Re: Digest Number 258

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In a message dated 4/25/00 9:37:46 AM Pacific Daylight Time, cat926@...

writes:

<< I for one went through

a severe depression for about 2 yrs. I thought this just isn't going to

work for me being this way.....well I thought wrong I am working things

out pretty good but I still have some bad days but at first was really

tuff on me. I loved my job but the pain came between me and it also my

personal relationships started to suffer. I got to the place I didn't

want to get up in the morning.....I started reading alot and getting a

grip on my emotions.....Family was partly to blame because they didn't

try to understand what I was going through at first....although there

are still " those days " when I get perturbed at my Husband...he seems to

think I should be feeling the same every day..NOT! I have days when I

really don't want to push myself because I know what I will feel like in

the end and that is something other people just have a hard time

comprehending. >>

*********************

Cathy,

I understand what you are saying completely. I suffer from depression with

my CMT anytime it gets obviously worse. Part of the depression is the fact

that my family doesn't understand or even try. My husband has gotten pretty

good but my daughter is another thing. She's 16.

After my hands started going I suffered from major depression and attempted

suicide..... This is not something I had control over. I was totally

gone... Sleeping day and night. crying uncontrollably. Things got better

after I returned from the hospital... My hubby seemed to realize how

horrible things had become for me with EVERYTHING.

Then this last year with my daughter, pre-menapausal, an anti-depressant that

had become toxic to me and we didn't know it, and my disability getting even

worse.... I was sleeping till 11 am or 1 pm and going to bed at 5 pm. I

admitted myself into the hospital because I knew what could happen and had

caught myself taking over the counter pills again. I stayed there almost a

week.

After I was released I could tell that I was still very vulnerable and so I

made the decision to totally take care of just me..... No I wasn't being

selfish.. I was trying to think of my family, I waa absolutely no good to

them the way I was and I needed to heal. To get strength back. I got a pull

trailer and moved 300 miles away on the beach.... I stayed there for 2 1/2

months..... My life went from hell to heaven.... It's gooing on 5 months

and I'm still doing very very well, and my daughter has come to terms (more

or less) with my CMT.

I have a different anti-depressant, I take less pain meds than 6 months ago.

And I'm on proper vitamins for my pre-menopause symptoms, I also have a

massage person that has made a world of difference for me.

I pray I never ever go thru that type of depression again...... My goal is

to take care of myself so that I am alive and functional.

Jeanie (from Oregon)

Moonglow21@...

Jeanie421@...

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