Re: Need encouragement

[Guest guest]

Hi Pam,

My story is similar (emergency c/s, vertical incision, similar

fears), except that my daughter is 14 months & I had my abdominal

myo 2 weeks ago today! I was a wreck, too, but it went better than

I hoped. My daughter was amazing the 2 nights I was in the hospital -

it has been rough since I've been home since I can't lift her yet,

but I do hold her in my lap & read to her which is nice.

I, too, was terrified of the anesthesia, etc. but it was fine. I

was also afraid of uncontrolled bleeding & hysterectomy, but with a

well qualified Dr. those shouldn't be concerns. Drs. generally use

a laser type instrument that cauterizes blood vessels as it removes

the fibroid so the risk of bleeding is low. Plus, I have red hair

and was told that we always bleed on them, but I didn't.

The anticipation is MUCH MUCH worse than the actual surgery. Like

me, you have a young child so there will be no perfect time to have

the surgery. I hope that you have a good support network to help

you out 24/7 while you recover (probably 3 weeks) - the 2 days in

the hospital will go by fast and you will be so excited to see your

daughter when you get home.

I had the added stress of weaning my daughter the morning of my

surgery (I had been trying for months but just couldn't do it) - she

did very well with it.

I had an ultrasound of my fibroid before my surgery as well as blood

work & an EKG a couple days before - those were the only tests I

needed.

I wish you all the best with your surgery. Good Luck!

~Cindy

> Hi everyone,

>

> Well, I go to the doctor tomorrow morning to hopefully set a date

for

> my myo surgery. I will be having abdomen surgery with an up and

down

> cut. They will cut right through the incision of my c-section

scar.

>

> However, I'm deathly afraid of surgery. When I had the c-section

> there was no choice the baby had to come out to survive and I was

> thinking more about her living then me. Now it's all about me.

>

> My fears are dying during surgery, having to have a hysterectomy

> because of too much bleeding, having a tube down my throat for the

> anasethia, leaving my 19mos old daughter w/special needs for two

> nights and recovery. So can you see I'm a wreck and the date of

the

> surgery hasn't even been set.

>

> Can everyone share with me their stories good or bad to help me

> prepare? Also when they set your date for surgery what other kinds

of

> tests did you have to have? I just had an MRI, but that is it. My

> doctor is familiar with the fibroid because he is the same one who

> did my emergency c-section. He is supposed to be one of the best

and

> I did love the care he gave me when I was pregnant and then went

into

> premature labor at 24 weeks. That's why I'm going back to him,

but

> no matter how comfortable I feel with him I still can't erase the

> fears I listed above from my mind. This will be my first surgery

> other than having my daughter. Please help just need to talk to

> others who have been there.

>

> Thanks,

> Pam

[Guest guest]

< Well, I go to the doctor tomorrow morning to hopefully set a date

for my myo surgery.>

It's not a bad idea to pre-prepare questions and take them with you,

written down. Ideal questions are ones only the doctor can answer.

Some possible friendly-phrased questions you may or may not want to

ask are:

How many of these types of operation do *you* typically do? (a ball

park figure will do fine) Do they often get converted to

hysterectomy in *your* experience, do they often require

transfuusions in *your* experience? Can you see him/her some weeeks

after the operation to ask in-depth questions about your

operation/fibroids that a gynaecologist can answer better than a

general practitioner? Can they put your mind at rest about potential

post-operation problems?

If the answers aren't helpful, do ask them to elaborate/clarify

further, as it's easy to feel like a rabbit in the headlights.

My (horizontal) incision just looked like a thin pink-red line and

at around 6-7 months post op, is scarcely visible. The marks where

staples went in left little dot marks that disappeared after x?

weeks.

It must happen a lot, with som many women having fibroids and C

sections. They'll be practiced at doing a tidy safe job. It's like

magic really the way they do such a good job. Other people here will

have had more than one operation for fibroids and other operations/C

sections.

You will be asleep through the whole thing. One minute you're

chatting to the anaesthetist and then suddenly they are telling you

you are going to return to the ward (or whatever). I personally had

no drowsiness at all and no sense of gradually phasing in or out. No

scary masks were put over my face. Two injections in the wrist did

it. When I was fresh out of surgery there was a mask thing that was

supposed to be giving oxygen. It was just like a small DIY dust mask

and I could eaily lift it on or off, so it didn't seem scary. In

fact I don't think the oxygen was coming out and I didn't feel I

needed anything like that. I felt just as you would if you wake up

early on a saturday morning and feel comfortably lazy, roll over and

choose to go back to sleep. It was a normal cosy sleepiness and my

boyfriend was amazed. I'd had an early start anyhow.

