Re: Parent of Daughter with BPD

April 17, 2006

Joan,

My step daughter tried to commit suicide back in

July of 05. She has been a cutter ever since I

moved in back in 02. She is also a meth addict.

Dan

At 05:30 PM 4/17/2006, you wrote:

>My 18 year old daughter has recently been diagnosed with BPD. Our family is

>literally falling apart and terrified after 2 suicide attempts and 3

>hospitalizations since Sept. 2005. I feel despair and hopelessness Joan

>

April 18, 2006

In a message dated 4/17/2006 9:12:33 PM Eastern Standard Time,

jhrobinson01@... writes:

My 18 year old daughter has recently been diagnosed with BPD. Our family is

literally falling apart and terrified after 2 suicide attempts and 3

hospitalizations since Sept. 2005. I feel despair and hopelessness Joan

Joan,

Hi and welcome. I absolutely know what you are going through, how you feel.

Read my post today back to Dan. My story, without all the gorey details, in

a nutshell. I feel your grief, sense of loss, frustrations, anger, guilt.

They will pass. I was on that roller coaster ride for 5 years and I'm glad it

stopped. You will be fine. Read some of the past posts too.

The details are more indepth. You need to set boundaries, establish rules

and consequences. Do you have support from your spouse? My daughter was to the

ER about 7 times for cutting. They appear to be suicide attempts, the

cutting is releasing their inner pain. When you get hurt, your bodies produces

endorhpins to ease the pain. This is what she is trying to accomplish. She

really doesn't want it all to end. This is their way of dealing with their

inner

pain. She's chemically imbalanced, was there a recent trauma that may have

triggered her behaviors? Are you getting her evaluated, getting her a

therapist?

ON some meds? Each time my daughter went to the ER, crisis intervention

stepped in and she was placed. Read a lot and educate yourself on the disorder.

The more you learn, the better you will learn how to deal. Is she in school?

Or done. Remember, too, she is 18, an adult and not longer your legal

responsibility. She must learn to face the consequences of her actions. Hang

in

there, there is hope, we are a success story and they can recover.

Good luck and hugs to you.

DebbieL

April 18, 2006

Joan R,

These are stressful times for you and your family. Continue with the

hospitalizations and therapy -- the time your daughter is not living with you is

time to learn about bp, change your reactions, try to stay calm (easier said

than done) and take care of yourself and the rest of your family.

With counseling, before your daughter is allowed out of treatment, they will

probably recommend a contract whereby your daughter must adhere to your house

rules, etc.

Is your daughter also depressed? Notice it is only suicide " attempts. "

Hopefully, she will learn from her mistakes and realize the type of attention

this attracts is not what she is looking for.

Has the diagnosis been shared with your daughter? How did she react?

I wish you calm and peaceful days ahead,

Carol

-------------- Original message --------------

From: jhrobinson01@...

> My 18 year old daughter has recently been diagnosed with BPD. Our family is

> literally falling apart and terrified after 2 suicide attempts and 3

> hospitalizations since Sept. 2005. I feel despair and hopelessness Joan

>

April 18, 2006

DebbieL, Thank you for your thoughtful words. All of this trauma with my

daughter was triggered by my husband being caught in a relationship with a

younger

woman in Europe...he travels there frequently. My daughter put a major strain

on our 20 year marriage via splitting, though we did not understand what was

happening. She was a bright functional student, high achiever, athlete, etc.

When my husband and I separated, she took my sleeping pills, but called her

best friend instantly. When she broke up with her boyfriend in December, she

took

an overdose of Celexa, an antidepressant. She called her best friend again.

She was hospitalized for 10 days then and also for 7 days in March. She sees

her therapist 3-4 days a week. She has antidepressants, anxiety meds when

needed. Sleeping pills when needed. Because of abandonment fears, she tends to

act

out when her father travels, which is frequent. She has been accepted to a good

college for the fall, but can't even get to school on a regular basis or

complete her work. She was a solid A student, now she may not graduate. I am

seeing a therapist, and she and I have done some family therapy. But she is

angry

and unpredictable. My 15 year old son blocks it out with video games. My life

has completely turned upside down and I am alone and terrified. Joan

April 18, 2006

Dear Joan,

Your short note spoke volumes. Please hang in there.

Read these postings to find out ways to get help.

Please do what you must to protect yourself and your

sanity. Are you and/or your daughter getting help

from a doctor experienced with BPD?

