Daughter with BPD

[Guest guest]

I hardly know where to start. We have a daughter who is 38 years old (immature)

who is on a disability pension. We knew from the time she started school that

there was a problem because she never wanted to go. She was tested several

times by psychologists, etc.. No real problem was found other than she was at

the low end of the normal IQ range. Our concern was that we only wanted her to

be happy at school -- we weren't trying to get her to excel at anything just to

experience and enjoy what was out there.

Life was always difficult (even though we thought we were good parents). We

just thought she was a'difficult' child. We only found out about three years

ago that (through more testing iniated by our daughter herself in order to get

the disability pension) that when she was born the cord was wrapped around her

neck and she suffered some lack of oxygen (never were told this) and that she

has ADHD, learning disabilities, depression, anxiety and Borderline Personality

Disorder. It all makes so much more sense now. It hasn't helped us any but at

least we know there is a reason for this behaviour.

Tara lived at home until she was 22 but times were often difficult. One day she

didn't want to come with us to visit her grandparents in another city and was

running up the stairs with a small kitchen serated knife. We thought she meant

to harm us (now we know she was probably trying to harm herself) -- the police

were called and we told her she would not be able to live at home.

That was over 15 years ago. Many things have happened in that time frame. We

always showed love for our daughter and supported her any way we could. She has

an apartment that we help pay for but she just can't seem to live by herself.

We moved to another province last year to a more moderate climate (we're

retired) -- she is back where we come from 2500 miles away. That is where her

supports are. She was okay with the move at the time.

There always has been a new crisis every week. We just had her out here for two

weeks and we all had a pretty good time. She gets home to her apartment. Two

days later ends up in a shelter, says she was beaten up (cut lip, etc., possibly

self-inflicted). She wants us to come. We will not be going until May as we

had agreed before (I hope we can stick with this decision).

It's a bit comforting to find out that other people have gone through similar

situations.