Re: Donna/Drowning

[Guest guest]

Donna,

That is quite the analogy. It sures sounds right, we have all been there.

Right now my daughter and I are ashore reaching out to the rest of you.

Hopefully our " life rings " are reaching you.

I haven't had any problems with the posts, although it does help when people

type the name of whom they are replying to and signing their posts. This way

we know which posts are directed at us.

Hang in there, I can understand your other daughter and her needs to get

away. It is very tough to live with. I was lucky, if you can call it that,

that

there were no other siblings at home when I was dealing with my daughter.

Although my father does live with us and it sure took it's toll on him. He

didn't have the option of moving out.

Hugs,

DebbieL

In a message dated 6/14/2006 1:38:05 PM Eastern Standard Time,

nlslovesme@... writes:

I don't know about anyone else but I am having a terrible time

maneuvering this website. I've just about stopped trying to read

post because I feel like I have walked into the middle of a

conversation. Is it just me or does anyone else have the same

problem? I really would like to be able to keep up so that I can

feel connected to someone suffering from the same anxieties that I

am.

I would like to say this: Last summer, when the worst of our

problems started and we were having a terrible time with our BPD

daughter, our oldest daughter moved out of our home. I begged her

to not go because she was our one constant ray of sunshine. She

told us that she just couldn't take all that was dishing out,

so she moved. Sometime later, as I was thinking about all that we

were going through, a thought came to me. I imagined that the four

of us (my husband, two daughters and myself) had been taken out in

the middle of the ocean and thrown overboard and left alone.

was thrashing around in the water trying to keep from drowning and

my husband and I were desperately trying to reach her but every time

we got close she would kick and scream and sling her arms at us and

tell us to get away. As time went on, we slowly became exhausted and

started to go under ourselves Meanwhile, our other daughter managed

to swim to safety. I know that sounds corny, but it is a perfect

analogy of how I felt about what we have been going through.

[Guest guest]

Hi Donna,

Yes, our younger daughter has been good at staying out

of her sister's line of fire. She took everything

with her when she went off the college. Our elder

(bpd) is back, but little sis is safe and sound in her

new home. When elder needs to go to the big city, she

stays with younger, but younger has house rules. So

she often seems rather cold, but I'm glad that she has

her boundaries in place. Dealing with big sis has

also taught her to keep her boundaries with her

friends. I miss seeing her (she was my ray of

sunshine, too!), but I'm certainly thankful that she

can pretty much take care of herself.

The analogy of being lost at sea is wonderful. These

kids make us all so creative. It's not corny at all,

and it helps you put things into perspective and

appreciate your elder daughter's point of view. With

her safely on shore, the rest of you have a much

better chance of survival. I often felt like the

whole family was in a cartoon-like whirlwind of

fighting, whipping around and unable to extract

ourselves. And I could see the younger one pulling

herself out until she could stand outside the

whirlwind. When I thought like that, I knew that was

where I wanted her. No need to have more involved

than absolutely necessary.

With distance, too, the two girls are actually

becoming closer, which is an added blessing.

As you read the posts, you'll become familiar with the

people and their stories and it will stop seeming like

someone else's conversation. A week or so should do

the trick.

Deborah

--- funnygirl1154@... wrote:

> Donna,

>

> That is quite the analogy. It sures sounds right,

> we have all been there.

> Right now my daughter and I are ashore reaching out

> to the rest of you.

> Hopefully our " life rings " are reaching you.

>

> I haven't had any problems with the posts, although

> it does help when people

> type the name of whom they are replying to and

> signing their posts. This way

> we know which posts are directed at us.

>

> Hang in there, I can understand your other daughter

> and her needs to get

> away. It is very tough to live with. I was lucky,

> if you can call it that, that

> there were no other siblings at home when I was

> dealing with my daughter.

> Although my father does live with us and it sure

> took it's toll on him. He

> didn't have the option of moving out.

>

> Hugs,

> DebbieL

>

>

> In a message dated 6/14/2006 1:38:05 PM Eastern

> Standard Time,

> nlslovesme@... writes:

> I don't know about anyone else but I am having a

> terrible time

> maneuvering this website. I've just about stopped

> trying to read

> post because I feel like I have walked into the

> middle of a

> conversation. Is it just me or does anyone else have

> the same

> problem? I really would like to be able to keep up

> so that I can

> feel connected to someone suffering from the same

> anxieties that I

> am.

>

> I would like to say this: Last summer, when the

> worst of our

> problems started and we were having a terrible time

> with our BPD

> daughter, our oldest daughter moved out of our home.

> I begged her

> to not go because she was our one constant ray of

> sunshine. She

> told us that she just couldn't take all that

> was dishing out,

> so she moved. Sometime later, as I was thinking

> about all that we

> were going through, a thought came to me. I imagined

> that the four

> of us (my husband, two daughters and myself) had

> been taken out in

> the middle of the ocean and thrown overboard and

> left alone.

> was thrashing around in the water trying to keep

> from drowning and

> my husband and I were desperately trying to reach

> her but every time

> we got close she would kick and scream and sling her

> arms at us and

> tell us to get away. As time went on, we slowly

> became exhausted and

> started to go under ourselves Meanwhile, our other

> daughter managed

> to swim to safety. I know that sounds corny, but it

> is a perfect

> analogy of how I felt about what we have been going

> through.

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

__________________________________________________