Re: Update and questions

March 25, 2006

Hi Edie,

Glad to hear your daughter is doing better, but could be that much more better.

Aren't ex's great? Always a roadblock with them. If your daughter still needs

to see this therapist that she likes, your ex should not have a say, unless of

course he is footing half the bill. What I would do in that case is bring him

back to court, and regardless of whether he likes it or not, your daughter

should be able to see whomever is best for her. Just because you say this

therpist, doesn't mean there is any conflict with your daughter seeing them. I

think your ex is afraid the therapist will be speaking to your daughter of yorus

and his issues. This is not the case, she cannot discuss other patients with

any one. He's being a jerk, needless to say. Your daughter needs to see

someone, and she will not get anything out of it if she is seeing someone she

doesnt like. Tell the ex to take a hike. You need to sit her down and remind

her of what she has and where she lives. She needs to earn her keep. The

schooling and work is very important. She needs to stay on top of this.

DebbieL

Update and questions

Hi all,

I have not updated in a while. I have a daughter who will be 20 years old

soon. I had written about her last year when she had been picked up for DWI

and had raged at me. I had locked her out of the house and she had broken in

by throwing a rock through the window. She was charged within 24 hours on

both the DWI and breaking into the house. She had one suicide attempt in high

school and was hospitalized, would hide knives in her room, but never

actually cut.

After those incidents, I searched for residential treatment programs. She

agreed to go in knowing that she had no other alternative. After 6 weeks on a

waiting list, she finally had a date to go. When I took her to the facility

(bags all packed and ready to stay), they rejected her because although she

had agreed to stay, they felt that it was only because I was forcing her to

and not because she was invested in her own care. So much for that.

I had to bring her back home again and start all over. I drew up a contract

that stated if she were to stay in the house and get her car back (after her

3 month license suspension) she would have to go back to college and get a

part time job. She would also have to comply with her medication and go to a

weekly therapy appointment.

Currently, she has gone back to college full time (12 credits). She was

able to get an academic scholarship. She is working part time in retail. She

is averaging all A's in school ( she is extremely bright), but does not always

attend classes and that is becoming an issue with the college. She has held

her job for 4 months now, but I think she is in jeopardy of losing it

because last night was the 3rd time that she did not call and did not show up.

She has a boyfriend who is nice and respectful of her, but her ups and downs

are starting to drive him crazy. She is still erratic in taking her

medicine. She will take it for 3 days then not take it for 2. She claims it

makes

her feel nauseous. I told her to speak to her Dr and make changes that she

can live with so that she will take it more consistently. She does not follow

through. She has tried 2 therapists so far and has not clicked with either

one and refuses to go back. She wants to go back to her old therapist (whom

she loved) that I am all for, but her father (my ex) refuses to allow her to

go back to her because this therpist saw me for therapy for 6 months during

our brutal, bitter divorce. He feels that is unethical.

Anyway, are there any suggestions on this? Do I just be thankful that she

is at least skating by with college and a job and step back and make her sort

through the rest herself? Where do we draw the line on what is our job as a

parent and what is now her responsibility? She lives with me and is basically

a good kid. She obeys her curfew, never steals from me, is not drinking or

doing any drugs but it bothers me to still see this inability to take

responsibility for her school, work, relationship and health.

Edie

March 26, 2006

Debbie,

Thanks for your response and you are absolutely right in everything you say.

My ex does pay half the bill and has fought me over this therapist for the

last few years. He tried to get the court to order that Jackie not see this

therapist even during our divorce and the court denied it. They too felt that

Jackie should stay with a therapist that she has a good rapport with. The

break in therapy came last year when Jackie went away to college. Since she

has come back home and is attending local college, her father is giving her a

hard time and wants her to go to someone he picks. So far, she has not liked

anyone he has chosen. (All this interest in therapists from a man who

didn't even speak to her for a year). I know you are right that I could insist

and take him into court, but I am so burnt out on court and the legal bills. I

just finished my divorce in 2004 and already in 2005 he had filed another

motion to have his alimony discontinued due to financial hardship. (which of

course is the furthest thing from the truth). It took another year to fight

that battle and I am just drained from the constant battles. I could tell

Jackie to go back to her old therapist and I will pay for it, but I know he

will

take me into court again. I would probably win, but it would be financially

and emotionally draining.

He also tends to take everything out on my daughters when he is battling me

in court. Last year, he pressed charges against Jackie and disowned both

girls for a year.

Edie

March 27, 2006

In a message dated 3/26/2006 5:06:52 PM Eastern Standard Time,

Bfreenowxo@... writes:

I could tell Jackie to go back to her old therapist and I will pay for it,

but I know he will take me into court again. I would probably win, but it

would be financially

and emotionally draining.

He also tends to take everything out on my daughters when he is battling me

in court. Last year, he pressed charges against Jackie and disowned both

girls for a year.

Edie

Actually, if Jackie were to go back to the therapist and you are paying for

it, there is really nothing your ex can do or say about it. In essence, he is

denying her getting healthy. What judge would side with him? Actually, I

don't think it would even get to a court room.

If he is the one taking you to court, forego the attorney. I wouldn't keep

pulling a lawyer into it. Anyway, I remember you telling us about him pressing

the charges last year. He has no interest in her health, only not to have to

pay for anything. You have a court order that states he pays half, well

then, any bills that need to be paid, are paid half by you, and then they can go

after him for the rest by garnishing his wages after having filed a judgement

against him.

