Re: Acceptance and brainstorming

March 13, 2006

hi kathi,

i think it is a wonderful idea. of course traveling is a problem for me but i

see this as a wonderfully interesting project. my interest and degrees are in

psychology and it has been a struggle for me attempting to integrate my

disability into my world---mostly because of the limitations it puts on me and

my social world. work was my social group for most part, so when that stopped

continually, only my core few remained around. i had only lived in fl for a

year before my disability started, and i am fairly slow at developing social

supports to begin with, so i had only those few who remain. those few still see

me as the same tawny i was before, only sitting down and not as able to go out

and play. i find it most of a struggle going out into the ignorant public who

treat me as stupid, hard of hearing, invisible (that one really gets me),

incompentent and incapable.

sorry, i went on and on....worthy endeavor that should be further researched.

tawny

kathigeisler1@... wrote:

Hi all,

I've been thinking about organizing a special retreat for women. As I talk

to other women in our community, it seems this could be fun and bonding and

provide a forum to explore some real human/women issues. So, I'm seeking

input.

I'm really in the early stages of this, but I'm thinking about a forum where

we can explore identity as a disabled person and a woman, femaleness and

sexuality, body image, rest and relaxation, finding purpose, staying positive,

stress issues, yada yada. Perhaps some practical stuff like finding

decent-looking shoes and clothes that are comfortable and yet still attractive,

exercises and stretching, etc. Maybe a spa-experience like massage or facial,

etc.

Any interest? Thoughts? A weekend? Longer? I live in MA and have a place

near Tampa but could also consider organizing this in another location.

Below is an article I found online that I did not write but thought was

pretty good on Acceptance by The Rev. Lane, Ph.D. Stuff like this

article

would be great to have at a retreat and discuss it.

best,

Kathi

FINDING ACCEPTANCE OF OURSELVES AND OUR DISABILITIES

Know who you are. Accept who you are, without shame, without apology.

Integrate your limitations and disabilities into the whole of who you are.

When disability is not integrated as simply one part of a greater whole, it

becomes a weapon against us and others.

We are all different, all of us unique. What is good and right for us may be

detrimental to another. Some concepts are for you, others are not.

Do not blame disability for everything that goes wrong in your life.

Everyone struggles with loss, problems, suffering, and eventually death.

At the same time, recognize that a struggle for acceptance and value in

society is involved. We are not alone in this struggle but one of many

disenfranchised groups in our society and religious community. We are

participating in

a universal struggle for acceptance of the diversity which is found in the

image of God.

The responsibility for yourself, your life, and your growth is yours alone,

and no one else's. The " blaming game " is a dead end, vicious circle that

leads no where except to more of the same. One of the more radical approaches

to personality transformation allows for no reasons, no justifications, and

no excuses. This is the point at which we cry, " Okay, it's you and me, God!! "

Acceptance comes as we do the hard work of healing the deep wounds which may

have been caused by abuse, rejection, loss, betrayal, injury, and so forth.

We heal the wounds as we name and acknowledge their affect on our lives;

forgive ourselves, others and God as necessary; and let go of the pain.

Allow yourself to enter into the moments of anguish, depression, failure,

and grief. We do experience loss; we do grieve for real or perceived images of

who we were or might have been. The grief cycle will recur throughout your

life time. You cannot conclude it once and for all. Recognize it when it

comes and know it will pass. You will not be shattered by it but you will be

expanded by the presence of God in the midst of the journey through it.

One of the most debilitating neuroses of our time has been defined as being

the desire to be perfect. This is the trap of the " tyranny of the shouldâ€™s, "

which says: We should be honest, courageous, brave, unselfish. We should

be perfect. We should be able to endure everything, be like everybody, love

everyone; nothing should matter; we should never feel hurt, or feel sorry for

oneself; we should be grateful to be alive at all times; we should be in

control of all emotions and feelings; we should not wish for things to be

different; we should be able to overcome every difficulty.

The " shoulds " are a pressure against us determined by a world alien to who

we are. As long as we " should, " we are serving the gods of others and not

trusting our inner responsibility to being who we are, as we are. Authentic

acceptance is claiming our own experience, authority, and thoughts, while also

being honest about our limitations and circumstances.

