Guest guest Posted January 18, 2006 Report Share Posted January 18, 2006 Blondie, we think the fiancee is borderline. She just hides it well. We noticed that when she moved in with him she had a big fight with his roommate - a nice kid - and they were telling us how crazy the ex-roommate was. We wondered. Then we heard stories about how there was this crazy person at work, and that crazy woman lived up the street. Also, she would never allow her picture to be taken. So...I joined this list because I see signs that she is borderline. a PJ, I haven't been here very long, so forgive me if I am asking weird questions. What I am trying to figure out is, why would you seek help from parents of borderline personality kids if your son, and no one in your family at all is borderline? His fiancee is not borderline. In fact, not even codependency is in your family, you have said. Am I missing something? Was there someone you know/knew who has BPD? Was it because the counselors in your therapy group that you saw after the affair with the psychiatrist stated they thought you had borderline tendencies? That was an awful thing for a doctor to do, abusing trust, among other things. So far I have only heard bits and pieces of your story dealing with reactions, anger, control issues, con men, and manipulative behavior. Somehow I feel compelled to help, but these questions puzzle me. Please forgive my candor. There are so many reasons why your son might have stopped interacting with the family. Perhaps he is thinking that he needs alone time with the fiancee to cement their relationship. Maybe he is unsure of how she would react in a family setting. Maybe he is asserting his need for independence. I have friends who get involved in relationships and absolutely forget they have friends. (Or family) They spend every moment with the person, obsess about the person when they can't be around them, and talk about nothing but their relationship. (When it is new...) Then after the novelty wears off, they seem to come out of this trance-like behavior. Begin acting like they used to act. This is hard on others, since relationships ideally are a two way street. I am so glad your health is improving, and you say that you are not obsessing over your son at this time. That is great! Blondie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 18, 2006 Report Share Posted January 18, 2006 I get it now a. Many, many times my daughter thinks people are crazy, and she will state it in no uncertain terms. You didn't mention my question regarding relationships. Do you think he might just have his head stuck so far in the relationship because the novelty hasn't worn off yet? People who do this remind me of people in a hypnotic state. My friend hardly calls me if she is deeply involved in a relationship. (first 6 months or so) Then when she surfaces again, it's almost like... now who are you again? Blondie Blondie In a message dated 1/18/2006 5:07:21 P.M. Central Standard Time, pj7@... writes: Blondie, we think the fiancee is borderline. She just hides it well. We noticed that when she moved in with him she had a big fight with his roommate - a nice kid - and they were telling us how crazy the ex-roommate was. We wondered. Then we heard stories about how there was this crazy person at work, and that crazy woman lived up the street. Also, she would never allow her picture to be taken. So...I joined this list because I see signs that she is borderline. a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 18, 2006 Report Share Posted January 18, 2006 The fiance is thought to be BP. TxCoastGal@... wrote: PJ, I haven't been here very long, so forgive me if I am asking weird questions. What I am trying to figure out is, why would you seek help from parents of borderline personality kids if your son, and no one in your family at all is borderline? His fiancee is not borderline. In fact, not even codependency is in your family, you have said. Am I missing something? Was there someone you know/knew who has BPD? Was it because the counselors in your therapy group that you saw after the affair with the psychiatrist stated they thought you had borderline tendencies? That was an awful thing for a doctor to do, abusing trust, among other things. So far I have only heard bits and pieces of your story dealing with reactions, anger, control issues, con men, and manipulative behavior. Somehow I feel compelled to help, but these questions puzzle me. Please forgive my candor. There are so many reasons why your son might have stopped interacting with the family. Perhaps he is thinking that he needs alone time with the fiancee to cement their relationship. Maybe he is unsure of how she would react in a family setting. Maybe he is asserting his need for independence. I have friends who get involved in relationships and absolutely forget they have friends. (Or family) They spend every moment with the person, obsess about the person when they can't be around them, and talk about nothing but their