Guest guest Posted September 26, 2005 Report Share Posted September 26, 2005 In a message dated 9/26/2005 2:02:35 PM Eastern Standard Time, kerk0522@... writes: We are considering DBT for my 17 yo sdtr. Has it really helped your dtr? How does it work? Kelley C. , Hi, my daughter never did DBT. We had a hard time finding anyone who knew about BPD let alone any therapies to deal with it. You could look this up, Edith knows where you could go to get informaton on DBT. Dialectal Behavioral Therapy. I'm thinking it's talking tools to get them to think about there behaviors through words. Like a word association sort of thing. I'm not sure. I've read a lot of pros and cons, mostly pros, but not everything works for everyone. If its' offered in your area and insurance will pay, can't hurt to try. DebbieL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 26, 2005 Report Share Posted September 26, 2005 What is the name of the residential treatment facility you referred to that has therapists trained in DBT. I have been trying to find a facility that specializes in DBT and have been having a hard time. Anybody have any experience with a place called Austen-Riggs? Edie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 26, 2005 Report Share Posted September 26, 2005 The residential treatment facility that my daughter is in uses DBT (and it is the primary reason we chose this facility) and it seems to be working for her. But, it takes a lot of work and I think one of the reasons it is helping is that she has a staff of many exercising the DBT. I know the county mental health worker assigned to my daughters case, is using the next 12 months to get training and specialize in DBT so that when my daughter comes home, she can continue with the therapy. There are books on it I found on-line with Amazon and at & Noble. funnygirl1154@aol .com Sent by: To WTOParentsOfBPs@y WTOParentsOfBPs ahoogroups.com cc Subject 09/26/2005 11:06 Re: DBT AM Please respond to WTOParentsOfBPs@y ahoogroups.com In a message dated 9/26/2005 2:02:35 PM Eastern Standard Time, kerk0522@... writes: We are considering DBT for my 17 yo sdtr. Has it really helped your dtr? How does it work? Kelley C. , Hi, my daughter never did DBT. We had a hard time finding anyone who knew about BPD let alone any therapies to deal with it. You could look this up, Edith knows where you could go to get informaton on DBT. Dialectal Behavioral Therapy. I'm thinking it's talking tools to get them to think about there behaviors through words. Like a word association sort of thing. I'm not sure. I've read a lot of pros and cons, mostly pros, but not everything works for everyone. If its' offered in your area and insurance will pay, can't hurt to try. DebbieL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 26, 2005 Report Share Posted September 26, 2005 The name of the RTC is Heritage Schools in Provo Utah. We have been impressed with our daughter's therapist and the entire staff. I think you mentioned your child is 17 - as an FYI they have to release the child when they turn 18 (it is State law). They do have other treatment centers they recommend sending the child to, if they are not ready to be released at that time. Bfreenowxo@... m Sent by: To WTOParentsOfBPs@y WTOParentsOfBPs ahoogroups.com cc Subject 09/26/2005 02:28 Re: DBT PM Please respond to WTOParentsOfBPs@y ahoogroups.com What is the name of the residential treatment facility you referred to that has therapists trained in DBT. I have been trying to find a facility that specializes in DBT and have been having a hard time. Anybody have any experience with a place called Austen-Riggs? Edie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 30, 2006 Report Share Posted May 30, 2006 Greetings Everyone, My daughter is now 21 years old. My experiences with DBT have not been as positive as some of the parents here. I thought it would be a Godsend for my daughter and perhaps it would have been if she had bought into the idea. Long story short, My daughter was 19 almost 20 years old, when she started DBT and was considered an " adult " (I wish), so I was not allowed to participate in her DBT sessions or get much information from her DBT team, even though my daughter signed forms to allow them to share information with me. Their position was that she was an adult and had to learn to deal with these issues on her own. I was all for that, but my daughter does not share the full information with her therapists of the goings on at home which I think prevents the therapist from giving her the best treatment. And when I would call, I would hear that she is not participating in group that much and they feel as if she is not fully wanting to work the program. I share this information with her and of course I hear from her that she is. My daughter is a liar, lying is as easy for her as breathing. They gave me the cold shoulder when I called and acted as if I was intrusive and interferring. My daughter stayed in the program for a year and there was no change in her behavior from it so we stopped paying for it and withdrew her. I feel that if she has the desire to live as she was being taught, she has all the materials