Re: To tell or not to tell

[Guest guest]

You know, now that you mentioned that little story. I too, had an

friend of a friend who kept just melting away! Hoping to be inspired

I asked how she was doing it. She replied " Oh, I just have quit eating

fast foods. " Bull! Now that I have started researching this surgery,

I see that she must have had surgery, I bet she lost over 200 pounds

in about 18 months. I bet she thinks I don't know. tee-hee...should I

call her?

Dinah in Alabama

Waiting!!!!!!!!!!!

> Dear Gang,

> Telling the world about our surgery or telling just a few is

such a

> personal descision. Personally I have chosen to yell it from the

roof

> tops. Probably not a good idea until I am a post op but it's too

late

> now.

> Just a little story first: I had been going to the same

beauty parlour

> for years.I only go once every 6 weeks for color but each time I

went

> this one employee was shrinking away so incredibly. Desperate for

an

> answer to her success, she would just say that she decided to eat

smaller

> amounts and work out a lot. So... I tried to do the same as so many

> times before. Ofcourse I failed and felt so badly for me every

time I

> would see her. I just could not figure out how she could be so

> successful at this, after all I was trying so hard. I ate what she

said

> she was eating, I started to walk as much as possible etc... But

to no

> avail. I lost a little but not like her. Two years passed.....

> Finally, my beautician whispered in my ear " Call me at

home " I did.

> She would not get into the whole deal but the emplyees daughter who

also

> worked there wanted me to know the truthabout her mom. Ofcourse

she had

> had the surgery. I believe it was the open RNY.

> It was that day that I started my search for the right

surgery for me.

> So much time had passed and I wish it had not. But then again, I

would

> never have known about Dr R back then either. So God does work his

> magic ! This is why I chose to tell all that I could possibly

help. As

> far as my friends and family? they have been wonderful and very

> supportive. When I tell those who are also fighting the good

fight, and

> there are plenty of them, they are all so greatful! We all have

to do

> what is comfortable for us. It's funny but the one who gave me

the

> most resistance was my best friend. She is too frightened to have

it

> done and keeps saying things like " You know it's not too late to

back

> out " We were always eating buddies so I know this is hard on her

too.

> We all have to do what we know is right for us.... Luv

to all

> Susie G.

> ________________________________________________________________

> YOU'RE PAYING TOO MUCH FOR THE INTERNET!

> Juno now offers FREE Internet Access!

> Try it today - there's no risk! For your FREE software, visit:

> http://dl.www.juno.com/get/tagj.

[Guest guest]

You know, now that you mentioned that little story. I too, had an

friend of a friend who kept just melting away! Hoping to be inspired

I asked how she was doing it. She replied " Oh, I just have quit eating

fast foods. " Bull! Now that I have started researching this surgery,

I see that she must have had surgery, I bet she lost over 200 pounds

in about 18 months. I bet she thinks I don't know. tee-hee...should I

call her?

Dinah in Alabama

Waiting!!!!!!!!!!!

> Dear Gang,

> Telling the world about our surgery or telling just a few is

such a

> personal descision. Personally I have chosen to yell it from the

roof

> tops. Probably not a good idea until I am a post op but it's too

late

> now.

> Just a little story first: I had been going to the same

beauty parlour

> for years.I only go once every 6 weeks for color but each time I

went

> this one employee was shrinking away so incredibly. Desperate for

an

> answer to her success, she would just say that she decided to eat

smaller

> amounts and work out a lot. So... I tried to do the same as so many

> times before. Ofcourse I failed and felt so badly for me every

time I

> would see her. I just could not figure out how she could be so

> successful at this, after all I was trying so hard. I ate what she

said

> she was eating, I started to walk as much as possible etc... But

to no

> avail. I lost a little but not like her. Two years passed.....

> Finally, my beautician whispered in my ear " Call me at

home " I did.

> She would not get into the whole deal but the emplyees daughter who

also

> worked there wanted me to know the truthabout her mom. Ofcourse

she had

> had the surgery. I believe it was the open RNY.

> It was that day that I started my search for the right

surgery for me.

