Re: Toni P

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/12/2006 2:29:15 PM Eastern Standard Time,

connect4love@... writes:

Also...I did tell him that I was really scared about everything and that I'm

sure if he finds her there, she will go into a rage especially if he finds

drugs.

I have tried to stay as busy as I can. I cannot cope very well with all that

has happened. I'm still in shock. In answer to those hard questions, if anyone

else abused me, they'd be out of my life but I'm just having too hard of a

time knowing it's my child, the only daughter I have. I also think about what I

have read that some bp's have said about thanking us for sticking it out as

they so much need us. I know I cannot take anymore abuse and I know that I want

to live as well. Hard thoughts indeed. Thanks for the support. Everyone is so

kind and supportive on here. I do thank God!

Your daughter will not rage if the police show up, I feel she will

embarassed and ashamed, coming out calmly with her tail between her legs. Right

now,

with no authority figure around, she feels empowered. My daughter would

cower at the sight of the policeman at her door. I believe she needs to have

this

happen to her. The actual sight of safety will make her come around. Like I

told you before, when I sat her down in front of me and looked her square in

the eye with a very demanding tone and the contract, she cowered.

If you come after them in anger or yelling, you will get no where. When I

sat her down, before we discussed anything, I made sure I told her very firmly

that I completely love her but that these things need to be done and the reason

I am doing this is because I love her so much. I did not allow any weakness

on my part to show in front of her.

Words heeded.

Hugs to you, hang in there, it will get better.

DebbieL

[Guest guest]

Toni,

Haven't much time to respond to anyone right now but wanted to let you know

that I have a T appt tomorrow at 10am. Tried to get one today but wasn't

successful.

I've been feeling pretty much like a zombie and just trying to occupy my

mind so that my blood pressure won't skyrocket. Haven't heard from the detective

and haven't been able to make myself call him ither. I left him the message that

I was told my daughter was with her ex-boyfriend and that everyone has been

lying. Also...I did tell him that I was really scared about everything and that

I'm sure if he finds her there, she will go into a rage especially if he finds

drugs.

I have tried to stay as busy as I can. I cannot cope very well with all

that has happened. I'm still in shock. In answer to those hard questions, if

anyone else abused me, they'd be out of my life but I'm just having too hard of

a time knowing it's my child, the only daughter I have. I also think about what

I have read that some bp's have said about thanking us for sticking it out as

they so much need us. I know I cannot take anymore abuse and I know that I want

to live as well. Hard thoughts indeed. Thanks for the support. Everyone is so

kind and supportive on here. I do thank God!

Toni P hephzeba2001@...> wrote:

Here's another hard question:

If there was a person in your life that was abusing you, would you let it

continue? Would you allow this person, no matter how much you love them keep at

you?

You may have to emotionally divorce her just to remain healthy. This is not a

healthy relationship any longer. She's 17, right? When will she be 18? Can you

let her go and let her continue where she is, no matter how bad it looks to you?

Can you separate mentally and emotionally?

Just some hard thoughts. I am so sorry. Lies are awful and so very hurtful to

the relationship. Be at peace.

Toni

patricia atcheson connect4love@...> wrote:

Hello again all........

Boy! I have been having alot of mixed feelings here! To know she went to such

great lengths to prove to her ex-boyfriend that she loves him! You know how much

it hurts to know she doesn't care what I'm feeling. All, so she can live in his

bed!

I, of course, don't know how this is going to turn out. The detective said he's

going to drive by his house, didn't say when and this was before I found out

this info late last night. If they are doing drugs together, I pray that they

get caught without me creating it. Such mixed feelings! On one hand, I'm

relieved as I know where she is and that she hasn't been abducted by some

internet friend that she's met. On the other hand, I am angry that I've been SO

WORRIED and now have to take high blood pressure medicine! I'm sure that my pain

has gone back to her just telling her best friends mother how afraid I've been

feeling. She'll most likely tell her daughter and then the info will go to mine

or the stepmom will tell her best friend that she told me all?! I still am

hoping that no one finds out that I know the truth!

Well..........thanks everyone. Wanted to let you know what's going on so

far.........

I just don't know what I even want to do........I do feel very hurt and angry.

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

-

You are making progress! Now I better get on the phone and make my appt too!

If she rages at the police or the detective, that may be the best thing,

because then maybe she can get help sooner than if she's just going after you.

She has made her bed. She will have to sleep in it. You can be there for her,

as long as she respects your boundaries. And yes, she will thank you one day,

assuming she chooses to get the help she needs.

We're all here for you!!

Toni

patricia atcheson connect4love@...> wrote:

Toni,

Haven't much time to respond to anyone right now but wanted to let you know that

I have a T appt tomorrow at 10am. Tried to get one today but wasn't successful.

I've been feeling pretty much like a zombie and just trying to occupy my mind so

that my blood pressure won't skyrocket. Haven't heard from the detective and

haven't been able to make myself call him ither. I left him the message that I

was told my daughter was with her ex-boyfriend and that everyone has been lying.

Also...I did tell him that I was really scared about everything and that I'm

sure if he finds her there, she will go into a rage especially if he finds

drugs.

I have tried to stay as busy as I can. I cannot cope very well with all that has

happened. I'm still in shock. In answer to those hard questions, if anyone else

abused me, they'd be out of my life but I'm just having too hard of a time

knowing it's my child, the only daughter I have. I also think about what I have

read that some bp's have said about thanking us for sticking it out as they so

much need us. I know I cannot take anymore abuse and I know that I want to live

as well. Hard thoughts indeed. Thanks for the support. Everyone is so kind and

supportive on here. I do thank God!

Toni P wrote:

Here's another hard question:

If there was a person in your life that was abusing you, would you let it

continue? Would you allow this person, no matter how much you love them keep at

you?

You may have to emotionally divorce her just to remain healthy. This is not a

healthy relationship any longer. She's 17, right? When will she be 18? Can you

let her go and let her continue where she is, no matter how bad it looks to you?

Can you separate mentally and emotionally?

Just some hard thoughts. I am so sorry. Lies are awful and so very hurtful to

the relationship. Be at peace.

Toni

patricia atcheson wrote:

Hello again all........

Boy! I have been having alot of mixed feelings here! To know she went to such

great lengths to prove to her ex-boyfriend that she loves him! You know how much

it hurts to know she doesn't care what I'm feeling. All, so she can live in his

bed!

I, of course, don't know how this is going to turn out. The detective said he's

going to drive by his house, didn't say when and this was before I found out

this info late last night. If they are doing drugs together, I pray that they

get caught without me creating it. Such mixed feelings! On one hand, I'm

relieved as I know where she is and that she hasn't been abducted by some

internet friend that she's met. On the other hand, I am angry that I've been SO

WORRIED and now have to take high blood pressure medicine! I'm sure that my pain

has gone back to her just telling her best friends mother how afraid I've been

feeling. She'll most likely tell her daughter and then the info will go to mine

or the stepmom will tell her best friend that she told me all?! I still am

hoping that no one finds out that I know the truth!

Well..........thanks everyone. Wanted to let you know what's going on so

far.........

I just don't know what I even want to do........I do feel very hurt and angry.

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

,

you have got a lot of good advice from people who have been in similar

situations as yours. My situation is different but I can tell you one thing: I,

too, used to worry myself to death. Please, try to stop. She is safe and she

will be OK. Worrying will give you high blood pressure and all the other stuff

you do not need. Keep telling yourself she is safe. Then take a little holiday

for yourself. She is not there to abuse you and your attention does not have to

be on her. Let her boyfriend take her abuse! I guarantee you it will happen

sooner or later. So, pull yourself together, take some much needed R&R (rest &

relaxation), then prepare yourself for when she comes back (sooner or later).

It's good to be calm and prepared. You will need it!

Good luck with the therapist.

Milena

Toni P hephzeba2001@...> wrote:

-

You are making progress! Now I better get on the phone and make my appt too!

If she rages at the police or the detective, that may be the best thing, because

then maybe she can get help sooner than if she's just going after you.

She has made her bed. She will have to sleep in it. You can be there for her, as

long as she respects your boundaries. And yes, she will thank you one day,

assuming she chooses to get the help she needs.

We're all here for you!!

Toni

patricia atcheson connect4love@...> wrote:

Toni,

Haven't much time to respond to anyone right now but wanted to let you know that

I have a T appt tomorrow at 10am. Tried to get one today but wasn't successful.

I've been feeling pretty much like a zombie and just trying to occupy my mind so

that my blood pressure won't skyrocket. Haven't heard from the detective and

haven't been able to make myself call him ither. I left him the message that I

was told my daughter was with her ex-boyfriend and that everyone has been lying.

Also...I did tell him that I was really scared about everything and that I'm

sure if he finds her there, she will go into a rage especially if he finds

drugs.

I have tried to stay as busy as I can. I cannot cope very well with all that has

happened. I'm still in shock. In answer to those hard questions, if anyone else

abused me, they'd be out of my life but I'm just having too hard of a time

knowing it's my child, the only daughter I have. I also think about what I have

read that some bp's have said about thanking us for sticking it out as they so

much need us. I know I cannot take anymore abuse and I know that I want to live

as well. Hard thoughts indeed. Thanks for the support. Everyone is so kind and

supportive on here. I do thank God!

Toni P wrote:

Here's another hard question:

If there was a person in your life that was abusing you, would you let it

continue? Would you allow this person, no matter how much you love them keep at

you?

You may have to emotionally divorce her just to remain healthy. This is not a

healthy relationship any longer. She's 17, right? When will she be 18? Can you

let her go and let her continue where she is, no matter how bad it looks to you?

Can you separate mentally and emotionally?

Just some hard thoughts. I am so sorry. Lies are awful and so very hurtful to

the relationship. Be at peace.

Toni

patricia atcheson wrote:

Hello again all........

Boy! I have been having alot of mixed feelings here! To know she went to such

great lengths to prove to her ex-boyfriend that she loves him! You know how much

it hurts to know she doesn't care what I'm feeling. All, so she can live in his

bed!

I, of course, don't know how this is going to turn out. The detective said he's

going to drive by his house, didn't say when and this was before I found out

this info late last night. If they are doing drugs together, I pray that they

get caught without me creating it. Such mixed feelings! On one hand, I'm

relieved as I know where she is and that she hasn't been abducted by some

internet friend that she's met. On the other hand, I am angry that I've been SO

WORRIED and now have to take high blood pressure medicine! I'm sure that my pain

has gone back to her just telling her best friends mother how afraid I've been

feeling. She'll most likely tell her daughter and then the info will go to mine

or the stepmom will tell her best friend that she told me all?! I still am

hoping that no one finds out that I know the truth!

Well..........thanks everyone. Wanted to let you know what's going on so

far.........

I just don't know what I even want to do........I do feel very hurt and angry.

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

> I also think about

> what I have read that some bp's have said about

> thanking us for sticking it out as they so much need

> us. I know I cannot take anymore abuse and I know

> that I want to live as well. Hard thoughts indeed.

Hey ,

The thoughts seem to contradict themselves, but they

don't.

" Sticking it out " will always mean " loving them but

not putting up with the you-know-what. " It's much

easier to let someone you love walk all over you.

Loving them enough to let the police haul them off is

much, much more difficult, but it's what is going to

get them to the point where they thank you for

sticking it out.

You're doing well. Hang in there!!

Deborah

__________________________________________________