Re: seeking advice!! - for the 1st time

[Guest guest]

Colleen, I hope you wasn't offeneded being referred to as

a " lurker " as I am one too. I just can't be bothered posting

sometimes and just read and try and pick up what info I want to. I

can't offer any advice for you about skinny friends but question are

they really " friends " if you feel they rub your face in it. You

have already lost heaps and you should be very proud of yourself.

Karin

[Guest guest]

Hey, lurkers are great, its just that some of us can't shut up!! Wow, your query about your friends is a tuffy. I'm an old married mother of 4 so don't have to go to painful places like Chapel street anymore thank god. As for your friends, I too have heaps and heaps of fitness fanatic skinny friends but I have scared them all into submission when it comes to topics such as my weight. People who make (or imply) adverse comments are just being grown up versions of bullies, and like all bullies, are universally cowards. Say something appallingly direct back to them like "Gosh are you still able to have periods at that weight?",or "Did you know people have a longer life expectancy if they are 10% overweight?" (true!). I had an acquaintance say to me recently "are you pregnant again?" and I said "No, just fat, darling". She nearly died of embarrassment, heh, heh. Another one is "beauty fades but dumb is forever!" (courtesy of Judge Judy.).

Good luck

Liz.

-----Original Message-----From: Colleen Beasley Sent: Wednesday, 16 May 2001 7:05 PMTo: ozband Subject: seeking advice!! - for the 1st time

Last night at the Melbourne meeting, I was referred to as a "lurker" - I take it this is someone who reads the emails but doesn't put out!! - Well, here goes:

What do people think about this ...on Saturday night I have been invited out by my most skinniest (< size 8) and glamourous looking friend to a fashion parade (in Chapel St South Yarra) no less ...and it's dance wear!!

a) I don't have any decent clothes to wear - I have managed to lapband down to an large 18 but don't feel really confident about it

and

how can I deal with these encounters with ultra thin friends who it seems want to rub it even more into my face - she doesn't know about the op.

Any advice out there from anyone who may have dealt with these types of issues

CBozband website: http://www.ozband.com

[Guest guest]

Not at all ... see you soon at another meeting... good luck for your

op.!!

Re: seeking advice!! - for the 1st time

> Colleen, I hope you wasn't offeneded being referred to as

> a " lurker " as I am one too. I just can't be bothered posting

> sometimes and just read and try and pick up what info I want to. I

> can't offer any advice for you about skinny friends but question are

> they really " friends " if you feel they rub your face in it. You

> have already lost heaps and you should be very proud of yourself.

> Karin

>

>

> ozband website:

> http://www.ozband.com

>

>

[Guest guest]

Colleen, just doll yourself up and have a great night. Karin is right. If your friends are rubbing your nose in it, then maybe they aren't real friends. Or you could take the nasty approach and ask her if she is anorexic, she might just take that hint that discussing weight and size is not really the appropriate thing.

Have a ball at the dance.

Esther.

[Guest guest]

Hi Colleen,

So we have dragged you out of lurkerville....wonderful. I just feel that with more people posting the more information we can possibly share. It always seems to be the same people tending to respond.

I noticed on the other list a couple of weeks ago that someone was upset that they didn't get answers, I think some of us old dogs are tired of answering some of the same things over and over and it is up to the newer bandies to answer the questions.

Onto your dilemma....

I, too, am an 18 and know how you feel about this invitation. A few years ago I could have afforded to hit the shops and get something especially for the occasion but not any more. I guess we all get a self conscious at these sorts of events. Especially a fashion show, which will be full of size sixes!!

Has this skinny friend really got these feelings about rubbing it in. Surely not! I guess I was lucky in that I told everyone that I had had the surgery.

Fancy dress is always a hassle, I know, but surely with all the heads in this group we can think of something. How about focusing less on the dance party theme and just going for something elegant. Maybe black pants, white shirt and some sort of sash of colour in between. I always find trousers to be the most slimming things in my wardrobe. Pity I'm not down there we could go through our wardrobes and find something.

