Guest guest Posted December 14, 2005 Report Share Posted December 14, 2005 Dear Ariel I was not trying to make you feel badly. I just think you need to put YOU first and not let ANYONE dump on you or allow ANYONE to continuously say and do things to you that make you feel bad about yourself. I think getting yourself to a point where you do not take emotional or physical abuse from anyone, especially your family, is the, or should be your primary focus right now. Dealing with your children will come only after YOU feel good about yourself. Someone here said, your first step should be to get a job, any job. That will make you feel more independent. And I would also do nothing for your family until I was treated with more respect. Let them all fend for themselves. Be out (shopping, movie, visiting friends, etc) when they get home expecting you to be there catering to them. Do good things for yourself. Be kind to yourself and put up with NO bull____ from them. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 15, 2005 Report Share Posted December 15, 2005 Yes, Jean, I didn't dream that you would have been trying to make me feel badly. But thank you for saying so. That helps somehow .I did feel badly. Thank you for trying to help. It has been a process for me, as it would be for anyone, to try to get out from under the pile of stuff. There are various stages in such a process and the first one is recognition. Then one may need to clean up: one mops the fluid stuff, scoops up the gooey stuff, sweeps up dry stuff , picks up bigger pieces, and so on. How to go about it all can get tricky. And what if the stuff keeps coming down. Maybe one just runs at some point. But maybe one uses an umbrella or keeps out of the way while it is coming down, maybe to move altogether but later when the time is right for that. It all depends. But one thing is sure and that is that it is a process unless the whole thing is on fire . Right now,I am trying to recognise abuse; I am trying to recognise when I am being abused; I am trying to learn how to cope with abuse; I am trying to get myself in good enough shape so I can do any big things needed. And so on. I am just working on things bit by bit. And it is not as if I have any assets or a job : that makes a whopping difference to my options, especially considering various things that haven't even got discussed. Basically, right now the pile of stuff is crushing and suffocating me and I have to clear a path first. I find it a real practical challenge, where I am now, just to know what is going on (whether it is abuse or not) and how to deal with it , eg, respond to the person and keep calm and not devestated. I have to deal with my children right now as they are in my face all the time and refuse to evaporate in a puff of smoke. Life goes on. And getting the worst of that into better shape will relieve me of a big stressor so maybe I can better pick my emotions off the floor and get myself working on getting a job instead of just giving up. I have been improving with regards this, with people's feedback and support, and I do find things have been improving in one way or another. Eg, even if the bad stuff keeps rolling on in,as it has been (you wouldn't believe the last 24 hours) at least I am not as bowled over by it because I take it as personally. And that sure helps me to deal with other things. I do really appreciate any kindness and assistance I get. Ariel > > Dear Ariel > > I was not trying to make you feel badly. I just think you need to put YOU > first and not let ANYONE dump on you or allow ANYONE to continuously say and > do things to you that make you feel bad about yourself. I think getting > yourself to a point where you do not take emotional or physical abuse from anyone, > especially your family, is the, or should be your primary focus right now. > > Dealing with your children will come only after YOU feel good about > yourself. Someone here said, your first step should be to get a job, any job. That > will make you feel more independent. And I would also do nothing for your > family until I was treated with more respect. Let them all fend for > themselves. Be out (shopping, movie, visiting friends, etc) when they get home > expecting you to be there catering to them. Do good things for yourself. Be kind > to yourself and put up with NO bull____ from them. > > Jean > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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