> So much time had passed and I wish it had not. But then again, I

would

> never have known about Dr R back then either. So God does work his

> magic ! This is why I chose to tell all that I could possibly

help. As

> far as my friends and family? they have been wonderful and very

> supportive. When I tell those who are also fighting the good

fight, and

> there are plenty of them, they are all so greatful! We all have

to do

> what is comfortable for us. It's funny but the one who gave me

the

> most resistance was my best friend. She is too frightened to have

it

> done and keeps saying things like " You know it's not too late to

back

> out " We were always eating buddies so I know this is hard on her

too.

> We all have to do what we know is right for us.... Luv

to all

> Susie G.

> ________________________________________________________________

> YOU'RE PAYING TOO MUCH FOR THE INTERNET!

> Juno now offers FREE Internet Access!

> Try it today - there's no risk! For your FREE software, visit:

> http://dl.www.juno.com/get/tagj.

[Guest guest]

You know, now that you mentioned that little story. I too, had an

friend of a friend who kept just melting away! Hoping to be inspired

I asked how she was doing it. She replied " Oh, I just have quit eating

fast foods. " Bull! Now that I have started researching this surgery,

I see that she must have had surgery, I bet she lost over 200 pounds

in about 18 months. I bet she thinks I don't know. tee-hee...should I

call her?

Dinah in Alabama

Waiting!!!!!!!!!!!

> Dear Gang,

> Telling the world about our surgery or telling just a few is

such a

> personal descision. Personally I have chosen to yell it from the

roof

> tops. Probably not a good idea until I am a post op but it's too

late

> now.

> Just a little story first: I had been going to the same

beauty parlour

> for years.I only go once every 6 weeks for color but each time I

went

> this one employee was shrinking away so incredibly. Desperate for

an

> answer to her success, she would just say that she decided to eat

smaller

> amounts and work out a lot. So... I tried to do the same as so many

> times before. Ofcourse I failed and felt so badly for me every

time I

> would see her. I just could not figure out how she could be so

> successful at this, after all I was trying so hard. I ate what she

said

> she was eating, I started to walk as much as possible etc... But

to no

> avail. I lost a little but not like her. Two years passed.....

> Finally, my beautician whispered in my ear " Call me at

home " I did.

> She would not get into the whole deal but the emplyees daughter who

also

> worked there wanted me to know the truthabout her mom. Ofcourse

she had

> had the surgery. I believe it was the open RNY.

> It was that day that I started my search for the right

surgery for me.

> So much time had passed and I wish it had not. But then again, I

would

> never have known about Dr R back then either. So God does work his

> magic ! This is why I chose to tell all that I could possibly

help. As

> far as my friends and family? they have been wonderful and very

> supportive. When I tell those who are also fighting the good

fight, and

> there are plenty of them, they are all so greatful! We all have

to do

> what is comfortable for us. It's funny but the one who gave me

the

> most resistance was my best friend. She is too frightened to have

it

> done and keeps saying things like " You know it's not too late to

back

> out " We were always eating buddies so I know this is hard on her

too.

> We all have to do what we know is right for us.... Luv

to all

> Susie G.

> ________________________________________________________________

> YOU'RE PAYING TOO MUCH FOR THE INTERNET!

> Juno now offers FREE Internet Access!

> Try it today - there's no risk! For your FREE software, visit:

> http://dl.www.juno.com/get/tagj.

[Guest guest]

Susie,

You know I wholeheartedly agree with you. My best friend was very supportive of

my

decision. She is overweight but not to the extent that I am. After returning

from

the surgery she told me that I have put pressure on her by having this. As long

as

I was larger it allowed her to feel that her weight was okay. Now that I am

losing

she has to take a more realisitic look at her own situation. We are very close

and

this is not offensive to me just honest. Your story just brought this back to

me.

Darlene

Susie G. wrote:

> Dear Gang,

> Telling the world about our surgery or telling just a few is such a

> personal descision. Personally I have chosen to yell it from the roof

> tops. Probably not a good idea until I am a post op but it's too late

> now.

> Just a little story first: I had been going to the same beauty

parlour

> for years.I only go once every 6 weeks for color but each time I went

> this one employee was shrinking away so incredibly. Desperate for an

> answer to her success, she would just say that she decided to eat smaller

> amounts and work out a lot. So... I tried to do the same as so many

> times before. Ofcourse I failed and felt so badly for me every time I

> would see her. I just could not figure out how she could be so

> successful at this, after all I was trying so hard. I ate what she said

> she was eating, I started to walk as much as possible etc... But to no

> avail. I lost a little but not like her. Two years passed.....

