Re: What if??? Debbie B

[Guest guest]

Debbie B

The answer to your question of would I be involved with her were it not for

my grandsons? I have stated many times, had it not been for the involvement

and strong attachment I have with my grandsons, I would have moved out of

this state ---------as far away as I could have gotten from her and given her

no

address for me. As soon as I was convinced this was her way of life, I

would have been out of her life.

But with the boys, I am involved. I will always be available to them. As

far as she is concerned, I am over the shock of this latest pregnancy. If she

dies having this one, she dies. Maybe that is really what she wants. I

don't know whatr she is thinking or how she thinks she will support all the

kids

she is having. She obviously NEVER uses bith control and as long as she is

with a guy, I guess she will be pregnant. SHe will be one of those white

trash womwn you see in the cities with a litter following along behind her.

But my grandsons will not be part of her " quantity " mentality. I intend for

them to be quality children with all the advantages in life that she and my

son had growing up. Only I don't " spoil " them as I did her. And I didn't

spoil my son. So I honestly think that is part of the problem or solution. I

teach my grandsons consequences and don't " rescue " them from unpleasant

situations as I always did her.

For instance, came home from school a few days ago with a little

radio with earphones that he got for bringing in boxtops to school. He was in

my

backseat with his seatbelt on and the earphone wires were under the seatbelt

and he got frustrated and yanked them. The result was that he pulled both

earphones right off the wires---destroyed them and since this was the only

means to hear the radio, the radio is useless.

My son is always telling that he is too rough with his toys. So,

when he started crying because they were broken, I didn't feel sorry for his

predicament. I told him it was because he was not carefule and once again

acted

too roughly with his possession. I told him this was a consequence and

explained what I meant. He asked me if I was going to get him a new one. I

told

him absolutely not. And that perhaps next time he would be more careful. I

told him I hoped he had learned a lesson. And I left it at that.

When was a child I can tell you all, I would have felt terrible

about the same situation and would have bought her a new radio immediately

because I would have felt badly for her.

Jean

[Guest guest]

Jean,

You ARE taking the " high road. "

Excellent lesson...the headphone wires...I think

and his brother have a chance if you keep doing

things like that.

...yes...its extremely frustrating she keeps

" yanking the wires " ...and " demanding you buy her new

radios. "

Seems like everything that could hurt you...she's

tried to hurt you....even to the point of getting

pregnant again...that you are a loving grandmother is

even being used against you...so...she can demand that

you to " buy her a new radio once again. "

Jean...I think YOUR heart is fine...where you will

walk is fine.

You're just seem tired of being asked to buy radios

for .

--- cascorsam@... wrote:

> Debbie B

>

> The answer to your question of would I be involved

> with her were it not for

> my grandsons? I have stated many times, had it not

> been for the involvement

> and strong attachment I have with my grandsons, I

> would have moved out of

> this state ---------as far away as I could have

> gotten from her and given her no

> address for me. As soon as I was convinced this was

> her way of life, I

> would have been out of her life.

>

> But with the boys, I am involved. I will always be

> available to them. As

> far as she is concerned, I am over the shock of this

> latest pregnancy. If she

> dies having this one, she dies. Maybe that is

> really what she wants. I

> don't know whatr she is thinking or how she thinks

> she will support all the kids

> she is having. She obviously NEVER uses bith

> control and as long as she is

> with a guy, I guess she will be pregnant. SHe will

> be one of those white

> trash womwn you see in the cities with a litter

> following along behind her.

>

> But my grandsons will not be part of her " quantity "

> mentality. I intend for

> them to be quality children with all the advantages

> in life that she and my

> son had growing up. Only I don't " spoil " them as I

> did her. And I didn't

> spoil my son. So I honestly think that is part of

> the problem or solution. I

> teach my grandsons consequences and don't " rescue "

> them from unpleasant

> situations as I always did her.

>

> For instance, came home from school a few

> days ago with a little

> radio with earphones that he got for bringing in

> boxtops to school. He was in my

> backseat with his seatbelt on and the earphone wires

> were under the seatbelt

> and he got frustrated and yanked them. The result

> was that he pulled both

> earphones right off the wires---destroyed them and

> since this was the only

> means to hear the radio, the radio is useless.