Acceptance is found only be letting go of our " idealized self-image " which

denies our limitations and problems. As we face our disabilities with honesty,

we will struggle with the suffering and pain we feel. However, entering into

this suffering actually liberates us from the suffering of injured vanity

and excessive sensitivity to the world.

Acceptance means who do not have to apologize for being disabled or needing

assistance. It is letting go of all guilt and shame. People who abuse,

discriminate, and are otherwise insensitive, unaware, or inaccessible do not

apologize for their behavior. You do not need to be " sorry " for being who you

are, or for needing more time, assistance, and for using assistive devices.

When we do not apologize for little accidents, we avoid passing guilt around,

and we allow grace to work in and through our disabilities. We become witnesses

of God at work in and through our lives as we are.

Acceptance is not " out there " somewhere: it is to be found deep within

ourselves.. If we cannot accept who we are, we cannot expect others to do so.

Focus on the abilities you have been given, and not on what you have lost or

never had.

Acceptance is the result of integrating disability and all the feelings and

emotions associated with that experience. Acceptance is being healed of

bitterness and resentment through forgiving ourselves, others and GOD.

Acceptance

is about being whole in body, mind and spirit. It is not about having

disability removed from your life. It is about living with disability in

creative

and meaningful ways which celebrate the goodness of who we are.

Acceptance is knowing fully who you are, and then claiming the freedom to Be

and Become All that God has created you to be in the world. Acceptance is

discerning and claiming your gifts and abilities and then using them

creatively to make a difference in the world around you.

YOU ARE ACCEPTED

It is that mixture of selfishness and self-hate that permanently pursues us,

that prevents us from loving others, and that prohibits us from losing

ourselves in the love with which we are loved eternally. He who is able to love

himself is able to love others also; she who has learned to overcome

self-contempt has overcome contempt for others. We cannot transform our lives,

unless

we allow them to be transformed by the stroke of {God's} grace.

Grace strikes us when we are in great pain and restlessness. [Grace] strikes

us when we walk through the dark valley of a meaningless and empty life.

[Grace] strikes us when we feel that our separation is deeper than usual,

because we have violated another life, a life which we loved, or from which we

were

estranged. [Grace] strikes us when our disgust for our own being, our

indifference, our weakness, our hostility, and our lack of direction and

composure

has become intolerable for us. [Grace] strikes us when, year after year, the

longed-for perfection of life does not appear, when the old compulsions reign

within us as they have for decades, when despair destroys all joy and

courage. You are accepted. You are accepted, accepted by that which is

greater

than you. Simply accept the fact that you are accepted.

March 13, 2006

kathi,

i would be very, very, very interested in something

like this. the issues (both practical and emotional)

are ones i am struggling with--for example, is there

any way you can wear semi-attractive sandals w/AFOS;-)

on a serious note, i would love to help make this

happen.

sarah

--- kathigeisler1@... wrote:

> Hi all,

>

> I've been thinking about organizing a special

> retreat for women. As I talk

> to other women in our community, it seems this could

> be fun and bonding and

> provide a forum to explore some real human/women

> issues. So, I'm seeking

> input.

>

> I'm really in the early stages of this, but I'm

> thinking about a forum where

> we can explore identity as a disabled person and a

> woman, femaleness and

> sexuality, body image, rest and relaxation, finding

> purpose, staying positive,

> stress issues, yada yada. Perhaps some practical

> stuff like finding

> decent-looking shoes and clothes that are

> comfortable and yet still attractive,

> exercises and stretching, etc. Maybe a

> spa-experience like massage or facial, etc.

>

> Any interest? Thoughts? A weekend? Longer? I

> live in MA and have a place

> near Tampa but could also consider organizing this

> in another location.

>

> Below is an article I found online that I did not

> write but thought was

> pretty good on Acceptance by The Rev. Lane,

> Ph.D. Stuff like this article

> would be great to have at a retreat and discuss it.

>

> best,

> Kathi

>

> FINDING ACCEPTANCE OF OURSELVES AND OUR

> DISABILITIES

> Know who you are. Accept who you are, without shame,

> without apology.

