my son my

wings fell of my angel pin onto the floor. I told my hd that this was a bad sign.

I think God does give us signs we just have to look for them.

You do not have to stop talking about your

son or stop being a mother to him. I like to cry by myself to. I try to hide

from my hd b/c I just want to release w/o anyone their. This moments are common

and normal to have. You are right. What is planned is planned. We cannot change

the plan but we can learn from it.

I want to chat with you more so I will

give you a call tonight. Please, try to keep the faith and hope alive.

God bless,

Taryn

Re:

contractions

Taryn -

I don't know your religious background but I do

know that over the

past several weeks I have been struggling with

what to do and which

way to turn. I always want to work it all

out myself and don't want

anyone to help me. It is like I am

constantly searching for answers

and forgetting that my life is not in my

control. I always knew

that there was a higher being but I would not

believe that God has a

plan for me. No matter how hard I fight it

and want to take control

of every situation in my life, it ultimately is

not up to me. I

have finally given my life to God for him to

lead. Sometimes I want

to take the control back but I know that is not

healthy. When I

feel like my faith is dwendling and I feel like I

am not putting

trust in him I repeat Proverbs 3:5-6. " Trust

in the Lord with all

your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways

acknowledge him, and he will make your paths

straight. " You have to

know that no matter what happens in all of our

lives, that God has a

plan for each and everyone of us and it is left to

us to accept that

and give your troubles to him.

I could sit here day after day and worry myself

into oblivion about

what to do and why did all of this have to happen

to me but I will

drive myself crazy. I can't ask why? I

don't know why...I may

never know why. But that is when I repeat

that verse over and over

and over again.

Yes, I miss my son. I miss him beyond

comprehension. I miss him to

the point that I sit in my closet and cry into a

pillow in the

middle of the night. I miss him to the point

that I tell everyone I

meet about him and they look at me like I have

lobsters coming out

of my ears. I miss him so badly that I stare

into space when I am

in the middle of conversation. But I have to

move on. I can't

continue to stay in a state of worry. I have

to live my life and

make my son proud. There are plenty of days

I wake up and the first

thing on my mind is him and when I lay my head

down at night the

last thing I think about is him. But the

fact remains. I am a

mother to a dead child who has to make the most of

a terribly tragic

situation. We all do.

I hope I did not offend you. I just want you

to know there is peace

within your soul. You just have to find

it. You have to put your

trust in something that you can't see. I

know it is hard. But it

is the only thing that keeps me going. No

matter what happens, we

all will be okay in the end.

I hope you will find peace in your soul to get you

through the next

several weeks.

Mandy

> Hello all,

>

> Last night I had contractions one hour apart

for 3 hours then three

> hours apart. They were so strong they woke me

up from my sleep. we

would

> have called the doc but we had a high risk RN

come this morning to

talk

> to us about ptl. I had a contraction when she

was here. She felt

the

> stomach and I was right I had them. My hd got

to feel too. I am

glad she

> was here to tell us about the contraction.

She gave me a booklet

that

> has ptl sysyptom sp, IT ALSO HAS A

SPREADSHEET TO KEEP TRACK sorry

caps,

> of the contractions. She told me that if I

have more then 4 in an

hour I

> should call the doc. Great more crap to worry

about. We also talked

> about the Home Uterine monitor for the house.

The doc told me that

it

> would just cause me to worry morer. However I

am going to insist

that we

> have one on Tuesday.

>

> My hd and I talked and these weeks are going

to be ride. Iam still

> positive but this is hard work. We talked and

the next time we are

not

> going to do this. we talked about surrgancy.

I know some will say

that

> if I get through and once I see my baby I

will want to do it

again. the

> truth is I can do the SBR but this is

starting to wear me out. I

just

> wanted everyone to know that you have helped

me soooo much. And we

can

> all have our miracle. Just keeping you

updated.

>

> Taryn

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[Guest guest]

Please call anytime. If I am not at home (might be shopping) please

try my cell. () I would love to hear how you are.

Mandy

> > Hello all,

> >

> > Last night I had contractions one hour apart for 3 hours then

three

> > hours apart. They were so strong they woke me up from my sleep.

we

> would

> > have called the doc but we had a high risk RN come this morning

to

> talk

> > to us about ptl. I had a contraction when she was here. She felt

> the

> > stomach and I was right I had them. My hd got to feel too. I am

> glad she

> > was here to tell us about the contraction. She gave me a booklet

> that

> > has ptl sysyptom sp, IT ALSO HAS A SPREADSHEET TO KEEP TRACK

sorry

> caps,

> > of the contractions. She told me that if I have more then 4 in an

> hour I

> > should call the doc. Great more crap to worry about. We also

talked

> > about the Home Uterine monitor for the house. The doc told me

that

> it

> > would just cause me to worry morer. However I am going to insist

> that we

> > have one on Tuesday.

> >

> > My hd and I talked and these weeks are going to be ride. Iam still

> > positive but this is hard work. We talked and the next time we

are

> not

> > going to do this. we talked about surrgancy. I know some will say

> that

> > if I get through and once I see my baby I will want to do it

> again. the

> > truth is I can do the SBR but this is starting to wear me out. I

> just

> > wanted everyone to know that you have helped me soooo much. And

we

> can

> > all have our miracle. Just keeping you updated.

> >

> > Taryn

>

>

>

>

>

>