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academically bright & emotionally retarded

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Jean - you phrased that in a MOST interesting way. Right now I'm having

something of a meltdown...and typically, the 40 yr old BP daughter is acting

COLD

AS ICE. My husband is facing yet another flareup of his (colon) cancer...which

has now moved into the lung. Today he sees yet another Dr.

Yet she REFUSES to communicate with me... even tho I

phoned her last night (I know - bad move! - couldn't help myself!!!). She

professes

GREAT concern over him (TO him)...and you would think with me on the front

lines here we could have a conversation - at least about our (allegedly) MUTUAL

concern over him. I've tried to point out maybe we can have OUR peace prevail

at this point....but no communication has come from her - either via Email or

(heaven forbid!) phone.

I am normally a very happy outgoing person...but I feel

myself faltering.........- (non)

In a message dated 11/7/2005 7:32:05 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

cascorsam@... writes:

How they can be academicaly very bright and emotionally retarded, I will

never understand

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I am very sorry to hear that your husband is having to go thru this and you

along with him. I am thinking that perhaps your daughter is not simply cold,

but emotionally she may not know how or just be incapable of handling her

Dad being so ill. And avoidance may be the only way she can deal with it right

now. I know when my Mom was in the hospital dying from the chemo she was

given for her leukemia at only 57, I had a really hard time going to the

hospital to see her, feeling helpless and so miserable over seeing her fading

away.

The drug they gave her turned her into a vegetable (her brain developed a

virus that literally turned the brain to mush) for the last 5 months of her

life.

Being emotionally immature as most of them are, seeing her Dad vulnerable

might be more than she can handle.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Jean

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,

I am so sorry to hear about the problems you are having. You have enough to

deal with in your husband, let alone your daughter. It might sound tough,

but for me, I would concentrate my efforts and emotions on him. I think I would

stop my concern of her non-concern. He needs you and your support and needs

you to be strong. I think with less communication to her from you in regards

to him, she will come around on her own, looking to support him. I think

when our kids are requested of us that they should be doing something, they do

less of it. I remember the more I told my daughter I didn't like the kids she

was hanging with, the more she did it. When I stopped showing concern for her

picks in friends, she stopped hanging with the bad ones. I can't justify

their thinking, but this seems to work for me. I wish you luck and my thoughts

are with you and your husband.

DebbieL

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