Re: New to the group/Welcome

[Guest guest]

Hi and Welcome........you have come to the right place. My name is

Debbie and I, like most here, have been/are in your shoes. Know first, that

you are not alone and we are here to support you and help if we can. I have a

daughter, will be 19 on Tuesday. Spent five years on a roller coaster ride.

We have been good since April now. Ours is a success story so anything I

can tell you, let me know. What has/is your daughter doing? Is she

attending school? Or do you have trouble getting her to go? Is she on any

meds?

Was she diag. w/BPD? What other things might she be doing, any PTSD, any

eating disorder? Is she cutting? Share your story, it will help us to help

you.

First and foremost is setting boundaries for yourself, what you will and

will not tolerate from her, and don't be afraid to let her know. I too was

afraid for my daughter as you are, but remember this, they are very receptive

to

structure, thing written down in black and white. What worked for me

dealing with my daughter was I had to step outside the situation. Become

someone

else and deal with her as if she were someone else's daughter. I had to

completely change my way of thinking and dealing with her. I had to change my

REACTIONS to her ACTIONS. This is key. I drew up a contract of rules and

regulations, chores, and then consequences to her bad behavior. I sat her

down,

we went over the contract and the rest is history. It's a long road, it

won't happen overnight. I could go on and on. It takes a long time and a lot

of

self determination in changing yourself, learning to let go of the guilt,

the fear, the anger, the feelings of helplessness. You wish you could just

wake up one day and make it all better.

I know how you feel, what you are going through. Do you have a partner,

someone giving you support? This is important. Making sure you both are on

the

same page in dealing w/your daughter. I hope I have helped you a little,

could probably tell you a lot more. Do you remember when your daughter

started out with her bad behaviors, had she experienced some sort of trauma in

her

life? Anything, even the loss of a pet would trigger her BPD.

The key to her working on getting better is getting her thinking process

back on track. She is not computing things properly in her head. Her way of

thinking is so totally off balance, something we can't even begin to

understand. Keep reading, keep posting. Let me know if there is anything I

can help

you with. Be strong, remember you have to take care of yourself first if you

are to be any good in dealing with your daughter.

DebbieL