Best wishes,

Deborah

--- jhrobinson01@... wrote:

> My 18 year old daughter has recently been diagnosed

> with BPD. Our family is

> literally falling apart and terrified after 2

> suicide attempts and 3

> hospitalizations since Sept. 2005. I feel despair

> and hopelessness Joan

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

__________________________________________________

April 18, 2006

In a message dated 4/18/2006 1:03:19 PM Eastern Standard Time,

jhrobinson01@... writes:

She has been accepted to a good college for the fall, but can't even get to

school on a regular basis or complete her work. She was a solid A student, now

she may not graduate. My life has completely turned upside down and I am alone

and terrified. Joan

Joan, geez can I relate to you. Hugs your way. My daughter was no different

than yours sounds. With the contract last year, she finally finished school

and graduated w/her class.

She too, good student.

Can I ask what anti-depressants she is taking? My daughter too suffers

genetically from depression. They had her on zoloft. The zoloft works for my

dad

and myself, but we don't have any disorders. The zoloft didn't work for my

daughter while she had the disorders. It works opposite, she felt and acted

worse.

Also I used to only give my daughter tylenol pm as opposed to sleeping pills.

They worked good for her. But once she became chemically balanced, and her

thought processes straightened out, she slept much better. I bought her

HTP-5, mood balancer, contains serotonin which is an essential naturally

produced

chemical for our pschological well being.

Helped with her appetite too, as she developed an eating disorder on top of

it all.

I wish you well. I wish you had some spousal support. Does she really need

to know every time her father goes away? It's only going to conjure up old,

bad feelings with her. Is she able to communicate well with her therapist? We

went through quite a few of them before we found one my daughter could relate

to.

DebbieL

April 19, 2006

Debbie, My daughter is currently on Celexa. She was on Lamictal, which is

often used for bi-polar disorder. She recently stopped taking it as per her

psychiatrist. She claims she is feeling better now. She also has an anti-anxiety

medication and Ambien ,a sleeping pill, prescribed. I will look into HTP-5. She

is on her third therapist and says this one is helping her. When her father

travels, he is often out of the country and not available on cell phone. He's

gone for about 10 days so its hard to keep it quiet. Even if he is in the US,

both children seem to know his travel schedule. He is involved with the other

woman and only superficially involved with the children. He is certainly not the

man I thought I married 20 years ago. My daughters illness frightens him and

seems to make him run away even more. He will not accept any responsibility in

her crisis and says " I am not responsible for her mental health. " I am all

alone.

April 19, 2006

In a message dated 4/19/2006 3:40:10 PM Eastern Standard Time,

jhrobinson01@... writes:

He will not accept any responsibility in

her crisis and says " I am not responsible for her mental health. " I am all

alone.

Don't you just love the cop out they pull, the spouse that should be by our

side regardless of our relationship with them? Had this same problem with the

father of my daughter, who in fact is the one who instilled the trauma that

led to her disorders! Go figure.

Hang in there, I'm told God only doles out to us what we can handle. You

will be fine. I was in the same boat as you, thought I could never do it alone,

and I did.

DebbieL

April 20, 2006

Joan,

I have done a little bit of research on " mind drugs " . As I have posted before

my daughter had a quite variety administered to her during her 3 months long,

severe bout of mania.

She is obviously bipolar but for year was diagnosed with unipolar depression.

Her depressions were very deep, her manias almost unnoticable; except, during

her manic states, she starts to display some BPD traits. Those got really

noticeable during this past, sever mania though not as bad as many on this site

report. I might have been the only one who took notice of those in the past but

did not have a label for it.

She has been on Celexa for about 6 years and everybody thought she was doing

OK untill she flipped into mania this fall.

So, here is the lowdown on the meds: antidepressants alone ARE NOT GOOD for

manic depressives and also for BPDs. (That makes sense to me as her BPD traits

were so noticeable during the manic state).

BPDs may benefit from taking low doses of meds prescribed for manic

depressives. It may smooth their mood swings (outbursts of anger) and

impulsiveness. The drug of choice right now is Depakote. It has been around for

a while and does not have too many unpleasant side effects. However, it may

impait the the liver function, so the patient has to have that checked on

regular basis.

Another, newer drug is Seroquel. They are often used together. Lamictal is

also new. There are trials out on both of those.

This drug business is very tricky. Each individual responds differently and

drugs need to be very carefully udjusted. It often takes several doctors and

many months (if not years) before the right coctail is found. Also, they need to

be readjusted from time to time, as their effectiveness may wear off and/or

peoples' body chemistry changes.

I would definitely get a second and even third opinion from different doctors.

Please, do not give up and read a lot and educate yourself. Ask doctors

questions. Keep diary of what she is taking and what her moods are.

The last psychiatrist we have seen was very impressed with all the records I

have compiled. It makes their work easier and helps with correct diagnosis.

Milena

(the librarian)

jhrobinson01@... wrote: