Guest guest Posted December 28, 2004 Report Share Posted December 28, 2004 because her boyfriend left school and never got his GED, I just wanted to jump in here. One of our daughters' boyfriend just recently GOT his GED. He had put it off for several years, thinking it was not important. It was, in so many ways. He is very proud of himself, it has given him more self-esteem, etc. He didn't feel the tests were too difficult, and is now planning on entering a "trade school" to become a vet tech. Once he completes that, he can go on to different things as well. Tonia, although you do rely on Gene to help you take care of kids, etc., one day soon, the children will all be able to get themselves ready for school, etc. It may be easier to try and get his GED now, and plan on doing something in the future. If you get SSDI, does income still matter? Hugs, Jo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2004 Report Share Posted December 28, 2004 Gee, Tonia, that really does leave you between a rock and a hard place. Is there any way that Gene would be open to the idea of studying for his GED so that you and your family wouldn't be in the same position five years from now? From how it is for me, like with the RSD for example, I can usually get through a tough period of time when I know that things will get better. It's always harder, however, when I can't see that the situation won't be much different down the road. I'm just trying to think of things that might take the pressure off of you and your family. BarbaraTonia wrote: Barbara, I wish it was that easy.....But, Gene never finished High School, doesn't have a High School Diploma OR a GED. And not having either of them means he only gets Crappy jobs that really has no benefits. Right now I am getting State Medicaid.....but if he gets a job where he makes more than $500 a month, I lose my Medicaid. And if I lose it, I would some how have to come up with $1800 a month for my medicines. There is NO WAY possible in hell that we could come up with that much a month. And, even if I switched my medications, so that I could take cheaper ones, we still couldn't afford them. I figured it up, and if I switched medications, it would still cost me right around $600 a month. And we still couldn't afford that. So, either way, I'd be screwed. I would really LOVE it if Gene would go and get a job. Then he'd be out of my hair for 8-10 hours a day. But, then again, I would have to look at it from the other point of view.....if he did go to work, I would be unable to walk out of my house by myself to go anywhere, on those days that the RSD and Fibro flares up and I'm unable to get out of bed, I'd still have to figure out how I would get up and get the girls on their buses, and then get Petey up......then get down the steps again to go and get Crystal off the bus....which, most of the time she's asleep when she gets home and when I'm in a flare, carrying a 33 lb sleeping child is impossible. I have realized that I depend on Gene a lot more than I have ever thought. Especially when it comes to taking care of the kids. He's the one that gets up with them in the mornings and gets them ready for school and on the bus. He's the one that gets Crystal off the bus. He does a lot of the cooking, most of the cleaning and laundry. PLUS he does all of the farm work. PLUS he takes care of his Mother, Nephew, Cuts up Iron and helps his Sister load it into our truck, drives 14 miles to this place that buys scrap iron/metal, they unload it and split the money 3 ways just so that we and his mother has a little bit of money in our pockets until its time to pay the bills And, when he's not cutting up Metal, he's out in the Timber cutting up Wood for our wood stoves for heat. Neither us nor nis sister has a furnace. Well.....his sister does, but she refuses to pay her past propane bill, so she can't get any propane. So, each house goes thru 2-3 pickup loads of wood a week, more if its really cold and snowing. Less if its warmer during the day time. Gene's life would be so much easier if I wasn't in it. He would be able to work, he would have money, less stress, more fun. Even if he had all 3 kids, he'd be better off without me. All I am to him is a huge rock on his back that he doesn't need. Thats why I keep telling him that he'd be better off without me. And, that is why he's got every sharp knife in the house put up out of my reach and sight. Because he knows that I'll try to take care of the problem and end the misery. With me gone, he'd be able to go and get a good job, the kids would be happier because I wouldn't be around to yell at them all the time, they would get everything they want because their daddy gives it to them anyways, my Sister in law would get her wish and would be able to raise 2 little girls that she couldn't have......the works. Tonia -------Original Message------- Tonia - I saw the note that you've been feeling depressed and I'm sorry to hear that. What it Gene got a job that also offered health insurance? That way you'd have financial security and health coverage. Just a thought. Barbara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2004 Report Share Posted December 