> Finally, my beautician whispered in my ear " Call me at home " I did.

> She would not get into the whole deal but the emplyees daughter who also

> worked there wanted me to know the truthabout her mom. Ofcourse she had

> had the surgery. I believe it was the open RNY.

> It was that day that I started my search for the right surgery for me.

> So much time had passed and I wish it had not. But then again, I would

> never have known about Dr R back then either. So God does work his

> magic ! This is why I chose to tell all that I could possibly help. As

> far as my friends and family? they have been wonderful and very

> supportive. When I tell those who are also fighting the good fight, and

> there are plenty of them, they are all so greatful! We all have to do

> what is comfortable for us. It's funny but the one who gave me the

> most resistance was my best friend. She is too frightened to have it

> done and keeps saying things like " You know it's not too late to back

> out " We were always eating buddies so I know this is hard on her too.

> We all have to do what we know is right for us.... Luv to all

> Susie G.

> ________________________________________________________________

> YOU'RE PAYING TOO MUCH FOR THE INTERNET!

> Juno now offers FREE Internet Access!

> Try it today - there's no risk! For your FREE software, visit:

> http://dl.www.juno.com/get/tagj.

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Old school buds here:

> http://click.egroups.com/1/5545/3/_/453517/_/961710745/

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> This message is from the Mini-Gastric Bypass Mailing List at Onelist.com

> Please visit our web site at http://clos.net

> Get the Patient Manual at http://clos.net/get_patient_manual.htm

[Guest guest]

Susie,

You know I wholeheartedly agree with you. My best friend was very supportive of

my

decision. She is overweight but not to the extent that I am. After returning

from

the surgery she told me that I have put pressure on her by having this. As long

as

I was larger it allowed her to feel that her weight was okay. Now that I am

losing

she has to take a more realisitic look at her own situation. We are very close

and

this is not offensive to me just honest. Your story just brought this back to

me.

Darlene

Susie G. wrote:

> Dear Gang,

> Telling the world about our surgery or telling just a few is such a

> personal descision. Personally I have chosen to yell it from the roof

> tops. Probably not a good idea until I am a post op but it's too late

> now.

> Just a little story first: I had been going to the same beauty

parlour

> for years.I only go once every 6 weeks for color but each time I went

> this one employee was shrinking away so incredibly. Desperate for an

> answer to her success, she would just say that she decided to eat smaller

> amounts and work out a lot. So... I tried to do the same as so many

> times before. Ofcourse I failed and felt so badly for me every time I

> would see her. I just could not figure out how she could be so

> successful at this, after all I was trying so hard. I ate what she said

> she was eating, I started to walk as much as possible etc... But to no

> avail. I lost a little but not like her. Two years passed.....

> Finally, my beautician whispered in my ear " Call me at home " I did.

> She would not get into the whole deal but the emplyees daughter who also

> worked there wanted me to know the truthabout her mom. Ofcourse she had

> had the surgery. I believe it was the open RNY.

> It was that day that I started my search for the right surgery for me.

> So much time had passed and I wish it had not. But then again, I would

> never have known about Dr R back then either. So God does work his

> magic ! This is why I chose to tell all that I could possibly help. As

> far as my friends and family? they have been wonderful and very

> supportive. When I tell those who are also fighting the good fight, and

> there are plenty of them, they are all so greatful! We all have to do

> what is comfortable for us. It's funny but the one who gave me the

> most resistance was my best friend. She is too frightened to have it

> done and keeps saying things like " You know it's not too late to back

> out " We were always eating buddies so I know this is hard on her too.

> We all have to do what we know is right for us.... Luv to all

> Susie G.

> ________________________________________________________________

> YOU'RE PAYING TOO MUCH FOR THE INTERNET!

> Juno now offers FREE Internet Access!

> Try it today - there's no risk! For your FREE software, visit:

> http://dl.www.juno.com/get/tagj.

