Guest guest Posted January 19, 2006 Report Share Posted January 19, 2006 Well it has started. I make lunch for each day as I take him to his new Kindergarten. I also take my older grandson, to school as well. He buys hot lunch at school. Daughter's hubby threw a sissy fit today according to my grandsons (not their description). He was yelling at my daughter because I was making lunch for when he wanted to do it. Personally, I know he just doesn't like my doing anything for my grandsons and would love to have me out of the picture so he could abuse her and the kids again. My grandson said Will was yelling at my daughter and she was crying and yelling back at him. Great that he can throw his weight around when the jerk has no job and is living in my daughter's house, eating my daughter's food, etc. But I must keep my mouth shut. Although I did mention to my daughter that rather than the idiot having a sissy fit over making of a lunch, perhaps he might want to be a real MAN and get a job. I would love to have him put back in where he belongs, but the last time I did that was when my daughter stopped me from seeing the boys. Any suggestions on how I can keep my mouth shut? Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2006 Report Share Posted January 19, 2006 Jean, only thing I can offer is - keep thinking to your self - My daughter CHOOSES to be with this man. (though God only knows why, of course), and that GOD is letting him live outside the jail / prison cell for one more day. I wish I could say something to comfort you, and I hope this does. It was what I had to keep saying to myself, over, and over and over. And sooner or later things will change. They always change. Especially in a situation like this. Keep up the good work of making those kids sandwiches (which they wouldn't have if Gramma didn't make them)! Blondie In a message dated 1/19/2006 6:32:27 P.M. Central Standard Time, cascorsam@... writes: Well it has started. I make lunch for each day as I take him to his new Kindergarten. I also take my older grandson, to school as well. He buys hot lunch at school. Daughter's hubby threw a sissy fit today according to my grandsons (not their description). He was yelling at my daughter because I was making lunch for when he wanted to do it. Personally, I know he just doesn't like my doing anything for my grandsons and would love to have me out of the picture so he could abuse her and the kids again. My grandson said Will was yelling at my daughter and she was crying and yelling back at him. Great that he can throw his weight around when the jerk has no job and is living in my daughter's house, eating my daughter's food, etc. But I must keep my mouth shut. Although I did mention to my daughter that rather than the idiot having a sissy fit over making of a lunch, perhaps he might want to be a real MAN and get a job. I would love to have him put back in where he belongs, but the last time I did that was when my daughter stopped me from seeing the boys. Any suggestions on how I can keep my mouth shut? Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2006 Report Share Posted January 19, 2006 Bless your heart, Jean! I'm not the one to give advice about keeping one's mouth shut, but I'm sending you lots of positive thoughts!! deborah > Any suggestions on how I > can keep my mouth shut? > > Jean > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2006 Report Share Posted January 20, 2006 In a message dated 1/19/2006 7:32:31 PM Eastern Standard Time, cascorsam@... writes: Any suggestions on how I can keep my mouth shut? Jean Bite your tongue, lady! Anything you say can AND WILL be used against you. She will not appreciate anything you say. Each time you go to speak your mind, remember what it felt like not to be able to see the boys! That oughta work My best to you. DebbieL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2006 Report Share Posted January 20, 2006 Talked to my daughter today. Hubby thinks he may have a job. I hope he does get one, because perhaps he may feel better about himself and not be such a pain. If I took an objective view of him, I would say that since he has beeen in and out of the system since he was 14 and is 25 now, that he has never given himself the chance to be somewhat normal. ANd perhaps, if he gets a job, feels like he is contributing to his family, perhaps he can become a better person or just become a person, period. Stranger things have happened, right?????? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2006 Report Share Posted January 20, 2006 Pick pre-designated, neutral topics to discuss when your daughter starts complaining about Will and change the subject to that topic. Do it consistently EVERY time she brings him up. Do not discuss him. She chooses him to be a part of her life; you despise him. Neither one of those things is going to change, especially the latter. He's NOT going to get a job and you making comments isn't going to help. Comment here as much as you want -- we are here to support you and listen. Saying stuff to her will only make her dig her heels in and alienate her further. In many ways, she is like a kid -- she will go for what her mother hates; don't all kids do that? Sad but true. You could quit making lunch for , but I don't think you want to do that, do you? Just my opinion. Kelley cascorsam@... wrote: Well it has started. I make lunch for each day as I take him to his new Kindergarten. I also take my older grandson, to school as well. He buys hot lunch at school. Daughter's hubby threw a sissy fit today according to my grandsons (not their description). He was yelling at my daughter because I was making lunch for when he wanted to do it. Personally, I know he just doesn't like my doing anything for my grandsons and would love to have me out of the picture so he could abuse her and the kids again. My grandson said Will was yelling at my daughter and she was crying and yelling back at him. Great that he can throw his weight around when the jerk has no job and is living in my daughter's house, eating my daughter's food, etc. But I must keep my mouth shut. Although I did mention to my daughter that rather than the idiot having a sissy fit over making of a lunch, perhaps he might want to be a real MAN and get a job. I would love to have him put back in where he belongs, but the last time I did that was when my daughter stopped me from seeing the boys. Any suggestions on how I can keep my mouth shut? Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2006 Report Share Posted January 20, 2006 In a message dated 1/20/2006 2:07:27 PM Eastern Standard Time, cascorsam@... writes: ANd perhaps, if he gets a job, feels like he is contributing to his family, perhaps he can become a better person or just become a person, period. Stranger things have happened, right?????? Well, hopefully this is good news. One can only hope he sticks with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2006 Report Share Posted January 20, 2006 Jean, I conclude from what you wrote that you really love your daughter. I see this situation as a loving parent...her child (K)...and a bike (K learning to control her own life)...and maybe some traffic (K's H). The most difficult thing a parent can do is wait at the window...for the child to fall off the bike...or crash into a parked car that was carelessly driven onto the sidewalk. Its good that you understand you cannot ride the bike for her...or follow her around ready to catch her and keep her in your driveway. But good doesn't make it easier....or make it feel good...or make you less angry at terrible drivers in the neighborhood. This is one of those rare times love does not feel good at all. > cascorsam@... wrote: > Well it has started. I make lunch for > each day as I take him to > his new Kindergarten. I also take my older > grandson, to school as well. > He buys hot lunch at school. > > Daughter's hubby threw a sissy fit today according > to my grandsons (not > their description). He was yelling at my daughter > because I was making lunch for > when he wanted to do it. Personally, I > know he just doesn't like > my doing anything for my grandsons and would love to > have me out of the > picture so he could abuse her and the kids again. > > My grandson said Will was yelling at my daughter and > she was crying and > yelling back at him. Great that he can throw his > weight around when the jerk has > no job and is living in my daughter's house, eating > my daughter's food, etc. > But I must keep my mouth shut. Although I did > mention to my daughter that > rather than the idiot having a sissy fit over making > of a lunch, perhaps he > might want to be a real MAN and get a job. I would > love to have him put back > in where he belongs, but the last time I did that > was when my daughter stopped > me from seeing the boys. Any suggestions on how I > can keep my mouth shut? > > Jean > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2006 Report Share Posted January 20, 2006 One can always hope. I'll be praying for your family. Kelley cascorsam@... wrote: Talked to my daughter today. Hubby thinks he may have a job. I hope he does get one, because perhaps he may feel better about himself and not be such a pain. If I took an objective view of him, I would say that since he has beeen in and out of the system since he was 14 and is 25 now, that he has never given himself the chance to be somewhat normal. ANd perhaps, if he gets a job, feels like he is contributing to his family, perhaps he can become a better person or just become a person, period. Stranger things have happened, right?????? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 Jean, Trust me -- it takes lots of practice keeping our mouths shut! I had to work on it for years and still slip occasionally, although I'm guarded now. I ask my daughter if it's ok to give her a little advice. She usually says yes. Or, I say I have an idea and wait for her go ahead. I've tried to be less judgmental about people. I observe. In order to observe, I had to be quieter. I also worked very hard at changing my reactins to my daughter, as in not getting intense or upset, and I notice she doesn't rage at me (mcuh) any more. It all works. I figure since she has a hard time in relationships, that I, too would pull away. And not get so involved. Her decisions are her decisions. I just ask her if she thought it through. Usually in her own way she has. The more removed we become the easier it is not to say something. Some things are hard -- when it's in my home -- i did mention it wasn't appropriate to bring a man up to her room (she just met). She didn't see anything wrong with it. We also pick and choose battles. Some things just aren't worth getting aggravated over. This is who they have become. Good luck to you. Share your successess with us, Carol -------------- Original message -------------- From: cascorsam@... > Well it has started. I make lunch for each day as I take him to > his new Kindergarten. I also take my older grandson, to school as well. > He buys hot lunch at school. > > Daughter's hubby threw a sissy fit today according to my grandsons (not > their description). He was yelling at my daughter because I was making lunch > for > when he wanted to do it. Personally, I know he just doesn't like > my doing anything for my grandsons and would love to have me out of the > picture so he could abuse her and the kids again. > > My grandson said Will was yelling at my daughter and she was crying and > yelling back at him. Great that he can throw his weight around when the jerk > has > no job and is living in my daughter's house, eating my daughter's food, etc. > But I must keep my mouth shut. Although I did mention to my daughter that > rather than the idiot having a sissy fit over making of a lunch, perhaps he > might want to be a real MAN and get a job. I would love to have him put back > in where he belongs, but the last time I did that was when my daughter stopped > me from seeing the boys. Any suggestions on how I can keep my mouth shut? > > Jean > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2006 Report Share Posted January 23, 2006 My daughter's husband did find a job. He starts tomorrow. This is the first job he has ever had. As I have mentioned, he is 25 and been in the system since age 14-----in and out constantly. I bought him a cake and had them write, " congratulations " on it. This was with my daughter's permission. He accepted it graciously. Also, this morning she brought him to my house to shovel the driveway (another RI snow storm). I didn't even know he had done it. She called and asked if I had looked outside and I told her I hadn't. She said he had shoveled it for me. I was floored !!!!!! Maybe he will turn his life around. Hopefully this is not just wishful thinking on my part. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2006 Report Share Posted January 23, 2006 Take it a day at a time and take it at face value. It was a nice gesture and accept it for what it was. You did a nice thing for him also. I'm sure there were be peaks and valleys. Enjoy your shoveled driveway and don't think too much about the before or afters. Kelley C. cascorsam@... wrote: My daughter's husband did find a job. He starts tomorrow. This is the first job he has ever had. As I have mentioned, he is 25 and been in the system since age 14-----in and out constantly. I bought him a cake and had them write, " congratulations " on it. This was with my daughter's permission. He accepted it graciously. Also, this morning she brought him to my house to shovel the driveway (another RI snow storm). I didn't even know he had done it. She called and asked if I had looked outside and I told her I hadn't. She said he had shoveled it for me. I was floored !!!!!! Maybe he will turn his life around. Hopefully this is not just wishful thinking on my part. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2006 Report Share Posted January 24, 2006 What good news, take it one day at a time. Surely there will be backward steps but you are learning to keep your boundaries and your thoughts to yourself. It was very gracious of you to take the first step despite all your feelings towards him. We all need to do that from time to time. I'm very impressed that your daughter reached out to you in a kind way, see she does care and it probably meant more to her that you gave him a cake. If this works perhaps you should run for President and get some peace treaties going!! cascorsam@... wrote: My daughter's husband did find a job. He starts tomorrow. This is the first job he has ever had. As I have mentioned, he is 25 and been in the system since age 14-----in and out constantly. I bought him a cake and had them write, " congratulations " on it. This was with my daughter's permission. He accepted it graciously. Also, this morning she brought him to my house to shovel the driveway (another RI snow storm). I didn't even know he had done it. She called and asked if I had looked outside and I told her I hadn't. She said he had shoveled it for me. I was floored !!!!!! Maybe he will turn his life around. Hopefully this is not just wishful thinking on my part. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2006 Report Share Posted January 25, 2006 In a message dated 1/23/2006 6:02:56 PM Eastern Standard Time, cascorsam@... writes: Maybe he will turn his life around. Hopefully this is not just wishful thinking on my part. Jean At least, THIS TIME, you are in tune to what could happen. ON GUARD, as they say. And good for you and good for him. Hopefully this is a good start. Although you did mention before that the boys have told you they were fighting already. I'm sure his " good " behavior is your daughter's doing. She's probably told him to behave or she will lose the good that you do for the boys and her. DebbieL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2006 Report Share Posted January 26, 2006 Jean, I worked a few years in adult literacy. During that time I tutored a man, about 35 yrs old, who had spent most of his life in prison and had been an alcoholic. He had a job at the mill and came covered in cotton every week. He was reading at a pre-primer level. When we finished 2 years later he was reading at about a 4th grade level and had passed his driver's test and bought a car. He had a wife and two girls. I later taught his one daughter in sixth grade. At the end of our class program with a couple hundred parents there this guy came up to me in his cut off sleeved shirt and covered with lint - gave me a big hug. He had begun making talks to all the workers at the mill about how they could get their lives together. HUD helped him buy a small house, and his family was doing great. During the time I tutored him he told me that when he started the reading lessons he was an atheist. He couldn't see how there could be a God, as bad as his life was. But in two years he had come to believe because of the people like myself who had helped him. He was a changed man. Maybe you will see something like this. PJ My daughter's husband did find a job. He starts tomorrow. This is the first job he has ever had. As I have mentioned, he is 25 and been in the system since age 14-----in and out constantly. I bought him a cake and had them write, " congratulations " on it. This was with my daughter's permission. He accepted it graciously. Also, this morning she brought him to my house to shovel the driveway (another RI snow storm). I didn't even know he had done it. She called and asked if I had looked outside and I told her I hadn't. She said he had shoveled it for me. I was floored !!!!!! Maybe he will turn his life around. Hopefully this is not just wishful thinking on my part. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2006 Report Share Posted January 27, 2006 What an inspiring story. God can be found in the souls of the people we encounter in life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2006 Report Share Posted January 27, 2006 My daughter bought tickets to Sesame Street Live and treated me, Will, the boys, the baby, and herself to a night with Big Bird and friends last night. SInce I pick up the boys from school, I gave them dinner, baths and got them appropriately dressed for their big night. My daughter picked up the baby at daycare and Will from work (yes he is still working and they gave him a dollar raise after 3 days). We met at the theatre. I was tempted to tell her I would pay 1/2 the cost of the tickets, but I decided to let her treat me as well. It was her gesture, why should I ruin it for her. Though I do worry that spending $150 on frivolity when she has a hefty mortgage to pay wasn't the best thing she could do. But the night was fun. That baby adores her father and he adores her. I think they must have bonded when she was born in between his little vacations in jail. She was sooooo happy with him holding her. She is 11 months and this child was beside herself with joy to be in his arms. My daughter said that is how Emerson always is when she is with her Daddy. I am thinking this child may be the reason he turns his life around. He seems a little more relaxed around me though not as friendly as he could be, but I guess that is expected since I had him arrested twice since I have known him !!!! But the ice is thinner. I just hope this bubble doesn't burst. In truth, though, I just have a better feeling about him. My older grandson, , has been a horror show since Will has been bavk. I asked him what his lusy behavior is all about and he said he is not sure he wants Will to stay. He doesn't like Will telling him what to do. I'll keep my ears open to problems there. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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