28, 2004 Gene won't go and get his GED......even my Mother tried to get him to go and study for it when she went and did hers a few years ago. She was like 40-44 years old when she went to get her GED, but he totally refused. He told me straight out that even with me having my high school diploma, he can still go and get a better paying job than I could without having a diploma/GED. Which, if he wants to kill himself, he could. He could make $15 an hour, but, it would kill him. Its working around Black Dust......jackhammering concrete, black brick, and being 20 stories high in the middle of winter with nothing to block the wind and cold weather. The last time he did this kind of job, his dad was with him and his dad almost died from pneumonia 2 times. And, since Gene is always the smallest man there, they always hang him from a rope tied around his waist 15 stories from the ground, with a jackhammer to tear out the concrete. NOT a very safe job. And, this job has no health benefits unless he pays so much to become part of the Union....and he goes and does so much training which means he would have to be out of State for 10 months straight. And, he doesn't want to be gone that long. I doubt if anything could get better around here.... Tonia -------Original Message------- Gee, Tonia, that really does leave you between a rock and a hard place. Is there any way that Gene would be open to the idea of studying for his GED so that you and your family wouldn't be in the same position five years from now? From how it is for me, like with the RSD for example, I can usually get through a tough period of time when I know that things will get better. It's always harder, however, when I can't see that the situation won't be much different down the road. I'm just trying to think of things that might take the pressure off of you and your family. Barbara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 28, 2004 Report Share Posted December 28, 2004 TONIA>> SORRY THAT YOUR HUSBANS IS BEING A LITTLE STUBBORN RIGHT NOW. MAYBE AFTER HE'S THOUGHT ABOUT IT FOR A WHIE HE'LL COME AROUND ANS SEE THAT GETTING HIS GED WILL HELP HIM AND HIS FAMILY IN SO MANY WAYS. I HOPE FOR YOU AND THE KIDS HE WILL MAKE THAT DECISION FOR THE BEST. YOU KNOW THAT MEN HAVE TO MAKE UP THEIR OWN MINDS.....TAKE CARE....TANYA p.s. I think I lost the last e-mail you wrote me. I think I accidentally deleted it. I didn't want you to think that I was ignoring you...Tonia wrote: Gene won't go and get his GED......even my Mother tried to get him to go and study for it when she went and did hers a few years ago. She was like 40-44 years old when she went to get her GED, but he totally refused. He told me straight out that even with me having my high school diploma, he can still go and get a better paying job than I could without having a diploma/GED. Which, if he wants to kill himself, he could. He could make $15 an hour, but, it would kill him. Its working around Black Dust......jackhammering concrete, black brick, and being 20 stories high in the middle of winter with nothing to block the wind and cold weather. The last time he did this kind of job, his dad was with him and his dad almost died from pneumonia 2 times. And, since Gene is always the smallest man there, they always hang him from a rope tied around his waist 15 stories from the ground, with a jackhammer to tear out the concrete. NOT a very safe job. And, this job has no health benefits unless he pays so much to become part of the Union....and he goes and does so much training which means he would have to be out of State for 10 months straight. And, he doesn't want to be gone that long. I doubt if anything could get better around here.... Tonia -------Original Message------- Gee, Tonia, that really does leave you between a rock and a hard place. Is there any way that Gene would be open to the idea of studying for his GED so that you and your family wouldn't be in the same position five years from now? From how it is for me, like with the RSD for example, I can usually get through a tough period of time when I know that things will get better. It's always harder, however, when I can't see that the situation won't be much different down the road. I'm just trying to think of things that might take the pressure off of you and your family. Barbara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2004 Report Share Posted December 29, 2004 Tonia - Sorry that I was slow in responding....not usually my style. Will explain later. First of all, there is no one on this earth who would be better off without you. Gene does the things that he does because he is devoted to you and the kids and loves you. It's as simple as that. If he didn't want you in his life, he wouldn't be doing his best to take care of the household stuff and he wouldn't bother to take the steps to keep you safe. He does it because he does love you and doesn't think of you as a burden. The loss of independence is one of the hardest things that each of us with a disability faces. In the flip of a swtich, each of us have gone from being the kind of person who takes care of others to having to rely on others to help us. This past weekend I had this very same discussion with smeone who responded to my complaining that I felt like a burden. Even as recent as yesterday, when I was talking with Tricia, I've talked about feeling like I had turned into a 'taker' rather than a 'giver' and how much I hated it. One of the kindest things that someone ever said to me was "Barbara, did it ever occur to you that when you don't let me do kind things for you that you are actually taking away my pleasure?" That statement hit me where I lived. Sure, there are times when he do place an extra load on someone else, but I think that we have to trust that we still have value. We may not 'give' in the same way that we used to, but we still give. So, Tonia, would you please take that nonsense about how Gene would be better off without you and go throw it away somewhere? I personally challenge you to make a list of the things that you have done in the past week to help others. In making the list, don't dismiss the little things as not 'counting.' They add up, too. Write them down. Then come back to me and tell me how worthless you are.....You won't be able to. Now, as for my delay, it would appear that I am allergic to Lamictal. On Monday, I broke out in petichae that later turned into a rash. So off to the clinic on Tuesday where they worried about s Syndrome. I'm sure that the bloodtests will be negative and that I'm fine but it got the docs scrambling. The unfortunate part comes form having to abruptly discontinue the Lamictal and the risk of a seizure from not being able to be properly weaned off of it. At least, since I live alone, I won't know if I have a seizure. LOL I met Tricia for a late lunch, came home and started to set up my extra bedroom to use as a craft/sewing room. Next thing I knew it was 5AM. It's now, 1 in the afternoon on Wednesday and I'm just waking up. What a bum !!!! Tonia, we're here for you in the same way that you have shown yourself to be here for everyone else (not exactly the quality of someone who is a burden). Please keep coming back and talking to us when you have these down moments. I care about you. Barbara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2004 Report Share Posted December 29, 2004 I'm not the type that asks for help usually. I try to take care of everything myself, keeping everything bottled up inside. Thats probably why my pain levels are skyrocketing, because of all of the stress from keeping it bottled up. I just hate the idea of bothering everyone else with my problems, because I know that everyone else has their own problems that they need to take care of themselves, and they don't need mine on top of it. Tonia If you can't come here for support then where can you go, I mean this is a support group right? Keeping everything bottled up and then you probably do what my husband does he will explode at something trivial, if you don't want to talk to the group then pick someone to talk to privately, but you really need to let it out before your pain drives you to do something that wouldn't be a solution to anything. Please talk to someone. Lin No virus found in this outgoing message. Checked by AVG Anti-Virus. Version: 7.0.298 / Virus Database: 265.6.6 - Release Date: 12/28/2004 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 2005 Report Share Posted February 23, 2005 Hey Lady! Just noticed you were back. Welcome home! Get us updated on Tonia and family, will ya? Jo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 2005 Report Share Posted February 23, 2005 Welcome back Tonia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 2005 Report Share Posted February 23, 2005 Jo, I'd probably put everyone here to sleep if I updated everything! lmao I'll make ya a deal.....I'll give a brief update by tonight, and I'll give ya the LONG version privately in your email box. That way, you can take your time reading it all.......and can stop when needed to help clients and hubby at work without worrying about how long it takes ya. And, yup, I really feel privilaged to get a " real " letter from ya! lmao Tonia >From: jomal1@... >>Hey Lady! >Just noticed you were back. Welcome home! Get us updated on Tonia and >family, will ya? > >Jo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2005 Report Share Posted February 25, 2005 Tonia, I'll try and find it. But I think it was about how worried I was about you at Christmas time and couldn't find you ady. Then you went MIA. I'm so glad to see you back. Missed your spunk. Luv Laurie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 26, 2005 Report Share Posted February 26, 2005 Hi Tonia We haven't 'met' yet either....how would you like to come up ALONE to a vacation in CANADA....I'm sure that at least a few on here would vouch for me that I would be a 'safe person' for you to visit. It is peaceful here....you can sleep in my featherbed cloud. You deserve a break today. I'd write more but my tub is already almost cold....but if you want to come up....I'm game if you are! Best to you - peace to you - quiet for you - Fayep,s, I really love how you rant - you're so like me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 27, 2005 Report Share Posted February 27, 2005 I know those