Re: off topic---to Kelley

June 15, 2006

How do you know if you have " the virus " ? I am having all sorts of problems

with sites I normally use for real estate which is adding to my frustration

level.'

Jean

June 15, 2006

Need to vent some more. Feel like I am having a stroke---so bogged down by

this girl and her problems, can't see straight. Have been dizzy for 3 days

now---bumping into things, etc---may have fluid in my ear---severe allergies.

I am supposed to babysit tonight, but she only gives me notice of an

hour---she trues to bum shifts off others who don't want to work so she can

work at

night. Her problems always seem to end up being mine----goint to go back to

counseling myself to see how to extricate. Cannot go on this way.

Jean

June 15, 2006

I'd require 24 hour notice... you can't be at her beck and call!

Helen

_____

From: WTOParentsOfBPs

[mailto:WTOParentsOfBPs ] On Behalf Of cascorsam@...

Sent: Thursday, June 15, 2006 2:46 PM

To: WTOParentsOfBPs

Subject: Re: off topic---to Kelley

Need to vent some more. Feel like I am having a stroke---so bogged down by

this girl and her problems, can't see straight. Have been dizzy for 3 days

now---bumping into things, etc---may have fluid in my ear---severe

allergies.

I am supposed to babysit tonight, but she only gives me notice of an

hour---she trues to bum shifts off others who don't want to work so she can

work at

night. Her problems always seem to end up being mine----goint to go back to

counseling myself to see how to extricate. Cannot go on this way.

Jean

June 15, 2006

Kelley

I lucked out. She couldn't get an extra shift tonight so I was off the

hook. Got to have some ME time. Did a little real estate, did a little

shopping, did a little NOTHING----I liked that the best !

I picked up at the bus stop after school and that was the end of my

duty. He wanted to play chess (he loves chess and he is good), but I told him

he had to stay at home tonight because I needed some time just for me and I

said this in front of her so MAYBE she got it.

also informed me that he has no camp and no school next week. I

know K is working days next week (her regular shifts). I knew I would be

expected to take care of him, but I had already scheduled some real estate

appts

for next week. I asked her when she was going to ask me to sit for him and

she said she had forgotten. This is what ticks me off. Even though it is one

of " my boys " , I just don't like being " expected " to do things for her. I

will take on the appts. He will have to read a book in the car while I

show the houses. When I am done, we will spend special time together and

that will be relaxing for me. I enjoy it best when I can take them one at a

time. They don't fight with each other that way and our time together is fun.

Torture for me is when K has to come too, like the boys sports events. Then

I have to pretend I like talking to her. And it is always the same poor me,

whiny crap. I mentioned to her tonight that one of my listings that is

priced too high, will never sell at the rate things are going here. The city

it

is in has 1571 listings on the market at this very moment. And it is not

that big a city.

Her response to me is that I am just " too negative for her and if I was

going to be that way, would I please leave " . I left. I would have said

something to her in my defense, but I have reached the point with her that why

should I waste my breathe or my mind. But that is my charming daughter.

folks ! Do any of you wonder why I said the things to her that I said today?

I

can take just so much from her and then I bite back. Kind of like Harry (

who, by the way, has been a very good boy lately).

Jean

June 15, 2006

Vent away! And get to counseling SOON so that you can extricate SOON for

your health! You give such wonderful advice to others on this board -- please

follow it!

MUCH, MUCH LOVE TO YOU!

And tell K after tonight that you are off the babysitting list.

Kelley

cascorsam@... wrote:

Need to vent some more. Feel like I am having a stroke---so bogged

down by

this girl and her problems, can't see straight. Have been dizzy for 3 days

now---bumping into things, etc---may have fluid in my ear---severe allergies.

I am supposed to babysit tonight, but she only gives me notice of an

hour---she trues to bum shifts off others who don't want to work so she can work

at

night. Her problems always seem to end up being mine----goint to go back to

counseling myself to see how to extricate. Cannot go on this way.

Jean

June 16, 2006

That sounds like a good ending to the day, Jean!

Starting tomorrow I will be on vacation on and off until July 10, so I won't

be reading messages until then.

Have a good month!

Helen

_____

From: WTOParentsOfBPs

[mailto:WTOParentsOfBPs ] On Behalf Of cascorsam@...

Sent: Thursday, June 15, 2006 10:57 PM

To: WTOParentsOfBPs

Subject: Re: off topic---to Kelley

Kelley

I lucked out. She couldn't get an extra shift tonight so I was off the

hook. Got to have some ME time. Did a little real estate, did a little

shopping, did a little NOTHING----I liked that the best !

I picked up at the bus stop after school and that was the end of my

duty. He wanted to play chess (he loves chess and he is good), but I told

him

he had to stay at home tonight because I needed some time just for me and I

said this in front of her so MAYBE she got it.

also informed me that he has no camp and no school next week. I

know K is working days next week (her regular shifts). I knew I would be

expected to take care of him, but I had already scheduled some real estate

appts

for next week. I asked her when she was going to ask me to sit for him and

she said she had forgotten. This is what ticks me off. Even though it is one

of " my boys " , I just don't like being " expected " to do things for her. I

will take on the appts. He will have to read a book in the car while

I

show the houses. When I am done, we will spend special time together and

that will be relaxing for me. I enjoy it best when I can take them one at a

time. They don't fight with each other that way and our time together is

fun.

Torture for me is when K has to come too, like the boys sports events. Then

I have to pretend I like talking to her. And it is always the same poor me,

whiny crap. I mentioned to her tonight that one of my listings that is

priced too high, will never sell at the rate things are going here. The city

it

is in has 1571 listings on the market at this very moment. And it is not

that big a city.

Her response to me is that I am just " too negative for her and if I was

going to be that way, would I please leave " . I left. I would have said

something to her in my defense, but I have reached the point with her that

why

should I waste my breathe or my mind. But that is my charming daughter.

folks ! Do any of you wonder why I said the things to her that I said today?

I

can take just so much from her and then I bite back. Kind of like Harry (

who, by the way, has been a very good boy lately).

Jean

June 16, 2006

cascorsam@... wrote: " Her response to me is that I am just " too negative

for her and if I was going to be that way, would I please leave " . I left. "

Way to go, Jean. Why to subject yourself willingly to her abuse? If you continue

doing this consistently she will get it, maybe. At least, when you have left you

will be calm and have some time for yourself.

milena

..

---------------------------------

Yahoo! Messenger with Voice. PC-to-Phone calls for ridiculously low rates.

June 16, 2006

Kelley

I am doing better today. She and I canvassed a complex of $400,000 condos

today. As we were driving away, she started yelling at me and using body

language from her ghetto days. I stopped the car and told her she was NOT

embarassing me while we were supposed to be conducting business. That I had no

intention of looking like some vulgar piece of trash because of her behavior

and

filthy mouth. Thankfully the windows were up and the air was on.

She was angry with me because she has been talking on the phone to the

dirtbag and I told her she should ask him for support money for the babies

which

she won't do. So, I decided this was my opportunity to tell her if she

couldn't ask her husband to contribute to the support of her children then I

was

not baby sitting much from now on and use up my time which I consider valuable.

(I could be showing houses on the 2 nights I have to sit for the kids) I

know she doesn't want to ask him for money because then he might stop calling

her and you know how desperate they are for male validation. I told her I was

not doing what her husband should be doing.

I told her she needs to let him know she is in jeopardy of losing the house

and if he can spend $200 a day (according to him) on coccaine, then he can

damned well support his kids. She screamed at me and stuck her finger in my

face that I always tell her she can't do anything (which I never said). I told

her common sense dictates if your mortgage is $2700 month and you have a car

payment and food and utilities, and you don't make anywhere near that, then

you are probably in a financial mess.

But bottom line, I drove off and told her she was going home and I was

continuing to canvass. Case closed. She met me latter and was composed and

behaving professionally. I will not put up with this crap.

Jean

June 16, 2006

Jean- go to the doctors even if it is just allergies. We can't risk losing you,

you give " bite " to this group.

cascorsam@... wrote: Need to vent

some more. Feel like I am having a stroke---so bogged down by

this girl and her problems, can't see straight. Have been dizzy for 3 days

now---bumping into things, etc---may have fluid in my ear---severe allergies.

I am supposed to babysit tonight, but she only gives me notice of an

hour---she trues to bum shifts off others who don't want to work so she can

work at

night. Her problems always seem to end up being mine----goint to go back to

counseling myself to see how to extricate. Cannot go on this way.

Jean

June 17, 2006

Way to go, Jean ! Just continue doing that.

Milena

cascorsam@... wrote:

Kelley

I am doing better today. She and I canvassed a complex of $400,000 condos

today. As we were driving away, she started yelling at me and using body

language from her ghetto days. I stopped the car and told her she was NOT

embarassing me while we were supposed to be conducting business. That I had no

intention of looking like some vulgar piece of trash because of her behavior and

filthy mouth. Thankfully the windows were up and the air was on.

She was angry with me because she has been talking on the phone to the

dirtbag and I told her she should ask him for support money for the babies which

she won't do. So, I decided this was my opportunity to tell her if she

couldn't ask her husband to contribute to the support of her children then I was

not baby sitting much from now on and use up my time which I consider valuable.