and skill sets that they worked on and she can do it on her own. Perhaps I will post more on the goings on in my life at a later time. The path my daughter is on now is attending college for the summer and is living in the dorms with plans to continue in the fall. The college is about 50 minutes from home. Grades are not her problem, she is an A student, it is her addictions to alcohol, food, drugs that will be her downfall. She is currently not using drugs although she thinks an occasional drink is ok and is managing her ED, (the college has an ED group run by her previous ED therapist), attending AA, in a court ordered IOP,(that's another story), one felony case pending for theft, 2 illegal consumption cases pending, (the lawyer feels as if she will get probation, since no criminal past), good psycholoigist, on various meds for her BPD. She has a parttime job. She is ready to change her life she says. This is our 4th attempt at college, if she is unable to maintain a college life this time, her college is in a community that has a homeless shelter and a women's halfway house. She will not be allowed back home. She tells me all the time that she is 21 and an adult and can make her own decisions, that we cannot run her life. I have made it clear that she cannot come back home. I am letting go as much as that hurts. When she was 20, I did develop a plan for her to live by for living at home that gave my husband and me back control of our home and gave us peace from the constant battles that we had before I came up with my plan. I can share it if anyone is interested. I have only posted a couple of times, but it helps me to read how others are handling the BPDs in their life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 30, 2006 Report Share Posted May 30, 2006 , I'm sorry you feel your " family " experience with DBT was not successful. From what you say, it sounds as if your daughter was able to manipulate the situation as long as she knew anything that she learned in therapy or that came out of it would not be shared with you. Wise to stop if your daughter was really not into counseling/therapy. They are not helped unless they want the help. Good to hear from you. Hope we hear more. It sounds like you have regained yourself and know how to set boundaries. Carol -------------- Original message -------------- > Greetings Everyone, > > My daughter is now 21 years old. My experiences with DBT have not been as > positive as some of the parents here. I thought it would be a Godsend for my > daughter and perhaps it would have been if she had bought into the idea. > > Long story short, My daughter was 19 almost 20 years old, when she started DBT > and was considered an " adult " (I wish), so I was not allowed to participate in > her DBT sessions or get much information from her DBT team, even though my > daughter signed forms to allow them to share information with me. Their position > was that she was an adult and had to learn to deal with these issues on her own. > I was all for that, but my daughter does not share the full information with her > therapists of the goings on at home which I think prevents the therapist from > giving her the best treatment. And when I would call, I would hear that she is > not participating in group that much and they feel as if she is not fully > wanting to work the program. I share this information with her and of course I > hear from her that she is. My daughter is a liar, lying is as easy for her as > breathing. They gave me the cold shoulder when I called and acted as if I was > intrusive and interferring. My daughter stayed in the program for a year and > there was no change in her behavior from it so we stopped paying for it and > withdrew her. > > I feel that if she has the desire to live as she was being taught, she has all > the materials and skill sets that they worked on and she can do it on her own. > > Perhaps I will post more on the goings on in my life at a later time. The path > my daughter is on now is attending college for the summer and is living in the > dorms with plans to continue in the fall. The college is about 50 minutes from > home. Grades are not her problem, she is an A student, it is her addictions to > alcohol, food, drugs that will be her downfall. She is currently not using drugs > although she thinks an occasional drink is ok and is managing her ED, (the > college has an ED group run by her previous ED therapist), attending AA, in a > court ordered IOP,(that's another story), one felony case pending for theft, 2 > illegal consumption cases pending, (the lawyer feels as if she will get > probation, since no criminal past), good psycholoigist, on various meds for her > BPD. She has a parttime job. She is ready to change her life she says. This is > our 4th attempt at college, if she is unable to maintain a college life this > time, her college is in a community that has a homeless shelter and a women's > halfway house. She will not be allowed back home. She tells me all the time > that she is 21 and an adult and can make her own decisions, that we cannot run > her life. I have made it clear that she cannot come back home. I am letting go > as much as that hurts. > > When she was 20, I did develop a plan for her to live by for living at home > that gave my husband and me back control of our home and gave us peace from the > constant battles that we had before I came up with my plan. I can share it if > anyone is interested. > > I have only posted a couple of times, but it helps me to read how others are > handling the BPDs in their life. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 30, 2006 Report Share Posted May 30, 2006 , I am sorry that the DBT didn't work out. I am sure I would have felt the same way if I wasn't allowed to be a part of it. If you weren't allowed to be a part of the group, how could you reinforce the skills she learned? You know for a long time, even after joining this group, I was feeling a little like the grass was greener on the other side of the fence. I was thinking that if my daughter was older-it would be easier to set my bounderies, limits and consequences. That may be true in the not allowing your children to come home, but then I have had a say and have been a part of her treatment. I guess at any age there are walls to get through. We are in the same boat. I wish you and your daughter well and hope school works out this time. tlh930@...> wrote: Greetings Everyone, My daughter is now 21 years old. My experiences with DBT have not been as positive as some of the parents here. I thought it would be a Godsend for my daughter and perhaps it would have been if she had bought into the idea. Long story short, My daughter was 19 almost 20 years old, when she started DBT and was considered an " adult " (I wish), so I was not allowed to participate in her DBT sessions or get much information from her DBT team, even though my daughter signed forms to allow them to share information with me. Their position was that she was an adult and had to learn to deal with these issues on her own. I was all for that, but my daughter does not share the full information with her therapists of the goings on at home which I think prevents the therapist from giving her the best treatment. And when I would call, I would hear that she is not participating in group that much and they feel as if she is not fully wanting to work the program. I share this information with her and of course I hear from her that she is. My daughter is a liar, lying is as easy for her as breathing. They gave me the cold shoulder when I called and acted as if I was intrusive and interferring. My daughter stayed in the program for a year and there was no change in her behavior from it so we stopped paying for it and withdrew her. I feel that if she has the desire to live as she was being taught, she has all the materials and skill sets that they worked on and she can do it on her own. Perhaps I will post more on the goings on in my life at a later time. The path my daughter is on now is attending college for the summer and is living in the dorms with plans to continue in the fall. The college is about 50 minutes from home. Grades are not her problem, she is an A student, it is her addictions to alcohol, food, drugs that will be her downfall. She is currently not using drugs although she thinks an occasional drink is ok and is managing her ED, (the college has an ED group run by her previous ED therapist), attending AA, in a court ordered IOP,(that's another story), one felony case pending for theft, 2 illegal consumption cases pending, (the lawyer feels as if she will get probation, since no criminal past), good psycholoigist, on various meds for her BPD. She has a parttime job. She is ready to change her life she says. This is our 4th attempt at college, if she is unable to maintain a college life this time, her college is in a community that has a homeless shelter and a women's halfway house. She will not be allowed back home. She tells me all the time that she is 21 and an adult and can make her own decisions, that we cannot run her life. I have made it clear that she cannot come back home. I am letting go as much as that hurts. When she was 20, I did develop a plan for her to live by for living at home that gave my husband and me back control of our home and gave us peace from the constant battles that we had before I came up with my plan. I can share it if anyone is interested. I have only posted a couple of times, but it helps me to read how others are handling the BPDs in their life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 30, 2006 Report Share Posted May 30, 2006 >Their position was that she was > an adult and had to learn to deal with these issues > on her own. Hi , It's interesting that they insist from the start on making these kids be adults because it's exactly what they can't do. One thing that helped my daughter was when we finally recognized that she COULDN'T act like an adult because she felt so little and helpless. After that she began behaving much more responsibly. Weird, huh? We were trying desperately to " let " her get help and take care of herself, and it just didn't work. Her father and I and she all go to family therapy. She's 22. I'm sorry the team didn't let you be a part of the process--you'd think they would want to help the parents out, too, so the bpd could have a family support system. I will be looking forward to hearing more from you. Deborah __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 30, 2006 Report Share Posted May 30, 2006 , I know it is true that only when they hurt bad enough will they truly seek and participate with any help. It's the same with alcoholics and drug addicts. The too have this personality disorder and that's why Alanon helps me SO much! Thanks for sharing as I like to read how others are doing and handling their bpd as well! tlh930@...