Doing things for yourself - was Re: YEAH!!! Shauna is back!!!!

[Guest guest]

I tend to do the self sacrificing thing in pretty much all aspects of

my life and I'm going to try to learn to stop that. I don't know if

the weight loss will help with self confidence or not, but I hope that

I'll feel more empowered and can learn to say " NO " .

If I'm working on something at work and someone asks me for something,

I will drop whatever it is I'm working on and will help them even if

it means I end up staying later at work to finish my stuff. I

frequently offer to help others even though they never help me unless

I ask for it (which I don't do).

When I go out with my friends Bill and , we always end up doing

what they want to do. When I really want to see a particular movie and

they don't, then I have to see it alone or not at all. Basically they

make plans and I tag along. It isn't all their fault because I am too

chicken to give input. If I do suggest something and we do it and it

sucks, then I end up feeling personally responsible for the outing. I

guess I prefer to do what they want rather than be responsible for

everyone having a bad time. That's pretty pathetic, I know.

On the positive side, I'd be pretty easy to please on a date.

in MI

RNY 12/04/06

345/331/308/145

> > >

> > > Welcome home Shauna. It is so good to see your name online.

> > >

> > > We all have busy lives and we owe it to ourselves to place our

> needs

> > > first, If we can't take care of ourselves we can't be there for

> anyone

> > > else. You have been and continue to be a terrific Moderator. We

> know

> > > you have a job, school, family and personal life. We have missed

> you

> > > but also know your plate is very full these days.

> > >

> > > Shauna, I don't have any words of wisdom for you. I too tried

> to " do it

> > > all " and my house of cards came tumbling down. I have accepted my

> > > limitations and do the best I can. I maintain a household in two

> > > cities as well as the myriad of stressors in my family and

> personal and

> > > professional lives. I have medical issues and good days and bad

> days

> > > that accompany those maladies.

> > >

> > > It was very hard, but I had to stop being the " caregiver. " I also

> ended

> > > unhealthy relationships with people who were takers and never

> gave to

> > > me when I needed their time and attention. Friendships should be

> a two

> > > way street. People who are takers are " Draino " friends. I don't

> have

> > > the time or energy to fix other peoples lives. I have seen too

> many

> > > people in our WLS community have surgery to " fix " their broken

> lives

> > > without wanting to do the work that comes with having a healthy

> life in

> > > the physical and emotional sense. I am glad to see you are

> tending to

> > > your needs and creating a foundation for a more successful

> future. You

> > > are blessed!

> > >

> > > An important factor in finding some semblance of peace in my life

> was

> > > setting BOUNDARIES. When I say NO, I mean NO!!! I don't answer

> email,

> > > phone calls or faxes after the close of normal business hours.

> When so

> > > called friends call me for legal advice, I remind them that I

> don't

> > > call them for FREE professional services unless they want to

> trade or

> > > barter. One hour of my legal help for a free

> > > haircut/color/highlights....you get the point. Time is money and

> my

> > > time is limited.

> > >

> > > As you can see, I am seldom online these days. My personal

> priorities

> > > come first. Don't worry about the boards. You take care of you

> first.

> > > That's what post op life is about. Don't worry about catching up.

> Just

> > > jump in when and if you have the spare time.

> > >

> > > My best to you always.

> > >

> > > Robyn

> > >

> >

>