Guest guest Posted January 22, 2006 Report Share Posted January 22, 2006 Helen I agree with you totally in that ill or not, they ARE responsible to get fixed. They cannot go on and on making everyone else's lives miserable including their own. I have a dear frien who counsels drug addicts and alcoholics. She says ill or not, those with substance abuse problems and personality disorders will only change and seek help WHEN they hit bottom. The only problem is each person's " bottom " is different. Amd my daughter, I think, will be hitting hers when she loses her house---at least I hope that will be her " bottom " Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2006 Report Share Posted January 23, 2006 Be VERY careful of the " hitting bottom " advice. Its been told to me before and suicide was the bottom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2006 Report Share Posted January 23, 2006 I understand that. L was in a RTC and attempted suicide there. We went to see her, and she said it was because I wasn't there for her. So, I asked her if she was blaming me for her actions. She of course said no. I can't be held responsible for their life. When she finds out that she is responsible for her own life, she will probably take it more seriously. On the other hand, when she was home she was doing enough self harm and sabotaging her life even though we were doing everything we could to make it difficult for her to not have a life that was reasonable. I have quit rescuing her, and that is where it will probably stay. The only thing I will probably respond to at this point, regarding help, is a call that says " Mom, I realize that I have a real problem, and it isn't the fault of those around me. I want to change. Can you help me find a doctor? " . At that point I will probably respond with great excitement. Helen _____ From: WTOParentsOfBPs [mailto:WTOParentsOfBPs ] On Behalf Of twinpinesjll@... Sent: Monday, January 23, 2006 5:25 PM To: WTOParentsOfBPs Subject: Re: Helen Be VERY careful of the " hitting bottom " advice. Its been told to me before and suicide was the bottom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 3, 2006 Report Share Posted May 3, 2006 Helen Good question . I too wonder how she will frrl about Will down the road. But he may not ever want to come back because he said she calls the police on him too often. My guess is he will end up back in jail or dead from drug interaction. He does coccaine (crack actually), drinks booze till he passes out and smokes lots of pot. He has no restraints now and $300 to $400 a week to bvlow on all his habits and this older woman ex con girl friend who knows his drug dealer so my guess is she is probably also an addict and her parents allow her to work in their business out of guilt. With any luck, he'll be dead soon before he gets a chance to snatch Emerson again (the 14 mo old). Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 15, 2006 Report Share Posted June 15, 2006 Helen I am just so sick of listening to all this. I have really reached my saturation point. She will never be any better. She IS a loser, will always be a loser BECAUSE SHE doesn't WANT to change. Stopped going to counseling. I am sick of babaysitting the 4 of them. I work at this real estate which is busy now and demeanding so I have to have my wits about me or get sued and then I have to go there and watch 2 screaming babies. The boysm are no trouble. I hate my daughter at this point---I really do. For all I know, she probably did sleep with him yesterday AM and will be pregnant yet again. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 15, 2006 Report Share Posted June 15, 2006 Helen Thank you for your words of encouragement and your wisdom from your experience. Please pray that I can be tough, because that is where I never follow through and then I resent HER terrribly. And when I can't allow her to fall on her face, then I hate myself as well. I guess the boys will have to suffer as well. She only seems to really like Emerson---the girl baby. She says vile things about my grandsons ----even---the newborn. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 15, 2006 Report Share Posted June 15, 2006 Time to follow DebbieL's advice -- change your reactions to her actions. And you don't HAVE to babysit those screaming kids. Hayden's old enough to go to daycare now. Time for K to figure out some other way besides you. Take yourself out of the equation Jean. Kelley cascorsam@... wrote: Helen I am just so sick of listening to all this. I have really reached my saturation point. She will never be any better. She IS a loser, will always be a loser BECAUSE SHE doesn't WANT to change. Stopped going to counseling. I am sick of babaysitting the 4 of them. I work at this real estate which is busy now and demeanding so I have to have my wits about me or get sued and then I have to go there and watch 2 screaming babies. The boysm are no trouble. I hate my daughter at this point---I really do. For all I know, she probably did sleep with him yesterday AM and will be pregnant yet again. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 15, 2006 Report Share Posted June 15, 2006 Excellent advice to Jean, Kelley Time to follow DebbieL's advice -- change your reactions to her actions. And you don't HAVE to babysit those screaming kids. Hayden's old enough to go to daycare now. Time for K to figure out some other way besides you. Take yourself out of the equation Jean. Kelley cascorsam@... wrote: Helen I am just so sick of listening to all this. I have really reached my saturation point. She will never be any better. She IS a loser, will always be a loser BECAUSE SHE doesn't WANT to change. Stopped going to counseling. I am sick of babaysitting the 4 of them. I work at this real estate which is busy now and demeanding so I have to have my wits about me or get sued and then I have to go there and watch 2 screaming babies. The boysm are no trouble. I hate my daughter at this point---I really do. For all I know, she probably did sleep with him yesterday AM and will be pregnant yet again. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 15, 2006 Report Share Posted June 15, 2006 Jean, For your sake - and for your daughter's too - please set your own boundaries and just let her figure out what it means to be an adult. I got to the point where I thought of it this way. If my daughter told me she was old enough to do adult things (have sex), then she should take on adult responsibilities (pay her bills, take care of her kid, get her own rides, etc.). My definition of an adult is someone who takes care of his own bills and stuff. I'd just put her on caller ID and not answer - tell her later, if she catches you, that you are just busy with work. Even at night, you can't take this kind of distraction. I'd unplug the phone, connect it to the fax machine, anything. No real estate folks are going to call you between 10 pm and 7 a.m., I would think! Anyway, I wouldn't trust my daughter for a second. When she has come to me telling me she has a crisis, the crisis really isn't anything like what she says. However, I would add a big caution: don't give in to hate. That will hurt you more than anything else. She probably is a loser, like you say, because she doesn't want to change. I love my daughter, but our relationship is working only within the boundaries I have set. That has really improved things! I have found that I love my daughter, but if I let her use me like that I end up being a basket case and lose perspective. I want to help her, but only where it really counts - getting to treatment, getting help that will change her life. She doesn't want that, and that's all that I will offer to support. It's tough! I think tough love is tougher on the parent than on the kid. Because being tough and being loving aren't what we usually think of as things that go together! Vent, please! Writing to us will probably help you! I'll pray for you too, Jean. Helen _____ From: WTOParentsOfBPs [mailto:WTOParentsOfBPs ] On Behalf Of cascorsam@... Sent: Thursday, June 15, 2006 1:54 PM To: WTOParentsOfBPs Subject: Re: Helen Helen I am just so sick of listening to all this. I have really reached my saturation point. She will never be any better. She IS a loser, will always be a loser BECAUSE SHE doesn't WANT to change. Stopped going to counseling. I am sick of babaysitting the 4 of them. I work at this real estate which is busy now and demeanding so I have to have my wits about me or get sued and then I have to go there and watch 2 screaming babies. The boysm are no trouble. I hate my daughter at this point---I really do. For all I know, she probably did sleep with him yesterday AM and will be pregnant yet again. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 16, 2006 Report Share Posted June 16, 2006 Good for you, Helen. Have fun and relaxation. Wish I were going with you !! Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 16, 2006 Report Share Posted June 16, 2006 > > Good for you, Helen. Have fun and relaxation. Wish I were going with you !! > > Jean > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 16, 2006 Report Share Posted June 16, 2006 At this moment you " hate " your daughter but you love those kids. That's why you do it don't you think? I think you need to stick with the facts when you are talking to and that would be whatever she needs to know about the kids while she was gone. If she starts to talk about the jerk, I would stop her and say I choose not to discuss that. Keep the boundaries up. Does she ever bring up the mortgage- or there lack of? Give a little leeway, she did go on a field trip. Many mothers refuse to. cascorsam@... wrote: Helen I am just so sick of listening to all this. I have really reached my saturation point. She will never be any better. She IS a loser, will always be a loser BECAUSE SHE doesn't WANT to change. Stopped going to counseling. I am sick of babaysitting the 4 of them. I work at this real estate which is busy now and demeanding so I have to have my wits about me or get sued and then I have to go there and watch 2 screaming babies. The boysm are no trouble. I hate my daughter at this point---I really do. For all I know, she probably did sleep with him yesterday AM and will be pregnant yet again. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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