Re: I'm new

[Guest guest]

Hi! I had the endo biopsy after I had my 1st gushing episode. I

didn't take tylenol before either. I didn't know that it would be a

bit uncomfortable so it was a good thing. Actually, it wasn't that

bad. A bit longer than just a pap smear. They have to scrape the

lining and see how thick it is. I was fine, no cancer, just a

problem fibroid. I had a UFE about 4 months ago. No more

bleeding. I am finally getting on with my life!

Jen

-- In uterinefibroids , " leialoha2u2004 "

wrote:

>Anyone can preview me to my biopsy would be very welcomed!

[Guest guest]

Thank you for your reply-my results came back and its not CA-yea!

Im skeduled for a ultrasound next week thursday-picture-taking time-SMILE!!!

Cat

jenficks jenficks@...> wrote:

I had the endo biopsy after I had my 1st gushing episode.

I was fine, no cancer, just a problem fibroid.

I had a UFE about 4 months ago. No more bleeding.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/14/2006 12:30:15 PM Eastern Standard Time,

jovet218@... writes:

Hi,

My daughter will turn 18 in May. We are in Alabama. I noticed that you said

your daughter " was " a cutter? Has she stopped??

Hello there, saw your post to le, thought I'd answer too. My daughter

is 19, and she " was " a cutter. She is now so ashamed of herself, she covers

her scars. But, she didn't know why she did it when she was sick and she tells

me she couldn't help herself. Tbey do it to release the natural endorphins

in their systems. Endorphins subdue pain. The cutting relieves their inner

pain.

But to me it was a phase of the disorder, she didn't do it for long and then

she stopped. But she wasn't better yet when she stopped. She also suffered

through an eating disorder, which, again, I felt was a phase of the disorder.

She had also stopped that before she got better. Hope this helps.

DebbieL

[Guest guest]

When you mentioned that your daughter was ADHD you made me remember a news

clip I saw the other night. Kids who take Ritalin are at a higher risk for

heart attacks and death. Did anyone else see that on the Evening News. It was

quite shocking since it seems to be a drug that has been prescribed for at

least 30 years.

[Guest guest]

en: Welcome to the group and my heart goes out to you and your family. I

have a 16 year old daughter, who like yours, was a cutter (among many other

things). When will your daughter turn 18? And if you don't mind telling me,

what state are you in. You have found the right group.

I'm new

I have been searching for a support group for parent's of BPs and i

hope I am in the right place. My 17 year old daughter was diagnosed

the end of December with BPD. Here is my story leading up to this....

's dad left when she was 8, leaving behind Krsitn, myself and

her 4 year old sister, . Looking back, has always had

a hard time expressing herself. She has always had it in for

. Through the years I thought it was just that was

a " bratty sister. " Most of the time anything she did or said caused

anger in . I was blamed frequently for not " doing my job " as

a parent. In any case, their dad re-married in 99. The girls knew of

the engagement but found out of the actual nuptials via a postcard

from Vegas. Their dad lives out of state. Fast forward to 2001. This

is when I met and married him in 2002. The girls did not meet

him for 3 months after we started dating when I realized we were

getting serious. We invloved them totally from the beginning with

the wedding. They were accepting of it all for the most part. It was

an easier transition that either of us thought. We have had our ups

and downs mind you and things are not perfect...just not the

horrible blended stepfamily that we had read about. One year later,

in July 2003, 's dad,who was in poor health, died of a massive

heart attack. Two weeks later his mother was diagnosed with lung

cancer and died exactly 8 weeks to the day that his dad died. Both

girls had a good relationship with his parents and their deaths were

horriblw blows. wrote a poem and read it at PaPa's funeral

and MawMaw was very proud of her. In Feb. 2004, my grandmother who

had been living with my mom for over a year due to failing health,

died. We had all been a huge part of her last year, so that too was

a huge blow. In June 2004, the girl's father wanted them to spend 6

weeks with him and his family. He would allow them to come home

after 4 weeks to attend a memorial service in PA for my grandmother

(she was vreamated and ultimately buried there beside my

grandfather). After being with him for 3 weeks, started

calling me from her cell phone late at night. She wanted to come

home but was afraid of disappointing her dad. has always

called me during vists, but never Krsitin. After a couple of nights

of this, and I decided to go and get them. Needless to say,

her dad was ROYALLY PISSED but let them leave. He threw their things

in the back of my van and just left in anger. The girls thanked us

for coming and they were relieved. Apparently, this trip with him

was the beginning of her cutting but we didn't know it at the time.

She did not speak to her dad until Christmas and they had a huge

blow up on New Year's Eve, She came home and grabbed a knife,

threatening to use it. Her best friend, was here and knocked

it out of her hand. I still didn't have a clue. February of

2005...she had come home from school. She was still wearing her

school uniform. I noticed blood on the collar which she said was

from a cat scratch. She was working at a pet store at the time and

it had happened there. I told her to take her shirt off so I could

spot treat the blood. She didn't want to but I got irritated and so

she did. She took it off right in front of me. All I remember at

that moment were the horrible cuts on her upper arms/cchest and how

many there were. I remember being mad at her, thinking normally that

this was a failed suicide attempt. I understand now that this is the

way a lot of parents think when they 1st learn. I was then scared.

The fact that these were only scratches this time, she was not

hospitalized. We were in a transition with medical insurance at

themt ime (I had none since leaving my job of 10 years for a new

position and I was still under probabtion). The next month, March

2005, she cut herslef so badly that she came to me at my job for

medical assistance. She had carved her arms terribly. This was the

true begininng to her story. I had read the many ER's treat self

injurers with disdain and I didn't want to put either of us through

that. I took her to an acute care clinic up the street from our

house. We had met one of the docs there before and liked him. He was

there when we arrived and we were promptly taken to the back where

he sewed up her arms with care and concern. We had an appointment

that afternoon at a new mental health facility so that is where we

went after leaving. After her assessment there, she was sent to

another city to a psychiatric care center (there is no place in our

city that treats adolescents). She spent a week there. Things were

up and down following that stay. She missed alot of her 11th grade

school year, but with the help of a tutor and many loving teachers

(she was attending a private Christian school) she passed the 11th

grade. She was still working off and on even though there were more

cutting incidents and she even did it at work and school. In Oct.

2005, after another major incident, she spent another week at a

different facility. There she had a lot of testing done and was

dianosed with severe depression and anxiety, OCD, ADHD, and

psychosis. She was put on 4 different medications and discharged.

Again, things were up and down, better and worse. She decided to

spend a week over Christmas with her dad this past Decemeber. Her

dad was told that she had to be reminded twice daily to take her

meds. She is very forgetful. She came home the day after Christmas.

She got upset over some small something (it was small to us) and

overdosed on her meds that had NOT been taked for 6 days that she

was gone. She had her stomach pumped at the ER and spent the night

in the ICU where she could be monitored. She was then sent back to

the 1st facility that she went to in March (we call it the " Time-

out " clinic). The psychiatrist there took her off all of her meds

and told her that she had to learn responsibility for herself and

her treatment. I thought that was pretty harsh at the time but I now

it was a good thing since she now knows that she really does feel

better when on her meds and is good about taking the meds now. She

also was diagnosed at that time with BPD. Her last major inicdent

was 2 weeks ago when she was alone with her sister for less that 10

mintues. She got mad and punched . She then felt guilty and

proceded to not only cut herself, but slash herself. and I

came home to screaming. We found her in her room, on her knees,

covered in blood. There was blood all over the floor and sprayed

things. When I asked what had happened, she only said that she had

hurt . We ran to make sure was ok. She was physically

ok and,of course, then our attnentions were turned to Krsitin. I

thought she ahd cut her eye out. Her left eye was covered with

blood. Daid grabbed a towel and she held it to her face while I

drove like a maniac to the ER. She thankfully did not cut her eye,

but took 7 stitches above it. She had 2 smaller cuts under her eye

and 2 on her neck. The other cuts were to her lower arms and took

stitiches there also. To make a long story short (my hand is

cramping...HA) she is staying with my mom and dad, away from her

sister. I made a " contract " wit her. She starts a new therapist on

the 24th who does dialectical behavior therapy. We are in the

process of switching psych/therapists again since I now have

insuarnace. Her " old " psych wants us to have her involuntarily

comitted for 30 days but I don't know. I don't want to send her some

place for anohter " time out. " In the contract that I made with her

it states that if she so much as scracthes herslef, she will be

committed. It wasn't a threat, just a reality. I want her to try to

finish school. She had to withdraw from the school where she had

attended since 7th grade and is now enrolled in a school that she

attends 3 days a week. She did well last week until yesterday, She

has become a recluse. She draws and writes which is great but she

also has no other friends besides . She has made a lot

of " friends " online and they play a role palying game. These are

her " friends " and even though she has been told by her psych that

she has lost touch with reality when she is on the computer. So I

have limited her time. She got angry yesterday when I told her it

was time to get off. She has a warning time and then she went over

that so when she ignored me I turned it off. Things turned violent.

Many times she has gotten violent with the entire family when we

limited her online time. The chat rooms seem to be a drug to her and

taking that away or limiting it causes her to act like someone with

a drug addiction. She claims it is her " right " to be online and

can't understand why she cannot get more time. She had the last

meeting with her " old " psych today. He still wants me to commit

her....Boy did I write a novel. Sorry to ramble...Thanks for any

input. en

Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help, @.... SEND

HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT RESPOND ONLINE.

Essential reading to help you feel better and understand the BP in your life

are:

SWOE ( " Stop Walking on Eggshells) and the SWOE Workbook (for everyone)

HOPE FOR PARENTS

Call 888-35-SHELL () to order your copies.

From Randi Kreger, Owner of BPDCentral and the WTO Online Community

[Guest guest]

Hi,

My daughter will turn 18 in May. We are in Alabama. I noticed that you said

your daughter " was " a cutter? Has she stopped??

e rachelebohnet@...> wrote:

en: Welcome to the group and my heart goes out to you and your family. I

have a 16 year old daughter, who like yours, was a cutter (among many other

things). When will your daughter turn 18? And if you don't mind telling me,

what state are you in. You have found the right group.

I'm new

I have been searching for a support group for parent's of BPs and i

hope I am in the right place. My 17 year old daughter was diagnosed

the end of December with BPD. Here is my story leading up to this....

's dad left when she was 8, leaving behind Krsitn, myself and

her 4 year old sister, . Looking back, has always had

a hard time expressing herself. She has always had it in for

. Through the years I thought it was just that was

a " bratty sister. " Most of the time anything she did or said caused

anger in . I was blamed frequently for not " doing my job " as

a parent. In any case, their dad re-married in 99. The girls knew of

the engagement but found out of the actual nuptials via a postcard

from Vegas. Their dad lives out of state. Fast forward to 2001. This

is when I met and married him in 2002. The girls did not meet

him for 3 months after we started dating when I realized we were

getting serious. We invloved them totally from the beginning with

the wedding. They were accepting of it all for the most part. It was

an easier transition that either of us thought. We have had our ups

and downs mind you and things are not perfect...just not the

horrible blended stepfamily that we had read about. One year later,

in July 2003, 's dad,who was in poor health, died of a massive

heart attack. Two weeks later his mother was diagnosed with lung

cancer and died exactly 8 weeks to the day that his dad died. Both

girls had a good relationship with his parents and their deaths were

horriblw blows. wrote a poem and read it at PaPa's funeral

and MawMaw was very proud of her. In Feb. 2004, my grandmother who

had been living with my mom for over a year due to failing health,

died. We had all been a huge part of her last year, so that too was

a huge blow. In June 2004, the girl's father wanted them to spend 6

weeks with him and his family. He would allow them to come home

after 4 weeks to attend a memorial service in PA for my grandmother

(she was vreamated and ultimately buried there beside my

grandfather). After being with him for 3 weeks, started

calling me from her cell phone late at night. She wanted to come

home but was afraid of disappointing her dad. has always

called me during vists, but never Krsitin. After a couple of nights

of this, and I decided to go and get them. Needless to say,

her dad was ROYALLY PISSED but let them leave. He threw their things

in the back of my van and just left in anger. The girls thanked us

for coming and they were relieved. Apparently, this trip with him

was the beginning of her cutting but we didn't know it at the time.