Admittedly some women have pain and nausea when they come out of

surgery, but not everyone does. The nurses are there to give advice

and medication for any eventuality. You can ask your doctor at this

appointment and nurses and (perhaps a different doctor) at pre-op

about what you can do to try and lessen/avoid nausea immediately

after surgery. Trying to avoid using the 'stomach' muscles as much

as possible is a good plan.

This is highly unlikely, since they do various tests and assessments

to make sure this doesn't happen and monitor throughout to respond

quickly to changes. They've been doing these surgeries since

something like the 1800's. In fact,there's hard evidence that even

cave men did brain surgery with their 'patients' surviving. Modern

technology, knowledge and skills are amazing and you'll be fine.

You can agree with your surgeon what you do and don't want. This is

something that most times doesn't happen, but they are obliged to

warn patients of what the risks are.

Yes take cough sweets into hospital, just in case your throat is

dry. Mine wasn't and I had no odd sensations in my throat or

throat /mouth problems. (So no problems despite my mum having a

narrow oesophagus, me having a recurrent clear the throat cough and

brother with a troublesome throat.)

She'll be in very good hands I'm sure, and you'll be back with her

in no time. I felt bright and breezy during visiting hours. You will

have a catheter and drip at first.

For most people it's much easier than they expected, after this long

drawn out period of worrying. My recent dental appointment for a

filling was worse because you are awake throughout that. Recovery is

as though you have pulled a muscle in your gut that only hurts when

you over-exert stomach muscles. This causes you to feel your normal

self but tomove carefully like an old lady (Unlike other injuries

like say, a neck injury which connects to every movement) you can

avoid pulling stomach muscles quite comfortably and naturally. Do

rest up properly though after the op. even when you think you're all

fine now, to avoid setbacks.

See cat's (my) myo diary on smartgroups UK

Diagnosis by GP with questions and internal physical examination-

>blood tests->external ultrasound->gynaecologist questions, smear

test & physical examination -> blood test for thyroid following my

comments-> pre-op questions, blood pressure, temp, chest

stethoscope/patting. Permission signing on day of the op.

Cool!

Bodes well

As someone said once, it's a sign of sanity that you're anxious. We

all feel that way. Avoid posts and sites that look like malpractice

stories and additional things to worry about you weren't already

worrying about. A lot of things simply won't be an issue for you and

sometimes a little bit of knowledge is a bad thing. The internet is

full of sensationalism. Let the experts do their job now. They'll

want you to have a comfortable time and a nicely done operation.

I had an abdom myo.

Aztek

[Guest guest]

I jist want to add to my earlier post that the catheter and drip were

put in when I was out, during surgery. Also whatever tube they

put down your throat - this must have also been put in and taken

out during surgery. I wouldn't have guessed they'd done this if I

hadn't read about it here. Also, don't panic if your stomach is an

odd shade of pink or yellow after surgery. It's only a dye they use

that washes off easily.

Aztek

[Guest guest]

Hi Pam,

I'm scheduled for an abdominal myomectomy next month and despite not

having a child at home, I am going through some of the same

anxieties you are. I can tell you that my mom loaned me a book that

she used prior to having her myo (neither one of us had had surgery

before).

The book is called " Prepare for Surgery, Heal Faster " by Peggy

Huddleson. It's about using relaxation to help you get through the

time before, during, and after surgery. There are several other

books out there too. Good luck!

-- In uterinefibroids , " pjkay720 "

wrote:

> Can everyone share with me their stories good or bad to help me

> prepare? Also when they set your date for surgery what other kinds

of tests did you have to have? I just had an MRI, but that is it.

[Guest guest]

PJ --

I don't think anything is going to move him. In my very humble opinion, he is

going to have to come around in his own time and in his own way. And while he

may not be borderline and she is the one with the disorder, it is POSSIBLE that

he has taken on the " fleas " the borderline tendencies or behaviors that she has

has.

I am sorry that you are having a tough day. JUST HOLD ON! This day will pass

and you will get to better days. Try to find something to occupy your mind and

your time if you can. I understand how difficult is to be " disowned " -- I am

living that experience, having been disowned by my own parents. My mother is

bipolar and has BP tendencies if not full-blown BP, which I believe is a very

strong possibility. Be that as it may, my parents want absolutely nothing to do

with me and haven't spoken to me in almost two years. The pain doesn't ever go

completely away but it does get better.