relationship. (When it is new...) Then after the novelty wears off, they seem to come out of this trance-like behavior. Begin acting like they used to act. This is hard on others, since relationships ideally are a two way street. I am so glad your health is improving, and you say that you are not obsessing over your son at this time. That is great! Blondie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2006 Report Share Posted January 19, 2006 In a message dated 1/18/2006 6:07:21 PM Eastern Standard Time, pj7@... writes: Also, she would never allow her picture to be taken. So...I joined this list because I see signs that she is borderline. a, This bit of news is interesting. Won't allow her picture to be taken? What's up with that? Where is this girl from? Is she a local girl from your area that everyone knows? Or someone that's a newcomer and your son met her? This is very odd, because, first and foremost, people w/BPD don't " hide " the disorder, or maybe you are considering her " devil at home, angel away " persona as hiding. This would be BPD showing full fledged, AND, very surprised as my experience with picture taking is that they MUST be in the limelight. I'm curious as to why this fiance of his is " hiding " . Sounds to me she is running from something and doesn't want to be found. DebbieL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2006 Report Share Posted January 19, 2006 Very strange, Helen, as my daughter loved/loves having her picture taken. Guess that's the narcissism or being histrionic that brings that out. So many disorders overlap. DebbieL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2006 Report Share Posted January 19, 2006 My daughter, also diagnosed with BPD, has always been very reluctant to have her picture taken. It had to be " just so " to get it taken, and that, of course, never happened. The best I could do was get a picture of her with my telephoto lens when we were hiking. I'd take it early in my picture taking spree, and then when she realized the camera out and I was using it, she'd say " Mom, please don't take my picture " . At that point, I was glad to say " OK, I won't " because I'd already done it. In the days of film, you couldn't go back and " untake " it. Helen _____ From: WTOParentsOfBPs [mailto:WTOParentsOfBPs ] On Behalf Of funnygirl1154@... Sent: Thursday, January 19, 2006 10:38 AM To: WTOParentsOfBPs Subject: Re: PJ/ question In a message dated 1/18/2006 6:07:21 PM Eastern Standard Time, pj7@... writes: Also, she would never allow her picture to be taken. So...I joined this list because I see signs that she is borderline. a, This bit of news is interesting. Won't allow her picture to be taken? What's up with that? Where is this girl from? Is she a local girl from your area that everyone knows? Or someone that's a newcomer and your son met her? This is very odd, because, first and foremost, people w/BPD don't " hide " the disorder, or maybe you are considering her " devil at home, angel away " persona as hiding. This would be BPD showing full fledged, AND, very surprised as my experience with picture taking is that they MUST be in the limelight. I'm curious as to why this fiance of his is " hiding " . Sounds to me she is running from something and doesn't want to be found. DebbieL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2006 Report Share Posted January 19, 2006 Blondie, Our son is this kind, gentle person. His 19 month older brother is very strong and dominant. I think the younger son is using this powerful girlfriend to enable him to be strong - no matter what she does. Also, she has emotionally hurt him if not physically. She is the one who told us we would never see him again or know where they lived. I had just asked him for his new phone number and address the day before. I think he was going to look it up but she was in the room telling him not to give it to me. The next day SHE told us that " You are all so crazy I am not sure I want to marry your son. " She said this to me on the phone while he was listening in the background. I quietly asked to speak to him and he hung up on me. He is completely under her control now. He has to believe that everything she thinks about us is true or she will leave him. They have been together for 3 years, so it is not a new relationship. His contact with us over the 3 years has dimished. We can see where all of his separating from us is related to her. Keep in mind we only saw him about 4 times a year and spoke on the phone a couple of times a month. He was 27 and in grad school half way across the country. Once she told me she kicked him when they had a fight. I thought then it was just like a light slap or kick on the leg. I guess I cannot imagine violence. No one in our family is like this. I can't prove she is abusing him, but I know we are not the type to hit back. My husband and older son are very strong. Husband used to work as a state constable, and he will control someone who is violent, but he never hits or loses control