She did not speak to her dad until Christmas and they had a huge

blow up on New Year's Eve, She came home and grabbed a knife,

threatening to use it. Her best friend, was here and knocked

it out of her hand. I still didn't have a clue. February of

2005...she had come home from school. She was still wearing her

school uniform. I noticed blood on the collar which she said was

from a cat scratch. She was working at a pet store at the time and

it had happened there. I told her to take her shirt off so I could

spot treat the blood. She didn't want to but I got irritated and so

she did. She took it off right in front of me. All I remember at

that moment were the horrible cuts on her upper arms/cchest and how

many there were. I remember being mad at her, thinking normally that

this was a failed suicide attempt. I understand now that this is the

way a lot of parents think when they 1st learn. I was then scared.

The fact that these were only scratches this time, she was not

hospitalized. We were in a transition with medical insurance at

themt ime (I had none since leaving my job of 10 years for a new

position and I was still under probabtion). The next month, March

2005, she cut herslef so badly that she came to me at my job for

medical assistance. She had carved her arms terribly. This was the

true begininng to her story. I had read the many ER's treat self

injurers with disdain and I didn't want to put either of us through

that. I took her to an acute care clinic up the street from our

house. We had met one of the docs there before and liked him. He was

there when we arrived and we were promptly taken to the back where

he sewed up her arms with care and concern. We had an appointment

that afternoon at a new mental health facility so that is where we

went after leaving. After her assessment there, she was sent to

another city to a psychiatric care center (there is no place in our

city that treats adolescents). She spent a week there. Things were

up and down following that stay. She missed alot of her 11th grade

school year, but with the help of a tutor and many loving teachers

(she was attending a private Christian school) she passed the 11th

grade. She was still working off and on even though there were more

cutting incidents and she even did it at work and school. In Oct.

2005, after another major incident, she spent another week at a

different facility. There she had a lot of testing done and was

dianosed with severe depression and anxiety, OCD, ADHD, and

psychosis. She was put on 4 different medications and discharged.

Again, things were up and down, better and worse. She decided to

spend a week over Christmas with her dad this past Decemeber. Her

dad was told that she had to be reminded twice daily to take her

meds. She is very forgetful. She came home the day after Christmas.

She got upset over some small something (it was small to us) and

overdosed on her meds that had NOT been taked for 6 days that she

was gone. She had her stomach pumped at the ER and spent the night

in the ICU where she could be monitored. She was then sent back to

the 1st facility that she went to in March (we call it the " Time-

out " clinic). The psychiatrist there took her off all of her meds

and told her that she had to learn responsibility for herself and

her treatment. I thought that was pretty harsh at the time but I now

it was a good thing since she now knows that she really does feel

better when on her meds and is good about taking the meds now. She

also was diagnosed at that time with BPD. Her last major inicdent

was 2 weeks ago when she was alone with her sister for less that 10

mintues. She got mad and punched . She then felt guilty and

proceded to not only cut herself, but slash herself. and I

came home to screaming. We found her in her room, on her knees,

covered in blood. There was blood all over the floor and sprayed

things. When I asked what had happened, she only said that she had

hurt . We ran to make sure was ok. She was physically

ok and,of course, then our attnentions were turned to Krsitin. I

thought she ahd cut her eye out. Her left eye was covered with

blood. Daid grabbed a towel and she held it to her face while I

drove like a maniac to the ER. She thankfully did not cut her eye,

but took 7 stitches above it. She had 2 smaller cuts under her eye

and 2 on her neck. The other cuts were to her lower arms and took

stitiches there also. To make a long story short (my hand is

cramping...HA) she is staying with my mom and dad, away from her

sister. I made a " contract " wit her. She starts a new therapist on

the 24th who does dialectical behavior therapy. We are in the

process of switching psych/therapists again since I now have

insuarnace. Her " old " psych wants us to have her involuntarily

comitted for 30 days but I don't know. I don't want to send her some

place for anohter " time out. " In the contract that I made with her

it states that if she so much as scracthes herslef, she will be

committed. It wasn't a threat, just a reality. I want her to try to

finish school. She had to withdraw from the school where she had

attended since 7th grade and is now enrolled in a school that she

attends 3 days a week. She did well last week until yesterday, She

has become a recluse. She draws and writes which is great but she

also has no other friends besides . She has made a lot

of " friends " online and they play a role palying game. These are

her " friends " and even though she has been told by her psych that

she has lost touch with reality when she is on the computer. So I

have limited her time. She got angry yesterday when I told her it

was time to get off. She has a warning time and then she went over

that so when she ignored me I turned it off. Things turned violent.

Many times she has gotten violent with the entire family when we

limited her online time. The chat rooms seem to be a drug to her and

taking that away or limiting it causes her to act like someone with

a drug addiction. She claims it is her " right " to be online and

can't understand why she cannot get more time. She had the last

meeting with her " old " psych today. He still wants me to commit

her....Boy did I write a novel. Sorry to ramble...Thanks for any

input. en

Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help, @.... SEND

HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT RESPOND ONLINE.

Essential reading to help you feel better and understand the BP in your life

are:

SWOE ( " Stop Walking on Eggshells) and the SWOE Workbook (for everyone)

HOPE FOR PARENTS

Call 888-35-SHELL () to order your copies.

From Randi Kreger, Owner of BPDCentral and the WTO Online Community

[Guest guest]

Welcome to our group. I'm so sorry for your grief and sadness, I've been there

too. This is the place to be, we've all been there. It really helps to know

you are not alone, this group has been a saving grace for me and has given me

alot of strength to get through times when I needed to remember boundaries and

care for myself.

Has your daughter been able to express her feelings when she returns from her

father's home? Has anything happened there that she may not be sharing? It

seems from what you wrote that is when her cutting episodes started and

continue to be more violent. What is their relationship like and why doesn't

she enjoy her time there? Anger as a result of the divorce?

I have a 19 year old daughter that I had a great difficulty with from the

age 15. She was a cutter and raged like you wouldn't believe. She also is

ADHD and diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder. She has BPD traits. Oh, and she

also suffers from PTSD. For one full year she cut, I tried my best to hide

everything I could that she could cut with. (To this day I have limited knives

in our kitchen even though she no longer cuts). she also took an overdose and

finally during that scenario I found out what the cutting was about- she had

been raped that year. After finally sharing her secret which she kept for

about 6 months, the cutting stopped. We were lucky with that. It didn't stop

everything though. She became a recluse, refusing to go to school and hanging

out with very few. I ended up divorcing my non-supportive husband and moved my

daughter, younger son, and I to another state and new life. She didn't finish

high school but last spring studied and got

her GED.

Her rages have been awful, she doesn't/didn't always get physical, but our

home has always had holes in the walls. She has always been angry towards her

brother but at the same time loves him immensley. Now that he is 14 and 6 ft

tall, he is no longer the victim.

The good news is, she is doing so much better. She has developed the ability

to reflect and begin to go out and face the world. She is going full time to

our community college. She is beginning not to blame everyone around her for

her woes, she is able to express her role in emotional and behavior situations.

What made this change? I don't know exactly, she has not gone to therapy for 2

years, she never wanted to hear what was said. Medication? No, actually that

was one of our big arguments, chasing after her to get her to take it. When I

established that boundary and put it on her, she stopped taking it and her

rages have been reduced to infrequent and less destructive. Our thinking is

maybe the Paxil she was taking was more of a hinderance than a help.

So...... there is hope for you and and . I had always wished

I could get at least a 30 day treatment for her, it was never approved by our

insurance. I wanted it but was afraid too.... I had a hard time dealing with

the stigma I thought came with it. I think 30 days is useful to allow doctors

to see how medications are working and intensive therapy. Once a week never

worked for my . It just wasn't enough.

Write us often, we are here to listen. Wish we had an answer, all we can

offer is experience. Take care.

jovet218 jovet218@...> wrote: I have been searching for a

support group for parent's of BPs and i

hope I am in the right place. My 17 year old daughter was diagnosed

the end of December with BPD. Here is my story leading up to this....

's dad left when she was 8, leaving behind Krsitn, myself and

her 4 year old sister, . Looking back, has always had

a hard time expressing herself. She has always had it in for

. Through the years I thought it was just that was

a " bratty sister. " Most of the time anything she did or said caused

anger in . I was blamed frequently for not " doing my job " as

a parent. In any case, their dad re-married in 99. The girls knew of

the engagement but found out of the actual nuptials via a postcard

from Vegas. Their dad lives out of state. Fast forward to 2001. This

is when I met and married him in 2002. The girls did not meet

him for 3 months after we started dating when I realized we were

getting serious. We invloved them totally from the beginning with

the wedding. They were accepting of it all for the most part. It was

an easier transition that either of us thought. We have had our ups

and downs mind you and things are not perfect...just not the

horrible blended stepfamily that we had read about. One year later,

in July 2003, 's dad,who was in poor health, died of a massive

heart attack. Two weeks later his mother was diagnosed with lung

cancer and died exactly 8 weeks to the day that his dad died. Both

girls had a good relationship with his parents and their deaths were

horriblw blows. wrote a poem and read it at PaPa's funeral

and MawMaw was very proud of her. In Feb. 2004, my grandmother who

had been living with my mom for over a year due to failing health,

died. We had all been a huge part of her last year, so that too was

a huge blow. In June 2004, the girl's father wanted them to spend 6

weeks with him and his family. He would allow them to come home

after 4 weeks to attend a memorial service in PA for my grandmother

(she was vreamated and ultimately buried there beside my

grandfather). After being with him for 3 weeks, started

calling me from her cell phone late at night. She wanted to come

home but was afraid of disappointing her dad. has always

called me during vists, but never Krsitin. After a couple of nights

of this, and I decided to go and get them. Needless to say,

her dad was ROYALLY PISSED but let them leave. He threw their things

in the back of my van and just left in anger. The girls thanked us

for coming and they were relieved. Apparently, this trip with him

was the beginning of her cutting but we didn't know it at the time.

She did not speak to her dad until Christmas and they had a huge

blow up on New Year's Eve, She came home and grabbed a knife,

threatening to use it. Her best friend, was here and knocked

it out of her hand. I still didn't have a clue. February of

2005...she had come home from school. She was still wearing her

school uniform. I noticed blood on the collar which she said was

from a cat scratch. She was working at a pet store at the time and

it had happened there. I told her to take her shirt off so I could

spot treat the blood. She didn't want to but I got irritated and so

she did. She took it off right in front of me. All I remember at

that moment were the horrible cuts on her upper arms/cchest and how

many there were. I remember being mad at her, thinking normally that

this was a failed suicide attempt. I understand now that this is the

way a lot of parents think when they 1st learn. I was then scared.

