Guest guest Posted September 20, 2005 Report Share Posted September 20, 2005 over-sensitized--a good thought to consider as with anything so close to us can become so much of us that it can be very difficult to step back and see clearly the situation of ourselves in the lives of our bp/np. And, you are so correct about the art of detachment, I'm still not sure if I am doing it correctly sometimes (most times) even after trying to practice it for almost a decade now. welcome to the group.-- -debbie b > I am new to the group and have learned a lot. I feel that perhaps > living with BPs who exist almost entirely on emotion and impulse (at > least my daughter seems to) we all may be over-sensitized. I know I > feel a great need to justifiy myself in the face of constant blame > from the person who is supposed to be my dearest. I have a feeling > that death might be easier. At least their pain would be over. I > understand that we are supposed to detatch, but easier said than done. > One thing we are all together on is that we are trying to learn and > understand. Let's hold to that. Hugs to all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2005 Report Share Posted September 20, 2005 In a message dated 9/20/2005 9:46:53 AM Eastern Standard Time, ezcmezwent@... writes: But please don't give up. Very well put, . Wchaos1, do you have any support groups you can go to? Or seek out a therapist for yourself? If you haven't done so, get the books Stop Walking on Eggshells and Co-Dependent No More. How old is your child? Still living home? Anything I can do or tell you to help, please let me know. I walked in your shoes too, and we have a success story. Hugs, DebbieL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2005 Report Share Posted September 20, 2005 Dear SKJ I don't think the only interest of the state is " the child " . I used to be a volunteer in the Child Advocy Program for the state in which I live. I would investigate abuse by biological parents against their children. I would then report my finding to the court at hearings. Time after time, no matter what the abuse, no matter how blatant, no matter how bad, the judge always sent those kids back to the biological parents. In RI it seems the only thing the social workers cared about was their precious " reunification " . I sometimes thought they were working on commissions !!!! I ended up resigning. I could not stand having these little ones sent back to the same hell I was trying to free them from. As far as your detachment goes, I know how hard this is and that you loved her. If you loved her, then you were not the one who needed attachmnet classes. You already knew how to attach and did. She was the one who needed to learn and who knows if she learned or didn't. I think witrh any of them, only time will tell. Perhaps, being away from her " family " , she'll learn to appreciate you and realize what she has lost. Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2005 Report Share Posted September 20, 2005 Dear skj After all these seessions, did the powers that be ever say she had learned to attach? Is it possible, the antisocial was already in place by 7 ? Did she continue to be argumentative from 7 to the present? Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2005 Report Share Posted September 20, 2005 <...I have a feeling that death might be easier. At least their pain would be over. > wchaos, That sounds like a voice of surrender to me. Your daughter...well...if you give up...what do you think she'll do? But I want to tell you the battle does not have to be over. Pain...yes there's a lot of pain. I watched my wife's pain...I've seen the angry coping mechanisms of my son. Yes...it would be easier...but easier is not right. Love is right. Love is working through our own issues...such as your perceived need to justify yourself to your daughter...your struggle to detach...or the many issues I've had... Finding hope in new treatments...and if your daughter is not ready to accept help...leaning on faith...to give her a little nudge. I'm not saying its easy...I'm saying...Do what you need to do. Scratch and claw if you need to...or be subtle...stick to firm principles....yet in matters of style be fluid. If you're tired...rest...if you're confused or frustrated relax....if you're worried, do some retail therapy or get a massage or slip into a hot tub...do what you need to regain your energy. But please don't give up. --- wchaos1 wchaos1@...> wrote: > I am new to the group and have learned a lot. I > feel that perhaps > living with BPs who exist almost entirely on emotion > and impulse (at > least my daughter seems to) we all may be > over-sensitized. I know I > feel a great need to justifiy myself in the face of > constant blame > from the person who is supposed to be my dearest. I > have a feeling > that death might be easier. At least their pain > would be over. I > understand that we are supposed to detatch, but > easier said than done. > One thing we are all together on is that we are > trying to learn and > understand. Let's hold to that. Hugs to all. > > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2005 Report Share Posted September 20, 2005 In a message dated 9/20/2005 3:03:09 PM Eastern Standard Time, ezcmezwent@... writes: Thank you again Your welcome, . BTW...did I tell you...that although I'm certainly no expert...I think the success story you speak of is no accident? Yes, you did congrat me on my efforts. It certainly was no accident....took a lot of hard work amongst the tears and fears over five years. Lol..yes...if you were asking if this is an attempt to turn the spotlight to you. ?......i'm sorry....missing something here. DebbieL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2005 Report Share Posted September 20, 2005 How intereting to note your bp daughter exists...on emotion and impulse. When, I find my daughter is definitely dramatic and impulsive and has outbursts, yet I feel she's so out of touch with her feelings and her emotions..... Carol -------------- Original message -------------- > I am new to the group and have learned a lot. I feel that perhaps > living with BPs who exist almost entirely on emotion and impulse (at > least my daughter seems to) we all may be over-sensitized. I know I > feel a great need to justifiy myself in the face of constant blame > from the person who is supposed to be my dearest. I have a feeling > that death might be easier. At least their pain would be over. I > understand that we are supposed to detatch, but easier said than done. > One thing we are all together on is that we are trying to learn and > understand. Let's hold to that. Hugs to all. > > > > > > People joining this list must read the guidelines and agree to them before > posting. Send questions or concerns to WelcomeToOz-owner . " Stop > Walking on Eggshells " , a primer for non-BPs, and " Hope for Parents: Helping Your > Borderline Son or Daughter Without Sacrificing Your Family Or Yourself " can be > ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL (). For table of contents, go to > http://www.BPDCentral.com > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2005 Report Share Posted September 20, 2005 Yes she is still argumentative. I have the mental battle scars to prove it. And yes she was very damaged before we ever got her. We were her 3rd foster home. So I was her 4th Mother. skj Re: Re: support groups Dear skj After all these seessions, did the powers that be ever say she had learned to attach? Is it possible, the antisocial was already in place by 7 ? Did she continue to be argumentative from 7 to the present? Jean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 20, 2005 Report Share Posted September 20, 2005 Debbie L, Thank you again. (egg on my face) I just figured out there were two Debbies...lol. BTW...did I tell you...that although I'm certainly no expert...I think the success story you speak of is no accident? Lol..yes...if you were asking if this is an attempt to turn the spotlight to you. Wchaos, Please listen to what worked for Debbie L --- funnygirl1154@... wrote: > In a message dated 9/20/2005 9:46:53 AM Eastern > Standard Time, > ezcmezwent@... writes: > But please don't give up. > > > Very well put, . Wchaos1, do you have any > support groups you can go > to? Or seek out a therapist for yourself? If you > haven't done so, get the > books Stop Walking on Eggshells and Co-Dependent No > More. How old is your child? > Still living home? Anything I can do or tell you > to help, please let me > know. I walked in your shoes too, and we have a > success story. > Hugs, > DebbieL > __________________________________ Yahoo! Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005 http://mail.yahoo.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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