Wear a smile and I am sure you will be a winner.

Good luck.

Regards,

Cath

> Last night at the Melbourne meeting, I was referred to as a "lurker" - I take it this is someone who reads the emails but doesn't put out!! - Well, here goes:> > What do people think about this ...on Saturday night I have been invited out by my most skinniest (< size 8) and glamourous looking friend to a fashion parade (in Chapel St South Yarra) no less ...and it's dance wear!!> > a) I don't have any decent clothes to wear - I have managed to lapband down to an large 18 but don't feel really confident about it> > and > > how can I deal with these encounters with ultra thin friends who it seems want to rub it even more into my face - she doesn't know about the op.> > Any advice out there from anyone who may have dealt with these types of issues> > CB

[Guest guest]

Colleen

Don't fret about your friend and especially don't fret about being a size 18! I wish I was an 18, not a 22-24 and pre-op. However, I will tell you that I am always complimented on how well I dress and have always prided myself on the fact that regardless of size, I can still dress well and look good, especially now that so many stores stock larger sizes - 1626 (though the standard of clothes has fallen since s took over), Innovare Woman and BIB at Myer, BeMe at Rockmans and I've even picked up some great linen shirts from K-Mart.

As Cath said, sometimes there is nothing more stylish and elegant than a pair of black pants, a long linen shirt and a scarf or a string of pearls.

Also Colleen, I think that sometimes we put our own feelings of inadequacy onto our friends, when they don't really mean to make us feel bad. If we were that terrible, they wouldn't want us as friends, let alone be seen in public with us. If this woman is genuinely trying to rub your nose in it as you say, why is she your friend? None of us need people in our lives who have such a negative effect on us. Surround yourself with people who love you for who you are, not how you look.

I also know what it is like from both sides, having been thin and knowing that I am now a "non-entity" when I go into shops that don't sell over a size 16. The looks we get! As if to say we couldn't possibly be seriously looking in their store for clothes! I always think, Oh Well, they obviously don't need the sale. I also know what it is like to not want to leave the house and have spent many weekends lately holed up at home, not even going out into the yard.

Enough of my rambling. Only go out with your friend IF YOU WANT TO. If you do, enjoy yourself and don't worry about what other people think as what really matters is how you feel, and surely you must be proud that you have gotten down to a size 18. I know I will be when my day comes.

Hope you feel better.

Cheers

Re: seeking advice!! - for the 1st time

Hi Colleen,

So we have dragged you out of lurkerville....wonderful. I just feel that with more people posting the more information we can possibly share. It always seems to be the same people tending to respond.

I noticed on the other list a couple of weeks ago that someone was upset that they didn't get answers, I think some of us old dogs are tired of answering some of the same things over and over and it is up to the newer bandies to answer the questions.

Onto your dilemma....

I, too, am an 18 and know how you feel about this invitation. A few years ago I could have afforded to hit the shops and get something especially for the occasion but not any more. I guess we all get a self conscious at these sorts of events. Especially a fashion show, which will be full of size sixes!!

Has this skinny friend really got these feelings about rubbing it in. Surely not! I guess I was lucky in that I told everyone that I had had the surgery.

Fancy dress is always a hassle, I know, but surely with all the heads in this group we can think of something. How about focusing less on the dance party theme and just going for something elegant. Maybe black pants, white shirt and some sort of sash of colour in between. I always find trousers to be the most slimming things in my wardrobe. Pity I'm not down there we could go through our wardrobes and find something.

Wear a smile and I am sure you will be a winner.

Good luck.

