Guest guest Posted March 6, 2006 Report Share Posted March 6, 2006 In a message dated 3/6/2006 12:55:12 PM Eastern Standard Time, pj7@... writes: Have you considered filing some sort of lawsuit such as defamation of character against her since she is spreading a really bad rumor about you? PJ, Just an experience I encountered with this route. In our state, NJ, dont' know if it's federal law, but only people of influence can get away with filing for defamation of character, ie., lawyers, judges, police, etc. The commoner doesn't stand a chance. It's like a " he said, she said " scenerio. No win situation. My husband encountered this while going through his divorce w/his ex. She filed charges against him, stating he did this and that, got an RO against him. Well, she had some pretty hefty charges against him, some would require doing time. While he was getting divorced, standing before the judge, she more or less had him by the gazoons, he couldnt' tell the judge she was trying to blackmail him into signing over the deed to her for the 6.5 acres and home they owned, because if he told the judge she was making him sign over the property to her in turn for dropping the charges, she never would have dropped them. As soon as she got the deed in her hot little fist, the charges were, lo and behold, dropped like a hot potatoe. We tried the character thing, would never been able to prove. People spread rumors all the time. This was the trauma that triggered by daughter's BPD. Her father sat her down one day when she was 13 and told her of an affair I had when she was around 4 yrs. old. She had never known of it, we moved on with our marriage, going to counseling, putting it behind us. Well, we were not doing well in our marriage, filed for divorce, but in the meantime he decided she should be made aware of it. For what reason is beyond me. She snapped, and well, five years later here we are. He told her all sorts of stories and rumors about me. What was I to do besides defending myself and trying to tell her they weren't true? The damage was done and I was left to pick up the pieces, spending five years with the chaos. He left after the divorce and wasn't there to help with her, after he had caused the damage. You could sit in court all day telling them what he did, trying to defend your character, nothing is going to happen to him for spilling his guts. What can I do, sue him for making her ill? It's not worth it. He was an obsessed alienator and was going to do whatever it took to ruin me, and our daughter's expense. He had her watching my every move, suspicious of everything I did. It was sad what it did to her. Needless to say, she now realized what he was trying to do, but it sure was a nasty roller coaster ride to get to this point. DebbieL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2006 Report Share Posted March 6, 2006 In a message dated 3/6/2006 2:15:47 PM Eastern Standard Time, pj7@... writes: Very different situations. One is legal - your affair. The other is illegal - producing films of people having sex without their permission. I guess I misunderstood. I understood they were being accused of filming their daughter. If they were actually doing something illegal, yes they could be charged. But trying to take the daughter to court for defamation for something they didn't do, it's heresay, and when no tapes are produced, the daughter will deny having said anything. Well, they would have a hard time. As I said, my situation was really no different. He was being charged with something " illegal " . Is making terroristic threats " illegal " ? Or threating to take a life? Is that " illegal " ? With a weapon? Sure defamed him and his character, but there was nothing we could do about it. My husbands' character was defamed, as none of the charges were true, AND, like I said, she proved they weren't true since she dropped them all after she got what she wanted, and later someone over heard her telling someone else how the cops instructed her how to go about setting him up. But we would be hard pressed to get anywhere in a court of law trying to charge her with defamation. Like I said, most commoners can't file those charges. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2006 Report Share Posted March 6, 2006 In a message dated 3/6/2006 2:32:59 PM Eastern Standard Time, catfile49709@... writes: My situation is personal and unique to me as Debbie's is to her. Thank you, , dont' worry, I knew what you were saying. Your daughter will accuse you of anything, just to prove her point however pointless they may seem to us. I know you didn't do anything, and I know my husband didn't do anything, I was just trying to get across a point here on the defamation thing. We wouldn't waste our time pursuing it because first we knew the charges weren't true, the woman is a nutcase and we just didn't want to waste our time. Other people knew better anyway. AS long as people know what the person accusing is like, then you really have nothing to worry about as far as what she is saying. People knew my husband's ex, so they really doubted her word. In reality, our situations were the same, you and my hubby were both being accused of something you didn't do. If it were legal, there wouldn't be an issue now, would