RE: Hey Joan, Great!

[Guest guest]

Wow, Joan.

My daughter has a lot of that OCD stuff. It's

wonderful to hear things are improving. You sound

pretty calm. All though distance is difficult, it

sounds like you're doing what's best for all of you.

And your son's fiance is sticking with him? Terrific

(I enjoyed the Halloween candy story!)

Here's hoping things continue well.

Hugs,

Deborah

--- blue jay bluejay_01@...> wrote:

> Hi Cathy,

>

> Welcome to our " safe haven " . I know you'll find

> help, encouragement and

> support here. I could

> totally relate to your post. I'm the mother of a

> (just turned) 25 year old

> son with BP. He *also* has OCD, anxiety, & is

> bipolar. Depending on the

> circumstance, any one of those traits can take the

> forefront!

>

> Mine too exhibited for sure the OCD as a youngster,

> although he never shared

> the full extent of it with us until just last year.

> Do you remember the

> show " The Odd Couple " ? Well .... the joke in our

> family was that we were

> raising a Felix & an . Our youngest (daughter)

> wallowed in messiness,

> and just didn't care. Our son, the oldest, was a

> complete Felix when the

> mood struck him!! In hindsight we now realize his

> neat freak periods were

> his efforts to calm himself and put some order into

> his life. I actually

> took a picture after one Halloween when the kids

> were about 11 and 9. Our

> daughter came home from trick or treating and just

> dumped out all her candy

> in one big pile in the middle of her room, where it

> stayed until I lost my

> cool about it. Her brother, however,

> arranged his on a table top .... just like you'd

> see in a store display.

> All the suckers fanned out, the chocolate bars

> grouped by brand, the candy

> all together. It was just tooooo funny at the time,

> because unknown to his

> Dad, he also knew EXACTLY how much of each he should

> have. His Dad

> " borrowed " a chocolate bar the next morning to take

> to work, and our son

> noticed EXACTLY what chocolate bar was missing. We

> were stunned!! Our

> daughter could have been robbed blind and never

> noticed.

>

> Our son shared last year that he use to count the

> steps it took to walk home

> from school ... counting up to 12, then repeating

> that over and over until

> he was home. Also he did multiplication tables

> repetitively in his head.

> He said at first he thought all kids did that, then

> when he realized they

> didn't he was too ashamed and embarrassed to let

> anyone know. He's a true

> blue list maker, and also doesn't adapt to change

> well.

>

> He also is a black and white thinker, and in the

> past has tended to hold

> grudges. Everything that is wrong in his life is my

> fault, and if I dare to

> speak my mind and he doesn't agree he'll also hold

> it against me.

>

> What threw my son over the edge was a combination of

> insomnia, worry over

> money & obsession with getting all A's in college.

> Within a short period of

> time (2 months??) he became unable to function at

> all. To treat the

> anxiety they prescribed various SSRI's, which I now

> believe were part of the

> reason he became psychotic. At that point he began

> to exhibit bizarre

> behavior & thought patterns, such as cutting

> himself, shaving his eyebrow

> off, cutting patches of hair off, and a very

> scary vigilante type of action. At that point he

> had not shared anything

> about the extent of his

> early OCD, and we were going CRAZY trying to figure

> out what was wrong, and

> how to help.

> Looking back it's amazing any of us survived.

>

> About that time I went to a counselor to help *me*

> prepare myself for what I

> was certain would happen - he would commit suicide.

> It was this lady that

> told me some of his behaviors sounded like bp. I

> bought the 'Stop Walking

> On Eggshells' book, and also " Codependent No More'.

> Both books were a

> tremendous help & and I highly recommend them.

>

> Eventually his behavior spiraled out of control to

> the extent we had to have

> him involuntarily committed to the psych ward of our

> local hospital.

> Unfortunately nothing changed. He then began to

> really act out at home, and

> the final straw for his finance was when he phoned

> her at work and told her

> he had cut himself, trashed their basement suite,

> and was going to kill

> himself. She came rushing home to find the police

> there (I had called them

> after he phoned me!), and they were pointing a taser

> gun at him and telling

> him to either drop the knife or they'd use it on

> him. He complied.

>

> She set an ultimatum -- either get psych help (which

> he had previously not

> embraced) or she'd leave. He took a 4 month

> out-patient program, and during

> that time he settled down enough to

> slowly begin to take forward steps.

>

> However, our relationship has never returned to what

> it was before. He

> doesn't call here often anymore, whereas before he

> called sometimes 20 times

> a day. I also don't call him too often, and I had

> to teach myself to put a

> distance between my heart and his daily life. It

> was a matter of

> self-preservation.

>

> Okay -- now here the good news. He's been " stable "

> since last November. I

> often feel we're all holding our breath, too afraid

> to think he's over the

> worst (maybe even he feels that way). I can now

> chat with him without

> feeling any of that " blame " and negativity that was

> always present when he

> was at his sickest. I admire the strength he's

> shown to just keep putting

> one foot in front of the other. I admire the fact

> that he swallowed his

> pride and did attend the psych program.

> Considering he at one point was refusing ANY

> medication, I applaud him now

> for realizing his brain functions a little

> differently than is healthy for

> him, and in order to resume a life he needs some

> medical help. I hope and

> pray we will all continue to repair what was damaged

> during the past

> two years. I love him dearly.

>

> There is hope Cathy. Keep reading the posts here,

> and if you're like me,

> you'll be able to pull little bits of advice and

> thoughts from various

> people's experience, and knit them together to fit

> your particular

> situation. I understand your hurting heart.

> Everyone here understands

> that.

>

> Think positive thoughts, and know that you've done

> all you can to help.

> These sons our ours are adults now, and we must let

> them find their own way,

> as painful as that is. Keep the faith.

>

> Joan

>

> ----Original Message Follows----

>

> Reply-To: WTOParentsOfBPs

> To: WTOParentsOfBPs

> Subject: suspicious my adult son

> has BP

> Date: Sat, 06 May 2006 23:00:53 -0000

>

> Hi, I am a mother of a 24 year old son and a 14 year

> old daughter, I

> am suspicious that my son has BP disorder. I was

> wondering if

> anyone out there would read my story and tell me if

> they could

> relate at all and maybe offer some advice or just

> encouragement. My

> son has had some behavioral issues since he was

> young, such as some

> obsessive compulsive issues with cleaning, he has

> always done this

> it seems to relieve stress, he is a real

> perfectionist with himself,

> such as his appearance has to be perfect, he gets a

> haircut every 2

> weeks, he looks in the mirror obsessively, when he

> was in high

> school I remember him sitting on the coach all slide

> down

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