Guest guest Posted December 11, 2005 Report Share Posted December 11, 2005 Ariel, Actually, I have to send the contract from work tomorrow. I don't have it here at home on this computer. Hope you don't mind. I will send as soon as I get to work. DebbieL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2006 Report Share Posted January 2, 2006 That sounds great to me, Elaine! I hope it goes well! It would be nice if your daughter felt a little less " safe " with you, and therefore showed a bit more of her best behavior. I think this will help her to do that, and therefore she will simply do better herself. It's funny how they have to be " forced " to do the right thing! Helen contract Dear friends, I drafted the follwoing contract, amde changes with my psychologist and am now asking for your input. The idea of 2 is to separate the drinking, drugs from the abuse and the parts are radically different He thinsk it will help if she sees each as a consequence. Thanks Contract between Susie and Her Mom Contract 1. contents: this will come into effect whenever behavior is out of control i.e. drunk, drugged, combative, non- responsive. I will contact 911 and ask them to attend to Susie and assess the need for hospitalization, medication, or just time to calm down and to notify me when she is safe I will NOT purchase or deliver food, cigarettes, or any other requests until you are sober (24 hours) I will contact Children's Services and alert them to the incident. I will remove Carmika and bring her home with me or if she is with me keep her until 911 or Emergency declares you as safe. If required I will organize babysitting or bring her to daycare depending on time of day, events of the day, etc I will NOT answer my phone until I am alerted by 911 or emergency or for 24 hours that you are now sober If you come to my apartment before I have been alerted that it is safe I will call the Police and have you removed I will NOT stay and cook, clean up your mess, etc Contract 2. contents: this will come into effect whenever behavior is out of control yelling, abusive, etc. I will determine when that time is. There will be one opportunity to self correct before I implement the consequences. The first incident I will NOT Answer my phone for one hour The second incident I will NOT answer my phone for 2 hours The third incident I will take away one babysitting service If the behaviour continues I will only meet with you and a mediator to discuss strategies that we can both work with Good Luck Susie, I only want the best for you. May there be peace on earth and may it begin with me and with each one of us Elaine --------------------------------- Find your next car at Yahoo! Canada Autos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2006 Report Share Posted January 2, 2006 Hi Elaine, If it's a contract, Susie will have to agree to sign it. Even if she doesn't, I think you have every right to enforce it, so maybe you should present it as what you intend to do rather than something she needs to agree to. There's not a thing you're asking her to do for you -- you're just setting boundaries as to when you will agree to help her. Once she reads this she shouldn't be surprised when an ambulance shows up instead of her mother to take care of everything for her. (If she has been sober 24 hours, won't she be capable of buying her own food and cigarettes? I'm just asking. I don't know, of course.) Personally, I like that you will either remove or continuing caring for your granddaughter. It seems to me that will give Carmika some peace of mind to know that no matter what her mother does, her grandmother will take her home. Good luck with this!! Here's praying for some peace on the way!! Deborah --- A Friend helpbpdmom@...> wrote: > Dear friends, I drafted the follwoing contract, amde > changes with my psychologist and am now asking for > your input. The idea of 2 is to separate the > drinking, drugs from the abuse and the parts are > radically different > He thinsk it will help if she sees each as a > consequence. Thanks > > > Contract between Susie and Her Mom > > > > > Contract 1. contents: this will come into effect > whenever behavior is out of control i.e. drunk, > drugged, combative, non- responsive. > > > I will contact 911 and ask them to attend to > Susie and assess the need for hospitalization, > medication, or just time to calm down and to notify > me when she is safe > > > I will NOT purchase or deliver food, cigarettes, > or any other requests until you are sober (24 hours) > > > I will contact Children’s Services and alert them > to the incident. > > > I will remove Carmika and bring her home with me > or if she is with me keep her until 911 or Emergency > declares you as safe. If required I will organize > babysitting or bring her to daycare depending on > time of day, events of the day, etc > > > I will NOT answer my phone until I am alerted by > 911 or emergency or for 24 hours that you are now > sober > > > If you come to my apartment before I have been > alerted that it is safe I will call the Police and > have you removed > > > I will NOT stay and cook, clean up your mess, etc > > > > > > > Contract 2. contents: this will come into effect > whenever behavior is out of control yelling, > abusive, etc. I will determine when that time is. > There will be one opportunity to self correct before > I implement the consequences. > > > The first incident I will NOT Answer my phone for > one hour > The second incident I will NOT answer my phone > for 2 hours > The third incident I will take away one > babysitting service > If the behaviour continues I will only meet with > you and a mediator to discuss strategies that we can > both work with > > > Good Luck Susie, I only want the best for you. > > > > > May there be peace on earth and may it begin with me > and with each one of us > Elaine > > --------------------------------- > Find your next car at Yahoo! Canada Autos > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > __________________________________________ Yahoo! DSL – Something to write home about. Just $16.99/mo. or less. dsl.yahoo.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 In a message dated 1/2/2006 6:03:29 PM Eastern Standard Time, helpbpdmom@... writes: Contract 1. contents: this will come into effect whenever behavior is out of control i.e. drunk, drugged, combative, non- responsive. Elaine, This almost sounds as if you have accepted her bad behavior instead of telling her straight up her bad behavior will no longer be tolerated. I made my contract w/my daughter, BASED on her bad behavior, not accepting or anticipating it. It told her right up front the behaviors are to be NO LONGER. The consequences written in black and white, and much harsher. You would be surprised at her reaction to your rules and boundaries and consequences. Don't be afraid to be stern. Good luck. DebbieL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 Kudoos to you, Elaine. You are very strong.... Carol -------------- Original message -------------- > Dear friends, I drafted the follwoing contract, amde changes with my > psychologist and am now asking for your input. The idea of 2 is to separate the > drinking, drugs from the abuse and the parts are radically different > He thinsk it will help if she sees each as a consequence. Thanks > > > Contract between Susie and Her Mom > > > > > Contract 1. contents: this will come into effect whenever behavior is out of > control i.e. drunk, drugged, combative, non- responsive. > > > I will contact 911 and ask them to attend to Susie and assess the need for > hospitalization, medication, or just time to calm down and to notify me when she > is safe > > > I will NOT purchase or deliver food, cigarettes, or any other requests until > you are sober (24 hours) > > > I will contact Children’s Services and alert them to the incident. > > > I will remove Carmika and bring her home with me or if she is with me keep > her until 911 or Emergency declares you as safe. If required I will organize > babysitting or bring her to daycare depending on time of day, events of the day, > etc > > > I will NOT answer my phone until I am alerted by 911 or emergency or for 24 > hours that you are now sober > > > If you come to my apartment before I have been alerted that it is safe I will > call the Police and have you removed > > > I will NOT stay and cook, clean up your mess, etc > > > > > > > Contract 2. contents: this will come into effect whenever behavior is out of > control yelling, abusive, etc. I will determine when that time is. There will > be one opportunity to self correct before I implement the consequences. > > > The first incident I will NOT Answer my phone for one hour > The second incident I will NOT answer my phone for 2 hours > The third incident I will take away one babysitting service > If the behaviour continues I will only meet with you and a mediator to > discuss strategies that we can both work with > > > Good Luck Susie, I only want the best for you. > > > > > May there be peace on earth and may it begin with me and with each one of us > Elaine > > --------------------------------- > Find your next car at Yahoo! Canada Autos > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 Hello friend, I like your idea and gave it some thought. Below you will see I have added a few words and taken out a few. I changed the order also. I took out that you would take away one baby sitting as that seemed to ify of when it would be and also that she would use it against you. I changed the not answering the phone order so you can show faith that she will inprove. This is just another verson of what you have already. - blu_cricket My Statement This will come into effect whenever your behavior is out of control. Such as yelling, being physically and or verbally abusive, etc. I will determine when that time is. There will be one opportunity to self correct before I implement the consequences. I will tell you when you have this one chance. The Consequences. This will come into effect whenever behavior is out of control i.e. drunk, drugged, combative, abusive or non- responsive. I will NOT purchase or deliver food, cigarettes, or any other requests until you are sober and/or in control of your behavior. (minimum 24 hours) I will NOT stay and cook, clean up your mess, or see to your personal needs. I WILL contact 911 and ask them to attend to Susie and assess the need for hospitalization, medication, or just time to calm down and to notify me when she is safe. AND I will remove Carmika and bring her home with me or if she is with me keep her until you are in control of your behavior. If required I will organize babysitting or bring her to daycare depending on time of day, events of the day, etc Unless notified by emergency services that your are in control of your behavior I will NOT answer my phone. The first incident I will NOT answer my phone for 24 hours. The second incident I will NOT answer my phone for 2 hours. The third incident I will NOT answer my phone for 1 hour. The fourth incident I will NOT answer my phone for 24 hours. If you come to my apartment before you are in control of your behavior I will call the Police and have you removed. If need be I will contact Children's Services and alert them to the incident. If the behavior continues I will only meet with you and a mediator to discuss strategies that we can both work with concerning the safety of Carmika and your willingness to control your behavior. ====== Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2006 Report Share Posted January 6, 2006 To the author of the contract: good for you. It is clear and concise and gives you the control to determine your own boundaries. I hope it is successful for you, I used one on my daughter about 4 months ago and it has made a huge change in our relationship and her own life. She recently expressed to me that she realizes how much she needs the structure and boundaries clearly stated, it all has been murky and overwhelming for her. Best of luck. blu_cricket blu_cricket@...> wrote: Hello friend, I like your idea and gave it some thought. Below you will see I have added a few words and taken out a few. I changed the order also. I took out that you would take away one baby sitting as that seemed to ify of when it would be and also that she would use it against you. I changed the not answering the phone order so you can show faith that she will inprove. This is just another verson of what you have already. - blu_cricket My Statement This will come into effect whenever your behavior is out of control. Such as yelling, being physically and or verbally abusive, etc. I will determine when that time is. There will be one opportunity to self correct before I implement the consequences. I will tell you when you have this one chance. The Consequences. This will come into effect whenever behavior is out of control i.e. drunk, drugged, combative, abusive or non- responsive. I will NOT purchase or deliver food, cigarettes, or any other requests until you are sober and/or in control of your behavior. (minimum 24 hours) I will NOT stay and cook, clean up your mess, or see to your personal needs. I WILL contact 911 and ask them to attend to Susie and assess the need for hospitalization, medication, or just time to calm down and to notify me when she is safe. AND I will remove Carmika and bring her home with me or if she is with me keep her until you are in control of your behavior. If required I will organize babysitting or bring her to daycare depending on time of day, events of the day, etc Unless notified by emergency services that your are in control of your behavior I will NOT answer my phone. The first incident I will NOT answer my phone for 24 hours. The second incident I will NOT answer my phone for 2 hours. The third incident I will NOT answer my phone for 1 hour. The fourth incident I will NOT answer my phone for 24 hours. If you come to my apartment before you are in control of your behavior I will call the Police and have you removed. If need be I will contact Children's Services and alert them to the incident. If the behavior continues I will only meet with you and a mediator to discuss strategies that we can both work with concerning the safety of Carmika and your willingness to control your behavior. ====== Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help, @.... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT RESPOND ONLINE. Essential reading to help you feel better and understand the BP in your life are: • SWOE ( " Stop Walking on Eggshells”) and the SWOE Workbook (for everyone) • HOPE FOR PARENTS Call 888-35-SHELL () to order your copies. From Randi Kreger, Owner of BPDCentral and the WTO Online Community Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 14, 2006 Report Share Posted January 14, 2006 To: WTOParentsOfBPs HI all. I'm Beth; I've just been lurking and reading posts for quite a while, and y'all have been very helpful. Because of what I've been through the last year plus with my BP daughter, I want to caution you about getting what we call in land " Child Protective Services " involved with your family. The Reader's Digest version of our story is that our grandson Zachary was five months old in November 2004 when he developed bruises. He was a preemie (born three months early and weighing a pound and a half), and my daughter couldn't imagine why he had would have bruises; she knew neither she nor her boyfriend (Zachary's father) had hurt him. They took him to the pediatrician, who became alarmed and called Child Protective Services. CPS told and her boyfriend they were liars, that they had indeed hurt the baby, and took him away. Zachary was in foster care over the weekend; we went to court (, her boyfriend, and both sets of grandparents) on Monday. My husband and I became emergency foster parents to little Zachary. (Custody is different; we have it now, but only got it a few months ago. Long story, I'll spare you.) and her boyfriend were allowed to see the baby for one hour a week, and only at the Dept. of Social Services under supervision of a social worker (mind you, the baby is 5 months old, has only been out of the hospital with his parents for about two months; this is prime bonding time for this family) . was not allowed to come to our house, unless one of us took the baby elsewhere. 's housing situation at the time was in transition. She had been living with a girlfriend and family; that didn't work out, so she moved into the home of her boyfriend and his family. (She was 22 at the time, he is a few months younger than she.) That was pretty much intolerable, and eventually they threw her out with very little notice. She lived in her van for a while (from about February till June, when she wrecked it.) Sometime last spring, she became pregnant (different father); they stayed together just about long enough for that, then broke up. (Another long story, don't ask.) (Notice how everything is a long story with our kids?) ended up homeless and pregnant last summer, the hottest summer we've had here in about 30 years. She mostly lived in another car she had wrecked but not gotten rid of (because if CPS caught her in the house with the baby, they would take him away from us, too, and none of us would ever see him again.) She tried to get services from the Dept of Social Services, but somehow nobody seemed to be responsible for finding her housing. Now is Zachary better off than he would have been? Probably, although and her boyfriend were getting their lives together while they had him. But , and to a lesser extent her boyfriend as well, have suffered so much this year that I don't know that it balanced out. would have come home with us eventually if she could have, so Zachary would have been here anyway and would have been able to bond with her. (Long story.) I'd like to believe that our story is unique in the annals of CPS, but apparently it's all too common. I've met a number of other folks in this area with stories far, far worse than mine. If you really feel your grandchild is in danger, of course you have to call CPS. But be prepared for anything, and I do mean anything. Be prepared to either take the child yourself, or to let him/her go to foster care, or to never see him/her again. Be prepared to never speak to your child again. Be prepared to never see your future grandchildren. Be prepared to look over your shoulder for the rest of your life. God bless you; you'll need it. Beth WTOParentsOfBPs wrote:Contract 1. contents: this will come into effect whenever behavior is out of control i.e. drunk, drugged, combative, non- responsive. I will contact Children�s Services and alert them to the incident. I will remove Carmika and bring her home with me or if she is with me keep her until 911 or Emergency declares you as safe. If required I will organize babysitting or bring her to daycare depending on time of day, events of the day, etc --------------------------------- Yahoo! Photos Ring in the New Year with Photo Calendars. Add photos, events, holidays, whatever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 6, 2006 Report Share Posted February 6, 2006 In a message dated 2/6/2006 12:28:27 PM Eastern Standard Time, phil_missy@... writes: Would you mind sharing your contract with me? , I will send mine to you. I have to email you direct with it as the group email won't accept attachements. Is this okay with you? DebbieL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 6, 2006 Report Share Posted February 6, 2006 Yes, that would be great > In a message dated 2/6/2006 12:28:27 PM Eastern Standard Time, > phil_missy@... writes: > Would you mind sharing your contract with me? > > , > > I will send mine to you. I have to email you direct with it as the group > email won't accept attachements. Is this okay with you? > > DebbieL > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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