of his temper. The sons are the same way. I probably need to stop writing about us for awhile. I am finding that the past 3 days I am not able to focus on my daily life and joy. Maybe this is a sign that you folks are right - it is not time to even think about writing our son again. Thanks for reading, PJ I get it now a. Many, many times my daughter thinks people are crazy, and she will state it in no uncertain terms. You didn't mention my question regarding relationships. Do you think he might just have his head stuck so far in the relationship because the novelty hasn't worn off yet? People who do this remind me of people in a hypnotic state. My friend hardly calls me if she is deeply involved in a relationship. (first 6 months or so) Then when she surfaces again, it's almost like... now who are you again? Blondie Blondie In a message dated 1/18/2006 5:07:21 P.M. Central Standard Time, pj7@... writes: Blondie, we think the fiancee is borderline. She just hides it well. We noticed that when she moved in with him she had a big fight with his roommate - a nice kid - and they were telling us how crazy the ex-roommate was. We wondered. Then we heard stories about how there was this crazy person at work, and that crazy woman lived up the street. Also, she would never allow her picture to be taken. So...I joined this list because I see signs that she is borderline. a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2006 Report Share Posted January 19, 2006 Our son was in Austin in grad school. We lived in SC. She is from Seattle and met him in Austin. We met her mom - a lovely person. Odd things we know: She has cut off other family members. Her sister said she would not come to their wedding unless it was catholic. She was married before and says her ex was abusive. We tried to contact her ex to ask about her. He got our message but did not choose to respond - not surprising. My take on the picture taking that it is a sign of extremely low self-esteem in spite of good looks and high success in her career. PJ In a message dated 1/18/2006 6:07:21 PM Eastern Standard Time, pj7@... writes: Also, she would never allow her picture to be taken. So...I joined this list because I see signs that she is borderline. a, This bit of news is interesting. Won't allow her picture to be taken? What's up with that? Where is this girl from? Is she a local girl from your area that everyone knows? Or someone that's a newcomer and your son met her? This is very odd, because, first and foremost, people w/BPD don't " hide " the disorder, or maybe you are considering her " devil at home, angel away " persona as hiding. This would be BPD showing full fledged, AND, very surprised as my experience with picture taking is that they MUST be in the limelight. I'm curious as to why this fiance of his is " hiding " . Sounds to me she is running from something and doesn't want to be found. DebbieL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2006 Report Share Posted January 19, 2006 We actually have one picture of our son and girlfriend which my husband took with a telephoto lens. We gave them a copy but it never showed up at their home or at our son's office. I guess she wouldn't allow it. There are no pictures of anyone in their house. PJ My daughter, also diagnosed with BPD, has always been very reluctant to have her picture taken. It had to be " just so " to get it taken, and that, of course, never happened. The best I could do was get a picture of her with my telephoto lens when we were hiking. I'd take it early in my picture taking spree, and then when she realized the camera out and I was using it, she'd say " Mom, please don't take my picture " . At that point, I was glad to say " OK, I won't " because I'd already done it. In the days of film, you couldn't go back and " untake " it. Helen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 My dauighter doesn't like her picture taken either. She doesn't smile a lot. She isn't happy inside. Carol -------------- Original message -------------- From: funnygirl1154@... > In a message dated 1/18/2006 6:07:21 PM Eastern Standard Time, pj7@... > writes: > Also, she would > never allow her picture to be taken. So...I joined this list because I see > signs that she is borderline. > a, > > This bit of news is interesting. Won't allow her picture to be taken? > What's up with that? Where is this girl from? Is she a local girl from your > area that everyone knows? Or someone that's a newcomer and your son met her? > This is very odd, because, first and foremost, people w/BPD don't " hide " the > disorder, or maybe you are considering her " devil at home, angel away " persona > as hiding. This would be BPD showing full fledged, AND, very surprised as my > experience with picture taking is that they MUST be in the limelight. > I'm curious as to why this fiance of his is " hiding " . Sounds to me she is > running from something and doesn't want to be found. > > DebbieL > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.