Guest guest Posted May 21, 2006 Report Share Posted May 21, 2006 Yep - the projection with these kids is unbelievable. As you said - they're not happy, then they treat us badly, make us unhappy, and it's still our fault! A paradox. And the burn out we feel after they do the 'I'll make you mad so I'll feel more in control' is unreal. Then it appears that they're skipping off scot free, and we're over hopping mad because they've pushed every button imaginable to accomplish that task. Since part of validation is being alert to what they're saying, we're trying to absorb every word they're saying, and the vicious cycle is repeated over and over unless we can use our skills that we've learned to deal with them. And also I guess if they see us mad, it makes them feel better about themselves raging. Even though I don't think most parents rage like the bpd kids do, I have probably come close given the fact that I've been doing this for 33 years now!!! They could make a saint curse, and an angel to beat them over their head with a halo, I swear! I read the other day something like - they're either constantly obsessing over the past, or the future - but they're rarely in the present...! Isn't that the truth! Blondie <<< said :::: They truly are not happy and their unhappiness comes from being unhappy with their treatment of us and that somehow becomes our fault!?! Someone said, >>>'seems like they don't WANT to be happy'>>> How very true with my daughter! She and her husband spent 6 months traveling from one family member to another, living rent free, (I was one of the stops too) and with every one of these stops, she found fault, enough so's she could move on to the next soul, living rent free, leaving higher utilities bills, phone bills, and stress behind her for others to sort through... She sure didn't learn this from me! A cousin told me last night that my daughter had laid down the ulltimate rule. Cousin had to choose whose friendship she wanted. Mine or my daughters... so BP it isn't funny! I had no idea she had done that. I think my daughter " hates me " because I have more exceptance/ comfort in my decisions concerning my life, more so than she can understand. She feels no comfort, and any time I have been there for her, it has backfired onto me. I think she likes seeing me rattled, because she feels comfort over her life at that time. Seeing someone out of sorts helps her feel more in control..make sense? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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