> wrote: Greetings Everyone, My daughter is now 21 years old. My experiences with DBT have not been as positive as some of the parents here. I thought it would be a Godsend for my daughter and perhaps it would have been if she had bought into the idea. Long story short, My daughter was 19 almost 20 years old, when she started DBT and was considered an " adult " (I wish), so I was not allowed to participate in her DBT sessions or get much information from her DBT team, even though my daughter signed forms to allow them to share information with me. Their position was that she was an adult and had to learn to deal with these issues on her own. I was all for that, but my daughter does not share the full information with her therapists of the goings on at home which I think prevents the therapist from giving her the best treatment. And when I would call, I would hear that she is not participating in group that much and they feel as if she is not fully wanting to work the program. I share this information with her and of course I hear from her that she is. My daughter is a liar, lying is as easy for her as breathing. They gave me the cold shoulder when I called and acted as if I was intrusive and interferring. My daughter stayed in the program for a year and there was no change in her behavior from it so we stopped paying for it and withdrew her. I feel that if she has the desire to live as she was being taught, she has all the materials and skill sets that they worked on and she can do it on her own. Perhaps I will post more on the goings on in my life at a later time. The path my daughter is on now is attending college for the summer and is living in the dorms with plans to continue in the fall. The college is about 50 minutes from home. Grades are not her problem, she is an A student, it is her addictions to alcohol, food, drugs that will be her downfall. She is currently not using drugs although she thinks an occasional drink is ok and is managing her ED, (the college has an ED group run by her previous ED therapist), attending AA, in a court ordered IOP,(that's another story), one felony case pending for theft, 2 illegal consumption cases pending, (the lawyer feels as if she will get probation, since no criminal past), good psycholoigist, on various meds for her BPD. She has a parttime job. She is ready to change her life she says. This is our 4th attempt at college, if she is unable to maintain a college life this time, her college is in a community that has a homeless shelter and a women's halfway house. She will not be allowed back home. She tells me all the time that she is 21 and an adult and can make her own decisions, that we cannot run her life. I have made it clear that she cannot come back home. I am letting go as much as that hurts. When she was 20, I did develop a plan for her to live by for living at home that gave my husband and me back control of our home and gave us peace from the constant battles that we had before I came up with my plan. I can share it if anyone is interested. I have only posted a couple of times, but it helps me to read how others are handling the BPDs in their life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 31, 2006 Report Share Posted May 31, 2006 Deborah minamimuki2004@...> wrote: " It's interesting that they insist from the start on making these kids be adults because it's exactly what they can't do. One thing that helped my daughter was when we finally recognized that she COULDN'T act like an adult because she felt so little and helpless. " Deborah, that is a very interesting point. After many years of 'enabling' and " helping out " I have finally decided that she (33 years old, jobless and childless, recovering from as evere bount of manic depression) has to do it herself. I would like to hear more on the subject. How do you balance helping and letting go? How does your family therapy works? I have made an appointment with my therapist (I use her to keep sane and on the track) for the next week that includes the daughter. If you want to respond off the group site, please, do. milenaoh@... Milena __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 2, 2006 Report Share Posted June 2, 2006 In a message dated 5/30/2006 11:23:21 AM Eastern Standard Time, tlh930@... writes: I have only posted a couple of times, but it helps me to read how others are handling the BPDs in their life. Good to hear from you again, . Keep up the good work with setting your boundaries! DebbieL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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