The fact that these were only scratches this time, she was not

hospitalized. We were in a transition with medical insurance at

themt ime (I had none since leaving my job of 10 years for a new

position and I was still under probabtion). The next month, March

2005, she cut herslef so badly that she came to me at my job for

medical assistance. She had carved her arms terribly. This was the

true begininng to her story. I had read the many ER's treat self

injurers with disdain and I didn't want to put either of us through

that. I took her to an acute care clinic up the street from our

house. We had met one of the docs there before and liked him. He was

there when we arrived and we were promptly taken to the back where

he sewed up her arms with care and concern. We had an appointment

that afternoon at a new mental health facility so that is where we

went after leaving. After her assessment there, she was sent to

another city to a psychiatric care center (there is no place in our

city that treats adolescents). She spent a week there. Things were

up and down following that stay. She missed alot of her 11th grade

school year, but with the help of a tutor and many loving teachers

(she was attending a private Christian school) she passed the 11th

grade. She was still working off and on even though there were more

cutting incidents and she even did it at work and school. In Oct.

2005, after another major incident, she spent another week at a

different facility. There she had a lot of testing done and was

dianosed with severe depression and anxiety, OCD, ADHD, and

psychosis. She was put on 4 different medications and discharged.

Again, things were up and down, better and worse. She decided to

spend a week over Christmas with her dad this past Decemeber. Her

dad was told that she had to be reminded twice daily to take her

meds. She is very forgetful. She came home the day after Christmas.

She got upset over some small something (it was small to us) and

overdosed on her meds that had NOT been taked for 6 days that she

was gone. She had her stomach pumped at the ER and spent the night

in the ICU where she could be monitored. She was then sent back to

the 1st facility that she went to in March (we call it the " Time-

out " clinic). The psychiatrist there took her off all of her meds

and told her that she had to learn responsibility for herself and

her treatment. I thought that was pretty harsh at the time but I now

it was a good thing since she now knows that she really does feel

better when on her meds and is good about taking the meds now. She

also was diagnosed at that time with BPD. Her last major inicdent

was 2 weeks ago when she was alone with her sister for less that 10

mintues. She got mad and punched . She then felt guilty and

proceded to not only cut herself, but slash herself. and I

came home to screaming. We found her in her room, on her knees,

covered in blood. There was blood all over the floor and sprayed

things. When I asked what had happened, she only said that she had

hurt . We ran to make sure was ok. She was physically

ok and,of course, then our attnentions were turned to Krsitin. I

thought she ahd cut her eye out. Her left eye was covered with

blood. Daid grabbed a towel and she held it to her face while I

drove like a maniac to the ER. She thankfully did not cut her eye,

but took 7 stitches above it. She had 2 smaller cuts under her eye

and 2 on her neck. The other cuts were to her lower arms and took

stitiches there also. To make a long story short (my hand is

cramping...HA) she is staying with my mom and dad, away from her

sister. I made a " contract " wit her. She starts a new therapist on

the 24th who does dialectical behavior therapy. We are in the

process of switching psych/therapists again since I now have

insuarnace. Her " old " psych wants us to have her involuntarily

comitted for 30 days but I don't know. I don't want to send her some

place for anohter " time out. " In the contract that I made with her

it states that if she so much as scracthes herslef, she will be

committed. It wasn't a threat, just a reality. I want her to try to

finish school. She had to withdraw from the school where she had

attended since 7th grade and is now enrolled in a school that she

attends 3 days a week. She did well last week until yesterday, She

has become a recluse. She draws and writes which is great but she

also has no other friends besides . She has made a lot

of " friends " online and they play a role palying game. These are

her " friends " and even though she has been told by her psych that

she has lost touch with reality when she is on the computer. So I

have limited her time. She got angry yesterday when I told her it

was time to get off. She has a warning time and then she went over

that so when she ignored me I turned it off. Things turned violent.

Many times she has gotten violent with the entire family when we

limited her online time. The chat rooms seem to be a drug to her and

taking that away or limiting it causes her to act like someone with

a drug addiction. She claims it is her " right " to be online and

can't understand why she cannot get more time. She had the last

meeting with her " old " psych today. He still wants me to commit

her....Boy did I write a novel. Sorry to ramble...Thanks for any

input. en

Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help, @....

SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT RESPOND ONLINE.

Essential reading to help you feel better and understand the BP in your life

are:

• SWOE ( " Stop Walking on Eggshells”) and the SWOE Workbook (for everyone)

• HOPE FOR PARENTS

Call 888-35-SHELL () to order your copies.

From Randi Kreger, Owner of BPDCentral and the WTO Online Community

[Guest guest]

Wow ,

Our situations seem very similar. I am still toying with the idea of the 30

days. I have a phone call put in to the facility to see exactly what they will

have to offer her. I know she will hate me now but hopefully she will forgive me

the long run. The rages she has are so horrible now that I have to protect the

rest of my family. She does not act this way with my parents thankfully. She

just lets it build up and then blows on the rest of us. She too is on Paxil (and

Geodon, Adderall and Wellbutrin). We have lowered the dose on the Adderall now

since she is actually making straight A's in school. Have you ever heard of the

SAFE alternatives program? It is a 30 day inpatient program in Illinois for self

injurers. I really would love for her to go there but she refuses. Anyway, it is

so good to be able to talk to people that know how I feel. Thanks for caring!

joelen

Jamal Jilao somalitamale@...> wrote:

Welcome to our group. I'm so sorry for your grief and sadness, I've been there

too. This is the place to be, we've all been there. It really helps to know

you are not alone, this group has been a saving grace for me and has given me

alot of strength to get through times when I needed to remember boundaries and

care for myself.

Has your daughter been able to express her feelings when she returns from her

father's home? Has anything happened there that she may not be sharing? It

seems from what you wrote that is when her cutting episodes started and

continue to be more violent. What is their relationship like and why doesn't

she enjoy her time there? Anger as a result of the divorce?

I have a 19 year old daughter that I had a great difficulty with from the

age 15. She was a cutter and raged like you wouldn't believe. She also is

ADHD and diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder. She has BPD traits. Oh, and she

also suffers from PTSD. For one full year she cut, I tried my best to hide

everything I could that she could cut with. (To this day I have limited knives

in our kitchen even though she no longer cuts). she also took an overdose and

finally during that scenario I found out what the cutting was about- she had

been raped that year. After finally sharing her secret which she kept for

about 6 months, the cutting stopped. We were lucky with that. It didn't stop

everything though. She became a recluse, refusing to go to school and hanging

out with very few. I ended up divorcing my non-supportive husband and moved my

daughter, younger son, and I to another state and new life. She didn't finish

high school but last spring studied and got

her GED.

Her rages have been awful, she doesn't/didn't always get physical, but our

home has always had holes in the walls. She has always been angry towards her

brother but at the same time loves him immensley. Now that he is 14 and 6 ft

tall, he is no longer the victim.

The good news is, she is doing so much better. She has developed the ability

to reflect and begin to go out and face the world. She is going full time to

our community college. She is beginning not to blame everyone around her for

her woes, she is able to express her role in emotional and behavior situations.

What made this change? I don't know exactly, she has not gone to therapy for 2

years, she never wanted to hear what was said. Medication? No, actually that

was one of our big arguments, chasing after her to get her to take it. When I

established that boundary and put it on her, she stopped taking it and her

rages have been reduced to infrequent and less destructive. Our thinking is

maybe the Paxil she was taking was more of a hinderance than a help.

So...... there is hope for you and and . I had always wished

I could get at least a 30 day treatment for her, it was never approved by our

insurance. I wanted it but was afraid too.... I had a hard time dealing with

the stigma I thought came with it. I think 30 days is useful to allow doctors

to see how medications are working and intensive therapy. Once a week never

worked for my . It just wasn't enough.

Write us often, we are here to listen. Wish we had an answer, all we can

offer is experience. Take care.

jovet218 jovet218@...> wrote: I have been searching for a

support group for parent's of BPs and i

hope I am in the right place. My 17 year old daughter was diagnosed

the end of December with BPD. Here is my story leading up to this....

's dad left when she was 8, leaving behind Krsitn, myself and

her 4 year old sister, . Looking back, has always had

a hard time expressing herself. She has always had it in for

. Through the years I thought it was just that was

a " bratty sister. " Most of the time anything she did or said caused

anger in . I was blamed frequently for not " doing my job " as

a parent. In any case, their dad re-married in 99. The girls knew of

the engagement but found out of the actual nuptials via a postcard

from Vegas. Their dad lives out of state. Fast forward to 2001. This

is when I met and married him in 2002. The girls did not meet

him for 3 months after we started dating when I realized we were

getting serious. We invloved them totally from the beginning with

the wedding. They were accepting of it all for the most part. It was

an easier transition that either of us thought. We have had our ups

and downs mind you and things are not perfect...just not the

horrible blended stepfamily that we had read about. One year later,

in July 2003, 's dad,who was in poor health, died of a massive

heart attack. Two weeks later his mother was diagnosed with lung

cancer and died exactly 8 weeks to the day that his dad died. Both

girls had a good relationship with his parents and their deaths were

horriblw blows. wrote a poem and read it at PaPa's funeral

and MawMaw was very proud of her. In Feb. 2004, my grandmother who

had been living with my mom for over a year due to failing health,

died. We had all been a huge part of her last year, so that too was

a huge blow. In June 2004, the girl's father wanted them to spend 6

weeks with him and his family. He would allow them to come home

after 4 weeks to attend a memorial service in PA for my grandmother

(she was vreamated and ultimately buried there beside my

grandfather). After being with him for 3 weeks, started

calling me from her cell phone late at night. She wanted to come

home but was afraid of disappointing her dad. has always

called me during vists, but never Krsitin. After a couple of nights

of this, and I decided to go and get them. Needless to say,

her dad was ROYALLY PISSED but let them leave. He threw their things

in the back of my van and just left in anger. The girls thanked us

for coming and they were relieved. Apparently, this trip with him

was the beginning of her cutting but we didn't know it at the time.

She did not speak to her dad until Christmas and they had a huge

blow up on New Year's Eve, She came home and grabbed a knife,

threatening to use it. Her best friend, was here and knocked

it out of her hand. I still didn't have a clue. February of

2005...she had come home from school. She was still wearing her

school uniform. I noticed blood on the collar which she said was

from a cat scratch. She was working at a pet store at the time and

it had happened there. I told her to take her shirt off so I could

spot treat the blood. She didn't want to but I got irritated and so

she did. She took it off right in front of me. All I remember at

that moment were the horrible cuts on her upper arms/cchest and how

many there were. I remember being mad at her, thinking normally that

this was a failed suicide attempt. I understand now that this is the

way a lot of parents think when they 1st learn. I was then scared.

