Hi this is my first post from a young diabetic, and I just need to vent :)

[Guest guest]

Hi all, hope this finds u all as well as can be expected!

I'm 25, from Michigan, USA. I have been diabetic for almost 17

years, since 1988 when I was 8 years old (almost 9). My Dad was a

diabetic too, diagnosed at around age 12 I think, but he died at 34

from congestive heart failure as a complication to diabetes. he also

had neuropathy, kidney problems, foot ulcers, and diabetic

retinopathy that cost him his sight right after I was born in 1979 (I

am the only child he ever saw, my little brother and sister he never

saw and he died in 1982 when my brother was 5 months old and my sis

was 1 1/2 and I was 2 1/2). He was a family/general practice

physician and he founded the American Society for Handicapped

Physicians in 1981 He was an amazing man from what I hear (being that I have

no memory of my Dad whatsoever) and he practiced medicine completely

blind, even delivering both my sister at the hospital and my brother

at home. I think that rocks!!!

When I was first diagnosed I was in a diabetic coma for 6 days and

spent about 3 weeks in the PICU. My bloodsugar was 1862 (yea I know

thats a tad bit high lol), and no I don't mean 862... 1862!!!! I had

a couple strokes while in my coma and my heart stopped several times

from the high bloodsugar. However, since then (my coma I mean), I

have not been able to remember alot of stuff from my childhood before

that time (under 8 years old). Sometimes I get depressed and I

wonder if maybe I would remember my Dad had it not been for my

coma???

QUESTION #1 HAS ANYONE ELSE EVER HAD A BS THIS HIGH (1862)???

QUESTION #2 IF YOU HAVE BEEN IN A DIABETIC COMA... DO U HAVE MEMORY

LOSS FROM THE TIME BEFORE YOUR COMA?

Your responses would be much appreciated!

Right now I'm 25, had diabetes for nearly 17 years, and to be honest

I have little hope for my future. I have kidney problems, I am

legally blind in one eye and at -9.5 in the other, I have had

tingling in my feet and hands since I was in grade school. I also

have a stomach ulcer and high blood pressure, plus colitis and

gastritis, I'm anemic, and oh yea my liver is in prety bad condition

too. O yea, I also had viral meningitis last year, which they

couldn't even treat b/c my immune system is so depressed during the

winter. I'm on Humalog and Lantus insulins 3 times (4 shots) a day,

plus Accupril once a day for my kidneys and also for my BP. I also

take Prevacid (changed from Pepcid) once a day for my stomach ulcers

and iron tablets 3 times a day for my anemia. I randomly contract

severe infections and viruses due to another infection and the

antibiotic that my depressed immune system can't seem to tolerate

that attack my liver and other organs.

I am being honest when I say that I very rarely test my BS. Why u

might ask??? Well several reasons.... #1 I have had diabetes for 17

years and frankly I am damn sick of poking myself. I will not go on

the pump b/c it means I will have to test my BS even more, and I just

hate it. #2 I was traumatized as a child in the late 80s, early 90s

by the old school blood sugar finger pokers, they hurt so bad and u

had to press them really hard and they made a hideous loud click

sound... plus I had the worst calluses and poke marks, and I would

get teased badly in school for it, they liked to say my fingers

looked like ET. #3 I do have a capillary lancet device which I can

use on my legs and stomach and such, but I give my insulin there too

so those areas are very bruised and lumpy as it is. #4 I give 4 shots

a day as it is, and by the time I was 23 (2 years ago), I estimated

that I had poked myself 33,000 times with insulin and BS shots.... So

basically I don't care right about now about my kidneys or my eyes or

anything like that, I just DON'T want to poke myself anymore!!!!

It's all so depressing, I am only being honest (once again) when I

say that I have tried to kill myself 3 times b/c of my health

problems and diabetes and having no Dad b/c he died so young of the

same thing I have. My very good buddy at work Henry died just last

week of diabetes (ketoacidosis we think but maybe heart failure?), he

was in his 40s with Type II diabetes, has a daughter who is about

20... and that has sent me into a downward spiral. I am just so damn

sick of the constant pain from my insides, the constant pain and

lumps from my shots, the bitching my mom and doctors and family and

friends and my co-workers and bf do about me " taking care of myself "

and " having a death wish " when they have NO CLUE as to what I feel

and go through every day!!! I poke myself 4 times a day as it is,

you want me to do it SEVEN times a day???!!!!!

I am just venting, sorry if I am bringing ppl. down, I just am at a

loss and I don't know what to do. All I know is that I am not even

halfway through my life and I am already sick of living at 25 years

old (just turned 25 July 31st). I have no outlook to my future, I do

not think they will ever find a cure. Most of the research is on

Type II diabetes anyways... I know that more ppl. have Type II but

damn you guys go through NOTHING compared to us Type I's (no

offense). I get so sick of my friends saying " my grandma has

diabetes " when Grandma weighs 280# and eats sugar all the time and

takes Glucophage or some other pill for her diabetes... like ummmm

yea, well she's got something a little different hun! You Type II's

think YOU have it hard???? Think about doing what u do and going

through what you go to at 5 or 8 or 10 years old... and it's not even

my fault... I was a freak kid who never ate sugar, always skinny,

never been overweight!!! Once again, no offense! BUT WHY DID I GET

IT??? My lil sis and bro, of course I would never wish this horrible

disease on them, but they used to pack sugar into their chubby bodies

as kids and my weird lil self would eat corn flakes with no sugar!!!

I stopped believing in God a LONG time ago, and I have stopped

believing in the researchers,and I have even stopped believing in

myself (as far as my diabetes and getting any better goes). I'm just

totally discouraged and down right now, I have never even met a Type

I diabetic older than 50, do we even live that long??? My Dad and

Henry died young, I expect that I will die even younger since I

cannot seem to get my damn HbA1C under 10 or my BS's under 200

regularly, from when I used to test regularly, and everyone who calls

me non-compliant is not even a diabetic so how the hell are they

gonna demand that I do all that I need to do???!!!!!

WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE ANSWER ME ON ALL THIS??? HAS ANYONE ELSE WITH

TYPE I DIABETES EVER FELT LIKE THIS?????????????????????

Thanks for letting me vent and hope I do not depress anyone or anyone off (if so

plz remove my post I don;t care about too much

anyways)!

Thanks again,

Judith

jooloo1979@...