child

[Guest guest]

Dear group,

I'm new at this so please forgive any breaches of cyber etiquette.

I have a 17 year old foster daughter who has been diagnosed with BPD.

I've read " I hate you, don't leave me " , and I'm in the process of

reading " Stop walking on eggshells " . Both very good books and

accurate to her behavior.

My question is this: As her foster dad, I am unfortunately the one

responsible for implementing the structure, setting the limits, and,

enforcing the rules. I have no problem doing this because I know it

is in her best interest. The problem is that because of my role as

foster dad, I am sure that I am perceived to be the enemy. I know

that BPDs always view things in black or white, very good or very

bad, etc. Since I am in a perpetual state of " very bad " , how do I

express my love and concern for her without repulsing her? I want

desperately for her to know that the only reason I do things she

doesn't like is because it is what I feel is in her best interest.

This tends to create a prisoner/warden relationship where the

prisoner is repulsed by the warden's words or demonstrations of love

and affection.

I also know that BPDs can have the " Stay away a little closer "

mentality concerning attachment, but this is more like " I hate you

for not letting me do what I want to do, so stay outta my face "

mentality.

Any suggestions?

Thanks, Bruce