Re: Jean / Thanks Blondie

[Guest guest]

Dear Jean,

I wanted to cry reading Blondie's posting. Yes, yes,

yes to everything. I find myself thinking about you

during the day and hoping you are OK and praying

you'll be able to put your foot down.

Much love, Deborah

--- TxCoastGal@... wrote:

>

> Oh you poor dear, Jean.

>

> Ok - number one - you say you're sick of listening

> to all this.

> Yes, you are sick Jean. You have been enmeshed so

> deeply that it made you

> physically ill. You said you felt you might have

> been having a stroke.

> STOP!

>

> You say in the post below - I have to go there and

> watch two screaming

> babies. No, no, you do not. You do not have to do

> ONE blessed thing to lift a

> finger in K's situation. Nothing. Zip. Nada.

> You owe her nothing.

>

> Jean, I am not trying to sound harsh but you have

> either to begin a

> consistent set of boundaries, or it will put you in

> your grave. We are not getting

> any younger Jean. Do you want to go on til you die

> thinking you're

> responsible to

> a. pay the mortgage

> b. babysit at the drop of a hat, any, and every

> time she wishes

> c. be the recipient of her verbal abuse -

> including, but not limited to:

> name calling, threats (everything from 'you

> can't see the kids', to 'if

>

> you don't do it my way .. blah, blah, blah',

> her deadlines (making you feel under pressure)

> d. have a gun held to your head with her emotional

> blackmail

> e. have the dirtbag son in law running around

> partying and not

> being responsible for even paying for diapers

> for those children,

> not to mention food, clothing, the whole ball

> of wax.....

> f. pay the mortgage and possibly then be

> supporting the dirtbag that

> might be living there FREE from your

> earnings..... and possibly

> impregnating K again while doing it?

>

> Jean - I say all this because I've grown to love and

> care about you here.

> And because I hear my own feelings when you speak.

> When my dirtbag son in law

> was still alive the feelings that I had were just

> like yours.

>

> Helen, Milena, Debbie, Carol, Toni, Kelley, and more

> folks (including

> yourself) have said to create boundaries.

> Limitations. Stick with them. Do not

> allow yourself to go down with her. Someone

> likened this to their family

> drowning, and the bpd child pulling them down with

> her by flailing her arms and

> saying ' go away ', until they all drowned.

> Print out the words from all of them and STICK with

> it!!! Please do not

> drown, Jean! Please. Save yourself. You must, or

> you'll not be able to be

> there for your grandchildren.

>

> Make a list of things you WILL, and things that you

> WILL NOT do.

> It's hard! It's terribly hard. You keep coming

> back to saying you cannot

> let your grandchildren live in substandard housing,

> etc.

> Call me uncaring, less than stellar as a Gramma,

> hard hearted, call me

> anything - but don't call me when it's time to pay a

> mortgage of $2700.00 and your

> daughter has no intention of doing anything

> differently in the future.

> Sooner or later it's time to pay the piper.

> Will you truly be able to cover the 32,000.00 plus

> dollars it costs in

> mortgage costs alone per year where she is living

> now? Even if you had the money

> to burn, is it really helping K learn that she must

> support her own family if

> she keeps having babies? Yes, I have watched my

> grandbabies live in

> hellholes before. People can be 'righteous' all

> they want and say how awful that

> is. Yes, it's awful. And after a year of living in

> those apartments finally

> my daughter decided it was awful as well. And so

> far, the kids are still

> alive, and they have really learned to stay away

> from some of those people in the

> world. There are harsh realities out there that I

> hope will continue

> sinking in with my daughter. She has moved, as of a

> month ago, and is now living

> in a tiny country home.

>

> Mine will probably end up pregnant with her fifth,

> since she is now involved

> with another man. If she marries that man - the

> children will still receive

> their monthly SS survivor benefits, but daughter

> will lose her own monthly

> allotment. Ce'st las vie.... such is life.

>

> So get your pen (use a Sharpie...), your notebook,

> and begin jotting down

> things one by one just like Milena advised, and make

> that list.

> Make copies.

>

> I WILL tell K to talk about her addiction to Will

> with the counselor, and

> not myself.

>

> I WILL not let myself engage in a conversation where

> I am being abused

> verbally.

>

> I WILL tell her I'll hang up the phone if she yells

> at me - and I'll DO IT!

>

> I WILL NOT be responsible for her monthly bills any

> longer.

>

> I WILL let her be responsible for her own life /

> finances / jobs

>

> If my daughter were anyone else - or a 'friend' of

> mine, she'd never get

> away with abuse. She will not get away with it by

> simply having a common

> bloodline.

>

> I WILL NOT go down with the ship.

>

> I LOVE YOU JEAN - don't do it!

>

> Blondie

>

> In a message dated 6/15/2006 1:16:09 P.M. Central

> Daylight Time,

> WTOParentsOfBPs writes:

>

> I am just so sick of listening to all this. I have

> really reached my

> saturation point. She will never be any better.

> She IS a loser, will

> always be a

> loser BECAUSE SHE doesn't WANT to change. Stopped

> going to counseling. I

> am

> sick of babaysitting the 4 of them. I work at

> this real estate which is

> busy now and demeanding so I have to have my wits

> about me or get sued and

> then

> I have to go there and watch 2 screaming babies.

> The boysm are no trouble.

>

> I hate my daughter at this point---I really do.

> For all I know, she

> probably

> did sleep with him yesterday AM and will be

> pregnant yet again.

>

> Jean

>

>

>

>

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

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