Doing things for yourself - was Re: YEAH!!! Shauna is back!!!!

[Guest guest]

Yeah these guys have pretty much given up on you. I mean they're cool

don't get me wrong. But they've probably tried, repeatedly, to find

out what you want to do and do it but you've just said let's do what

you want to guys. Maybe they didn't want to do what you want just

once and so you caved that one time and never looked back.

You just need someone to get in your face and say, " Listen I don't

care how much I hate it we're going to do what you want to do for the

next X hours and that's all there is to it. " You need the

empowerment. I know you've experienced with going to your movies

alone and all that and it sounds stupid if it's just some movie but

I'm betting even when you go to what you THINK is a movie you want to

see that you might even then actually be going to something you think

others like too but just can't find someone to go with. That's

convoluted and confusing but you almost need to choose something

you've never done before here. That way even if you hate it you have

to live with having done something you hate and that the other person

might have hated or liked (either can be bad if you hated it) and

deal with the feelings afterwards.

Doing things alone doesn't count. I take my kids and friends to

different things all the times. It's funny when they really like it

and start to ask me questions about it and I have to reply, " Look,

I've never done this before so you'll have to figure this out for

yourself or us together okay? " They're impressed that I've got the

guts to try strange things and guess others might like it. Sometimes

they hate it and I like it. Then I can choose whether I care about

what they think of the activity or if will make/suggest they come

along again.

Wow my head hurts now.

Mike in GR

> > > >

> > > > Welcome home Shauna. It is so good to see your name online.

> > > >

> > > > We all have busy lives and we owe it to ourselves to place

our

> > needs

> > > > first, If we can't take care of ourselves we can't be there

for

> > anyone

> > > > else. You have been and continue to be a terrific Moderator.

We

> > know

> > > > you have a job, school, family and personal life. We have

missed

> > you

> > > > but also know your plate is very full these days.

> > > >

> > > > Shauna, I don't have any words of wisdom for you. I too tried

> > to " do it

> > > > all " and my house of cards came tumbling down. I have

accepted my

> > > > limitations and do the best I can. I maintain a household in

two

> > > > cities as well as the myriad of stressors in my family and

> > personal and

> > > > professional lives. I have medical issues and good days and

bad

> > days

> > > > that accompany those maladies.

> > > >

> > > > It was very hard, but I had to stop being the " caregiver. " I

also

> > ended

> > > > unhealthy relationships with people who were takers and never

> > gave to

> > > > me when I needed their time and attention. Friendships should

be

> > a two

> > > > way street. People who are takers are " Draino " friends. I

don't

> > have

> > > > the time or energy to fix other peoples lives. I have seen

too

> > many

> > > > people in our WLS community have surgery to " fix " their

broken

> > lives

> > > > without wanting to do the work that comes with having a

healthy

> > life in

> > > > the physical and emotional sense. I am glad to see you are

> > tending to

> > > > your needs and creating a foundation for a more successful

> > future. You

> > > > are blessed!

> > > >

> > > > An important factor in finding some semblance of peace in my

life

> > was

> > > > setting BOUNDARIES. When I say NO, I mean NO!!! I don't

answer

> > email,

> > > > phone calls or faxes after the close of normal business

hours.

> > When so

> > > > called friends call me for legal advice, I remind them that I

> > don't

> > > > call them for FREE professional services unless they want to

> > trade or

> > > > barter. One hour of my legal help for a free

> > > > haircut/color/highlights....you get the point. Time is money

and

> > my

> > > > time is limited.

> > > >

> > > > As you can see, I am seldom online these days. My personal

> > priorities

> > > > come first. Don't worry about the boards. You take care of

you

> > first.

> > > > That's what post op life is about. Don't worry about catching

up.

> > Just

> > > > jump in when and if you have the spare time.

> > > >

> > > > My best to you always.

> > > >

> > > > Robyn

> > > >

> > >

> >

>