feelings...my body started Friday night in letting me know that its supposed to start raining here tonight, and then turn into snow Monday morning and give us about a foot on the ground. I did figure out what was going on with my emails, somewhat anyways. Hotmail has changed their policy about letting its users use any POP3's....like Incredimail, or, if the emails go into your hotmail account, and you have it set up to automatically forward to somewhere else. Now, if you set up a new hotmail/MSN addy, you are no longer able to use anything else with it...not even OutLook Express. But, under the Grandfather's Clause, those members that already had the other stuff set up, like Incredimail and Outlook...can still use them. We just can't set up a new account and still think that we can use the Incredimail and Outlook. Well, for some reason, even though I've had Incredimail for over a year now, they decided to be unpredictable. Most of the time, I can't get my hotmail to download into Incredimail, and it also won't let anything send from Incredimail to Hotmail to be sent onto whereever I want them to go to. Then, if I go to the Hotmail Page...sign in like normal, the page automatically goes blank and then a box comes up in the center.....you have to copy EXACTLY what's above the area you type in. Even if you don't mess up, most of the time, I have to do it twice. Then, if I reply to a post, or try to send a New Email......instead of going to the screen that tells you that it's been sent, it goes directly to the screen with that damn box again. IF you can finally get past that box, instead of going to the screen that tells you it sent, it will go back to the compose Page, which by that time, is totally blank....you've lost everything! Totally Pissed Me Off!!! Especially since it took me almost 3 hours to type up one email that was to you, N. and Danette....and a couple of others that I tried to send you that took between 30 minutes and 3 hours. Then, I figured that since I could still receive emails from the Group and everyone else in my Hotmail addy, I'd just write down whatever I wanted to reply to, and to whom.....then bring up my Yahoo addy box, compose the email there, and send it on. That was a really good idea.......until this morning. I went into Yahoo, and found out that all of the emails that I had sent, had been "Undeliverable"...... I had thought that since the Group is thru Yahoo, I could use my yahoo addy, plus any other addy's, as long as they had all been verified by Yahoo. NOT! Instead, I had to go into the Group's Home Page, click on Edit my Membership, and switch it from iowahillbilly to snoopy199997, so that it would accept the emails from snoopy. After that, I had to go back to my Yahoo mail box, and resend every darn email that I had sent last night, but before I could send them, I had to delete all of their bullcrap that said that it was undeliverable and what to do to fix it. And, after I did ALL of that......all of a sudden, my Incredimail decided to start working at that same moment. Believe me, I honestly think my cats all went deaf by the time I got done cussing it all out!!! But, I'll try tonight to get that email to you......unless Gene throws a fit and makes me go to bed early! Tonia -------Original Message------- Nope, no emails from you at all! I have not been online much all weekend.. More tomorrow! They are calling for another foot of snow tomorrow and my body is confirming the prediction!Jo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2005 Report Share Posted February 28, 2005 I dont envy you for answer emails that way.. but then i would loose the papers i need to use to answer.. so i am in aww that you have that much patience cuz i know that i dont cass Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 1, 2005 Report Share Posted March 1, 2005 why do you allow the sil to come into your home and steal from you. i would stop here at the front door and tell her she was not wnted. are you staying awake any longer. cathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 1, 2005 Report Share Posted March 1, 2005 Nah. Good to see you here.Tonia wrote: Hmmm, did the extra emails start sometime around Wednesday??? lol, could be because I'm back and sticking my nose in where I probably shouldn't be most of the time???? Tonia -------Original Message------- Okay, now, gang. I need some reassurance right now, this very second. Is it my imagination or have we had an overwhleming amount of email here lately. It is an extremely rare occasion that I delete a message but, dang, I'm getting awful darn close. Please someone tell me that it isn't just me ! Barbara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 11, 2005 Report Share Posted March 11, 2005 you have the right to be at the school and talk to who ever it is that you need to. the pricipal went out of control. go and talk to him with some one from school baord with you. put his but on the carpet. how did you make out with socal services coming to your house. never inderstood why. what seems to be the schools problem. cathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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