The fact that these were only scratches this time, she was not

hospitalized. We were in a transition with medical insurance at

themt ime (I had none since leaving my job of 10 years for a new

position and I was still under probabtion). The next month, March

2005, she cut herslef so badly that she came to me at my job for

medical assistance. She had carved her arms terribly. This was the

true begininng to her story. I had read the many ER's treat self

injurers with disdain and I didn't want to put either of us through

that. I took her to an acute care clinic up the street from our

house. We had met one of the docs there before and liked him. He was

there when we arrived and we were promptly taken to the back where

he sewed up her arms with care and concern. We had an appointment

that afternoon at a new mental health facility so that is where we

went after leaving. After her assessment there, she was sent to

another city to a psychiatric care center (there is no place in our

city that treats adolescents). She spent a week there. Things were

up and down following that stay. She missed alot of her 11th grade

school year, but with the help of a tutor and many loving teachers

(she was attending a private Christian school) she passed the 11th

grade. She was still working off and on even though there were more

cutting incidents and she even did it at work and school. In Oct.

2005, after another major incident, she spent another week at a

different facility. There she had a lot of testing done and was

dianosed with severe depression and anxiety, OCD, ADHD, and

psychosis. She was put on 4 different medications and discharged.

Again, things were up and down, better and worse. She decided to

spend a week over Christmas with her dad this past Decemeber. Her

dad was told that she had to be reminded twice daily to take her

meds. She is very forgetful. She came home the day after Christmas.

She got upset over some small something (it was small to us) and

overdosed on her meds that had NOT been taked for 6 days that she

was gone. She had her stomach pumped at the ER and spent the night

in the ICU where she could be monitored. She was then sent back to

the 1st facility that she went to in March (we call it the " Time-

out " clinic). The psychiatrist there took her off all of her meds

and told her that she had to learn responsibility for herself and

her treatment. I thought that was pretty harsh at the time but I now

it was a good thing since she now knows that she really does feel

better when on her meds and is good about taking the meds now. She

also was diagnosed at that time with BPD. Her last major inicdent

was 2 weeks ago when she was alone with her sister for less that 10

mintues. She got mad and punched . She then felt guilty and

proceded to not only cut herself, but slash herself. and I

came home to screaming. We found her in her room, on her knees,

covered in blood. There was blood all over the floor and sprayed

things. When I asked what had happened, she only said that she had

hurt . We ran to make sure was ok. She was physically

ok and,of course, then our attnentions were turned to Krsitin. I

thought she ahd cut her eye out. Her left eye was covered with

blood. Daid grabbed a towel and she held it to her face while I

drove like a maniac to the ER. She thankfully did not cut her eye,

but took 7 stitches above it. She had 2 smaller cuts under her eye

and 2 on her neck. The other cuts were to her lower arms and took

stitiches there also. To make a long story short (my hand is

cramping...HA) she is staying with my mom and dad, away from her

sister. I made a " contract " wit her. She starts a new therapist on

the 24th who does dialectical behavior therapy. We are in the

process of switching psych/therapists again since I now have

insuarnace. Her " old " psych wants us to have her involuntarily

comitted for 30 days but I don't know. I don't want to send her some

place for anohter " time out. " In the contract that I made with her

it states that if she so much as scracthes herslef, she will be

committed. It wasn't a threat, just a reality. I want her to try to

finish school. She had to withdraw from the school where she had

attended since 7th grade and is now enrolled in a school that she

attends 3 days a week. She did well last week until yesterday, She

has become a recluse. She draws and writes which is great but she

also has no other friends besides . She has made a lot

of " friends " online and they play a role palying game. These are

her " friends " and even though she has been told by her psych that

she has lost touch with reality when she is on the computer. So I

have limited her time. She got angry yesterday when I told her it

was time to get off. She has a warning time and then she went over

that so when she ignored me I turned it off. Things turned violent.

Many times she has gotten violent with the entire family when we

limited her online time. The chat rooms seem to be a drug to her and

taking that away or limiting it causes her to act like someone with

a drug addiction. She claims it is her " right " to be online and

can't understand why she cannot get more time. She had the last

meeting with her " old " psych today. He still wants me to commit

her....Boy did I write a novel. Sorry to ramble...Thanks for any

input. en

Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help, @....

SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT RESPOND ONLINE.

Essential reading to help you feel better and understand the BP in your life

are:

• SWOE ( " Stop Walking on Eggshells”) and the SWOE Workbook (for everyone)

• HOPE FOR PARENTS

Call 888-35-SHELL () to order your copies.

From Randi Kreger, Owner of BPDCentral and the WTO Online Community

[Guest guest]

Yes, she hasn't cut for about 7 months and it has a lot to do with the fact that

she has been in a residential treatment center for 9 months. She admits that

she when she feels like cutting, she has learned to control those urges. She

has been receiving 24-7 treatment and the school she is at uses Dialectic

Behaviorial Therapy, which seems to be very helpful for people with BPD. My

family's experiences are very similar to yours, except my daughter was not such

an aggressive cutter, but many other things she was even more aggressive with.

I asked about your daughter's age, because while under 18 we parents can say

where she goes and admit her into treatment. Before going to a RTC she had two

hospitalizations and intense outpatient treatment. Unfortunately, she still

regressed. The treatment takes a long time, but at least I know she is safe.

I'm new

I have been searching for a support group for parent's of BPs and i

hope I am in the right place. My 17 year old daughter was diagnosed

the end of December with BPD. Here is my story leading up to this....

's dad left when she was 8, leaving behind Krsitn, myself and

her 4 year old sister, . Looking back, has always had

a hard time expressing herself. She has always had it in for

. Through the years I thought it was just that was

a " bratty sister. " Most of the time anything she did or said caused

anger in . I was blamed frequently for not " doing my job " as

a parent. In any case, their dad re-married in 99. The girls knew of

the engagement but found out of the actual nuptials via a postcard

from Vegas. Their dad lives out of state. Fast forward to 2001. This

is when I met and married him in 2002. The girls did not meet

him for 3 months after we started dating when I realized we were

getting serious. We invloved them totally from the beginning with

the wedding. They were accepting of it all for the most part. It was

an easier transition that either of us thought. We have had our ups

and downs mind you and things are not perfect...just not the

horrible blended stepfamily that we had read about. One year later,

in July 2003, 's dad,who was in poor health, died of a massive

heart attack. Two weeks later his mother was diagnosed with lung

cancer and died exactly 8 weeks to the day that his dad died. Both

girls had a good relationship with his parents and their deaths were

horriblw blows. wrote a poem and read it at PaPa's funeral

and MawMaw was very proud of her. In Feb. 2004, my grandmother who

had been living with my mom for over a year due to failing health,

died. We had all been a huge part of her last year, so that too was

a huge blow. In June 2004, the girl's father wanted them to spend 6

weeks with him and his family. He would allow them to come home

after 4 weeks to attend a memorial service in PA for my grandmother

(she was vreamated and ultimately buried there beside my

grandfather). After being with him for 3 weeks, started

calling me from her cell phone late at night. She wanted to come

home but was afraid of disappointing her dad. has always

called me during vists, but never Krsitin. After a couple of nights

of this, and I decided to go and get them. Needless to say,

her dad was ROYALLY PISSED but let them leave. He threw their things

in the back of my van and just left in anger. The girls thanked us

for coming and they were relieved. Apparently, this trip with him

was the beginning of her cutting but we didn't know it at the time.

She did not speak to her dad until Christmas and they had a huge

blow up on New Year's Eve, She came home and grabbed a knife,

threatening to use it. Her best friend, was here and knocked

it out of her hand. I still didn't have a clue. February of

2005...she had come home from school. She was still wearing her

school uniform. I noticed blood on the collar which she said was

from a cat scratch. She was working at a pet store at the time and

it had happened there. I told her to take her shirt off so I could

spot treat the blood. She didn't want to but I got irritated and so

she did. She took it off right in front of me. All I remember at

that moment were the horrible cuts on her upper arms/cchest and how

many there were. I remember being mad at her, thinking normally that

this was a failed suicide attempt. I understand now that this is the

way a lot of parents think when they 1st learn. I was then scared.

The fact that these were only scratches this time, she was not

hospitalized. We were in a transition with medical insurance at

themt ime (I had none since leaving my job of 10 years for a new

position and I was still under probabtion). The next month, March

2005, she cut herslef so badly that she came to me at my job for

medical assistance. She had carved her arms terribly. This was the

true begininng to her story. I had read the many ER's treat self

injurers with disdain and I didn't want to put either of us through

that. I took her to an acute care clinic up the street from our

house. We had met one of the docs there before and liked him. He was

there when we arrived and we were promptly taken to the back where

he sewed up her arms with care and concern. We had an appointment

that afternoon at a new mental health facility so that is where we

went after leaving. After her assessment there, she was sent to

another city to a psychiatric care center (there is no place in our

city that treats adolescents). She spent a week there. Things were

up and down following that stay. She missed alot of her 11th grade

school year, but with the help of a tutor and many loving teachers

(she was attending a private Christian school) she passed the 11th

grade. She was still working off and on even though there were more

cutting incidents and she even did it at work and school. In Oct.

2005, after another major incident, she spent another week at a

different facility. There she had a lot of testing done and was

dianosed with severe depression and anxiety, OCD, ADHD, and

psychosis. She was put on 4 different medications and discharged.

Again, things were up and down, better and worse. She decided to

spend a week over Christmas with her dad this past Decemeber. Her

dad was told that she had to be reminded twice daily to take her

meds. She is very forgetful. She came home the day after Christmas.

She got upset over some small something (it was small to us) and

overdosed on her meds that had NOT been taked for 6 days that she

was gone. She had her stomach pumped at the ER and spent the night

in the ICU where she could be monitored. She was then sent back to

the 1st facility that she went to in March (we call it the " Time-

out " clinic). The psychiatrist there took her off all of her meds

and told her that she had to learn responsibility for herself and

her treatment. I thought that was pretty harsh at the time but I now

it was a good thing since she now knows that she really does feel

better when on her meds and is good about taking the meds now. She

also was diagnosed at that time with BPD. Her last major inicdent

was 2 weeks ago when she was alone with her sister for less that 10

mintues. She got mad and punched . She then felt guilty and

proceded to not only cut herself, but slash herself. and I

came home to screaming. We found her in her room, on her knees,

covered in blood. There was blood all over the floor and sprayed

things. When I asked what had happened, she only said that she had

hurt . We ran to make sure was ok. She was physically

ok and,of course, then our attnentions were turned to Krsitin. I

thought she ahd cut her eye out. Her left eye was covered with

blood. Daid grabbed a towel and she held it to her face while I

drove like a maniac to the ER. She thankfully did not cut her eye,

but took 7 stitches above it. She had 2 smaller cuts under her eye

and 2 on her neck. The other cuts were to her lower arms and took

stitiches there also. To make a long story short (my hand is

cramping...HA) she is staying with my mom and dad, away from her

sister. I made a " contract " wit her. She starts a new therapist on

the 24th who does dialectical behavior therapy. We are in the

process of switching psych/therapists again since I now have

insuarnace. Her " old " psych wants us to have her involuntarily

comitted for 30 days but I don't know. I don't want to send her some

place for anohter " time out. " In the contract that I made with her

it states that if she so much as scracthes herslef, she will be

committed. It wasn't a threat, just a reality. I want her to try to

finish school. She had to withdraw from the school where she had

attended since 7th grade and is now enrolled in a school that she

attends 3 days a week. She did well last week until yesterday, She

has become a recluse. She draws and writes which is great but she

also has no other friends besides . She has made a lot

of " friends " online and they play a role palying game. These are

her " friends " and even though she has been told by her psych that

she has lost touch with reality when she is on the computer. So I

have limited her time. She got angry yesterday when I told her it

was time to get off. She has a warning time and then she went over

that so when she ignored me I turned it off. Things turned violent.

Many times she has gotten violent with the entire family when we

limited her online time. The chat rooms seem to be a drug to her and

taking that away or limiting it causes her to act like someone with

a drug addiction. She claims it is her " right " to be online and

can't understand why she cannot get more time. She had the last

meeting with her " old " psych today. He still wants me to commit

her....Boy did I write a novel. Sorry to ramble...Thanks for any

input. en

Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help, @.... SEND

HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT RESPOND ONLINE.

Essential reading to help you feel better and understand the BP in your life

are:

SWOE ( " Stop Walking on Eggshells) and the SWOE Workbook (for everyone)

HOPE FOR PARENTS

Call 888-35-SHELL () to order your copies.

From Randi Kreger, Owner of BPDCentral and the WTO Online Community

[Guest guest]

len,

You are very smart to segregate the two girls while is going through her

troubles.

Take your old psychiatrists advice and place your daughter in the facility for 1

month. Take it from there. She is 17 -- once she turns 18, you will not be

able to place her. She will be an adult (unless you are able to get

guardianship, if you want that kind of responsibility).

Once she is 18, she can go online as much as she wants (if she pays for the

connection)....

You are smart to come up with terms for her; i.e, cutting - go to hospital.

Lose it with your sister (which she just did), go to hospital.

She should start the dbt -- she will then learn how to live with her disorder

and your life can maybe go back to some order of semblance.

Good luck to you. Keep us posted

Carol

-------------- Original message --------------

> I have been searching for a support group for parent's of BPs and i

> hope I am in the right place. My 17 year old daughter was diagnosed

> the end of December with BPD. Here is my story leading up to this....

> 's dad left when she was 8, leaving behind Krsitn, myself and

> her 4 year old sister, . Looking back, has always had

> a hard time expressing herself. She has always had it in for

> . Through the years I thought it was just that was

> a " bratty sister. " Most of the time anything she did or said caused

> anger in . I was blamed frequently for not " doing my job " as

> a parent. In any case, their dad re-married in 99. The girls knew of

> the engagement but found out of the actual nuptials via a postcard

> from Vegas. Their dad lives out of state. Fast forward to 2001. This

> is when I met and married him in 2002. The girls did not meet

> him for 3 months after we started dating when I realized we were

> getting serious. We invloved them totally from the beginning with

> the wedding. They were accepting of it all for the most part. It was

> an easier transition that either of us thought. We have had our ups

> and downs mind you and things are not perfect...just not the

> horrible blended stepfamily that we had read about. One year later,

> in July 2003, 's dad,who was in poor health, died of a massive

> heart attack. Two weeks later his mother was diagnosed with lung

> cancer and died exactly 8 weeks to the day that his dad died. Both

> girls had a good relationship with his parents and their deaths were

> horriblw blows. wrote a poem and read it at PaPa's funeral

> and MawMaw was very proud of her. In Feb. 2004, my grandmother who

> had been living with my mom for over a year due to failing health,

> died. We had all been a huge part of her last year, so that too was

> a huge blow. In June 2004, the girl's father wanted them to spend 6

> weeks with him and his family. He would allow them to come home

> after 4 weeks to attend a memorial service in PA for my grandmother

> (she was vreamated and ultimately buried there beside my

> grandfather). After being with him for 3 weeks, started

> calling me from her cell phone late at night. She wanted to come

> home but was afraid of disappointing her dad. has always

> called me during vists, but never Krsitin. After a couple of nights

> of this, and I decided to go and get them. Needless to say,

> her dad was ROYALLY PISSED but let them leave. He threw their things

> in the back of my van and just left in anger. The girls thanked us

> for coming and they were relieved. Apparently, this trip with him

> was the beginning of her cutting but we didn't know it at the time.

> She did not speak to her dad until Christmas and they had a huge

> blow up on New Year's Eve, She came home and grabbed a knife,

> threatening to use it. Her best friend, was here and knocked

> it out of her hand. I still didn't have a clue. February of

> 2005...she had come home from school. She was still wearing her

> school uniform. I noticed blood on the collar which she said was

> from a cat scratch. She was working at a pet store at the time and

> it had happened there. I told her to take her shirt off so I could

> spot treat the blood. She didn't want to but I got irritated and so

> she did. She took it off right in front of me. All I remember at

> that moment were the horrible cuts on her upper arms/cchest and how

> many there were. I remember being mad at her, thinking normally that

> this was a failed suicide attempt. I understand now that this is the

> way a lot of parents think when they 1st learn. I was then scared.

> The fact that these were only scratches this time, she was not

> hospitalized. We were in a transition with medical insurance at

> themt ime (I had none since leaving my job of 10 years for a new

> position and I was still under probabtion). The next month, March

> 2005, she cut herslef so badly that she came to me at my job for

> medical assistance. She had carved her arms terribly. This was the

> true begininng to her story. I had read the many ER's treat self

> injurers with disdain and I didn't want to put either of us through

> that. I took her to an acute care clinic up the street from our

> house. We had met one of the docs there before and liked him. He was

> there when we arrived and we were promptly taken to the back where

> he sewed up her arms with care and concern. We had an appointment

> that afternoon at a new mental health facility so that is where we

> went after leaving. After her assessment there, she was sent to

> another city to a psychiatric care center (there is no place in our

> city that treats adolescents). She spent a week there. Things were

> up and down following that stay. She missed alot of her 11th grade

> school year, but with the help of a tutor and many loving teachers

> (she was attending a private Christian school) she passed the 11th

> grade. She was still working off and on even though there were more

> cutting incidents and she even did it at work and school. In Oct.

> 2005, after another major incident, she spent another week at a

> different facility. There she had a lot of testing done and was

> dianosed with severe depression and anxiety, OCD, ADHD, and

> psychosis. She was put on 4 different medications and discharged.

> Again, things were up and down, better and worse. She decided to

> spend a week over Christmas with her dad this past Decemeber. Her

> dad was told that she had to be reminded twice daily to take her

> meds. She is very forgetful. She came home the day after Christmas.

> She got upset over some small something (it was small to us) and

> overdosed on her meds that had NOT been taked for 6 days that she

> was gone. She had her stomach pumped at the ER and spent the night

> in the ICU where she could be monitored. She was then sent back to

> the 1st facility that she went to in March (we call it the " Time-

> out " clinic). The psychiatrist there took her off all of her meds

> and told her that she had to learn responsibility for herself and

> her treatment. I thought that was pretty harsh at the time but I now

> it was a good thing since she now knows that she really does feel

> better when on her meds and is good about taking the meds now. She

> also was diagnosed at that time with BPD. Her last major inicdent

> was 2 weeks ago when she was alone with her sister for less that 10

> mintues. She got mad and punched . She then felt guilty and

> proceded to not only cut herself, but slash herself. and I

> came home to screaming. We found her in her room, on her knees,

> covered in blood. There was blood all over the floor and sprayed

> things. When I asked what had happened, she only said that she had

> hurt . We ran to make sure was ok. She was physically

> ok and,of course, then our attnentions were turned to Krsitin. I

> thought she ahd cut her eye out. Her left eye was covered with

> blood. Daid grabbed a towel and she held it to her face while I

> drove like a maniac to the ER. She thankfully did not cut her eye,

> but took 7 stitches above it. She had 2 smaller cuts under her eye

> and 2 on her neck. The other cuts were to her lower arms and took

> stitiches there also. To make a long story short (my hand is

> cramping...HA) she is staying with my mom and dad, away from her

> sister. I made a " contract " wit her. She starts a new therapist on

> the 24th who does dialectical behavior therapy. We are in the

> process of switching psych/therapists again since I now have

> insuarnace. Her " old " psych wants us to have her involuntarily

> comitted for 30 days but I don't know. I don't want to send her some

> place for anohter " time out. " In the contract that I made with her

> it states that if she so much as scracthes herslef, she will be

> committed. It wasn't a threat, just a reality. I want her to try to

> finish school. She had to withdraw from the school where she had

> attended since 7th grade and is now enrolled in a school that she

> attends 3 days a week. She did well last week until yesterday, She

> has become a recluse. She draws and writes which is great but she

> also has no other friends besides . She has made a lot

> of " friends " online and they play a role palying game. These are

> her " friends " and even though she has been told by her psych that

> she has lost touch with reality when she is on the computer. So I

> have limited her time. She got angry yesterday when I told her it

> was time to get off. She has a warning time and then she went over

> that so when she ignored me I turned it off. Things turned violent.

> Many times she has gotten violent with the entire family when we

> limited her online time. The chat rooms seem to be a drug to her and

> taking that away or limiting it causes her to act like someone with

> a drug addiction. She claims it is her " right " to be online and

> can't understand why she cannot get more time. She had the last

> meeting with her " old " psych today. He still wants me to commit

> her....Boy did I write a novel. Sorry to ramble...Thanks for any

> input. en

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help, @....

SEND

> HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT RESPOND ONLINE.

>

> Essential reading to help you feel better and understand the BP in your life

> are:

>

> • SWOE ( " Stop Walking on Eggshells”) and the SWOE Workbook (for everyone)

> • HOPE FOR PARENTS

>

> Call 888-35-SHELL () to order your copies.

>

> From Randi Kreger, Owner of BPDCentral and the WTO Online Community

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yes we do have alot in common! So hopefully things will begin to change in

your daughter's life at some point. I find in interesting that both Debbie

L.'s daughter and my own started to make a change at 19. I know that her

birthday (oct) had a big impact on her, 19 meant one year closer to adulthood.

She said she felt like her brain changed- has it just been maturity? She also

every so often goes, Oh my God I'm going to be 20 this year! It's really been

an impact.

Have you noticed her rages are more frequent or severe since taking all of

that medication?. Was her depression triggered from her visits from her

father? What is up with her relationship with him?

I haven't heard of the program, but could her dr get her into that if he is

recommending involuntary hospitalization. I'm guessing isn't going to

be compliant towards any hospitalization, that's where you have to take the

reins.

Glad to hear from you,

en Vaughn jovet218@...> wrote: Wow ,

Our situations seem very similar. I am still toying with the idea of the 30

days. I have a phone call put in to the facility to see exactly what they will

have to offer her. I know she will hate me now but hopefully she will forgive

me the long run. The rages she has are so horrible now that I have to protect

the rest of my family. She does not act this way with my parents thankfully.

She just lets it build up and then blows on the rest of us. She too is on

Paxil (and Geodon, Adderall and Wellbutrin). We have lowered the dose on the

Adderall now since she is actually making straight A's in school. Have you ever

heard of the SAFE alternatives program? It is a 30 day inpatient program in

Illinois for self injurers. I really would love for her to go there but she

refuses. Anyway, it is so good to be able to talk to people that know how I

feel. Thanks for caring! joelen

Jamal Jilao somalitamale@...> wrote:

Welcome to our group. I'm so sorry for your grief and sadness, I've been

there too. This is the place to be, we've all been there. It really helps to

know you are not alone, this group has been a saving grace for me and has

given me alot of strength to get through times when I needed to remember

boundaries and care for myself.

Has your daughter been able to express her feelings when she returns from

her father's home? Has anything happened there that she may not be sharing?

