To Jean

[Guest guest]

Joan

Thanks for your post. It helps. I know they were worried at the baby when

she was pregnant with , now 6. He was small 5lbs something and 3

weeks early, but he has caught up in size and has been above avg ht and normal

weight since he was 4. He is the one who is smart as a whip, also. And they

were very worried with him, because by her 8th month, she did not even look

pregnant. And then got the flu and went into early labor with the flu and her

heart defect. She says she was so sick, she remembers nothing about that

labor and delivery. But my cousin was there with her for than one. I was

supposed to be with her in labor, but I also had the flu and that night, she

woke

me up (was staying at my house with , my older grandson) when her

water broke and I got out of bed and passed out. I actaully hit the floor. I

had a 103 temp. so my cousin (who no longer talks to her) came, picked her up

and drove her to the hosp during an icce storm and remained with her

throughout the labor and delivery.

Joan, how are things going with your son? Is he doing better? Is he still

engaged?

Jean

[Guest guest]

Hi again Jean,

Thanks for your interest in my son. He's doing .... okay .... Not

great, but not lousy. Just kinda

putting one foot in front of the other and attempting to get back into life.

His fiancé is still with him and from what I've seen when they come to

visit, he's making much more of an attempt to

do his share in the relationship. I must say, though, that ever since last

summer when we asked them NOT to come camping with us & his aunt and uncle

his fiancé just seems cooler to me. I dunno - maybe it's just my

imagination. We certainly don't talk on the phone like we had been doing

when my son was so ill. I know I've pulled back a whole lot, and maybe she

just doesn't want any reminder of the horror of it all. She certainly

doesn't initiate contact anymore.

He's so far been able to keep working on the weekends, but he says he's

going to look for another job in the summer. This job is isolating, as

he's the only employee, and located in the middle of a mall where he can't

see outside or anything. He's mentioned a couple of times that bothers him.

I know he's always enjoyed having co-workers to interact with, so I can

see his point.

He's just finishing this semester in college. Took only one course (a math

course that was a pre-requisite to his degree program). It was mostly math

he had been taught in the past, but as he'd been so sick he didn't feel

" smart " enough to tackle anything too advanced. He's sitting with an A+

grade going into his final exam, so I know he feels good about that. He's

also registered for the next semester - just one Math course again - but a

harder one this time. After that, according to him, he's " screwed " .

(Pardon my language, but that's a direct quote). He says he doesn't feel

the pressure of college is the right environment for him, but he doesn't

know where to look for employment either. He's been quite articulate in

sharing how he doesn't know who he is anymore...

and what he might be capable of doing. He just seems lost to me.

Also - he's said the doctor is going to " tweak " his meds. Ever since last

November he says he's felt un-motivated & would be quite happy to just do

nothing. According to him, he's now " got his wits about him " , but just

doesn't have the oomph to move forward. He's been on a combination of

four different meds, all of them heavy duty. I just hope the " tweaking "

doesn't start another downward spiral. He certainly has been back to his

old rational self for a good six months or so.

Someone else just posted about a negative attitude. That pretty much

describes how my son has been ever since he's been very little. I could

never figure it out - and neither could other family members way back when.

He'd be at an outing, and to all appearances seem to be enjoying himself.

However, if asked if he had fun he'd say something like " not really " . His

interpretation and

ours were different. I'm seeing that again now with his negativity about

his future.

We keep in touch by phone occasionally, but he usually doesn't offer too

much info about his daily life, and I don't ask. I just have incredibly sad

times now when I realize life as we (and he) knew it will never be the same,

and my hubby and I will never forget what's lurking just under the surface.

I do believe he's Bi-polar II, has OCD, anxiety & also BP traits which come

raging to the forefront when his BP II starts cycling.

Maybe we all just need for spring & sunshine to return -- that might pick up

our moods !?

Happy Easter to everyone here - and may peace surround us all.

Joan

----Original Message Follows----

From: cascorsam@...

Reply-To: WTOParentsOfBPs

To: WTOParentsOfBPs

Subject: Re: to Jean

Date: Thu, 13 Apr 2006 09:54:20 EDT

Joan

Thanks for your post. It helps. I know they were worried at the baby when

she was pregnant with , now 6. He was small 5lbs something and 3

weeks early, but he has caught up in size and has been above avg ht and

normal

weight since he was 4. He is the one who is smart as a whip, also. And

they

were very worried with him, because by her 8th month, she did not even look

pregnant. And then got the flu and went into early labor with the flu and

her

heart defect. She says she was so sick, she remembers nothing about that

labor and delivery. But my cousin was there with her for than one. I was

supposed to be with her in labor, but I also had the flu and that night,

she woke

me up (was staying at my house with , my older grandson) when her

water broke and I got out of bed and passed out. I actaully hit the floor.

I

had a 103 temp. so my cousin (who no longer talks to her) came, picked her

up

and drove her to the hosp during an icce storm and remained with her

throughout the labor and delivery.

Joan, how are things going with your son? Is he doing better? Is he still

engaged?

Jean

[Guest guest]

Joan

To get off the BP subject matter, is Ebony black, chocolate or yellow? And

of course being a female, you were already in a better position with her

behavior. The trainer says the chocolates are the most stubborn and most

aggressive and of course, the males, are also the more difficult than females

simply

from the testosterone (sp?) . The next step with Harry is to be neutered.

I adopted him at 6 months and never had him " fixed " . I have always (except

for one) had male dogs and never had any of them neutered. I am told by vet

and trainer that it should help somewhat. So, his little " friends " will be

going as soon as I am sure he is completely over his bout with Lime Disease.

The vet said, a blood test now for it will still show positive for months once

it is in their systems. I just want to be sure he is healthy before I put

him thru surgery, however minor it is ssupposed to be.

It is so weird, but since I have been training him, my attitude in general

is simply " no nonsense " LIke Elaine said, I am not apologetic for my " no's " .

My daughter wanted me to watch all 4 of them today after my appts. As it is

I had committed to taking to baseball practice at 4:00. My appts

ended at 1:00. This gives me a whole 3 hours to myself and she wanted me to

give up that free time. Told her simply " NO " . No explanation, no excuses.

What do I look like, her servant!! Poor thing (huh). SHe claims to be

frazzled

from dealing with all 4 of them----------she had them---------maybe she will

learn the value of birth control in the future.

While I am at it, I want to thank you for your comfort and medical

information that you gave me when I was so worried about K's pregnancy and

delivery 2

months ago. It is hard to believe it is all finally over. The baby is cute

and doing well. She ended up naming him Heyden.

Jean

[Guest guest]

Joan, PS

Ebony probably does believe she is one rung higher than your son ! These

dogs probably lose patience with these kids too.

I am certain Harry is at least 2 rungs higher than my daughter. He would

never chooose the friends and mates she has chosen !!!!!! He'd have more

dignity.

Jean

[Guest guest]

Hi Jean,

Ebony is a black lab. Yes, being female, and spayed, she doesn't have all

those hormones to affect her behaviors. We have, slowly, allowed her more

and more liberties in the home as she's growing older. Somehow she doesn't

seem to view it as license to ignore our commands though, and I'm glad for

that.

Her only " bad " habit is that she's become VERY vocal when she wants

something. We've begun to nickname her " Ms. Demando " .... At 4:45 pm.

she'll bring her food dish into the room and stand in front of you and try

to stare you down. If you attempt to ignore her, she'll set the dish down,

and begin to bark in your face !!! If we tell her to " be quiet " , she'll lie

down and audibly grumble and gripe until we feed her. As annoying as that

is, when she was very sick last fall and off her food, I missed knowing she

was healthy and asking to be fed. Now that she's 11 and showing signs of

aging I try to treasure each and every interaction we have. I just can't

imagine life without her.

Many years ago (25+) when the maternal urge kicked in for me, I told hubby I

wanted a puppy!! He didn't agree, so before too long we found ourselves

parents. Now I often tease him, and tell him that our life might have been

much more peaceful if I could have just gotten a puppy then .....

After all, she's given us MUCH less trouble than our two kids !!! Of

course, then I never would have met all the wonderful people here on this

list. {smile}

No need to thank me for anything I might have said that comforted you during

K's last few weeks of pregnancy. I know you've given so much here on this

list that has been of value to myself and others. It's a mutual support

society, and one that I treasure.

Glad to hear you've taken charge of Harry & your spare time. We're all

making progress here, and for each successful step forward we become

stronger people.

Joan

----Original Message Follows----

From: cascorsam@...

Reply-To: WTOParentsOfBPs

To: WTOParentsOfBPs

Subject: Re: to Jean

Date: Sat, 27 May 2006 14:26:47 EDT

Joan

To get off the BP subject matter, is Ebony black, chocolate or yellow? And

of course being a female, you were already in a better position with her

behavior. The trainer says the chocolates are the most stubborn and most

aggressive and of course, the males, are also the more difficult than

females simply

from the testosterone (sp?) . The next step with Harry is to be neutered.

I adopted him at 6 months and never had him " fixed " . I have always (except

for one) had male dogs and never had any of them neutered. I am told by

vet

and trainer that it should help somewhat. So, his little " friends " will be

going as soon as I am sure he is completely over his bout with Lime

Disease.

The vet said, a blood test now for it will still show positive for months

once

it is in their systems. I just want to be sure he is healthy before I put

him thru surgery, however minor it is ssupposed to be.

It is so weird, but since I have been training him, my attitude in general

is simply " no nonsense " LIke Elaine said, I am not apologetic for my

" no's " .

My daughter wanted me to watch all 4 of them today after my appts. As it

is

I had committed to taking to baseball practice at 4:00. My appts

ended at 1:00. This gives me a whole 3 hours to myself and she wanted me

to

give up that free time. Told her simply " NO " . No explanation, no excuses.

What do I look like, her servant!! Poor thing (huh). SHe claims to be

frazzled

from dealing with all 4 of them----------she had them---------maybe she

will

learn the value of birth control in the future.

While I am at it, I want to thank you for your comfort and medical

information that you gave me when I was so worried about K's pregnancy and

delivery 2

months ago. It is hard to believe it is all finally over. The baby is

cute

and doing well. She ended up naming him Heyden.

Jean

[Guest guest]

My husband wanted a new dog for years. Finally, when he was in a mid-life

crisis, I decided a puppy was much better than another woman! I love our yellow

lab.

I tease and say I'm much better at raising dogs than children. He is much more

obedient, most of the time. Indoors he is great -- around people and other

dogs, he is very playful. A lab! As sweet as they come -- wouldn't hurt a

flee. You can put your hands all over him and in his mouth and he won't

bite.....

We love him, He brings my husband a lot of joy -- he's his best friend!!!

Carol

--------- Re: to Jean

> Date: Sat, 27 May 2006 14:26:47 EDT

>

> Joan

>

> To get off the BP subject matter, is Ebony black, chocolate or yellow? And

> of course being a female, you were already in a better position with her

> behavior. The trainer says the chocolates are the most stubborn and most

> aggressive and of course, the males, are also the more difficult than

> females simply

> from the testosterone (sp?) . The next step with Harry is to be neutered.

> I adopted him at 6 months and never had him " fixed " . I have always (except

> for one) had male dogs and never had any of them neutered. I am told by

> vet

> and trainer that it should help somewhat. So, his little " friends " will be

> going as soon as I am sure he is completely over his bout with Lime

> Disease.

> The vet said, a blood test now for it will still show positive for months

> once

> it is in their systems. I just want to be sure he is healthy before I put

> him thru surgery, however minor it is ssupposed to be.

>

> It is so weird, but since I have been training him, my attitude in general

> is simply " no nonsense " LIke Elaine said, I am not apologetic for my

> " no's " .

> My daughter wanted me to watch all 4 of them today after my appts. As it

> is

> I had committed to taking to baseball practice at 4:00. My appts

> ended at 1:00. This gives me a whole 3 hours to myself and she wanted me

> to

> give up that free time. Told her simply " NO " . No explanation, no excuses.

> What do I look like, her servant!! Poor thing (huh). SHe claims to be

> frazzled

> from dealing with all 4 of them----------she had them---------maybe she

> will

> learn the value of birth control in the future.

>

> While I am at it, I want to thank you for your comfort and medical

> information that you gave me when I was so worried about K's pregnancy and

> delivery 2

> months ago. It is hard to believe it is all finally over. The baby is

> cute

> and doing well. She ended up naming him Heyden.

>

> Jean

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Subject: Re: off topic---to Kelley

Need to vent some more. Feel like I am having a stroke---so bogged down by

this girl and her problems, can't see straight. Have been dizzy for 3 days

now---bumping into things, etc---may have fluid in my ear---severe

allergies.

Jean-

Just wanted to let you know that when I felt dizzy as you are speaking of,

my blood pressure had skyrocketed! I've always had a great blood pressure

reading and never knew what it was like. Of course, I felt anxiety in my chest

as well. Wanted to mention this and suggest you make sure that this is not

happening to you as well!

I now have to take blood pressure medicine which floors me! Then again,

dealing with my bpdd has been alot to take as it all just started with my 17 yr

old daughter last September and escalated in May that I had to call the police

to come atleast 4 times as she was in a horrible rage, destroying my property as

well as threatening me.

Believe me, I certainly understand the STRESS! Advice I've read on some

posts to you sure sound good. You must take care of yourself! No guilt as you

didn't cause her problems and you cannot fix them ither!! We all must have

boundaries and consequences.

My daugther ran away on June 5th and they haven't found her yet. Had a lead

today which didn't pan out but researching the new one now. I don't know what's

going to happen but I have decided, she is NOT going to give me a heart attack!

I cannot live this way myself.

I wish you the best and please remember to be good to yourself and setup

boundaries for your daughter!!

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/17/2006 12:23:41 PM Eastern Standard Time,

connect4love@... writes:

My daugther ran away on June 5th and they haven't found her yet. Had a lead

today which didn't pan out but researching the new one now. I don't know what's

going to happen but I have decided, she is NOT going to give me a heart

attack! I cannot live this way myself.

I wish you the best and please remember to be good to yourself and setup

boundaries for your daughter!!

,

Hello there and glad you are taking care of yourself. I would sit back if

I were you. I had a thought. Is school done there where you are? I would

venture to guess that as soon as school is over for the summer, she will

return. Just a guess.

DebbieL