Re: Just don't care about her

June 17, 2006

Just got a call from the witch. I have the boys tonight. They are watching

the end of a Harry Potter movie and then going to bed. They had pizza and

seem happy to be here. I have been in my room reading. Need that time to

myself of I will soon crack. Would love to watch the movie with them, but I am

on the verge of tears all the time, so I went to my room.

She called to tell me " what an idiot her 7 yr old son, is because he

put crayons in the pocket of his shorts " and when she washed them, lo and

behold, the crayons have melted all over 3 pr of shorts that I bought him. And

of course it is 's fault !!! After all, a normal 7 yr old would NEVER

think of putting crayons in his pocket, now would he?

I told her very nicely that SHE needs to check the pockets of their clothes

before throwing them in the washer, even if it is just for tissues that would

leave lint all over her wash. Now I said it as nicely as I could even though

I was furious because these clothes cost me a lot of money. You know, I

walked on those eggshells again as I said it. What I wanted to say was " You

stupid moron, why didn't YOU think of going thru a 7yr old's pockets? " It was

her fault, not his. But God knows she cannot accept responsibility for ANY

of her actions. You know when she loses the house she will tell my grandsons

it is my fault.

Her response to me was " I have to go now because you're getting on my

nerves " . I hung up on her. I always want to hang up on her. I am back again

to I

just want my grandsons without her as part of the package. I CANNOT stand

her. There is no doubt in my mind that she is indeed a nut case. But she

will never get help or medication etc. If she ever does, it will be too late

for us to ever have a relatonship because I just want her out of my life.

Forever.

I don't want to chat with her, be in the same room or car with her, I don't

want to listen to her. I used to tell her to be careful driving, etc. Now I

only tell her that if she has the kids with her, because I ONLY care that

she is careful for their sake. I don't care if she is or isn't careful when

she is driving by herself. I JUST DON'T CARE ! I used to always end the

conversation at night with " I love you " . I have not told my daughter " I love

you " in over a year. " When she was going into labor in April, I managed to get

that phrase out of my mouth, but I almost choked on the woods. I have a very

hard time pretending to feel what I don't. Yet if I do love someone, I am a

fool about them---like my grandsons (most of the time).

Everything about her turns my stomach. And I feel sad that I think of her

in these terms, but I am just at my wits end where she is concerned. My ex

husband was fooling around with his secretary when we were divorced leaving me

with a 2 1/2 yr old and 4 mo old and I didn't feel as negative toward him as

I do toward my daughter. Even my son is amazed at how much I can't stand

her. I want to sream at her to " LEAVE ME ALONE! " He hasn't spoken to her in 2

years.

Just needed to vent. Thanks.

Jean

June 17, 2006

Jean - when I took the Boundaries course - I learned that one of the signs

that your boundaries are being infringed upon is when you can't stand

contact with someone. When someone has the ability to ruin your day just

by telephone contact you know it's time to distance yourself until you can

regain control of YOUR reactions to her insanity.

Of course it's a mothers job to check the pockets of her children's clothes!

My daughter use to put

slugs and snails in her pockets!! Can you imagine the goopy mess that would

have made?? But if you couldn't convince her that a drug using ex-con

wasn't fit to be a husband, you have NO chance

at this point in time to correct her mothering or laundry skills.

What you can do is use call display to minimize your contact. You really,

really need to find a way to get out of the loop. In a previous email you

mentioned you HAD to help drive, because all the kids couldn't fit in her

vehicle. Is that your fault? The only way I was able to regain control of

my life was when I bowed out of my sons life. No more advice, no more

financial help that was *needed*. If I choose to send a grocery gift card

once in a while I still do, but it's not expected.

He's standing on his own two feet now, & accepting the consequences of his

actions.

K won't want you out of the picture, because she realizes how much she's

taken on. So it will be up to you to be firm. Let her feel the

repercussions of her choices, including minimal contact from you. It's your

right, and no mother needs to take that kind of abuse.

Joan

----Original Message Follows----

From: cascorsam@...

Reply-To: WTOParentsOfBPs

To: WTOParentsOfBPs

Subject: Re: Just don't care about her

Date: Sat, 17 Jun 2006 21:59:50 EDT

Just got a call from the witch. I have the boys tonight. They are

watching

the end of a Harry Potter movie and then going to bed. They had pizza and

seem happy to be here. I have been in my room reading. Need that time to

myself of I will soon crack. Would love to watch the movie with them, but

I am

on the verge of tears all the time, so I went to my room.