It seems from what you wrote that is when her cutting episodes started and

continue to be more violent. What is their relationship like and why

doesn't she enjoy her time there? Anger as a result of the divorce?

I have a 19 year old daughter that I had a great difficulty with from

the age 15. She was a cutter and raged like you wouldn't believe. She also

is ADHD and diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder. She has BPD traits. Oh, and

she also suffers from PTSD. For one full year she cut, I tried my best to

hide everything I could that she could cut with. (To this day I have limited

knives in our kitchen even though she no longer cuts). she also took an

overdose and finally during that scenario I found out what the cutting was

about- she had been raped that year. After finally sharing her secret which

she kept for about 6 months, the cutting stopped. We were lucky with that.

It didn't stop everything though. She became a recluse, refusing to go to

school and hanging out with very few. I ended up divorcing my non-supportive

husband and moved my daughter, younger son, and I to another state and new

life. She didn't finish high school but last

spring studied and got

her GED.

Her rages have been awful, she doesn't/didn't always get physical, but our

home has always had holes in the walls. She has always been angry towards her

brother but at the same time loves him immensley. Now that he is 14 and 6 ft

tall, he is no longer the victim.

The good news is, she is doing so much better. She has developed the

ability to reflect and begin to go out and face the world. She is going full

time to our community college. She is beginning not to blame everyone

around her for her woes, she is able to express her role in emotional and

behavior situations. What made this change? I don't know exactly, she has

not gone to therapy for 2 years, she never wanted to hear what was said.

Medication? No, actually that was one of our big arguments, chasing after her

to get her to take it. When I established that boundary and put it on her,

she stopped taking it and her rages have been reduced to infrequent and less

destructive. Our thinking is maybe the Paxil she was taking was more of a

hinderance than a help.

So...... there is hope for you and and . I had always

wished I could get at least a 30 day treatment for her, it was never approved

by our insurance. I wanted it but was afraid too.... I had a hard time

dealing with the stigma I thought came with it. I think 30 days is useful to

allow doctors to see how medications are working and intensive therapy. Once

a week never worked for my . It just wasn't enough.

Write us often, we are here to listen. Wish we had an answer, all we can

offer is experience. Take care.

jovet218 jovet218@...> wrote: I have been searching for a

support group for parent's of BPs and i

hope I am in the right place. My 17 year old daughter was diagnosed

the end of December with BPD. Here is my story leading up to this....

's dad left when she was 8, leaving behind Krsitn, myself and

her 4 year old sister, . Looking back, has always had

a hard time expressing herself. She has always had it in for

. Through the years I thought it was just that was

a " bratty sister. " Most of the time anything she did or said caused

anger in . I was blamed frequently for not " doing my job " as

a parent. In any case, their dad re-married in 99. The girls knew of

the engagement but found out of the actual nuptials via a postcard

from Vegas. Their dad lives out of state. Fast forward to 2001. This

is when I met and married him in 2002. The girls did not meet

him for 3 months after we started dating when I realized we were

getting serious. We invloved them totally from the beginning with

the wedding. They were accepting of it all for the most part. It was

an easier transition that either of us thought. We have had our ups

and downs mind you and things are not perfect...just not the

horrible blended stepfamily that we had read about. One year later,

in July 2003, 's dad,who was in poor health, died of a massive

heart attack. Two weeks later his mother was diagnosed with lung

cancer and died exactly 8 weeks to the day that his dad died. Both

girls had a good relationship with his parents and their deaths were

horriblw blows. wrote a poem and read it at PaPa's funeral

and MawMaw was very proud of her. In Feb. 2004, my grandmother who

had been living with my mom for over a year due to failing health,

died. We had all been a huge part of her last year, so that too was

a huge blow. In June 2004, the girl's father wanted them to spend 6

weeks with him and his family. He would allow them to come home

after 4 weeks to attend a memorial service in PA for my grandmother

(she was vreamated and ultimately buried there beside my

grandfather). After being with him for 3 weeks, started

calling me from her cell phone late at night. She wanted to come

home but was afraid of disappointing her dad. has always

called me during vists, but never Krsitin. After a couple of nights

of this, and I decided to go and get them. Needless to say,

her dad was ROYALLY PISSED but let them leave. He threw their things

in the back of my van and just left in anger. The girls thanked us

for coming and they were relieved. Apparently, this trip with him

was the beginning of her cutting but we didn't know it at the time.

She did not speak to her dad until Christmas and they had a huge

blow up on New Year's Eve, She came home and grabbed a knife,

threatening to use it. Her best friend, was here and knocked

it out of her hand. I still didn't have a clue. February of

2005...she had come home from school. She was still wearing her

school uniform. I noticed blood on the collar which she said was

from a cat scratch. She was working at a pet store at the time and

it had happened there. I told her to take her shirt off so I could

spot treat the blood. She didn't want to but I got irritated and so

she did. She took it off right in front of me. All I remember at

that moment were the horrible cuts on her upper arms/cchest and how

many there were. I remember being mad at her, thinking normally that

this was a failed suicide attempt. I understand now that this is the

way a lot of parents think when they 1st learn. I was then scared.

The fact that these were only scratches this time, she was not

hospitalized. We were in a transition with medical insurance at

themt ime (I had none since leaving my job of 10 years for a new

position and I was still under probabtion). The next month, March

2005, she cut herslef so badly that she came to me at my job for

medical assistance. She had carved her arms terribly. This was the

true begininng to her story. I had read the many ER's treat self

injurers with disdain and I didn't want to put either of us through

that. I took her to an acute care clinic up the street from our

house. We had met one of the docs there before and liked him. He was

there when we arrived and we were promptly taken to the back where

he sewed up her arms with care and concern. We had an appointment

that afternoon at a new mental health facility so that is where we

went after leaving. After her assessment there, she was sent to

another city to a psychiatric care center (there is no place in our

city that treats adolescents). She spent a week there. Things were

up and down following that stay. She missed alot of her 11th grade

school year, but with the help of a tutor and many loving teachers

(she was attending a private Christian school) she passed the 11th

grade. She was still working off and on even though there were more

cutting incidents and she even did it at work and school. In Oct.

2005, after another major incident, she spent another week at a

different facility. There she had a lot of testing done and was

dianosed with severe depression and anxiety, OCD, ADHD, and

psychosis. She was put on 4 different medications and discharged.

Again, things were up and down, better and worse. She decided to

spend a week over Christmas with her dad this past Decemeber. Her

dad was told that she had to be reminded twice daily to take her

meds. She is very forgetful. She came home the day after Christmas.

She got upset over some small something (it was small to us) and

overdosed on her meds that had NOT been taked for 6 days that she

was gone. She had her stomach pumped at the ER and spent the night

in the ICU where she could be monitored. She was then sent back to

the 1st facility that she went to in March (we call it the " Time-

out " clinic). The psychiatrist there took her off all of her meds

and told her that she had to learn responsibility for herself and

her treatment. I thought that was pretty harsh at the time but I now

it was a good thing since she now knows that she really does feel

better when on her meds and is good about taking the meds now. She

also was diagnosed at that time with BPD. Her last major inicdent

was 2 weeks ago when she was alone with her sister for less that 10

mintues. She got mad and punched . She then felt guilty and

proceded to not only cut herself, but slash herself. and I

came home to screaming. We found her in her room, on her knees,

covered in blood. There was blood all over the floor and sprayed

things. When I asked what had happened, she only said that she had

hurt . We ran to make sure was ok. She was physically

ok and,of course, then our attnentions were turned to Krsitin. I

thought she ahd cut her eye out. Her left eye was covered with

blood. Daid grabbed a towel and she held it to her face while I

drove like a maniac to the ER. She thankfully did not cut her eye,

but took 7 stitches above it. She had 2 smaller cuts under her eye

and 2 on her neck. The other cuts were to her lower arms and took

stitiches there also. To make a long story short (my hand is

cramping...HA) she is staying with my mom and dad, away from her

sister. I made a " contract " wit her. She starts a new therapist on

the 24th who does dialectical behavior therapy. We are in the

process of switching psych/therapists again since I now have

insuarnace. Her " old " psych wants us to have her involuntarily

comitted for 30 days but I don't know. I don't want to send her some

place for anohter " time out. " In the contract that I made with her

it states that if she so much as scracthes herslef, she will be

committed. It wasn't a threat, just a reality. I want her to try to

finish school. She had to withdraw from the school where she had

attended since 7th grade and is now enrolled in a school that she

attends 3 days a week. She did well last week until yesterday, She

has become a recluse. She draws and writes which is great but she

also has no other friends besides . She has made a lot

of " friends " online and they play a role palying game. These are

her " friends " and even though she has been told by her psych that

she has lost touch with reality when she is on the computer. So I

have limited her time. She got angry yesterday when I told her it

was time to get off. She has a warning time and then she went over

that so when she ignored me I turned it off. Things turned violent.

Many times she has gotten violent with the entire family when we

limited her online time. The chat rooms seem to be a drug to her and

taking that away or limiting it causes her to act like someone with

a drug addiction. She claims it is her " right " to be online and

can't understand why she cannot get more time. She had the last

meeting with her " old " psych today. He still wants me to commit

her....Boy did I write a novel. Sorry to ramble...Thanks for any

input. en

Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help,

@.... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT RESPOND

ONLINE.

Essential reading to help you feel better and understand the BP in your life

are:

• SWOE ( " Stop Walking on Eggshells”) and the SWOE Workbook (for

everyone)

• HOPE FOR PARENTS

Call 888-35-SHELL () to order your copies.

From Randi Kreger, Owner of BPDCentral and the WTO Online Community

[Guest guest]

Yes, I did see that report. It was in alot of the newspapers too. Fortunately

never took Ritalin. She takes a low dose of Dexedrine and it is not a

drug that lingers in the body. She only started medication when she was 15, I

wouldn't have anything to do with it when she was younger. Have you ever seen

the gums of kids that have taken Ritalin for long periods of time?. They are

a mess. The scary thing about Ritalin is that it has become a recreation drug

for teens, kids with ADHD share it with their friends. Teens are scary, they

don't think of the dangerous effects on the bodies both short term and long

term.

cascorsam@... wrote:

When you mentioned that your daughter was ADHD you made me remember a news

clip I saw the other night. Kids who take Ritalin are at a higher risk for

heart attacks and death. Did anyone else see that on the Evening News. It

was

quite shocking since it seems to be a drug that has been prescribed for at

least 30 years.

[Guest guest]

Did you ever check on the site for the chat room your daughter frequents?

Unfortunately in the world of the internet there are websites for those that

" cut " or contemplate suicide. I found one of my emotionally disturbed students

on one the other day. She was reading another girl's daily journal on her blog

about her attempt to hurt herself that day was going to be jumping in front of

a car. Well, my student tried to do exactly the same thing and was baker

acted.

The sites are terrible influences.]

en Vaughn jovet218@...> wrote: Wow ,

Our situations seem very similar. I am still toying with the idea of the 30

days. I have a phone call put in to the facility to see exactly what they will

have to offer her. I know she will hate me now but hopefully she will forgive

me the long run. The rages she has are so horrible now that I have to protect

the rest of my family. She does not act this way with my parents thankfully.

