(No subject)

[Guest guest]

Hi Cathy,

Try not to look at it like your son is " punishing " you. He has a problem and

thinks very differently. It requires a lot of observation and listening. He is

an adult.

He may have backed off from you for a couple reasons: one, he may be hurting

and in pain. It appears per your e-mail he is having a hard time with

relationships in general, not just his relationship with you. Again, this has

nothing to do with you.

I understand your pain. My daughter is very distant and has done very hurtful

things. I try to get past it and acknowledge it is the disease at work, not the

actions of a healthy person.

It's ok to " mourn " the loss of your son, and to observe his behavior patterns.

Try to accept this is who he is and how he acts. Sometimes, these " kids " do

what they call " splitting, " They have a love/hate relationship with you. One

minute they love you, the next minute you didn't do what they want, they hate

you and leave you. That's their world -- unfortunately it can affect ours. We

do our best not to let it.....

I try not to take it personally, that my daughter does not return phone calls,

doesn't acknowledge my birthday, mother's day, etc. I accept this is who she

has become. Does it lessen the pain any more? Of course not. But it is

something I cannot change. She is an adult, and until she acknowledges there is

a problem, I don't see major changes.

Good luck,

Carol

-------------- Original message --------------

> Hi, I am a mother of a 24 year old son and a 14 year old daughter, I

> am suspicious that my son has BP disorder. I was wondering if

> anyone out there would read my story and tell me if they could

> relate at all and maybe offer some advice or just encouragement. My

> son has had some behavioral issues since he was young, such as some

> obsessive compulsive issues with cleaning, he has always done this

> it seems to relieve stress, he is a real perfectionist with himself,

> such as his appearance has to be perfect, he gets a haircut every 2

> weeks, he looks in the mirror obsessively, when he was in high

> school I remember him sitting on the coach all slide down and I

> asked him why and he said so that he would n ot wrinkle his clothes

> before he left for school. He has had tics since he was young, such

> as eye blinking, shoulder shrugging, tugging at his hat, his tics

> change all the time but there seems to always be one, but he hides

> it well from people who are not close in his life. He has always

> been quite moody, does not adapt to change well. But the real

> behavior issues have been in the last 4-5 years, he has only been

> involved in our lives for about 10 months out of the last 4 years.

> He got mad at my husband and I about 4 years ago, because we gave

> him some consequences for some actions he had taken, so he has been

> punishing us ever since, he won't return phone calls sometimes for a

> year or more, has never taken any responsibility for any of his

> actions, the blame is 100% of the time mine. He twists things that

> are said, recalls very differently than the way things happen . He

> is very much a control freak. He went back and forth during the

> last 4 years also with a girlfrient, he wants her for awhile then he

> wants her gone, then he wants her back, then gone, then back, etc.

> He has been extremely moody with her, up and down within minutes,

> has shoved her 5 times, very critical, extremely self, does not seem

> to see or care about the feelings of others. Seems to not see or

> care about his exclusion from our lives, what that has meant to my

> 14 year old daughter, to lose her brother, and no explination, just

> not in our lives, it seems as though he punishes people who do not

> cater to his self, he punishes them by pulling out of their lives.

> When I read about BP, it seems as though my son is a high

> functioning BP, I miss the son I use to know, I don't seem to know

> this young adult. Anyone relate, Cathy (a Mom who cares)

>

>

& gt;

>

>