(I could be showing houses on the 2 nights I have to sit for the kids) I

know she doesn't want to ask him for money because then he might stop calling

her and you know how desperate they are for male validation. I told her I was

not doing what her husband should be doing.

I told her she needs to let him know she is in jeopardy of losing the house

and if he can spend $200 a day (according to him) on coccaine, then he can

damned well support his kids. She screamed at me and stuck her finger in my

face that I always tell her she can't do anything (which I never said). I told

her common sense dictates if your mortgage is $2700 month and you have a car

payment and food and utilities, and you don't make anywhere near that, then

you are probably in a financial mess.

But bottom line, I drove off and told her she was going home and I was

continuing to canvass. Case closed. She met me latter and was composed and

behaving professionally. I will not put up with this crap.

Jean

June 17, 2006

Good morning Jean,

As I read this post of yours, I wondered about something. You wrote:

" " " So, I decided this was my opportunity to tell her if she

couldn't ask her husband to contribute to the support of her

children then I was not baby sitting much from now on and use up my

time which I consider valuable. " " " " "

From K's point of view, this most likely sounds like a threat, and

an attempt from you to control how her relationship with Will may

turn out.

I believe you'll do much better in the long run if you leave **him**

out of any boundaries you set between yourself/K/grandchildren.

Remember how good they are at twisting our words? She could easily

tell the boys now " grandma won't look after you until I ask Will for

some money " . Do you see where I'm coming from?

My advice (based on past failures of mine!!), is to set boundaries

based on what YOU'RE able or not able to do. If two nights a week

is too much for you, then just say that. If you've made plans and

she calls at short notice, tell her you're busy.

It's not that what you told her wasn't the truth!! I just believe

you'll get farther ahead with her if you leave Will out of the

equation.

No offense intended here -- I can just see her drawing you in again

to the position of " bad guy " .

Joan

>

> Kelley

>

> I am doing better today. She and I canvassed a complex of

$400,000 condos

> today. As we were driving away, she started yelling at me and

using body

> language from her ghetto days. I stopped the car and told her

she was NOT

> embarassing me while we were supposed to be conducting business.

That I had no

> intention of looking like some vulgar piece of trash because of

her behavior and

> filthy mouth. Thankfully the windows were up and the air was on.

>

> She was angry with me because she has been talking on the phone

to the

> dirtbag and I told her she should ask him for support money for

the babies which

> she won't do. So, I decided this was my opportunity to tell her

if she

> couldn't ask her husband to contribute to the support of her

children then I was

> not baby sitting much from now on and use up my time which I

consider valuable.

> (I could be showing houses on the 2 nights I have to sit for the

kids) I

> know she doesn't want to ask him for money because then he might

stop calling

> her and you know how desperate they are for male validation. I

told her I was

> not doing what her husband should be doing.

>

> I told her she needs to let him know she is in jeopardy of losing

the house

> and if he can spend $200 a day (according to him) on coccaine,

then he can

> damned well support his kids. She screamed at me and stuck her

finger in my

> face that I always tell her she can't do anything (which I never

said). I told

> her common sense dictates if your mortgage is $2700 month and you

have a car

> payment and food and utilities, and you don't make anywhere near

that, then

> you are probably in a financial mess.

>

> But bottom line, I drove off and told her she was going home and

I was

> continuing to canvass. Case closed. She met me latter and was

composed and

> behaving professionally. I will not put up with this crap.

>

> Jean

>

June 17, 2006

Joan

I do see your point here, but the point I was trying to make with her re

Will is that why should I waste my time babysitting when he could be giving her

money so she wouldn't have to work those extra 2 nights and then I wouldn't

have to be babysitting me. I want her to understand that him not facing up to

his husbandly and fatherly responsibilities effects not only her but me. If

he was a decent guy, she wouldn't need me to sit and I would have ny life

back. And that she shouldn't infringe on me because she refuses to make him

support his family. He needs to support them or go back to jail. RI is VERY

tough on deadbeat dads. Forget him going back to jail for drug use and

violating probation, if she told the court he wasn't supporting these kids, he

would be picked up so fast it would make his druggie head spin.

Jean

June 17, 2006

Jean:

When you take a strong line, they usually come into line. Now, you've said if

she won't ask for support from the lowlife, you won't babysit. Stick to it and

let her get other babysitters for those nights. AND . . . if she loses her

house, so be it. Do you really think she is sweating the mortgage? No, she is

sweating the lowlife. YOU are the one worrying about the mortgage. Her kids

will pay but that's the way it goes. I'm not meaning to sound blase about all

of this but it is the reality. Her reality is something else and she will only

" get it " when the house is gone. And maybe not even then. But it is her life.

You'll know when to step in terms of your kids.

Read the book " The Glass Castle " by Jeannette Walls. Excellent book and

things won't seem so bad with K.