Regards,

Cath

> Last night at the Melbourne meeting, I was referred to as a "lurker" - I take it this is someone who reads the emails but doesn't put out!! - Well, here goes:> > What do people think about this ...on Saturday night I have been invited out by my most skinniest (< size 8) and glamourous looking friend to a fashion parade (in Chapel St South Yarra) no less ...and it's dance wear!!> > a) I don't have any decent clothes to wear - I have managed to lapband down to an large 18 but don't feel really confident about it> > and > > how can I deal with these encounters with ultra thin friends who it seems want to rub it even more into my face - she doesn't know about the op.> > Any advice out there from anyone who may have dealt with these types of issues> > CBozband website: http://www.ozband.com

[Guest guest]

hey also maybe the girl you feel is rubbing it into your face is not even

noticing your weight? I have 3 girls in my office that are no bigger than a

size 8! it's very frustrating but we were watching jerry springer and one of

them said geez that girl is so big how can she wear that? and I just looked

at her and she looked at me like she had no idea I wanted to whop her around

the head....I really truly belive that she sees me for me not me the big

girl. that could be a reason? or maybe she thinks your pretty and wnats you

to get out there and enjoy yourself...or maybe she sees that you are loosing

weight and maybe this would help you want to be like the girls there? or

maybe she is just being mean? there are a few reasons try not to look at it

like she's rubbing it in your face....... I know it's hard whenever someone

says something about big people I'm at the starting line aiting to fight

them till the end ...... hope maybe this sheds some light? remember some

people just don't think too.

Lee x x x

>

>Reply-To: ozband

>To: ozband >

>Subject: RE: seeking advice!! - for the 1st time

>Date: Wed, 16 May 2001 22:27:01 +1000

>

>Hey, lurkers are great, its just that some of us can't shut up!! Wow, your

>query about your friends is a tuffy. I'm an old married mother of 4 so

>don't have to go to painful places like Chapel street anymore thank god. As

>for your friends, I too have heaps and heaps of fitness fanatic skinny

>friends but I have scared them all into submission when it comes to topics

>such as my weight. People who make (or imply) adverse comments are just

>being grown up versions of bullies, and like all bullies, are universally

>cowards. Say something appallingly direct back to them like " Gosh are you

>still able to have periods at that weight? " ,or " Did you know people have a

>longer life expectancy if they are 10% overweight? " (true!). I had an

>acquaintance say to me recently " are you pregnant again? " and I said " No,

>just fat, darling " . She nearly died of embarrassment, heh, heh. Another one

>is " beauty fades but dumb is forever! " (courtesy of Judge Judy.).

>

>Good luck

>Liz.

> seeking advice!! - for the 1st time

>

>

> Last night at the Melbourne meeting, I was referred to as a " lurker " - I

>take it this is someone who reads the emails but doesn't put out!! - Well,

>here goes:

>

> What do people think about this ...on Saturday night I have been invited

>out by my most skinniest (< size 8) and glamourous looking friend to a

>fashion parade (in Chapel St South Yarra) no less ...and it's dance wear!!

>

> a) I don't have any decent clothes to wear - I have managed to lapband

>down to an large 18 but don't feel really confident about it

>

> and

>

> how can I deal with these encounters with ultra thin friends who it

>seems want to rub it even more into my face - she doesn't know about the

>op.

>

> Any advice out there from anyone who may have dealt with these types of

>issues

>

> CB

>

> ozband website:

> http://www.ozband.com

>

>

[Guest guest]

YAHOO ELIZABETH!!!! ditto ditto from me also. No

need for me to say anything else, you have said it for

me!

Warm Wishes

Sue on the Sunshine Coast

--- Solomon esolomon@...> wrote:

> Hey, lurkers are great, its just that some of us

> can't shut up!! Wow, your

> query about your friends is a tuffy. I'm an old

> married mother of 4 so

> don't have to go to painful places like Chapel

> street anymore thank god. As

> for your friends, I too have heaps and heaps of

> fitness fanatic skinny

> friends but I have scared them all into submission

> when it comes to topics

> such as my weight. People who make (or imply)

> adverse comments are just

> being grown up versions of bullies, and like all

> bullies, are universally

> cowards. Say something appallingly direct back to

> them like " Gosh are you

> still able to have periods at that weight? " ,or " Did

> you know people have a

> longer life expectancy if they are 10% overweight? "

> (true!). I had an

> acquaintance say to me recently " are you pregnant

> again? " and I said " No,

> just fat, darling " . She nearly died of

> embarrassment, heh, heh. Another one

> is " beauty fades but dumb is forever! " (courtesy of

> Judge Judy.).