> Integrate your limitations and disabilities into the

> whole of who you are.

> When disability is not integrated as simply one part

> of a greater whole, it

> becomes a weapon against us and others.

> We are all different, all of us unique. What is

> good and right for us may be

> detrimental to another. Some concepts are for

> you, others are not.

> Do not blame disability for everything that goes

> wrong in your life.

> Everyone struggles with loss, problems, suffering,

> and eventually death.

> At the same time, recognize that a struggle for

> acceptance and value in

> society is involved. We are not alone in this

> struggle but one of many

> disenfranchised groups in our society and religious

> community. We are participating in

> a universal struggle for acceptance of the

> diversity which is found in the

> image of God.

> The responsibility for yourself, your life, and your

> growth is yours alone,

> and no one else's. The " blaming game " is a dead

> end, vicious circle that

> leads no where except to more of the same. One of

> the more radical approaches

> to personality transformation allows for no reasons,

> no justifications, and

> no excuses. This is the point at which we cry,

> " Okay, it's you and me, God!! "

> Acceptance comes as we do the hard work of healing

> the deep wounds which may

> have been caused by abuse, rejection, loss,

> betrayal, injury, and so forth.

> We heal the wounds as we name and acknowledge their

> affect on our lives;

> forgive ourselves, others and God as necessary; and

> let go of the pain.

> Allow yourself to enter into the moments of anguish,

> depression, failure,

> and grief. We do experience loss; we do grieve for

> real or perceived images of

> who we were or might have been. The grief cycle

> will recur throughout your

> life time. You cannot conclude it once and for all.

> Recognize it when it

> comes and know it will pass. You will not be

> shattered by it but you will be

> expanded by the presence of God in the midst of the

> journey through it.

> One of the most debilitating neuroses of our time

> has been defined as being

> the desire to be perfect. This is the trap of the

> " tyranny of the shouldâ€™s, "

> which says: We should be honest, courageous,

> brave, unselfish. We should

> be perfect. We should be able to endure everything,

> be like everybody, love

> everyone; nothing should matter; we should never

> feel hurt, or feel sorry for

> oneself; we should be grateful to be alive at all

> times; we should be in

> control of all emotions and feelings; we should not

> wish for things to be

> different; we should be able to overcome every

> difficulty.

> The " shoulds " are a pressure against us determined

> by a world alien to who

> we are. As long as we " should, " we are serving the

> gods of others and not

> trusting our inner responsibility to being who we

> are, as we are. Authentic

> acceptance is claiming our own experience,

> authority, and thoughts, while also

> being honest about our limitations and

> circumstances.

> Acceptance is found only be letting go of our

> " idealized self-image " which

> denies our limitations and problems. As we face our

> disabilities with honesty,

> we will struggle with the suffering and pain we

> feel. However, entering into

> this suffering actually liberates us from the

> suffering of injured vanity

> and excessive sensitivity to the world.

> Acceptance means who do not have to apologize for

> being disabled or needing

> assistance. It is letting go of all guilt and

> shame. People who abuse,

> discriminate, and are otherwise insensitive,

> unaware, or inaccessible do not

> apologize for their behavior. You do not need to be

> " sorry " for being who you

> are, or for needing more time, assistance, and for

> using assistive devices.

> When we do not apologize for little accidents, we

> avoid passing guilt around,

> and we allow grace to work in and through our

> disabilities. We become witnesses

> of God at work in and through our lives as we are.

> Acceptance is not " out there " somewhere: it is to be

> found deep within

> ourselves.. If we cannot accept who we are, we

> cannot expect others to do so.

> Focus on the abilities you have been given, and not

> on what you have lost or

> never had.

> Acceptance is the result of integrating disability

> and all the feelings and

> emotions associated with that experience.

> Acceptance is being healed of

> bitterness and resentment through forgiving

> ourselves, others and GOD. Acceptance

> is about being whole in body, mind and spirit. It

> is not about having

> disability removed from your life. It is about

> living with disability in creative

> and meaningful ways which celebrate the goodness of

> who we are.