She just lets it build up and then blows on the rest of us. She too is on

Paxil (and Geodon, Adderall and Wellbutrin). We have lowered the dose on the

Adderall now since she is actually making straight A's in school. Have you ever

heard of the SAFE alternatives program? It is a 30 day inpatient program in

Illinois for self injurers. I really would love for her to go there but she

refuses. Anyway, it is so good to be able to talk to people that know how I

feel. Thanks for caring! joelen

Jamal Jilao somalitamale@...> wrote:

Welcome to our group. I'm so sorry for your grief and sadness, I've been

there too. This is the place to be, we've all been there. It really helps to

know you are not alone, this group has been a saving grace for me and has

given me alot of strength to get through times when I needed to remember

boundaries and care for myself.

Has your daughter been able to express her feelings when she returns from

her father's home? Has anything happened there that she may not be sharing?

It seems from what you wrote that is when her cutting episodes started and

continue to be more violent. What is their relationship like and why

doesn't she enjoy her time there? Anger as a result of the divorce?

I have a 19 year old daughter that I had a great difficulty with from

the age 15. She was a cutter and raged like you wouldn't believe. She also

is ADHD and diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder. She has BPD traits. Oh, and

she also suffers from PTSD. For one full year she cut, I tried my best to

hide everything I could that she could cut with. (To this day I have limited

knives in our kitchen even though she no longer cuts). she also took an

overdose and finally during that scenario I found out what the cutting was

about- she had been raped that year. After finally sharing her secret which

she kept for about 6 months, the cutting stopped. We were lucky with that.

It didn't stop everything though. She became a recluse, refusing to go to

school and hanging out with very few. I ended up divorcing my non-supportive

husband and moved my daughter, younger son, and I to another state and new

life. She didn't finish high school but last

spring studied and got

her GED.

Her rages have been awful, she doesn't/didn't always get physical, but our

home has always had holes in the walls. She has always been angry towards her

brother but at the same time loves him immensley. Now that he is 14 and 6 ft

tall, he is no longer the victim.

The good news is, she is doing so much better. She has developed the

ability to reflect and begin to go out and face the world. She is going full

time to our community college. She is beginning not to blame everyone

around her for her woes, she is able to express her role in emotional and

behavior situations. What made this change? I don't know exactly, she has

not gone to therapy for 2 years, she never wanted to hear what was said.

Medication? No, actually that was one of our big arguments, chasing after her

to get her to take it. When I established that boundary and put it on her,

she stopped taking it and her rages have been reduced to infrequent and less

destructive. Our thinking is maybe the Paxil she was taking was more of a

hinderance than a help.

So...... there is hope for you and and . I had always

wished I could get at least a 30 day treatment for her, it was never approved

by our insurance. I wanted it but was afraid too.... I had a hard time

dealing with the stigma I thought came with it. I think 30 days is useful to

allow doctors to see how medications are working and intensive therapy. Once

a week never worked for my . It just wasn't enough.

Write us often, we are here to listen. Wish we had an answer, all we can

offer is experience. Take care.

jovet218 jovet218@...> wrote: I have been searching for a

support group for parent's of BPs and i

hope I am in the right place. My 17 year old daughter was diagnosed

the end of December with BPD. Here is my story leading up to this....

's dad left when she was 8, leaving behind Krsitn, myself and

her 4 year old sister, . Looking back, has always had

a hard time expressing herself. She has always had it in for

. Through the years I thought it was just that was

a " bratty sister. " Most of the time anything she did or said caused

anger in . I was blamed frequently for not " doing my job " as

a parent. In any case, their dad re-married in 99. The girls knew of

the engagement but found out of the actual nuptials via a postcard

from Vegas. Their dad lives out of state. Fast forward to 2001. This

is when I met and married him in 2002. The girls did not meet

him for 3 months after we started dating when I realized we were

getting serious. We invloved them totally from the beginning with

the wedding. They were accepting of it all for the most part. It was

an easier transition that either of us thought. We have had our ups

and downs mind you and things are not perfect...just not the

horrible blended stepfamily that we had read about. One year later,

in July 2003, 's dad,who was in poor health, died of a massive

heart attack. Two weeks later his mother was diagnosed with lung

cancer and died exactly 8 weeks to the day that his dad died. Both

girls had a good relationship with his parents and their deaths were

horriblw blows. wrote a poem and read it at PaPa's funeral

and MawMaw was very proud of her. In Feb. 2004, my grandmother who

had been living with my mom for over a year due to failing health,

died. We had all been a huge part of her last year, so that too was

a huge blow. In June 2004, the girl's father wanted them to spend 6

weeks with him and his family. He would allow them to come home

after 4 weeks to attend a memorial service in PA for my grandmother

(she was vreamated and ultimately buried there beside my

grandfather). After being with him for 3 weeks, started

calling me from her cell phone late at night. She wanted to come

home but was afraid of disappointing her dad. has always

called me during vists, but never Krsitin. After a couple of nights

of this, and I decided to go and get them. Needless to say,

her dad was ROYALLY PISSED but let them leave. He threw their things

in the back of my van and just left in anger. The girls thanked us

for coming and they were relieved. Apparently, this trip with him

was the beginning of her cutting but we didn't know it at the time.

She did not speak to her dad until Christmas and they had a huge

blow up on New Year's Eve, She came home and grabbed a knife,

threatening to use it. Her best friend, was here and knocked

it out of her hand. I still didn't have a clue. February of

2005...she had come home from school. She was still wearing her

school uniform. I noticed blood on the collar which she said was

from a cat scratch. She was working at a pet store at the time and

it had happened there. I told her to take her shirt off so I could

spot treat the blood. She didn't want to but I got irritated and so

she did. She took it off right in front of me. All I remember at

that moment were the horrible cuts on her upper arms/cchest and how

many there were. I remember being mad at her, thinking normally that

this was a failed suicide attempt. I understand now that this is the

way a lot of parents think when they 1st learn. I was then scared.

The fact that these were only scratches this time, she was not

hospitalized. We were in a transition with medical insurance at

themt ime (I had none since leaving my job of 10 years for a new

position and I was still under probabtion). The next month, March

2005, she cut herslef so badly that she came to me at my job for

medical assistance. She had carved her arms terribly. This was the

true begininng to her story. I had read the many ER's treat self

injurers with disdain and I didn't want to put either of us through

that. I took her to an acute care clinic up the street from our

house. We had met one of the docs there before and liked him. He was

there when we arrived and we were promptly taken to the back where

he sewed up her arms with care and concern. We had an appointment

that afternoon at a new mental health facility so that is where we

went after leaving. After her assessment there, she was sent to

another city to a psychiatric care center (there is no place in our

city that treats adolescents). She spent a week there. Things were

up and down following that stay. She missed alot of her 11th grade

school year, but with the help of a tutor and many loving teachers

(she was attending a private Christian school) she passed the 11th

grade. She was still working off and on even though there were more

cutting incidents and she even did it at work and school. In Oct.

2005, after another major incident, she spent another week at a

different facility. There she had a lot of testing done and was

dianosed with severe depression and anxiety, OCD, ADHD, and

psychosis. She was put on 4 different medications and discharged.

Again, things were up and down, better and worse. She decided to

spend a week over Christmas with her dad this past Decemeber. Her

dad was told that she had to be reminded twice daily to take her

meds. She is very forgetful. She came home the day after Christmas.

She got upset over some small something (it was small to us) and

overdosed on her meds that had NOT been taked for 6 days that she

was gone. She had her stomach pumped at the ER and spent the night

in the ICU where she could be monitored. She was then sent back to

the 1st facility that she went to in March (we call it the " Time-

out " clinic). The psychiatrist there took her off all of her meds

and told her that she had to learn responsibility for herself and

her treatment. I thought that was pretty harsh at the time but I now

it was a good thing since she now knows that she really does feel

better when on her meds and is good about taking the meds now. She

also was diagnosed at that time with BPD. Her last major inicdent

was 2 weeks ago when she was alone with her sister for less that 10

mintues. She got mad and punched . She then felt guilty and

proceded to not only cut herself, but slash herself. and I

came home to screaming. We found her in her room, on her knees,

covered in blood. There was blood all over the floor and sprayed

things. When I asked what had happened, she only said that she had

hurt . We ran to make sure was ok. She was physically

ok and,of course, then our attnentions were turned to Krsitin. I

thought she ahd cut her eye out. Her left eye was covered with

blood. Daid grabbed a towel and she held it to her face while I

drove like a maniac to the ER. She thankfully did not cut her eye,

but took 7 stitches above it. She had 2 smaller cuts under her eye

and 2 on her neck. The other cuts were to her lower arms and took

stitiches there also. To make a long story short (my hand is

cramping...HA) she is staying with my mom and dad, away from her

sister. I made a " contract " wit her. She starts a new therapist on

the 24th who does dialectical behavior therapy. We are in the

process of switching psych/therapists again since I now have

insuarnace. Her " old " psych wants us to have her involuntarily

comitted for 30 days but I don't know. I don't want to send her some

place for anohter " time out. " In the contract that I made with her

it states that if she so much as scracthes herslef, she will be

committed. It wasn't a threat, just a reality. I want her to try to

finish school. She had to withdraw from the school where she had

attended since 7th grade and is now enrolled in a school that she

attends 3 days a week. She did well last week until yesterday, She

has become a recluse. She draws and writes which is great but she

also has no other friends besides . She has made a lot

of " friends " online and they play a role palying game. These are

her " friends " and even though she has been told by her psych that

she has lost touch with reality when she is on the computer. So I

have limited her time. She got angry yesterday when I told her it

was time to get off. She has a warning time and then she went over

that so when she ignored me I turned it off. Things turned violent.

Many times she has gotten violent with the entire family when we

limited her online time. The chat rooms seem to be a drug to her and

taking that away or limiting it causes her to act like someone with

a drug addiction. She claims it is her " right " to be online and

can't understand why she cannot get more time. She had the last

meeting with her " old " psych today. He still wants me to commit

her....Boy did I write a novel. Sorry to ramble...Thanks for any

input. en

Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help,

@.... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT RESPOND

ONLINE.

Essential reading to help you feel better and understand the BP in your life

are:

• SWOE ( " Stop Walking on Eggshells”) and the SWOE Workbook (for

everyone)

• HOPE FOR PARENTS

Call 888-35-SHELL () to order your copies.

From Randi Kreger, Owner of BPDCentral and the WTO Online Community

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I have heard that things sometimes do get better with age and maturity. She is

definitely better with the meds. When she was off of everything in Dec. after

her overdose, we saw a BIG difference and she felt a big difference. That is why

we no longer have to fight with her to take them. That was a huge relief. She

has had a lot of ups and downs with her dad. For a long time he didn't believe

in mental illness or in meds. She was torn when she was with him. After the

overdose in Dec. and the hospitalization again, we learned of the BPD diagnosis.

We watched a video on BPD and a switch actually turned on for him. I think he

finally gets it now and is trying to be more supportive. He has yet to really

seen her in a rage. I haven't quite figured out why she can control herslef with

him and with my parents and his parents, but not with us. Now my parents have

seen her rage before but never at them. It is always me, or that

get the brunt of it. I have been told that it is

because we are the closest to her so she knows we will always love her no

matter what. And I guess they are right. Anyway, she had a good day today and

that I am grateful for. We atke it 1 day at a time...en

Jamal Jilao somalitamale@...> wrote:

Yes we do have alot in common! So hopefully things will begin to change in

your daughter's life at some point. I find in interesting that both Debbie

L.'s daughter and my own started to make a change at 19. I know that her

birthday (oct) had a big impact on her, 19 meant one year closer to adulthood.