>

> Good luck

> Liz.

> seeking advice!! - for the 1st

> time

>

>

> Last night at the Melbourne meeting, I was

> referred to as a " lurker " - I

> take it this is someone who reads the emails but

> doesn't put out!! - Well,

> here goes:

>

> What do people think about this ...on Saturday

> night I have been invited

> out by my most skinniest (< size 8) and glamourous

> looking friend to a

> fashion parade (in Chapel St South Yarra) no less

> ...and it's dance wear!!

>

> a) I don't have any decent clothes to wear - I

> have managed to lapband

> down to an large 18 but don't feel really confident

> about it

>

> and

>

> how can I deal with these encounters with ultra

> thin friends who it

> seems want to rub it even more into my face - she

> doesn't know about the op.

>

> Any advice out there from anyone who may have

> dealt with these types of

> issues

>

> CB

>

> ozband website:

> http://www.ozband.com

>

>

[Guest guest]

You girls never cease to amaze me at your wonderful

thoughts & responses to some of the problems that are

posted here!

, a fine example & one to be taken in very

deeply! One day when I grow up I hope I am just like

some of you!!!

WArm Wishes

Sue on the Sunshine Coast (50 years old really!!)

--- julie.david@...>

wrote:

> Colleen

>

> Don't fret about your friend and especially don't

> fret about being a size

> 18! I wish I was an 18, not a 22-24 and pre-op.

> However, I will tell you

> that I am always complimented on how well I dress

> and have always prided

> myself on the fact that regardless of size, I can

> still dress well and look

> good, especially now that so many stores stock

> larger sizes - 1626 (though

> the standard of clothes has fallen since s

> took over), Innovare Woman

> and BIB at Myer, BeMe at Rockmans and I've even

> picked up some great linen

> shirts from K-Mart.

>

> As Cath said, sometimes there is nothing more

> stylish and elegant than a

> pair of black pants, a long linen shirt and a scarf

> or a string of pearls.

>

> Also Colleen, I think that sometimes we put our own

> feelings of inadequacy

> onto our friends, when they don't really mean to

> make us feel bad. If we

> were that terrible, they wouldn't want us as

> friends, let alone be seen in

> public with us. If this woman is genuinely trying

> to rub your nose in it as

> you say, why is she your friend? None of us need

> people in our lives who

> have such a negative effect on us. Surround

> yourself with people who love

> you for who you are, not how you look.

>

> I also know what it is like from both sides, having

> been thin and knowing

> that I am now a " non-entity " when I go into shops

> that don't sell over a

> size 16. The looks we get! As if to say we

> couldn't possibly be seriously

> looking in their store for clothes! I always think,

> Oh Well, they obviously

> don't need the sale. I also know what it is like to

> not want to leave the

> house and have spent many weekends lately holed up

> at home, not even going

> out into the yard.

>

> Enough of my rambling. Only go out with your friend

> IF YOU WANT TO. If you

> do, enjoy yourself and don't worry about what other

> people think as what

> really matters is how you feel, and surely you must

> be proud that you have

> gotten down to a size 18. I know I will be when my

> day comes.

>

> Hope you feel better.

>

> Cheers

>

>

>

> Re: seeking advice!! - for the 1st

> time

>

>

> Hi Colleen,

>

> So we have dragged you out of

> lurkerville....wonderful. I just feel that

> with more people posting the more information we can

> possibly share. It

> always seems to be the same people tending to

> respond.

>

> I noticed on the other list a couple of weeks ago

> that someone was upset

> that they didn't get answers, I think some of us old

> dogs are tired of

> answering some of the same things over and over and

> it is up to the newer

> bandies to answer the questions.

>

> Onto your dilemma....

>

> I, too, am an 18 and know how you feel about this

> invitation. A few years

> ago I could have afforded to hit the shops and get

> something especially for

> the occasion but not any more. I guess we all get a

> self conscious at these

> sorts of events. Especially a fashion show, which

> will be full of size

> sixes!!

>

> Has this skinny friend really got these feelings

> about rubbing it in.

> Surely not! I guess I was lucky in that I told

> everyone that I had had the

> surgery.

>

> Fancy dress is always a hassle, I know, but surely

> with all the heads in

> this group we can think of something. How about

> focusing less on the dance

> party theme and just going for something elegant.

> Maybe black pants, white

> shirt and some sort of sash of colour in between. I

> always find trousers to

> be the most slimming things in my wardrobe. Pity

> I'm not down there we

> could go through our wardrobes and find something.

>

> Wear a smile and I am sure you will be a winner.

>

> Good luck.

>

> Regards,

>

> Cath

>

>

>

> > Last night at the Melbourne meeting, I was

> referred to as a " lurker " - I

> take it this is someone who reads the emails but

> doesn't put out!! - Well,

> here goes:

> >

> > What do people think about this ...on Saturday

> night I have been invited

> out by my most skinniest (< size 8) and glamourous

> looking friend to a

> fashion parade (in Chapel St South Yarra) no less

> ...and it's dance wear!!

> >

> > a) I don't have any decent clothes to wear - I

> have managed to lapband

> down to an large 18 but don't feel really confident

> about it

> >

> > and

> >

> > how can I deal with these encounters with ultra

> thin friends who it

> seems want to rub it even more into my face - she

> doesn't know about the op.

> >

> > Any advice out there from anyone who may have

> dealt with these types of

> issues

> >

> > CB

>

>

[Guest guest]

Flattery will get you everywhere! Thanks Sue. I feel so disgusting

sometimes that I can't make myself feel better, let alone anyone else!

See you Saturday week.

Cheers

Re: seeking advice!! - for the 1st

> time

>

>

> Hi Colleen,

>

> So we have dragged you out of

> lurkerville....wonderful. I just feel that

> with more people posting the more information we can

> possibly share. It

> always seems to be the same people tending to

> respond.

>

> I noticed on the other list a couple of weeks ago

> that someone was upset

> that they didn't get answers, I think some of us old

> dogs are tired of

> answering some of the same things over and over and

> it is up to the newer

> bandies to answer the questions.

>

> Onto your dilemma....

>

> I, too, am an 18 and know how you feel about this

> invitation. A few years

> ago I could have afforded to hit the shops and get

> something especially for

> the occasion but not any more. I guess we all get a

> self conscious at these

> sorts of events. Especially a fashion show, which

> will be full of size

> sixes!!

>

> Has this skinny friend really got these feelings

> about rubbing it in.

> Surely not! I guess I was lucky in that I told

> everyone that I had had the

> surgery.

>

> Fancy dress is always a hassle, I know, but surely

> with all the heads in

> this group we can think of something. How about

> focusing less on the dance

> party theme and just going for something elegant.

> Maybe black pants, white

> shirt and some sort of sash of colour in between. I

> always find trousers to

> be the most slimming things in my wardrobe. Pity

> I'm not down there we

> could go through our wardrobes and find something.

>

> Wear a smile and I am sure you will be a winner.

>

> Good luck.

>

> Regards,

>

> Cath

>

>

>

> > Last night at the Melbourne meeting, I was

> referred to as a " lurker " - I

> take it this is someone who reads the emails but

> doesn't put out!! - Well,

> here goes:

> >

> > What do people think about this ...on Saturday

> night I have been invited

> out by my most skinniest (< size 8) and glamourous

> looking friend to a

> fashion parade (in Chapel St South Yarra) no less

> ...and it's dance wear!!

> >

> > a) I don't have any decent clothes to wear - I

> have managed to lapband

> down to an large 18 but don't feel really confident

> about it

> >

> > and

> >

> > how can I deal with these encounters with ultra

> thin friends who it

> seems want to rub it even more into my face - she

> doesn't know about the op.

> >

> > Any advice out there from anyone who may have

> dealt with these types of

> issues

> >

> > CB

>

>