thank you so much for your support

March 14, 2004

I wanted to thank all the women who responded to my post about the loss of my

brother.

I never could have imagined the # of posts I've recieved and all the beautiful

words of comfort and support.

I sit at my computer crying with each one I read.

I'm riding the waves of emotions that flow over me...disbelief, anguish, regret,

saddness, sometimes just numb.. and I try to make attempts to go about my life.

I think I'm o.k. and I'll be shopping in the grocery store and hear some old

tune and break down, right there in the store.

My brother loved music and played the piano. He played " oldies " like House of

the Rising Sun, 96 tears, and Don't let the sun catch ya cryin.

My brother was bi-polar or what used to be referred to as manic depressive. He

had been in a manic phase for a very long time, and when he crashed with the

depressive cycle it was quite hard. It turns out he also had lung cancer and

didn't want to burden anyone with " feeling sorry for him " . It's been so hard,

because he lived next door to me and I keep looking over at his house and

missing him. Wishing so much I had taken the time to connect with him these last

months.

Last October when I first went to Boston for my FUS screening, my husband wasn't

being supportive and didn't want to accompany me. My brother stepped right in

and told me his wife would love to go with me. He had just purchased a brand new

thunderbird and gave his wife and I his credit card, telling us not to think

twice about the amount we chose to spend. " I want you two to have a blast in

Boston " he told me.

He was spending money like there was no tomorrow, and I guess he knew that for

him there wouldn't be too many more tomorrows.

Anyway, I'd like to e-mail you all separately and talk, but I'm exhausted.

Please know how much your support means to me and in time I will respond to

individual e-mails.

Sincerely,

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