Kelley C.

PJ pj7@...> wrote:

Some of you may remember that on Dec 28 we send a positive and encouraging

letter to our son who has " disowned " us. So far we have no reply. Our

counselor has advised us to send him a short encouraging note once a month,

maybe include a picture that would stir a memory. The first letter would be

the end of February.

However, I find that today I am having a rough time emotionally. I am not

feeling real well with my CFIDS anyway. This does not help.

But what is going in my head is that we have been so nice to him when he is

really slamming us, all three of us, without justification. He owes us a

huge apology. Since he is not borderline but has been brainwashed by his

fiance I am wondering if our " make nice " letter will ever penetrate his

head.

But then I doubt a confrontational letter will get us anywhere either.

I guess I am having second thoughts though. I mean he is screwed up, but not

stupid. What if he senses that we are not being completely honest about our

feelings and just despises us more - like he feels manipulated?

Could it be that an honest confrontational - call it as we see it - letter

would make him stop and think?

Today is not a good day for me. I think we cannot win with this situation.

PJ

[Guest guest]

Hi PJ,

Hugs to you. Who ever thought our grown children would cause us so much

pain?? This is how I see your situation. It will take effort & forgiveness

on both your parts to heal this issue. When our son was giving us the cold

shoulder last summer I knew I couldn't chase him, but at the same time I

wasn't prepared to return the " silent treatment " . So basically I did what

your counselor

suggested: I sent him a short email every two weeks or so, just to say

hello and to let him know we

were thinking of him, and loved him. Nothing more, nothing less. I wasn't

going to beg him to

reconnect, and I wasn't going to apologize for setting boundaries that were

needed for me.

If needed I figured I'd carry on that way for a while, then if there was no

response from him, I'd send a note stating that I wouldn't continue to

" harass " him with my emails as he obviously wasn't wanting contact with me.

I had intended to end that email by saying we loved him, missed him, and

whenever he wanted to get in touch with us he could do so. I had also

intended to tell him that instead of sending him his birthday & Christmas

present, I'd donate the $$ to a local charity that I knew he'd approve of!!

I had no intention of apologizing for something I didn't do

wrong .... and I knew a confrontation email would make matters worse.

The bottom line is - as much as you don't like it - he's an adult, and you

can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. That doesn't stop the

pain you're feeling, but unfortunately it's your reality at this moment.

As long as he continues to receive your letters he knows he's got a " hold "

on your emotions. He's pulling the strings. But I too wasn't able to just

sever my ties all at once. I understand that. So maybe set a certain date

- spring/summer? - when you'll know you've tried YOUR best to bring matters

to the negotiation table, and you'll find the strength to set a boundary if

he hasn't responded. I do believe underneath it all they DO love us.

Does this help?

Joan

----Original Message Follows----

Reply-To: WTOParentsOfBPs

To: WTOParentsOfBPs >

Subject: Need encouragement

Date: Sun, 15 Jan 2006 16:42:06 -0800

Some of you may remember that on Dec 28 we send a positive and encouraging

letter to our son who has " disowned " us. So far we have no reply. Our

counselor has advised us to send him a short encouraging note once a month,

maybe include a picture that would stir a memory. The first letter would be

the end of February.

However, I find that today I am having a rough time emotionally. I am not

feeling real well with my CFIDS anyway. This does not help.

But what is going in my head is that we have been so nice to him when he is

really slamming us, all three of us, without justification. He owes us a

huge apology. Since he is not borderline but has been brainwashed by his

fiance I am wondering if our " make nice " letter will ever penetrate his

head.

But then I doubt a confrontational letter will get us anywhere either.

I guess I am having second thoughts though. I mean he is screwed up, but not

stupid. What if he senses that we are not being completely honest about our

feelings and just despises us more - like he feels manipulated?

Could it be that an honest confrontational - call it as we see it - letter

would make him stop and think?

Today is not a good day for me. I think we cannot win with this situation.

PJ

[Guest guest]

Kelley,

When I read that about your mother disowning you I was just shocked. I

remember reading this before and just thinking how nuts that is. You don't

expect your mom to treat her own child that way.

Yes, I see the problem with trying to do anything. My confusion still is

that he isn't borderline and that leaves the hope that MAYBE he can be made

to have some sense. He really never was like this before her. I think he was

too much of a wimp and took abuse. Now it is like he has gone to the

opposite extreme.

I keep thinking there must be something rational I can say to him. But maybe

not.