DebbieL

March 27, 2006

No, she's not a minor. She is almost 20. She can go to whomever she wants

for therapy, but my ex will do anything to stop her from seeing the one

therapist that she likes and trusts. He knows that he will lose if he takes me

to

court, but he will do it anyway to hurt me and Jackie. Not sure that Jackie

would be able to handle the stress of another court battle with him. The

last time he pressed charges against her she went off the deep end.

March 27, 2006

Is your daughter a minor?

funnygirl1154@... wrote: In a message dated 3/26/2006 5:06:52 PM Eastern

Standard Time,

Bfreenowxo@... writes:

I could tell Jackie to go back to her old therapist and I will pay for it,

but I know he will take me into court again. I would probably win, but it

would be financially

and emotionally draining.

He also tends to take everything out on my daughters when he is battling me

in court. Last year, he pressed charges against Jackie and disowned both

girls for a year.

Edie

Actually, if Jackie were to go back to the therapist and you are paying for

it, there is really nothing your ex can do or say about it. In essence, he is

denying her getting healthy. What judge would side with him? Actually, I

don't think it would even get to a court room.

If he is the one taking you to court, forego the attorney. I wouldn't keep

pulling a lawyer into it. Anyway, I remember you telling us about him pressing

the charges last year. He has no interest in her health, only not to have to

pay for anything. You have a court order that states he pays half, well

then, any bills that need to be paid, are paid half by you, and then they can go

after him for the rest by garnishing his wages after having filed a judgement

against him.

DebbieL

March 27, 2006

Edie,

I don't understand -- if she will see this therapist -- remind the lovely " ex "

they have client privilege and would never share another case with another

person. Your daughter is an adult now -- why can't she go herself. Am I to

assume the " Ex " carries the health insurance and/or pays the bill. If it's

covered by health insurance, make sure daughter and/or yourself are listed as

folks the insurance company will speak with, and send the bills through.

Carol

-------------- Original message --------------

From: Bfreenowxo@...

> Hi all,

>

> I have not updated in a while. I have a daughter who will be 20 years old

> soon. I had written about her last year when she had been picked up for DWI

> and had raged at me. I had locked her out of the house and she had broken in

> by throwing a rock through the window. She was charged within 24 hours on

> both the DWI and breaking into the house. She had one suicide attempt in high

> school and was hospitalized, would hide knives in her room, but never

> actually cut.

>

> After those incidents, I searched for residential treatment programs. She

> agreed to go in knowing that she had no other alternative. After 6 weeks on a

> waiting list, she finally had a date to go. When I took her to the facility

> (bags all packed and ready to stay), they rejected her because although she

> had agreed to stay, they felt that it was only because I was forcing her to

> and not because she was invested in her own care. So much for that.

>

> I had to bring her back home again and start all over. I drew up a contract

> that stated if she were to stay in the house and get her car back (after her

> 3 month license suspension) she would have to go back to college and get a

> part time job. She would also have to comply with her medication and go to a

> weekly therapy appointment.

>

> Currently, she has gone back to college full time (12 credits). She was

> able to get an academic scholarship. She is working part time in retail. She

> is averaging all A's in school ( she is extremely bright), but does not always

> attend classes and that is becoming an issue with the college. She has held

> her job for 4 months now, but I think she is in jeopardy of losing it

> because last night was the 3rd time that she did not call and did not show up.

>

> She has a boyfriend who is nice and respectful of her, but her ups and downs

> are starting to drive him crazy. She is still erratic in taking her

> medicine. She will take it for 3 days then not take it for 2. She claims it

> makes

> her feel nauseous. I told her to speak to her Dr and make changes that she

> can live with so that she will take it more consistently. She does not follow

> through. She has tried 2 therapists so far and has not clicked with either

> one and refuses to go back. She wants to go back to her old therapist (whom

> she loved) that I am all for, but her father (my ex) refuses to allow her to

> go back to her because this therpist saw me for therapy for 6 months during

> our brutal, bitter divorce. He feels that is unethical.

>

> Anyway, are there any suggestions on this? Do I just be thankful that she

> is at least skating by with college and a job and step back and make her sort

> through the rest herself? Where do we draw the line on what is our job as a

> parent and what is now her responsibility? She lives with me and is basically

> a good kid. She obeys her curfew, never steals from me, is not drinking or

> doing any drugs but it bothers me to still see this inability to take

> responsibility for her school, work, relationship and health.

>

> Edie

>

March 27, 2006

I'm glad your daughter is doing better, although it's a rocky road. Mine is

going to school too, fortunately she has been going to classes. That doesn't

mean I'm not waiting for her to slip....it's hard isn't it?

If your daughter is 19 going on 20, why does her father have a say in what

therapist she goes to? She's too old to be receiving child support, is it

because of insurance? Even so, he wouldn't take that away if she saw the

therapist of her choice, that would just be stupid.

Hang in there.

Bfreenowxo@... wrote: Hi all,

I have not updated in a while. I have a daughter who will be 20 years old

soon. I had written about her last year when she had been picked up for DWI

and had raged at me. I had locked her out of the house and she had broken in

by throwing a rock through the window. She was charged within 24 hours on

both the DWI and breaking into the house. She had one suicide attempt in

high

school and was hospitalized, would hide knives in her room, but never

actually cut.

After those incidents, I searched for residential treatment programs. She

agreed to go in knowing that she had no other alternative. After 6 weeks on

a