there? Anyway, you have to kind of brush it off to another chapter in your book of chaos. I just hope that you will still get to see your grands. Her threatening not to let you see them, well now, that's something to take to court with your grandparent's rights. I would definitely do something about that. I think that at the first sign of you pursuing your visitation with them, she may turn around and see the light! One can only hope. Hang in there! DebbieL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2006 Report Share Posted March 6, 2006 Very different situations. One is legal - your affair. The other is illegal - producing films of people having sex without their permission. If we are talking about drawing boundaries the situation of the video camera charges is clearly a situation where some boundaries could be drawn. However, one must consider the consequences in taking any action. Losing in court is not a big deal, but the daughter deciding she will NEVER speak to mom again or permit her to see the grandkids would be. You would have to debate if the public lawsuit would force the daughter to see that what she is doing is outrageous and nuts. Most likely she would see nothing. But then you have to consider whether you want your small town community always thinking YOU are the nut and a pervert. This situation would be a tough call for me - worse than my situation. PJ Re: Character In a message dated 3/6/2006 12:55:12 PM Eastern Standard Time, pj7@... writes: Have you considered filing some sort of lawsuit such as defamation of character against her since she is spreading a really bad rumor about you? PJ, Just an experience I encountered with this route. In our state, NJ, dont' know if it's federal law, but only people of influence can get away with filing for defamation of character, ie., lawyers, judges, police, etc. The commoner doesn't stand a chance. It's like a " he said, she said " scenerio. No win situation. My husband encountered this while going through his divorce w/his ex. She filed charges against him, stating he did this and that, got an RO against him. Well, she had some pretty hefty charges against him, some would require doing time. While he was getting divorced, standing before the judge, she more or less had him by the gazoons, he couldnt' tell the judge she was trying to blackmail him into signing over the deed to her for the 6.5 acres and home they owned, because if he told the judge she was making him sign over the property to her in turn for dropping the charges, she never would have dropped them. As soon as she got the deed in her hot little fist, the charges were, lo and behold, dropped like a hot potatoe. We tried the character thing, would never been able to prove. People spread rumors all the time. This was the trauma that triggered by daughter's BPD. Her father sat her down one day when she was 13 and told her of an affair I had when she was around 4 yrs. old. She had never known of it, we moved on with our marriage, going to counseling, putting it behind us. Well, we were not doing well in our marriage, filed for divorce, but in the meantime he decided she should be made aware of it. For what reason is beyond me. She snapped, and well, five years later here we are. He told her all sorts of stories and rumors about me. What was I to do besides defending myself and trying to tell her they weren't true? The damage was done and I was left to pick up the pieces, spending five years with the chaos. He left after the divorce and wasn't there to help with her, after he had caused the damage. You could sit in court all day telling them what he did, trying to defend your character, nothing is going to happen to him for spilling his guts. What can I do, sue him for making her ill? It's not worth it. He was an obsessed alienator and was going to do whatever it took to ruin me, and our daughter's expense. He had her watching my every move, suspicious of everything I did. It was sad what it did to her. Needless to say, she now realized what he was trying to do, but it sure was a nasty roller coaster ride to get to this point. DebbieL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2006 Report Share Posted March 6, 2006 WHOA! Slow up PJ! I NEVER filmed them having sex!!! There are NO tapes of any such a thing!!! There were NO CHARGES BROUGHT AGAINST ME!! Just her imagination formulating yet another batch of hurtful crap to spread around and see what grew from it! The only one hurt by all this, once the dust settles, is HER. HER CREDIBILITY HER INTEGRITY HER HONESTY HER TRUSTWORTHYNESS. My boudaries are that he's not welcome on my property. She's not staying in my house again, I cannot trust her. And...the only ones I will help are the grandchildren. Please do not combine my message with anyone else's. My situation is personal and unique to me as Debbie's is to her. Thank you, PJ pj7@...