Looking at pictures on this site

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Hi Everyone,

I finally made myself go to the photo section on this site. I have a

big thing about photos of myself and just never wanted to venture to

that part of this site.

For those who posted their pictures on here I applaud you.

Just an example of my current attitude/picture problems: Last night

hubby and me and my best friend, Dana went to a local restaurant to

exchange Christmas gifts. Before we left to go meet Dana, I gave my

hubby my digital camera. I figured I'd get some " before " photos with

me and Dana to have to look back on. However, when hubby pulled out

the camera, I motioned for him to put it away.

The same thing happened two weeks ago at my nephews 13th birthday

party with all of hubby's family and that's when I told them all

about that I was geting surgery, and why. Brought the camera, but

couldn't bring myself to take out the camera and have any pictures

taken with me in them.

I feel like lyn (who, by her pictures has dramatically being

transformed), in her first photo. She looks sad and even though I

don't know her, I know how she felt when that picture was taken.

I want to be able to look in the mirror and be proud at how I look.

I can barely stand looking in the mirror now.

I have to have my hubby take pics of me as a " before " privately, I

guess. I was thinking about Christmas, when I'll be with my side of

the family, and wondering if I should take some pics with my brother,

mom and dad, like " before " pics. I really can't stand the idea of

doing it, but I know I should.

It's hard feeling this way.

Can anyone share their stories with me? I know so many of you have

come so far....but how were you feeling say a month or so away from

surgery?

(By the way, I do see two different therapists and a psychiatrist, so

I'm trying to deal with these innermost feelings by talking to them.)

But it would make me feel less alone right now, if some of you would

share that with me.

I would appreciate it.

I swear......it seems like I have mood swings, because a few posts

ago, I was feeling really positive. Yikes?!

Hugs,

Cathy

310 (surgeon officially rounded it up from 306)!!!!!

Please respond. Thank you!