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Old school buds here:

> http://click.egroups.com/1/5545/3/_/453517/_/961710745/

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> This message is from the Mini-Gastric Bypass Mailing List at Onelist.com

> Please visit our web site at http://clos.net

> Get the Patient Manual at http://clos.net/get_patient_manual.htm

[Guest guest]

Hi Audrey,

I tend to take your route about telling people. After I

read " Facing Autism " , I as was confused why Lynn Hamilton wanted to

keep her child's condition so under wraps. I guess you wouldn't

want to wear a billboard, but I found by telling people, most are

very caring and understanding. There are a few relatives that I

haven't told--just say he's " speech & language impaired " , because I

have a cousin who has been known to talk to others and say things

like " poor anne " , which bugs the living daylights out of me.

However, with most people, it's amazing how many know someone

challeged with autism or know someone who works in the AI field.

The knowledge I've gained from telling others has been invaluable.

anne

> We tell people right away. Sometimes we say that has

trouble talking. Other times we say he has autism. It is very

obvious when people try to talk to him, so we have to tell them

something. I read Lynn Hamilton's book and Maurice's,

both didn't want people to know. I don't see the advantage in

keeping it a secret. Often when we tell someone, even a stranger,

they are very understanding and try to be helpful. Many people say

they have a neighbor, cousin, or someone they know with autism. I

guess we don't really have guidelines, we pretty much tell everyone.

[Guest guest]

You find it is sometimes easier to tell a stranger, I finally asked my

hairdresser about Marisa's haircut. She offered to do it after hours

so it won't be so noisy

, after I told her Marisa is 4 1/2 autistic and never had a haircut.

My sister in law is one of those people who knows more about everything

than the rest of us and would discuss Marisa with anyone and everyone.

My thing is my daughter is not to be a source of gossip or pity. She

is a fabulous human being - my other sister in law is great loving and

supportive. Some family members want to pretend nothing is the matter

- I'm sure it is because they don't know what to say. They don't have

to say a word be kind, be loving and be as supportive as possible and

treat my child like the rest of the kids. You will know what to say

and to whom follow your gut - it truly is the best gage of who to tell.

On Monday, July 21, 2003, at 07:07 PM, ccorwin611@... wrote:

> We tend to tell on a 'need to know' basis.  Lately, I've tried not to

> 'give excuses' and let Jon go on his own, playing as he will.

>

> Usually, they are very understanding.  One Sunday, while we sat in the

> 'cry room' during Mass, was VERY antsy.  Was all over the

> place, turning the light on and off, etc.  At least one other family

> was in there that day.  During the 'sign of peace' she could tell my

> nerves were stretched to the max.  I kinda apologized for Jon's

> behavior and said he is autistic.  She nodded.  She thought so. She

> had a relative or neighbor (I forgot which) who is autistic, and

> although Jon is regarded as 'mild', she still recognized the traits. 

> I felt relieved that she truly did understand.  I started crying and

> couldn't stop - more from relief than anything else.  This is not the

> first time...  I'm just so amazed to hear 'my cousin's son is

> autistic', or 'my neighbor's grandson...', etc.

>

> Cindy

>

> Cindy L.

> Westland, Michigan

>

> Mom to age 4 yr  (mildly/ high-functioning autistic) and

> age 5 yr  (normal and extremely bright)

>

> Autism is like having a computer without a keyboard, there is nothing

> wrong with the computer but it is hard to communicate with it without

> the right tools.

>

>

>

> Support Everyday Miracles by shopping online at IGIVE.COM, where a

> portion of every purchase is donated to this support network. Proceeds

> received will be used for a variety of functions, such as educational

> activities, therapy, famiy outings, etc. http://www.igive.com/EDM

>

>

[Guest guest]

You find it is sometimes easier to tell a stranger, I finally asked my

hairdresser about Marisa's haircut. She offered to do it after hours

so it won't be so noisy

, after I told her Marisa is 4 1/2 autistic and never had a haircut.

My sister in law is one of those people who knows more about everything

than the rest of us and would discuss Marisa with anyone and everyone.

My thing is my daughter is not to be a source of gossip or pity. She

is a fabulous human being - my other sister in law is great loving and

supportive. Some family members want to pretend nothing is the matter

- I'm sure it is because they don't know what to say. They don't have

to say a word be kind, be loving and be as supportive as possible and

treat my child like the rest of the kids. You will know what to say

and to whom follow your gut - it truly is the best gage of who to tell.

On Monday, July 21, 2003, at 07:07 PM, ccorwin611@... wrote:

> We tend to tell on a 'need to know' basis.  Lately, I've tried not to

> 'give excuses' and let Jon go on his own, playing as he will.

>

> Usually, they are very understanding.  One Sunday, while we sat in the

> 'cry room' during Mass, was VERY antsy.  Was all over the

> place, turning the light on and off, etc.  At least one other family

> was in there that day.  During the 'sign of peace' she could tell my

> nerves were stretched to the max.  I kinda apologized for Jon's

> behavior and said he is autistic.  She nodded.  She thought so. She

> had a relative or neighbor (I forgot which) who is autistic, and

> although Jon is regarded as 'mild', she still recognized the traits. 

> I felt relieved that she truly did understand.  I started crying and

> couldn't stop - more from relief than anything else.  This is not the

> first time...  I'm just so amazed to hear 'my cousin's son is

> autistic', or 'my neighbor's grandson...', etc.

>

> Cindy

>

> Cindy L.

> Westland, Michigan

>

> Mom to age 4 yr  (mildly/ high-functioning autistic) and

> age 5 yr  (normal and extremely bright)

>

> Autism is like having a computer without a keyboard, there is nothing

> wrong with the computer but it is hard to communicate with it without

> the right tools.

>

>

>

> Support Everyday Miracles by shopping online at IGIVE.COM, where a

> portion of every purchase is donated to this support network. Proceeds

> received will be used for a variety of functions, such as educational

> activities, therapy, famiy outings, etc. http://www.igive.com/EDM

>

>

[Guest guest]

I usually tell. It answers the questions on their faces and keeps them

informed. Plus, in many cases, I've met people who have lent support and

advice from their experiences.

My son has Fragile X Syndrome & Autism. Fewer people know what FX is and I

think education is very important. I mentioned in a post last week that

tomorrow, July 22, is National FX Awareness Day. My husband & I did two

things for it:

1. glossy flyers explaining FX, inserted into my church paper

2. glossy flyers, with a different intro, for our neighborhood [both had a

cute photo]

Is there a National Autism Awareness Day? [forgive me, I'm new to that

diagnosis] I think that's a great time to fill people in on information

about it.

I also have little business cards about FX which I keep in my purse and some

times hand out in public when people are staring or asking questions. I

don't really use that many but I love having them to fall back on if I can't

answer the questions due to momentary stress!

Beth

_________________________________________________________________

Add photos to your e-mail with MSN 8. Get 2 months FREE*.

http://join.msn.com/?page=features/featuredemail

[Guest guest]

Very good points, Jill. I find I am always telling people,

particularly when I'm at the park - to begin with, if we strike up a

conversation, they usually always attempt to say hello to Jagger, and

he doesn't respond, most of the time he doesn't even acknowledge that

they are there, so I like to give an explanation - don't want them to

think he is just stuck-up (lol) and also because I see so many moms

with very small children, I think it is good to bring it to their

attention, make them aware, then if they ask "how", well...I give them

several scenarios of what it could have been and I suggest they speak

to their doctor prior to getting another vaccine. You are so right,

though, about being upfront with your neighbors. Not that we would

ever expect them to go out of their way, but if perhaps one of our

children were to be in harms way, they would likely promptly intervene.

On another note, most of the kids I see in the park these days have

some type of delay, mostly speech.

Lynn

Jill Homer wrote:

WE have a 8 year old son with high functioning Autism.We just

moved into a new subdivision and I told all my neighbors.I feel better

if everone knows because then people understand if does something

off the wall. Also my son is obsessed with drains and may wander to

neighbors yards.I like the idea of everyone knowing about 's autism

so that just incase wanders too far away from home I know my

neighbors will be watching out for him.

[Guest guest]

We also tell everyone. With my son its a bit different because he's

nonverbal (he has severe speech apraxia) so his speech is very difficult to

understand. As you said, most people will chime in with " I have a _________

who has a son/daughter . . . " With little kids, we usually tell them that

TJ's mouth doesn't work too good so he signs. That usually satisfies them.

On that note - kind of a cute story . . About a year and half ago, my son

finally got to a point where he wanted to go out to eat (before that any

type of a restaurant was completely off limits) We started small (fast

food) and his favorite place was s. After a few visits, the people

working started asking about him, so I explained that he was autistic and he

never liked to go out to eat, etc. There was one guy who was a cook and

after that, every time we went in, he'd yell, " hey, the little ARTISTIC guy

is here " and everyone would come up and say hi to him.

Our experience has been that its better to tell, most people have been very

understanding.

Sue

>

>Reply-To: EverydayMiraclesAutism

>To: EverydayMiraclesAutism >

>Subject: Re: To tell or not to tell

>Date: Mon, 21 Jul 2003 15:55:46 -0500

>

>We tell people right away. Sometimes we say that has trouble

>talking. Other times we say he has autism. It is very obvious when people

>try to talk to him, so we have to tell them something. I read Lynn

>Hamilton's book and Maurice's, both didn't want people to know.

>I don't see the advantage in keeping it a secret. Often when we tell

>someone, even a stranger, they are very understanding and try to be

>helpful. Many people say they have a neighbor, cousin, or someone they

>know with autism. I guess we don't really have guidelines, we pretty much

>tell everyone.

> To tell or not to tell

>

>

> Hi everyone--

>

> This is sort of a survey/question that's been on my mind for the

> past couple of weeks. Who and when do you tell someone that your

> child is AI? To make a long story short, most of my close neighbors

> know about our son and have always been very kind, friendly and

> patient with him. There is a boy next door that is somewhat odd in

> his behavior (I do not know if or what condition he may have), but

> his parents have never said anything about him to anyone and a few

> neighbors said they are uncomfortable around him. When I read Lynn

> Hamilton's book " Facing Autism " , (if I remember correctly), she made

> a point about not even wanting the school system to know that her

> child was AI--he was receiving ABA at home and he goal with to get

> him into the general curriculum with very people knowing about his

> challenges.

>

> I was just curious what guidelines you use to tell people. Do you

> tell on a need-to-know basis, or do you share the information if

> your casually talking with someone when your at a store or park?

>

> anne

>

>

>

> Support Everyday Miracles by shopping online at IGIVE.COM, where a

>portion of every purchase is donated to this support network. Proceeds

>received will be used for a variety of functions, such as educational

>activities, therapy, famiy outings, etc. http://www.igive.com/EDM

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for such a sweet story. It's nice to start my day with a smile!

Speaking of a smile, tonight is the meeting in Novi about SMILE Therapy. Please

remind me of the address and exact location.

Thanks and let's not forget to SMILE lots of times today!

SGJ (y's Grandma Judy)

Re: To tell or not to tell

>Date: Mon, 21 Jul 2003 15:55:46 -0500

>

>We tell people right away. Sometimes we say that has trouble

>talking. Other times we say he has autism. It is very obvious when people

>try to talk to him, so we have to tell them something. I read Lynn

>Hamilton's book and Maurice's, both didn't want people to know.

>I don't see the advantage in keeping it a secret. Often when we tell

>someone, even a stranger, they are very understanding and try to be

>helpful. Many people say they have a neighbor, cousin, or someone they

>know with autism. I guess we don't really have guidelines, we pretty much

>tell everyone.

> To tell or not to tell

>

>

> Hi everyone--

>

> This is sort of a survey/question that's been on my mind for the

> past couple of weeks. Who and when do you tell someone that your

> child is AI? To make a long story short, most of my close neighbors

> know about our son and have always been very kind, friendly and

> patient with him. There is a boy next door that is somewhat odd in

> his behavior (I do not know if or what condition he may have), but

> his parents have never said anything about him to anyone and a few

> neighbors said they are uncomfortable around him. When I read Lynn

> Hamilton's book " Facing Autism " , (if I remember correctly), she made

> a point about not even wanting the school system to know that her

> child was AI--he was receiving ABA at home and he goal with to get

> him into the general curriculum with very people knowing about his

> challenges.

>

> I was just curious what guidelines you use to tell people. Do you

> tell on a need-to-know basis, or do you share the information if

> your casually talking with someone when your at a store or park?

>

> anne

>

>

>

> Support Everyday Miracles by shopping online at IGIVE.COM, where a

>portion of every purchase is donated to this support network. Proceeds

>received will be used for a variety of functions, such as educational

>activities, therapy, famiy outings, etc. http://www.igive.com/EDM

>

>