> Acceptance is knowing fully who you are, and then

> claiming the freedom to Be

> and Become All that God has created you to be in the

> world. Acceptance is

> discerning and claiming your gifts and abilities

> and then using them

> creatively to make a difference in the world around

> you.

> YOU ARE ACCEPTED

> It is that mixture of selfishness and self-hate that

> permanently pursues us,

> that prevents us from loving others, and that

> prohibits us from losing

> ourselves in the love with which we are loved

> eternally. He who is able to love

> himself is able to love others also; she who has

> learned to overcome

> self-contempt has overcome contempt for others. We

> cannot transform our lives, unless

> we allow them to be transformed by the stroke of

> {God's} grace.

> Grace strikes us when we are in great pain and

> restlessness. [Grace] strikes

> us when we walk through the dark valley of a

> meaningless and empty life.

> [Grace] strikes us when we feel that our separation

> is deeper than usual,

> because we have violated another life, a life which

> we loved, or from which we were

> estranged. [Grace] strikes us when our disgust for

> our own being, our

> indifference, our weakness, our hostility, and our

> lack of direction and composure

> has become intolerable for us. [Grace] strikes us

> when, year after year, the

> longed-for perfection of life does not appear, when

> the old compulsions reign

> within us as they have for decades, when despair

> destroys all joy and

> courage. You are accepted. You are accepted,

> accepted by that which is greater

> than you. Simply accept the fact that you are

> accepted.

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

March 13, 2006

Kathi that's is a wonderful idea. I have often thought being disabled as

being unattractive and no longer being able to contribute to the working field.

Sneakers just don't get it and staying attractive for your special someone

is important. .........Flora

March 14, 2006

In a message dated 3/14/2006 3:52:43 PM Eastern Standard Time,

moirafranchetti@... writes:

Would another possibility be to have several Women's Retreats in various

parts of

the country.

HI Moira,

I'd love that but let's see if I can get one going! If it works, then maybe

we can expand. To get one going, I'll need people to help.

Right now, my thoughts for location are on the Tampa area (since we have a

house there) or the Atlanta area (since my dad is there and it's a major

airport). Both have nice weather in the early fall.

I'm thinking that it needs enough dedicated time to itself to do it justice

and that trying to tie it in with the National Conference and TeamWalk in New

York won't work well and Betsy will have her own ideas about that weekend.

She hasn't picked a date yet.

I'm thinking of perhaps adding on a local TeamWalk to a Woman's Retreat so

we can all walk together for our cause to end the Retreat.

Just brainstorming..............................

On funding ideas, again, I think we just need to see if we can put one

together and if it flies well, perhaps look at funding to do them next year.

Like, this would be a pilot project.

best,

Kathi

March 14, 2006

complete ignorance here, but could HSP organization help fund?

kathigeisler1@... wrote:

In a message dated 3/14/2006 3:52:43 PM Eastern Standard Time,

moirafranchetti@... writes:

Would another possibility be to have several Women's Retreats in various

parts of

the country.

HI Moira,

I'd love that but let's see if I can get one going! If it works, then maybe

we can expand. To get one going, I'll need people to help.

Right now, my thoughts for location are on the Tampa area (since we have a

house there) or the Atlanta area (since my dad is there and it's a major

airport). Both have nice weather in the early fall.

I'm thinking that it needs enough dedicated time to itself to do it justice

and that trying to tie it in with the National Conference and TeamWalk in New

York won't work well and Betsy will have her own ideas about that weekend.

She hasn't picked a date yet.

I'm thinking of perhaps adding on a local TeamWalk to a Woman's Retreat so

we can all walk together for our cause to end the Retreat.

Just brainstorming..............................

On funding ideas, again, I think we just need to see if we can put one

together and if it flies well, perhaps look at funding to do them next year.

Like, this would be a pilot project.

best,

Kathi

March 14, 2006

I agree with the other gals that this does sound great. It isn't always easy for

me to get away though, and I would prefer somewhere that I could drive instead

of fly. But my sister lives in Pittsville, MA and my brother lives in Tampa, FL.

ha ha The online chat thing sounds nice, too. But I do home to some day meet

some of you and be with some people who share this rare disease.

: )

Cathy in GA