A Caveat for Helen

[Guest guest]

Sue writes:

" Helen, you tell your mother that you are furious at her for bringing a

man into your life who hurt you and then she tries to protect him when

her job was to protect you. And you are sick of protecting her all

these years as if she was the child instead of you. And then tell her

you do not want to hear one more word out of her about your weight and

if she does not want to see or hear from you again that is her loss

because you are a valuable and worthwhile person and she is dammed lucky

to have you for a daughter. And then please forgive her because one of

the important tasks of adulthood is forgiving and letting go of our

parents. They are just flawed and imperfect people who could not be the

parents we needed. And now that we can make our own lives, we need to

let them go for our own sakes. "

I couldn't agree with you more Sue, but do want to add a little caveat

having been in Helen's shoes. I used to get really PO'd when told I

should forgive my parents. Eventually though I did get to that stage and

you're bang on Sue, I began to see my folks simply as human beings who

are flawed and imperfect (just as I am). Evventually I did forgive and

it was more for me than anything, BUT it took some time and I'm not sure

I would have gotten there if I hadn't allowed myself to feel the anger

first. So my caveat is simply to let the forgiveness come when it will.

Lori