>

> My son is always telling that he is too rough

> with his toys. So,

> when he started crying because they were broken, I

> didn't feel sorry for his

> predicament. I told him it was because he was not

> carefule and once again acted

> too roughly with his possession. I told him this

> was a consequence and

> explained what I meant. He asked me if I was going

> to get him a new one. I told

> him absolutely not. And that perhaps next time he

> would be more careful. I

> told him I hoped he had learned a lesson. And I

> left it at that.

>

> When was a child I can tell you all, I would

> have felt terrible

> about the same situation and would have bought her a

> new radio immediately

> because I would have felt badly for her.

>

> Jean

>

>

__________________________________

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[Guest guest]

Jean--I did the same thing with rescuing as you did. I guess we

seemed to have learned something over the last few years dealing with

these kids of ours. I wish I could go back and do some of that

differently but guess I will have to take these lessons learned for

future situations. Glad to hear you have a focus with yourself and

house right now---it appears that you may be eventually raising your

2 gsons unless something gives. My dtr has also experienced 4

pregnancies, but she has had one miscarriage and one abortion.

Sounds like you are feeling more grounded-centered. I can tell you

are a fighter and a survivor--good luck--debbie b

I am supposed to get gkids this wkend--just got a call from dtr and

ex-father-in-law saying oldest is sick and vomiting, but I can pick

them up this afternoon. I have decided that if baby is still sick

around 3 p.m.--I will call and tell them to keep the kids and I will

get them another time as there is no reason to infect any more

people. After all, don't sick babies need their mothers--this child

has not been to the doctor in months to my knowledge. In the past, I

would have gotten them without question, but since the other side

wants to control they might as deal with unplanned childhood events

such as illness. Love my babies--debbie

>

> Debbie B

>

> The answer to your question of would I be involved with her were

it not for

> my grandsons? I have stated many times, had it not been for the

involvement

> and strong attachment I have with my grandsons, I would have moved

out of

> this state ---------as far away as I could have gotten from her

and given her no

> address for me. As soon as I was convinced this was her way of

life, I

> would have been out of her life.

>

> But with the boys, I am involved. I will always be available to

them. As

> far as she is concerned, I am over the shock of this latest

pregnancy. If she

> dies having this one, she dies. Maybe that is really what she

wants. I

> don't know whatr she is thinking or how she thinks she will

support all the kids

> she is having. She obviously NEVER uses bith control and as long

as she is

> with a guy, I guess she will be pregnant. SHe will be one of

those white

> trash womwn you see in the cities with a litter following along

behind her.

>

> But my grandsons will not be part of her " quantity " mentality. I

intend for

> them to be quality children with all the advantages in life that

she and my

> son had growing up. Only I don't " spoil " them as I did her. And

I didn't

> spoil my son. So I honestly think that is part of the problem or

solution. I

> teach my grandsons consequences and don't " rescue " them from

unpleasant

> situations as I always did her.

>

> For instance, came home from school a few days ago with a

little

> radio with earphones that he got for bringing in boxtops to

school. He was in my

> backseat with his seatbelt on and the earphone wires were under

the seatbelt

> and he got frustrated and yanked them. The result was that he

pulled both

> earphones right off the wires---destroyed them and since this was

the only

> means to hear the radio, the radio is useless.

>

> My son is always telling that he is too rough with his

toys. So,

> when he started crying because they were broken, I didn't feel

sorry for his

> predicament. I told him it was because he was not carefule and

once again acted

> too roughly with his possession. I told him this was a

consequence and

> explained what I meant. He asked me if I was going to get him a

new one. I told

> him absolutely not. And that perhaps next time he would be more

careful. I

> told him I hoped he had learned a lesson. And I left it at that.

>

> When was a child I can tell you all, I would have felt

terrible

> about the same situation and would have bought her a new radio

immediately

> because I would have felt badly for her.

>

> Jean

>

>

>