She said she felt like her brain changed- has it just been maturity? She also

every so often goes, Oh my God I'm going to be 20 this year! It's really been

an impact.

Have you noticed her rages are more frequent or severe since taking all of

that medication?. Was her depression triggered from her visits from her

father? What is up with her relationship with him?

I haven't heard of the program, but could her dr get her into that if he is

recommending involuntary hospitalization. I'm guessing isn't going to

be compliant towards any hospitalization, that's where you have to take the

reins.

Glad to hear from you,

en Vaughn jovet218@...> wrote: Wow ,

Our situations seem very similar. I am still toying with the idea of the 30

days. I have a phone call put in to the facility to see exactly what they will

have to offer her. I know she will hate me now but hopefully she will forgive

me the long run. The rages she has are so horrible now that I have to protect

the rest of my family. She does not act this way with my parents thankfully.

She just lets it build up and then blows on the rest of us. She too is on

Paxil (and Geodon, Adderall and Wellbutrin). We have lowered the dose on the

Adderall now since she is actually making straight A's in school. Have you ever

heard of the SAFE alternatives program? It is a 30 day inpatient program in

Illinois for self injurers. I really would love for her to go there but she

refuses. Anyway, it is so good to be able to talk to people that know how I

feel. Thanks for caring! joelen

Jamal Jilao somalitamale@...> wrote:

Welcome to our group. I'm so sorry for your grief and sadness, I've been

there too. This is the place to be, we've all been there. It really helps to

know you are not alone, this group has been a saving grace for me and has

given me alot of strength to get through times when I needed to remember

boundaries and care for myself.

Has your daughter been able to express her feelings when she returns from

her father's home? Has anything happened there that she may not be sharing?

It seems from what you wrote that is when her cutting episodes started and

continue to be more violent. What is their relationship like and why

doesn't she enjoy her time there? Anger as a result of the divorce?

I have a 19 year old daughter that I had a great difficulty with from

the age 15. She was a cutter and raged like you wouldn't believe. She also

is ADHD and diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder. She has BPD traits. Oh, and

she also suffers from PTSD. For one full year she cut, I tried my best to

hide everything I could that she could cut with. (To this day I have limited

knives in our kitchen even though she no longer cuts). she also took an

overdose and finally during that scenario I found out what the cutting was

about- she had been raped that year. After finally sharing her secret which

she kept for about 6 months, the cutting stopped. We were lucky with that.

It didn't stop everything though. She became a recluse, refusing to go to

school and hanging out with very few. I ended up divorcing my non-supportive

husband and moved my daughter, younger son, and I to another state and new

life. She didn't finish high school but last

spring studied and got

her GED.

Her rages have been awful, she doesn't/didn't always get physical, but our

home has always had holes in the walls. She has always been angry towards her

brother but at the same time loves him immensley. Now that he is 14 and 6 ft

tall, he is no longer the victim.

The good news is, she is doing so much better. She has developed the

ability to reflect and begin to go out and face the world. She is going full

time to our community college. She is beginning not to blame everyone

around her for her woes, she is able to express her role in emotional and

behavior situations. What made this change? I don't know exactly, she has

not gone to therapy for 2 years, she never wanted to hear what was said.

Medication? No, actually that was one of our big arguments, chasing after her

to get her to take it. When I established that boundary and put it on her,

she stopped taking it and her rages have been reduced to infrequent and less

destructive. Our thinking is maybe the Paxil she was taking was more of a

hinderance than a help.

So...... there is hope for you and and . I had always

wished I could get at least a 30 day treatment for her, it was never approved

by our insurance. I wanted it but was afraid too.... I had a hard time

dealing with the stigma I thought came with it. I think 30 days is useful to

allow doctors to see how medications are working and intensive therapy. Once

a week never worked for my . It just wasn't enough.

Write us often, we are here to listen. Wish we had an answer, all we can

offer is experience. Take care.

jovet218 jovet218@...> wrote: I have been searching for a

support group for parent's of BPs and i

hope I am in the right place. My 17 year old daughter was diagnosed

the end of December with BPD. Here is my story leading up to this....

's dad left when she was 8, leaving behind Krsitn, myself and

her 4 year old sister, . Looking back, has always had

a hard time expressing herself. She has always had it in for

. Through the years I thought it was just that was

a " bratty sister. " Most of the time anything she did or said caused

anger in . I was blamed frequently for not " doing my job " as

a parent. In any case, their dad re-married in 99. The girls knew of

the engagement but found out of the actual nuptials via a postcard

from Vegas. Their dad lives out of state. Fast forward to 2001. This

is when I met and married him in 2002. The girls did not meet

him for 3 months after we started dating when I realized we were

getting serious. We invloved them totally from the beginning with

the wedding. They were accepting of it all for the most part. It was

an easier transition that either of us thought. We have had our ups

and downs mind you and things are not perfect...just not the

horrible blended stepfamily that we had read about. One year later,

in July 2003, 's dad,who was in poor health, died of a massive

heart attack. Two weeks later his mother was diagnosed with lung

cancer and died exactly 8 weeks to the day that his dad died. Both

girls had a good relationship with his parents and their deaths were

horriblw blows. wrote a poem and read it at PaPa's funeral

and MawMaw was very proud of her. In Feb. 2004, my grandmother who

had been living with my mom for over a year due to failing health,

died. We had all been a huge part of her last year, so that too was

a huge blow. In June 2004, the girl's father wanted them to spend 6

weeks with him and his family. He would allow them to come home

after 4 weeks to attend a memorial service in PA for my grandmother

(she was vreamated and ultimately buried there beside my

grandfather). After being with him for 3 weeks, started

calling me from her cell phone late at night. She wanted to come

home but was afraid of disappointing her dad. has always

called me during vists, but never Krsitin. After a couple of nights

of this, and I decided to go and get them. Needless to say,

her dad was ROYALLY PISSED but let them leave. He threw their things

in the back of my van and just left in anger. The girls thanked us

for coming and they were relieved. Apparently, this trip with him

was the beginning of her cutting but we didn't know it at the time.

She did not speak to her dad until Christmas and they had a huge

blow up on New Year's Eve, She came home and grabbed a knife,

threatening to use it. Her best friend, was here and knocked

it out of her hand. I still didn't have a clue. February of

2005...she had come home from school. She was still wearing her

school uniform. I noticed blood on the collar which she said was

from a cat scratch. She was working at a pet store at the time and

it had happened there. I told her to take her shirt off so I could

spot treat the blood. She didn't want to but I got irritated and so

she did. She took it off right in front of me. All I remember at

that moment were the horrible cuts on her upper arms/cchest and how

many there were. I remember being mad at her, thinking normally that

this was a failed suicide attempt. I understand now that this is the

way a lot of parents think when they 1st learn. I was then scared.

The fact that these were only scratches this time, she was not

hospitalized. We were in a transition with medical insurance at

themt ime (I had none since leaving my job of 10 years for a new

position and I was still under probabtion). The next month, March

2005, she cut herslef so badly that she came to me at my job for

medical assistance. She had carved her arms terribly. This was the

true begininng to her story. I had read the many ER's treat self

injurers with disdain and I didn't want to put either of us through

that. I took her to an acute care clinic up the street from our

house. We had met one of the docs there before and liked him. He was

there when we arrived and we were promptly taken to the back where

he sewed up her arms with care and concern. We had an appointment

that afternoon at a new mental health facility so that is where we

went after leaving. After her assessment there, she was sent to

another city to a psychiatric care center (there is no place in our

city that treats adolescents). She spent a week there. Things were

up and down following that stay. She missed alot of her 11th grade

school year, but with the help of a tutor and many loving teachers

(she was attending a private Christian school) she passed the 11th

grade. She was still working off and on even though there were more

cutting incidents and she even did it at work and school. In Oct.

2005, after another major incident, she spent another week at a

different facility. There she had a lot of testing done and was

dianosed with severe depression and anxiety, OCD, ADHD, and

psychosis. She was put on 4 different medications and discharged.

Again, things were up and down, better and worse. She decided to

spend a week over Christmas with her dad this past Decemeber. Her

dad was told that she had to be reminded twice daily to take her

meds. She is very forgetful. She came home the day after Christmas.

She got upset over some small something (it was small to us) and

overdosed on her meds that had NOT been taked for 6 days that she

was gone. She had her stomach pumped at the ER and spent the night

in the ICU where she could be monitored. She was then sent back to

the 1st facility that she went to in March (we call it the " Time-

out " clinic). The psychiatrist there took her off all of her meds

and told her that she had to learn responsibility for herself and

her treatment. I thought that was pretty harsh at the time but I now

it was a good thing since she now knows that she really does feel

better when on her meds and is good about taking the meds now. She

also was diagnosed at that time with BPD. Her last major inicdent

was 2 weeks ago when she was alone with her sister for less that 10

mintues. She got mad and punched . She then felt guilty and

proceded to not only cut herself, but slash herself. and I

came home to screaming. We found her in her room, on her knees,

covered in blood. There was blood all over the floor and sprayed

things. When I asked what had happened, she only said that she had

hurt . We ran to make sure was ok. She was physically

ok and,of course, then our attnentions were turned to Krsitin. I

thought she ahd cut her eye out. Her left eye was covered with

blood. Daid grabbed a towel and she held it to her face while I

drove like a maniac to the ER. She thankfully did not cut her eye,

but took 7 stitches above it. She had 2 smaller cuts under her eye

and 2 on her neck. The other cuts were to her lower arms and took

stitiches there also. To make a long story short (my hand is

cramping...HA) she is staying with my mom and dad, away from her

sister. I made a " contract " wit her. She starts a new therapist on

the 24th who does dialectical behavior therapy. We are in the

process of switching psych/therapists again since I now have

insuarnace. Her " old " psych wants us to have her involuntarily

comitted for 30 days but I don't know. I don't want to send her some

place for anohter " time out. " In the contract that I made with her

it states that if she so much as scracthes herslef, she will be

committed. It wasn't a threat, just a reality. I want her to try to

finish school. She had to withdraw from the school where she had

attended since 7th grade and is now enrolled in a school that she

attends 3 days a week. She did well last week until yesterday, She

has become a recluse. She draws and writes which is great but she

also has no other friends besides . She has made a lot

of " friends " online and they play a role palying game. These are

her " friends " and even though she has been told by her psych that

she has lost touch with reality when she is on the computer. So I

have limited her time. She got angry yesterday when I told her it

was time to get off. She has a warning time and then she went over

that so when she ignored me I turned it off. Things turned violent.

Many times she has gotten violent with the entire family when we

limited her online time. The chat rooms seem to be a drug to her and

taking that away or limiting it causes her to act like someone with

a drug addiction. She claims it is her " right " to be online and

can't understand why she cannot get more time. She had the last

meeting with her " old " psych today. He still wants me to commit

her....Boy did I write a novel. Sorry to ramble...Thanks for any

input. en

Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help,

@.... SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT RESPOND

ONLINE.

Essential reading to help you feel better and understand the BP in your life

are:

• SWOE ( " Stop Walking on Eggshells”) and the SWOE Workbook (for

everyone)

• HOPE FOR PARENTS

Call 888-35-SHELL () to order your copies.

From Randi Kreger, Owner of BPDCentral and the WTO Online Community