Re: Re: 's comments to Jean - Yes !!!

[Guest guest]

ann

Yes, I agree with you. It is quite obvious that anytime I have been nice to

her, it appears she sees this as weakness. BPs are weird little creatures.

They seem to equate kindness with weakness and when someone (like her husband

in this case) treats her like crap, she LOVES it and wants him back so she

can get more of it. After all, he has spent the last few days telling her

what trash and what a loser she is and she took him back last night.

I guess that pretty much tells me she must like and enjoy being abused.

Jean

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/18/2005 10:42:16 PM Eastern Standard Time,

itsalison2@... writes:

but to take the high ground with a Borderline only seems to

make them see you as someone they can heap more abuse on. They dont

understand kindness or decency and seem to see it as a weakness to be

exploited.

ann,

Hi, hope all is well. I didn't get that from 's post. I don't

think he was infering that she be kind and decent. He was telling her NOT to

give her daughter back what she was dolling to Jean. Jean thought that behaving

to her daughter as she is to her would make her see the light. Micheal meant

to take the high road, keep herself above this type of behavior, that her

daughter is on the low road and Jean doesn't belong there. He meant for Jean to

step back, as you say, and not give her a dose of her own medicine. Her

daughter certainly has not/will not react to decency. At least this is what I

interpreted in his post.

DebbieL

[Guest guest]

I don't think it's necessarily that she likes it. But the turmoil in her life

is what keeps her balanced, in her sense of reality. Again, she's looking for

the one who will fulfill that fear in her of being abandoned. You don't fill

that need b/c you haven't abandoned her, in spite of all the crap that she

pulls. She doesn't think that she's worthy of you or your love. And even

though that's not true, that's her belief and reality. And you can't fix that

or change it, no matter what you do or say.

Kelley C.

cascorsam@... wrote:

ann

Yes, I agree with you. It is quite obvious that anytime I have been nice to

her, it appears she sees this as weakness. BPs are weird little creatures.

They seem to equate kindness with weakness and when someone (like her husband

in this case) treats her like crap, she LOVES it and wants him back so she

can get more of it. After all, he has spent the last few days telling her

what trash and what a loser she is and she took him back last night.

I guess that pretty much tells me she must like and enjoy being abused.

Jean

[Guest guest]

Well I am really close to abandoning her. I am in my 50's and I have had

enough of this. I really don't deserve a daughter like her. I have been a

good mother---my normal son tells me that I have, all my family tells me I have

and everyone tells me to write her off. That she is going to put me in my

grave if I continue caring about what happens to her.

Jean

[Guest guest]

And that is probably a VERY healthy thing for you to do. You have to take care

of yourself and putting up boundaries, whatever they may be, will hopefully help

you with all the turmoil that you feel about everything. I'm so sorry that

you're having to go through this for your grandsons. They're very lucky to have

you as a gramma.

Kelley C.

cascorsam@... wrote:

Well I am really close to abandoning her. I am in my 50's and I have had

enough of this. I really don't deserve a daughter like her. I have been a

good mother---my normal son tells me that I have, all my family tells me I have

and everyone tells me to write her off. That she is going to put me in my

grave if I continue caring about what happens to her.

Jean

[Guest guest]

Debbie,

I think you interpreted my post as I intended it.

--- funnygirl1154@... wrote:

> In a message dated 10/18/2005 10:42:16 PM Eastern

> Standard Time,

> itsalison2@... writes:

> but to take the high ground with a Borderline only

> seems to

> make them see you as someone they can heap more

> abuse on. They dont

> understand kindness or decency and seem to see it as

> a weakness to be

> exploited.

> ann,

> Hi, hope all is well. I didn't get that from

> 's post. I don't

> think he was infering that she be kind and decent.

> He was telling her NOT to

> give her daughter back what she was dolling to Jean.

> Jean thought that behaving

> to her daughter as she is to her would make her see

> the light. Micheal meant

> to take the high road, keep herself above this type

> of behavior, that her

> daughter is on the low road and Jean doesn't belong

> there. He meant for Jean to

> step back, as you say, and not give her a dose of

> her own medicine. Her

> daughter certainly has not/will not react to

> decency. At least this is what I

> interpreted in his post.

> DebbieL

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

__________________________________

Yahoo! Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005

http://mail.yahoo.com

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/19/2005 11:33:07 PM Eastern Standard Time,

ezcmezwent@... writes:

I think you interpreted my post as I intended it.

I am beginning to think I missed my calling Thanx, .

DebbieL

[Guest guest]

Jean,

No, none of us " deserve " daughters like this. The bp's don't " deserve " this way

of life either.

You don't have to abandon Kirsten -- you do need to remove yourself from the

daily goings on (it is her life not yours)...

Your parenting is basically done. You may want to decide the amount of

involvement in her life -- i.e., babysitting etc. And be cordial -- but not

get involved.

Focus on your own self, your own interests. Is it heartwrenching -- of course

it is -- and further complicated by your lovely grandchildren. There's a book

out there on children with bp moms -- maybe that will give you some ideas.

Good luck to you,

Carol

-------------- Original message --------------

> Well I am really close to abandoning her. I am in my 50's and I have had

> enough of this. I really don't deserve a daughter like her. I have been a

> good mother---my normal son tells me that I have, all my family tells me I

have

> and everyone tells me to write her off. That she is going to put me in my

> grave if I continue caring about what happens to her.

>

> Jean

>

>

>