She called to tell me " what an idiot her 7 yr old son, is because he

put crayons in the pocket of his shorts " and when she washed them, lo and

behold, the crayons have melted all over 3 pr of shorts that I bought him.

And

of course it is 's fault !!! After all, a normal 7 yr old would

NEVER

think of putting crayons in his pocket, now would he?

I told her very nicely that SHE needs to check the pockets of their clothes

before throwing them in the washer, even if it is just for tissues that

would

leave lint all over her wash. Now I said it as nicely as I could even

though

I was furious because these clothes cost me a lot of money. You know, I

walked on those eggshells again as I said it. What I wanted to say was

" You

stupid moron, why didn't YOU think of going thru a 7yr old's pockets? " It

was

her fault, not his. But God knows she cannot accept responsibility for

ANY

of her actions. You know when she loses the house she will tell my

grandsons

it is my fault.

Her response to me was " I have to go now because you're getting on my

nerves " . I hung up on her. I always want to hang up on her. I am back

again to I

just want my grandsons without her as part of the package. I CANNOT stand

her. There is no doubt in my mind that she is indeed a nut case. But she

will never get help or medication etc. If she ever does, it will be too

late

for us to ever have a relatonship because I just want her out of my life.

Forever.

I don't want to chat with her, be in the same room or car with her, I don't

want to listen to her. I used to tell her to be careful driving, etc. Now

I

only tell her that if she has the kids with her, because I ONLY care that

she is careful for their sake. I don't care if she is or isn't careful

when

she is driving by herself. I JUST DON'T CARE ! I used to always end the

conversation at night with " I love you " . I have not told my daughter " I

love

you " in over a year. " When she was going into labor in April, I managed to

get

that phrase out of my mouth, but I almost choked on the woods. I have a

very

hard time pretending to feel what I don't. Yet if I do love someone, I am

a

fool about them---like my grandsons (most of the time).

Everything about her turns my stomach. And I feel sad that I think of her

in these terms, but I am just at my wits end where she is concerned. My ex

husband was fooling around with his secretary when we were divorced leaving

me

with a 2 1/2 yr old and 4 mo old and I didn't feel as negative toward him

as

I do toward my daughter. Even my son is amazed at how much I can't stand

her. I want to sream at her to " LEAVE ME ALONE! " He hasn't spoken to her

in 2

years.

Just needed to vent. Thanks.

Jean

June 19, 2006

In a message dated 6/17/2006 10:24:50 PM Eastern Standard Time,

cascorsam@... writes:

I want to sream at her to " LEAVE ME ALONE! " He hasn't spoken to her in 2

years.

Just needed to vent. Thanks.

Jean

Then do it, Jean. Next time she calls " crying " about something the boys have

done, ask her if she wants some cheese with that " whine " and hang up. Lord

knows, you wouldn't want to get on her nerves! Say, " oh well " that's kids

for ya! You wanted them, now you got a whole house full.

And this driving around stuff cause she can't fit them all in her car? I

would make myself very unavailable to her. Tell her to have one of the other

boys mother's take the boys with them. I'm sure she's made plenty of friends

with her kids playing ball and stuff, right? NOT!

She probably doesn't have a single friend does she. Just tell her you just

can't do it. You keep going and you keep enabling. She will never stop asking

you. I'm telling you, the more you say no, the more she will get it and the

less she will ask.

DebbieL

June 19, 2006

Hello Jean, I haven't had a chance to read but a few of your post and I wanted

to say that I felt, last summer, somewhat the same way you are feeling now. I

hated my daughter with a passion...her dad even said several times that he hated

her. I told him that if she disappeared off the face of the earth it would be a

blessed relief. Well, she is still around and thankfully when she moved out

this past January, my hatred for her went with her. Someone else mentioned

getting caller ID. If you havent' already done so, do that. It doesn't cost

that much and it is really worth it. Have you thought about seeing a doctor for

medication to help your nerves? If not, give it some thought. If you don't

mind my asking, how old is your daughter and how many children does she have? I

pray for multiple times throughout the day so I will add you to those

prayers.

Donna

cascorsam@... wrote: