Re: Depression (mc ment)

[Guest guest]

, it's hard to go through all of this and not go through some

type of depression. It's a very difficult journey in life. Don't

hesitate to go to a doctor about this. This is not something you

have to deal with without any help.

> Hey ladies,

> I am suffering serious depression. I believe its from the

miscarriage

> and then finding out about my UU which may not be a UU and doctors

> don't call me back. My dh and I aren't getting along at all and I

just

> can't seem to pull myself out of this. All I do is go to work and

> sleep. I keep freaking out about my baby I'm like oh I would be 28

> weeks today or I would only have three months left and all that

stuff

> and I miss my baby and I miss being pregnant. I feel like such a

jerk

> because you ladies have all been through this and more and I'm

whining

> but I really don't have anywhere else to turn. I break down crying

at

> work and I just feel useless.

>

>

> m/c 7/11/05

> UU?

[Guest guest]

,

Please don't think that you're in this alone. We're all here for you.

And seeking counseling (for you, or for you and DH) and/or medication

to get you through this period is not only acceptable, but the least

you can do to take back some control over your own health and mental

well-being.

Hugs,

Ann

--- nicolemanwaring nicolemanwaring@...> wrote:

> Hey ladies,

> I am suffering serious depression. I believe its from the miscarriage

>

> and then finding out about my UU which may not be a UU and doctors

> don't call me back. My dh and I aren't getting along at all and I

> just

> can't seem to pull myself out of this. All I do is go to work and

> sleep. I keep freaking out about my baby I'm like oh I would be 28

> weeks today or I would only have three months left and all that stuff

>

> and I miss my baby and I miss being pregnant. I feel like such a jerk

>

> because you ladies have all been through this and more and I'm

> whining

> but I really don't have anywhere else to turn. I break down crying at

>

> work and I just feel useless.

>

>

> m/c 7/11/05

> UU?

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

Hi ,

You have just suffered a great loss. Give yourself some credit and

don't feel bad about being depressed. You need time to get through this

loss, just as you would mourn any other loved one. That might be part

of the problem...perhaps you are trying to handle too much at

once...meaning that you are in mourning and at the same time you are

trying to get a diagnosis....TOO MUCH!!!

Your feelings about the pregnancy are very normal. I get somewhat

jealous when I see a woman who is pregnant and can go full term. There

is a friend of mine who is pregnant and it was all " a mistake " . Gosh, I

wish that I could get pregnant by mistake! I'm not sure that I will

ever be able to get pregnant again! So I kind of know what you are

feeling, even though some might say that I have nothing to complain

about because I have a healthy 2 year old. But it hurts very much for

me too.....

Hang in there. You will get through this. There is another board for

UU'ers if you haven't already found it.

Jen

Depression (mc ment)

Hey ladies,

I am suffering serious depression. I believe its from the miscarriage

and then finding out about my UU which may not be a UU and doctors

don't call me back. My dh and I aren't getting along at all and I just

can't seem to pull myself out of this. All I do is go to work and

sleep. I keep freaking out about my baby I'm like oh I would be 28

weeks today or I would only have three months left and all that stuff

and I miss my baby and I miss being pregnant. I feel like such a jerk

because you ladies have all been through this and more and I'm whining

but I really don't have anywhere else to turn. I break down crying at

work and I just feel useless.

m/c 7/11/05

UU?

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[Guest guest]

(this is super long...sorry!),

I can understand where you're coming from. After losing Fletcher, I have had

some weeks (usually when I'm PMS-y anyway) where I cannot stop crying.

However, it's usually just for a week or so at a time. If you feel that this

is a long-term thing then you may really need to get some help. You just

lost ...you are still in major grief over that, and you need to

grieve over your UU as well, but when you're already so sad about your son,

what are you supposed to do with the additional sadness?

After Fletcher died in March, I had a m/c at 8 weeks in June. It was so

awful. Then they found a septum in August during a lap/hyst when they had

assured me I was BU. When I woke up from surgery, they told me I would have

to wait another three months before ttc again. It felt, emotionally, like

another miscarriage. After losing Fletcher, the last thing I needed to deal

with was more losses, but here I am, dealing with them, and I resent it.

However, when I talked to my doctor about depression vs. grief, she was very

encouraging. People will often ask me how I'm doing, if I need counseling,

if I'm depressed, etc. (as if it's their business), and when they ask, it's

almost as if they've already decided that I am depressed and it's their job

to convince me of that. But my doctor put it in pretty cut-and-dry terms.

Can I see a future with happiness even if the present doesn't have much

happiness? Yes, most of the time. Can I sleep at night? Yes, usually. Can I

get out of bed in the morning? Yes, usually. My answers aren't 100% yes, but

they're at least 85-90%. The first month after Fletcher died, I think I was

operating mostly on adrenaline or something. I can't remember a lot of it.

My husband and I (everyone says we have the " perfect " relationship, and I

have to admit, it's pretty darn good) fought ALL of the time. I think they

should put that in as part of the grieving process: " shock, denial, getting

pi$$ed off at your spouse whenever possible, anger, acceptance. " And I think

we are usually good communicators. We made a deal the day Fletcher died that

we would work really hard to be understanding when we grieve differently.

And yet, I still found myself getting mad that he was able to tell people

that he was " good " when they asked how he was doing - what a stupid thing to

get mad over! But I wanted him to only be " fine " , like me. I can understand

why couples divorce after the loss of a child, especially when there is a

wife like me to be psychotic at the worst possible time. Plus, my hormones

in the first few months were out of control. And probably continue to be.

And I still think about how old Fletcher would be every day. And his due

date was really hard. (Fourth of July for me, what's yours?) And I think

about how pregnant I would be now if I hadn't had the miscarriage. I think

it's necessary for me to think about those things, to grieve. Every month on

the 28th I just want to get on a plane and fly away, as if I will somehow

outrun my sadness. And I cry at work regularly. I cry everywhere regularly.

It took me forever to reintigrate...to go back to church, go to Target

(pretty weird, I know), talk to certain people. Yes, I am a mess, but no,

I'm not depressed.

I'm sorry this is so long. It's partly to let you know what I've suffered

from, to validate your feelings, and partly to let you know that I care

about your suffering. I hope this helps in some way. It hasn't even been two

months since you lost ...it's been five since Fletcher died and I

still have horrible, horrible days. I hope that you get some answers from

the doctors about your MA. Maybe making some progress with that will help

your spirit a little. Again, I apologize for going on and on...I feel for

you and I know how hard it is to cope sometimes.

You'll be in my prayers!

Love,

[Guest guest]

Dear --

I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you have had to endure a

miscarriage (the loss of your beloved son) and then have to go through

the maze and frustration of trying to get a diagnosis of your MA--and

all that that may mean for you as you think about the future. Your

feelings are perfectly normal in response to what you have been

through. It is all very stressful and very sad--it takes time, support

and hopefully finding out more about your dx and what to expect--to

move through some of this. I recommend that you keep reaching out,

consider therapy (many have found it very helpful) and be patient with

yourself. Your grief will ease some over time, and hopefully all your

efforts with the doctors will begin to pay off and gradually ease that

stress as well. I know it's so hard. I had a horrible pregnancy loss

last summer (my son ), then got my SU diagnosis (after many

frustrating, conflicting opinions) and then had surgery. Then

infertility treatments (which luckily worked). But I needed therapy,

to attend grief support groups and coming online to groups such as

this to get me through all of this. Please know you are not alone--

Take care--I wish you gentler days ahead--

Jen

> Hey ladies,

> I am suffering serious depression. I believe its from the miscarriage

> and then finding out about my UU which may not be a UU and doctors

> don't call me back. My dh and I aren't getting along at all and I just

> can't seem to pull myself out of this. All I do is go to work and

> sleep. I keep freaking out about my baby I'm like oh I would be 28

> weeks today or I would only have three months left and all that stuff

> and I miss my baby and I miss being pregnant. I feel like such a jerk

> because you ladies have all been through this and more and I'm whining

> but I really don't have anywhere else to turn. I break down crying at

> work and I just feel useless.

>

>

> m/c 7/11/05

> UU?

[Guest guest]

,

I posted to you about this already, but wanted to add that the ONLY

way I could/can get through infertility and my four m/ces is to have

HOPE and to never give up hope. I had two m/ces before having my

dd. They were not easy by any means. I now look at her and feel

that I wouldn't have her if it wasn't for those m/ces. I have had

two since her-one later at 15 weeks. It has been tough, but I

cannot give up hope that one day I will have another child. I had

to come to the conclusion that this is all out of my control and

whatever I am dealt with, I will be able to handle and it won't take

over my life. You have to grieve but don't take your eyes away from

the light.

> Hey ladies,

> I am suffering serious depression. I believe its from the

miscarriage

> and then finding out about my UU which may not be a UU and doctors

> don't call me back. My dh and I aren't getting along at all and I

just

> can't seem to pull myself out of this. All I do is go to work and

> sleep. I keep freaking out about my baby I'm like oh I would be 28

> weeks today or I would only have three months left and all that

stuff

> and I miss my baby and I miss being pregnant. I feel like such a

jerk

> because you ladies have all been through this and more and I'm

whining

> but I really don't have anywhere else to turn. I break down crying

at

> work and I just feel useless.

>

>

> m/c 7/11/05

> UU?

[Guest guest]

I am new to this site - I was diagnosed with a UU 2 years ago. Last

year we had our first miscarriage and only five weeks ago, gave

birth to a little girl who passed away only 3 hours old.

I went into premature labour at 28 weeks ago and I was not given

much monitoring throughout pregnancy, as most doctors/midwives were

not familiar with a UU.

At present I am struggling to come to terms with the loss of our

little girl, but in the future would love to be able to have other

children.

Not sure how to get through this, I visit her grave frequently, but

cannot believe I cannot hold my little girl.

Zoe

Baby girl:- 3/8/05

UU

> Hey ladies,

> I am suffering serious depression. I believe its from the

miscarriage

> and then finding out about my UU which may not be a UU and doctors

> don't call me back. My dh and I aren't getting along at all and I

just

> can't seem to pull myself out of this. All I do is go to work and

> sleep. I keep freaking out about my baby I'm like oh I would be 28

> weeks today or I would only have three months left and all that

stuff

> and I miss my baby and I miss being pregnant. I feel like such a

jerk

> because you ladies have all been through this and more and I'm

whining

> but I really don't have anywhere else to turn. I break down crying

at

> work and I just feel useless.

>

>

> m/c 7/11/05

> UU?

[Guest guest]

Dear Zoe--

I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved little girl, and for

your miscarriage last year. You have been through horrible tragedy and

the grief you feel is very real and painful. I wish there was

something I could say to ease your pain, but I know that there is

nothing anyone can say. Although, I do encourage you to seek support

in any ways/places you can find it. The grief never completely goes

away, but with time and support it does get better. My son was

stillborn (I had a septate uterus, but we don't know the certain cause

of death) last year at 37 weeks. I have seen a therapist, attended

some support groups, leaned on my family and friends (those who have

really been there for me) and have found great support on this board,

as well as on a site run by a bereavement group called SHARE

(www.nationalshareoffice.com). I highly recommend SHARE--they have

been instrumental in helping me understand and come to some terms with

my grief. Regarding your uterine anomaly, I am sorry you haven't yet

received specialized care in this regard. I hope you can find a

knowledgeable and understanding doctor to help you understand and deal

with what to expect with your particular type of anomaly. The doctors

who are most familiar with anomalies are reproductive endocrinologists

(also known as fertility specialists)---but I would suggest that you

ask around and try to find one who has a lot of experience in this

area. And if you become pregnant again, you should be monitored by a

perinatologist who is familiar with whatever issues/risks exist with

your condition. Again, I am so sorry for all that you have been

through--and I wish you peace as you try to work through your grief

and think about trying again in the future, when you are ready. I am

here if you want to talk about the grief (my email is

jread321@...). I wish your daughter was here in your arms---please

know she felt your love and always will. You took care of her when she

was inside you, and now you will take care of her by visiting her

grave, and remembering her/honoring her in many ways as you continue

to live your life. I know how hard it is.

Peace and hugs--

Jen

> > Hey ladies,

> > I am suffering serious depression. I believe its from the

> miscarriage

> > and then finding out about my UU which may not be a UU and doctors

> > don't call me back. My dh and I aren't getting along at all and I

> just

> > can't seem to pull myself out of this. All I do is go to work and

> > sleep. I keep freaking out about my baby I'm like oh I would be 28

> > weeks today or I would only have three months left and all that

> stuff

> > and I miss my baby and I miss being pregnant. I feel like such a

> jerk

> > because you ladies have all been through this and more and I'm

> whining

> > but I really don't have anywhere else to turn. I break down crying

> at

> > work and I just feel useless.

> >

> >

> > m/c 7/11/05

> > UU?

[Guest guest]

Hi Jen,

Many thanks for your words of support and I appreciate the advice.

I am also so sad about the loss of your baby last year.

I am so glad I found this group - it have been really useful - and

it has made me realise that I am not alone in this. It is giving me

hope reading some of the success stories on this site.

At present I live day to day - not sure how I will be feeling each

morning, apart from knowing/feeling that I have a huge part of me

missing - my baby girl.

We have our hospital appointment in a few weeks to seek questions as

to why this happened. Throughout pregnancy, I was really healthy

and did not seem to experience any problems, but I did constantly

advise the midwives/doctors that I had a UU. Can you believe, when

I first went in with contractions - the nurse asked me to draw a

diagram of a UU, as they had never heard of it!!! The doctor then

examined me and sent me home, saying I had a urinary infection - the

next morning I gave birth to Evie.

I know as it is so early, that it can be easy to place the blame,

but something just hasn't been right about any of the care I had

been provided with - apart from a scan at 12 weeks and 20 weeks, I

received no additional treatment. I now realise that I should have

been given steroid injections to mature Evie's lungs, as there was a

risk of preterm.

My family and friends have been fantastic, however at times I do

sometimes feel almost smothered and therefore I think it would be

beneficial for my husband and I to seek other professional help.

Thank you for your response and I will keep in touch.

Once again - thanks.

Zoe

> > > Hey ladies,

> > > I am suffering serious depression. I believe its from the

> > miscarriage

> > > and then finding out about my UU which may not be a UU and

doctors

> > > don't call me back. My dh and I aren't getting along at all

and I

> > just

> > > can't seem to pull myself out of this. All I do is go to work

and

> > > sleep. I keep freaking out about my baby I'm like oh I would

be 28

> > > weeks today or I would only have three months left and all

that

> > stuff

> > > and I miss my baby and I miss being pregnant. I feel like such

a

> > jerk

> > > because you ladies have all been through this and more and I'm

> > whining

> > > but I really don't have anywhere else to turn. I break down

crying

> > at

> > > work and I just feel useless.

> > >

> > >

> > > m/c 7/11/05

> > > UU?