PJ

PJ --

I don't think anything is going to move him. In my very humble opinion,

he is going to have to come around in his own time and in his own way. And

while he may not be borderline and she is the one with the disorder, it is

POSSIBLE that he has taken on the " fleas " the borderline tendencies or

behaviors that she has has.

I am sorry that you are having a tough day. JUST HOLD ON! This day

will pass and you will get to better days. Try to find something to occupy

your mind and your time if you can. I understand how difficult is to be

" disowned " -- I am living that experience, having been disowned by my own

parents. My mother is bipolar and has BP tendencies if not full-blown BP,

which I believe is a very strong possibility. Be that as it may, my parents

want absolutely nothing to do with me and haven't spoken to me in almost two

years. The pain doesn't ever go completely away but it does get better.

Kelley C.

PJ pj7@...> wrote:

Some of you may remember that on Dec 28 we send a positive and

encouraging

letter to our son who has " disowned " us. So far we have no reply. Our

counselor has advised us to send him a short encouraging note once a

month,

maybe include a picture that would stir a memory. The first letter would

be

the end of February.

However, I find that today I am having a rough time emotionally. I am not

feeling real well with my CFIDS anyway. This does not help.

But what is going in my head is that we have been so nice to him when he

is

really slamming us, all three of us, without justification. He owes us a

huge apology. Since he is not borderline but has been brainwashed by his

fiance I am wondering if our " make nice " letter will ever penetrate his

head.

But then I doubt a confrontational letter will get us anywhere either.

I guess I am having second thoughts though. I mean he is screwed up, but

not

stupid. What if he senses that we are not being completely honest about

our

feelings and just despises us more - like he feels manipulated?

Could it be that an honest confrontational - call it as we see it - letter

would make him stop and think?

Today is not a good day for me. I think we cannot win with this situation.

PJ

[Guest guest]

Yes, Joan, this did help today. Thank you.

I think the short notes you are describing is what we have in concept.

Trouble is, I am not sure we ever set the boundaries, because he just

moved, didn't even let us know where he lived, etc. We never had a chance to

disagree with him or anything. It was all a one way street for him and no

entrance for us. He has slammed the door on us.

You see my concern is that a borderline would come back and be raging at you

and then you could say your piece and draw your boundaries. But he is not a

borderline. I can see where he will just keep the door closed indefinitely.

He will actually think he is doing a noble thing punishing us for " how bad

we were " even if he misses us. It will be a matter of pride that he must be

right to have treated us so shabbily. We must be bad for him to justify

himself. So do I try to shoot some holes in that?

PJ

Hi PJ,

Hugs to you. Who ever thought our grown children would cause us so much

pain?? This is how I see your situation. It will take effort &

forgiveness

on both your parts to heal this issue. When our son was giving us the

cold

shoulder last summer I knew I couldn't chase him, but at the same time I

wasn't prepared to return the " silent treatment " . So basically I did what

your counselor

suggested: I sent him a short email every two weeks or so, just to say

hello and to let him know we

were thinking of him, and loved him. Nothing more, nothing less. I

wasn't

going to beg him to

reconnect, and I wasn't going to apologize for setting boundaries that

were

needed for me.

If needed I figured I'd carry on that way for a while, then if there was

no

response from him, I'd send a note stating that I wouldn't continue to

" harass " him with my emails as he obviously wasn't wanting contact with

me.

I had intended to end that email by saying we loved him, missed him, and

whenever he wanted to get in touch with us he could do so. I had also

intended to tell him that instead of sending him his birthday & Christmas

present, I'd donate the $$ to a local charity that I knew he'd approve

of!!

I had no intention of apologizing for something I didn't do

wrong .... and I knew a confrontation email would make matters worse.

The bottom line is - as much as you don't like it - he's an adult, and you

can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. That doesn't stop the

pain you're feeling, but unfortunately it's your reality at this moment.

As long as he continues to receive your letters he knows he's got a " hold "

on your emotions. He's pulling the strings. But I too wasn't able to

just

sever my ties all at once. I understand that. So maybe set a certain

date

- spring/summer? - when you'll know you've tried YOUR best to bring

matters

to the negotiation table, and you'll find the strength to set a boundary

if

he hasn't responded. I do believe underneath it all they DO love us.

Does this help?

Joan

----Original Message Follows----

Reply-To: WTOParentsOfBPs

To: WTOParentsOfBPs >

Subject: Need encouragement

Date: Sun, 15 Jan 2006 16:42:06 -0800

Some of you may remember that on Dec 28 we send a positive and encouraging

letter to our son who has " disowned " us. So far we have no reply. Our

counselor has advised us to send him a short encouraging note once a

month,

maybe include a picture that would stir a memory. The first letter would

be

the end of February.

However, I find that today I am having a rough time emotionally. I am not

feeling real well with my CFIDS anyway. This does not help.

But what is going in my head is that we have been so nice to him when he

is

really slamming us, all three of us, without justification. He owes us a

huge apology. Since he is not borderline but has been brainwashed by his

fiance I am wondering if our " make nice " letter will ever penetrate his

head.

But then I doubt a confrontational letter will get us anywhere either.

I guess I am having second thoughts though. I mean he is screwed up, but

not

stupid. What if he senses that we are not being completely honest about

our

feelings and just despises us more - like he feels manipulated?

Could it be that an honest confrontational - call it as we see it - letter

would make him stop and think?

Today is not a good day for me. I think we cannot win with this situation.

PJ

[Guest guest]

Hi PJ

I remember your posts from before, My heart goes out for you, there is no

right or wrong way to handle our bp children. In my posts, my h has a 14 year

old d. She is doing us the same way. No matter what we do, she still treats us

this way, my h has gave up on communicate with her, he has sent her e-mails,

she deletes them, She has not been back to our house since oct. refuses to talk

to us. We have heard that she expects us to apologize to her, we have no clue

why, she thinks we should. As far as I am concern if she won't talk to us,

about her problems she seems to be having here at our house, our hands are

tied.

On Christmas day, she came with cloths, we pick them up, and went to my h

parents first to do our (Christmas) than we were coming home. We gave them

money, Less than two hours, she called her m, she came and got her and went

home. We haven't heard anything from her since. She came and got what she

wanted and left. Since than my h said he has washed his hands with her.

I know this won't help you, but no matter how hard we try to please out

children they are going to break our hearts. It looks like, to me you try to do

all you can do. It is now his turn to come to you and discuss WHY he is acting

like this.

You need to go on with your life, look after yourself, if you don't your

health will go down hill, I know it hurts, but you can't do anything about

what he does or don't do. When he gets tire of his life and open up his eyes,

things my change, Don't push too hard, you may push him completely away, you

have let him know you are here thats all you can do.

hugs to you and your husband

vickie

PJ pj7@...> wrote: Some of you may remember that on Dec 28 we send

a positive and encouraging

letter to our son who has " disowned " us. So far we have no reply. Our

counselor has advised us to send him a short encouraging note once a month,

maybe include a picture that would stir a memory. The first letter would be

the end of February.

However, I find that today I am having a rough time emotionally. I am not

feeling real well with my CFIDS anyway. This does not help.

But what is going in my head is that we have been so nice to him when he is

really slamming us, all three of us, without justification. He owes us a

huge apology. Since he is not borderline but has been brainwashed by his

fiance I am wondering if our " make nice " letter will ever penetrate his

head.

But then I doubt a confrontational letter will get us anywhere either.

I guess I am having second thoughts though. I mean he is screwed up, but not

stupid. What if he senses that we are not being completely honest about our

feelings and just despises us more - like he feels manipulated?

Could it be that an honest confrontational - call it as we see it - letter

would make him stop and think?

Today is not a good day for me. I think we cannot win with this situation.

PJ

[Guest guest]

PJ/Kelley C---Just wondering Kelley if your dad has disowned you as

well. I think you mentioned your mother's disorders, but I didn't

catch your father's situation. As P.J.'s son is with a woman with

issues and her son is now disconnected from his parents--I was just

pondering your dad's relationship with your mom and you.

P.J.--hope you are having a better day. Is there any possibility of

drugs being an issue with your son? When was the last time your

heard anything from him, and have you though about a private eye to

check up on girlfriends stuff.--hang in there, debbie b

> Some of you may remember that on Dec 28 we send a positive and

encouraging

> letter to our son who has " disowned " us. So far we have no reply.

Our

> counselor has advised us to send him a short encouraging note once

a month,

> maybe include a picture that would stir a memory. The first letter

would be

> the end of February.

>

> However, I find that today I am having a rough time emotionally. I

am not

> feeling real well with my CFIDS anyway. This does not help.

>

> But what is going in my head is that we have been so nice to him

when he is

> really slamming us, all three of us, without justification. He owes

us a

> huge apology. Since he is not borderline but has been brainwashed

by his

> fiance I am wondering if our " make nice " letter will ever penetrate

his

> head.

>

> But then I doubt a confrontational letter will get us anywhere

either.

>

> I guess I am having second thoughts though. I mean he is screwed

up, but not

> stupid. What if he senses that we are not being completely honest

about our

> feelings and just despises us more - like he feels manipulated?

>

> Could it be that an honest confrontational - call it as we see it -

letter

> would make him stop and think?

>

> Today is not a good day for me. I think we cannot win with this

situation.

>

> PJ

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Kelley C--Your story is an encouragement for those of us seeing our g-

children raised in very dysfunctional and sometimes unsafe homes as

you have apparently survived a very difficult situation to become a

responsible, caring person. I am a Hospital Social Worker and see

all kinds of family dynamics, but it never ceases to amaze me when

people such as yourself are willing to turn yet another cheek and

help a parent who was either abusive or neglectful toward their

children. I think it speaks powerful to the longing we all have to

connect and be accepted by our parents. I guess our bpd children

typically want the same, but that wanting to please a parent is not

quite so obvious in most as they seem to do everything possible to

send us reeling. Hopefully you have a good relationship with your

siblings?--debbie b

> > Some of you may remember that on Dec 28 we send a positive and

> encouraging

> > letter to our son who has " disowned " us. So far we have no reply.

> Our

> > counselor has advised us to send him a short encouraging note

once

> a month,

> > maybe include a picture that would stir a memory. The first

letter

> would be

> > the end of February.

> >

> > However, I find that today I am having a rough time emotionally.

I

> am not

> > feeling real well with my CFIDS anyway. This does not help.

> >

> > But what is going in my head is that we have been so nice to him

> when he is

> > really slamming us, all three of us, without justification. He

owes

> us a

> > huge apology. Since he is not borderline but has been brainwashed

> by his

> > fiance I am wondering if our " make nice " letter will ever

penetrate

> his

> > head.

> >

> > But then I doubt a confrontational letter will get us anywhere

> either.

> >

> > I guess I am having second thoughts though. I mean he is screwed

> up, but not

> > stupid. What if he senses that we are not being completely honest

> about our

> > feelings and just despises us more - like he feels manipulated?

> >

> > Could it be that an honest confrontational - call it as we see

it -

> letter

> > would make him stop and think?

> >

> > Today is not a good day for me. I think we cannot win with this

> situation.

> >

> > PJ

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

PJ--It is very understandable that you are in shock to the sudden

change of attitude and behavior which is why I asked the drug

question. It sound highly unlikely there are any drug related

issues, but I know people's perspectives, behaviors, attitudes, etc.

can change drastically with mind altering drugs. Some people using

drugs can maintain professional and personal lives to a degree, but

may still exhibit some bizarre behaviors. I found it interesting how

similar Kelley C parent relationship sounds to your sons. Glad to

hear you are feeling better. There is defintely some underlying

cause to your son's change and it may be as simple(of complicated) as

the girl friend's influence. It is quite amazing how that as humans

we can still succumb to the influence of others in spite of our

upbringing or education. And..thanks for your teacher contributions,

my sister is currentl employed in the Fla Educ. System and I have to

say teachers are to be highly commended (the good ones) for all they

deal with.---debbie b

In WTOParentsOfBPs , " PJ " wrote:

>

>

>

>

> P.J.--hope you are having a better day. Is there any possibility

of

> drugs being an issue with your son? When was the last time your

> heard anything from him, and have you though about a private eye

to

> check up on girlfriends stuff.--hang in there, debbie b

>

>

> Thankyou, Debbie, for asking. I am quite a bit better today -

back on my

> new mineral powder that is helping the cfs/Lyme amazingly. I expect

the

> depression and anst will lift soon.

>

> We got a letter from our son in July disowning us and blaming us

for many

> things. The things he blames us for are distortions but based on

some

> reality. Unfortunately he takes after me - a bit judgemental and a

> perfectionist in some ways. He used to be tender hearted and

emotionally

> supportive. Now he is just blaming. Both our sons were model young

people -

> never abused drugs or alcohol - top students. The son who disowned

us has a

> PhD in math and just got his first big job at a government lab - he

was very

> proud of this, but acted like we never valued him because he wasn't

making

> big money. Hey, he knew we never cared a rip how much money they

made. Money

> was nothing to us or we wouldn't have taught school all our lives.

>

> I guess it seems to me that his thinking now is so skewed and

irrational

> AND unlike his past attitute that there must be something we could

write

> that would wake him up. It's just hard to believe he can be so

different

> than he was all his life.

>

> PJ

>

>

>