> wrote: Very different situations. One is legal - your affair. The other is illegal - producing films of people having sex without their permission. If we are talking about drawing boundaries the situation of the video camera charges is clearly a situation where some boundaries could be drawn. However, one must consider the consequences in taking any action. Losing in court is not a big deal, but the daughter deciding she will NEVER speak to mom again or permit her to see the grandkids would be. You would have to debate if the public lawsuit would force the daughter to see that what she is doing is outrageous and nuts. Most likely she would see nothing. But then you have to consider whether you want your small town community always thinking YOU are the nut and a pervert. This situation would be a tough call for me - worse than my situation. PJ Re: Character In a message dated 3/6/2006 12:55:12 PM Eastern Standard Time, pj7@... writes: Have you considered filing some sort of lawsuit such as defamation of character against her since she is spreading a really bad rumor about you? PJ, Just an experience I encountered with this route. In our state, NJ, dont' know if it's federal law, but only people of influence can get away with filing for defamation of character, ie., lawyers, judges, police, etc. The commoner doesn't stand a chance. It's like a " he said, she said " scenerio. No win situation. My husband encountered this while going through his divorce w/his ex. She filed charges against him, stating he did this and that, got an RO against him. Well, she had some pretty hefty charges against him, some would require doing time. While he was getting divorced, standing before the judge, she more or less had him by the gazoons, he couldnt' tell the judge she was trying to blackmail him into signing over the deed to her for the 6.5 acres and home they owned, because if he told the judge she was making him sign over the property to her in turn for dropping the charges, she never would have dropped them. As soon as she got the deed in her hot little fist, the charges were, lo and behold, dropped like a hot potatoe. We tried the character thing, would never been able to prove. People spread rumors all the time. This was the trauma that triggered by daughter's BPD. Her father sat her down one day when she was 13 and told her of an affair I had when she was around 4 yrs. old. She had never known of it, we moved on with our marriage, going to counseling, putting it behind us. Well, we were not doing well in our marriage, filed for divorce, but in the meantime he decided she should be made aware of it. For what reason is beyond me. She snapped, and well, five years later here we are. He told her all sorts of stories and rumors about me. What was I to do besides defending myself and trying to tell her they weren't true? The damage was done and I was left to pick up the pieces, spending five years with the chaos. He left after the divorce and wasn't there to help with her, after he had caused the damage. You could sit in court all day telling them what he did, trying to defend your character, nothing is going to happen to him for spilling his guts. What can I do, sue him for making her ill? It's not worth it. He was an obsessed alienator and was going to do whatever it took to ruin me, and our daughter's expense. He had her watching my every move, suspicious of everything I did. It was sad what it did to her. Needless to say, she now realized what he was trying to do, but it sure was a nasty roller coaster ride to get to this point. DebbieL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2006 Report Share Posted March 6, 2006 Yes, I understand, . My point was that you could file charges against your daughter - not to win but to demonstrate to her how awful her treatment of YOU is. PJ WHOA! Slow up PJ! I NEVER filmed them having sex!!! There are NO tapes of any such a thing!!! There were NO CHARGES BROUGHT AGAINST ME!! Just her imagination formulating yet another batch of hurtful crap to spread around and see what grew from it! The only one hurt by all this, once the dust settles, is HER. HER CREDIBILITY HER INTEGRITY HER HONESTY HER TRUSTWORTHYNESS. My boudaries are that he's not welcome on my property. She's not staying in my house again, I cannot trust her. And...the only ones I will help are the grandchildren. Please do not combine my message with anyone else's. My situation is personal and unique to me as Debbie's is to her. Thank you, PJ pj7@...> wrote: Very different situations. One is legal - your affair. The other is illegal - producing films of people having sex without their permission. If we are talking about drawing boundaries the situation of the video camera charges is clearly a situation where some boundaries could be drawn. However, one must consider the consequences in taking any action. Losing in court is not a big deal, but the daughter deciding she will NEVER speak to mom again or permit her to see the grandkids would be. You would have to debate if the public lawsuit would force the daughter to see that what she is doing is outrageous and nuts. Most likely she would see nothing. But then you have to consider whether you want your small town community always thinking YOU are the nut and a pervert. This situation would be a tough call for me - worse than my situation. PJ Re: Character In a message dated 3/6/2006 12:55:12 PM Eastern Standard Time, pj7@... writes: Have you considered filing some sort of lawsuit such as defamation of character against her since she is spreading a really bad rumor about you? PJ, Just an experience I encountered with this route. In our state, NJ, dont' know if it's federal law, but only people of influence can get away with filing for defamation of character, ie., lawyers, judges, police, etc. The commoner doesn't stand a chance. It's like a " he said, she said " scenerio. No win situation. My husband encountered this while going through his divorce w/his ex. She filed charges against him, stating he did this and that, got an RO against him. Well, she had some pretty hefty charges against him, some would require doing time. While he was getting divorced, standing before the judge, she more or less had him by the gazoons, he couldnt' tell the judge she was trying to blackmail him into signing over the deed to her for the 6.5 acres and home they owned, because if he told the judge she was making him sign over the property to her in turn for dropping the charges, she never would have dropped them. As soon as she got the deed in her hot little fist, the charges were, lo and behold, dropped like a hot potatoe. We tried the character thing, would never been able to prove. People spread rumors all the time. This was the trauma that triggered by daughter's BPD. Her father sat her down one day when she was 13 and told her of an affair I had when she was around 4 yrs. old. She had never known of it, we moved on with our marriage, going to counseling, putting it behind us. Well, we were not doing well in our marriage, filed for divorce, but in the meantime he decided she should be made aware of it. For what reason is beyond me. She snapped, and well, five years later here we are. He told her all sorts of stories and rumors about me. What was I to do besides defending myself and trying to tell her they weren't true? The damage was done and I was left to pick up the pieces, spending five years with the chaos. He left after the divorce and wasn't there to help with her, after he had caused the damage. You could sit in court all day telling them what he did, trying to defend your character, nothing is going to happen to him for spilling his guts. What can I do, sue him for making her ill? It's not worth it. He was an obsessed alienator and was going to do whatever it took to ruin me, and our daughter's expense. He had her watching my every move, suspicious of everything I did. It was sad what it did to her. Needless to say, she now realized what he was trying to do, but it sure was a nasty roller coaster ride to get to this point. DebbieL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2006 Report Share Posted March 6, 2006 The case would get dismissed before it would go anywhere (b/c there is no case) and then really, the daughter wins and loses, AGAIN. All daughter would see is that the JUDGE agrees with her; that she is RIGHT when in fact it was just that the elements of defamation were not present in the case. Trying to explain something logical and rational to an individual who lives in their own world of rationality. Here is how defamation works: It has to be spoken words (vs. libel which is the written word) that are not true (which you have here) that cause such some type of damage to the party about whom they were spoken. And the standard for damage is set pretty high by the courts -- losing a large amount of money, or a job, or political office, etc. That is why defamation normally only works for celebrities, politicians, famous people, etc. Because while what was said about is certainly ugly, unkind and could be damaging to her reputation, it hasn't caused her any type of damages that would be required by a court of law. Damages are a required element for the case to even be filed, doesn't have it (or doesn't appear to from the facts she posted and per what she's said from info she's gotten from an atty where she lives). Kelley C. PJ pj7@...> wrote: Yes, I understand, . My point was that you could file charges against your daughter - not to win but to demonstrate to her how awful her treatment of YOU is. PJ WHOA! Slow up PJ! I NEVER filmed them having sex!!! There are NO tapes of any such a thing!!! There were NO CHARGES BROUGHT AGAINST ME!! Just her imagination formulating yet another batch of hurtful crap to spread around and see what grew from it! The only one hurt by all this, once the dust settles, is HER. HER CREDIBILITY HER INTEGRITY HER HONESTY HER TRUSTWORTHYNESS. My boudaries are that he's not welcome on my property. She's not staying in my house again, I cannot trust her. And...the only ones I will help are the grandchildren. Please do not combine my message with anyone else's. My situation is personal and unique to me as Debbie's is to her. Thank you, PJ wrote: Very different situations. One is legal - your affair. The other is illegal - producing films of people having sex without their permission. If we are talking about drawing boundaries the situation of the video camera charges is clearly a situation where some boundaries could be drawn. However, one must consider the consequences in taking any action. Losing in court is not a big deal, but the daughter deciding she will NEVER speak to mom again or permit her to see the grandkids would be. You would have to debate if the public lawsuit would force the daughter to see that what she is doing is outrageous and nuts. Most likely she would see nothing. But then you have to consider whether you want your small town community always thinking YOU are the nut and a pervert. This situation would be a tough call for me - worse than my situation. PJ Re: Character In a message dated 3/6/2006 12:55:12 PM Eastern Standard Time, pj7@... writes: Have you considered filing some sort of lawsuit such as defamation of character against her since she is spreading a really bad rumor about you? PJ, Just an experience I encountered with this route. In our state, NJ, dont' know if it's federal law, but only people of influence can get away with filing for defamation of character, ie., lawyers, judges, police, etc. The commoner doesn't stand a chance. It's like a " he said, she said " scenerio. No win situation. My husband encountered this while going through his divorce w/his ex. She filed charges against him, stating he did this and that, got an RO against him. Well, she had some pretty hefty charges against him, some would require doing time. While he was getting divorced, standing before the judge, she more or less had him by the gazoons, he couldnt' tell the judge she was trying to blackmail him into signing over the deed to her for the 6.5 acres and home they owned, because if he told the judge she was making him sign over the property to her in turn for dropping the charges, she never would have dropped them. As soon as she got the deed in her hot little fist, the charges were, lo and behold, dropped like a hot potatoe. We tried the character thing, would never been able to prove. People spread rumors all the time. This was the trauma that triggered by daughter's BPD. Her father sat her down one day when she was 13 and told her of an affair I had when she was around 4 yrs. old. She had never known of it, we moved on with our marriage, going to counseling, putting it behind us. Well, we were not doing well in our marriage, filed for divorce, but in the meantime he decided she should be made aware of it. For what reason is beyond me. She snapped, and well, five years later here we are. He told her all sorts of stories and rumors about me. What was I to do besides defending myself and trying to tell her they weren't true? The damage was done and I was left to pick up the pieces, spending five years with the chaos. He left after the divorce and wasn't there to help with her, after he had caused the damage. You could sit in court all day telling them what he did, trying to defend your character, nothing is going to happen to him for spilling his guts. What can I do, sue him for making her ill? It's not worth it. He was an obsessed alienator and was going to do whatever it took to ruin me, and our daughter's expense. He had her watching my every move, suspicious of everything I did. It was sad what it did to her. Needless to say, she now realized what he was trying to do, but it sure was a nasty roller coaster ride to get to this point. DebbieL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2006 Report Share Posted March 6, 2006 Yeah, this makes sense. It would probably backfire and she would think she was right because they don't think straight to begin with. The defamation and libel laws really don't protect us much. PJ The case would get dismissed before it would go anywhere (b/c there is no case) and then really, the daughter wins and loses, AGAIN. All daughter would see is that the JUDGE agrees with her; that she is RIGHT when in fact it was just that the elements of defamation were not present in the case. Trying to explain something logical and rational to an individual who lives in their own world of rationality. Here is how defamation works: It has to be spoken words (vs. libel which is the written word) that are not true (which you have here) that cause such some type of damage to the party about whom they were spoken. And the standard for damage is set pretty high by the courts -- losing a large amount of money, or a job, or political office, etc. That is why defamation normally only works for celebrities, politicians, famous people, etc. Because while what was said about is certainly ugly, unkind and could be damaging to her reputation, it hasn't caused her any type of damages that would be required by a court of law. Damages are a required element for the case to even be filed, doesn't have it (or doesn't appear to from the facts she posted and per what she's said from info she's gotten from an atty where she lives). Kelley C. PJ pj7@...> wrote: Yes, I understand, . My point was that you could file charges against your daughter - not to win but to demonstrate to her how awful her treatment of YOU is. PJ WHOA! Slow up PJ! I NEVER filmed them having sex!!! There are NO tapes of any such a thing!!! There were NO CHARGES BROUGHT AGAINST ME!! Just her imagination formulating yet another batch of hurtful crap to spread around and see what grew from it! The only one hurt by all this, once the dust settles, is HER. HER CREDIBILITY HER INTEGRITY HER HONESTY HER TRUSTWORTHYNESS. My boudaries are that he's not welcome on my property. She's not staying in my house again, I cannot trust her. And...the only ones I will help are the grandchildren. Please do not combine my message with anyone else's. My situation is personal and unique to me as Debbie's is to her. Thank you, PJ wrote: Very different situations. One is legal - your affair. The other is illegal - producing films of people having sex without their permission. If we are talking about drawing boundaries the situation of the video camera charges is clearly a situation where some boundaries could be drawn. However, one must consider the consequences in taking any action. Losing in court is not a big deal, but the daughter deciding she will NEVER speak to mom again or permit her to see the grandkids would be. You would have to debate if the public lawsuit would force the daughter to see that what she is doing is outrageous and nuts. Most likely she would see nothing. But then you have to consider whether you want your small town community always thinking YOU are the nut and a pervert. This situation would be a tough call for me - worse than my situation. PJ Re: Character In a message dated 3/6/2006 12:55:12 PM Eastern Standard Time, pj7@... writes: Have you considered filing some sort of lawsuit such as defamation of character against her since she is spreading a really bad rumor about you? PJ, Just an experience I encountered with this route. In our state, NJ, dont' know if it's federal law, but only people of influence can get away with filing for defamation of character, ie., lawyers, judges, police, etc. The commoner doesn't stand a chance. It's like a " he said, she said " scenerio. No win situation. My husband encountered this while going through his divorce w/his ex. She filed charges against him, stating he did this and that, got an RO against him. Well, she had some pretty hefty charges against him, some would require doing time. While he was getting divorced, standing before the judge, she more or less had him by the gazoons, he couldnt' tell the judge she was trying to blackmail him into signing over the deed to her for the 6.5 acres and home they owned, because if he told the judge she was making him sign over the property to her in turn for dropping the charges, she never would have dropped them. As soon as she got the deed in her hot little fist, the charges were, lo and behold, dropped like a hot potatoe. We tried the character thing, would never been able to prove. People spread rumors all the time. This was the trauma that triggered by daughter's BPD. Her father sat her down one day when she was 13 and told her of an affair I had when she was around 4 yrs. old. She had never known of it, we moved on with our marriage, going to counseling, putting it behind us. Well, we were not doing well in our marriage, filed for divorce, but in the meantime he decided she should be made aware of it. For what reason is beyond me. She snapped, and well, five years later here we are. He told her all sorts of stories and rumors about me. What was I to do besides defending myself and trying to tell her they weren't true? The damage was done and I was left to pick up the pieces, spending five years with the chaos. He left after the divorce and wasn't there to help with her, after he had caused the damage. You could sit in court all day telling them what he did, trying to defend your character, nothing is going to happen to him for spilling his guts. What can I do, sue him for making her ill? It's not worth it. He was an obsessed alienator and was going to do whatever it took to ruin me, and our daughter's expense. He had her watching my every move, suspicious of everything I did. It was sad what it did to her. Needless to say, she now realized what he was trying to do, but it sure was a nasty roller coaster ride to get to this point. DebbieL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 6, 2006 Report Share Posted March 6, 2006 Thank you C, I told my lawyer that it's a sad state that cannot guarantee a person, personal protection from intentional slander, and he said that the problem was that folks were so sue happy it tied up the courts and so the law was changed and more defined. It's a shame really. Your exactly right too that my daughter wouldn't be able to see the logic of things, she WOULD think she " won " . And that's ALL her skewed ego would need! I just learned that my Son in law's job closed their doors today, so he now has no job...I wonder how long it will be before she remembers all I did for them and shows up here....but I have my boundaries firmly in place and a couple of well intentioned friends who promise me a butt kicking if I falter. lol Warm Thoughts to you, Kerk0522 kerk0522@...> wrote: The case would get dismissed before it would go anywhere (b/c there is no case) and then really, the daughter wins and loses, AGAIN. All daughter would see is that the JUDGE agrees with her; that she is RIGHT when in fact it was just that the elements of defamation were not present in the case. Trying to explain something logical and rational to an individual who lives in their own world of rationality. Here is how defamation works: It has to be spoken words (vs. libel which is the written word) that are not true (which you have here) that cause such some type of damage to the party about whom they were spoken. And the standard for damage is set pretty high by the courts -- losing a large amount of money, or a job, or political office, etc. That is why defamation normally only works for celebrities, politicians, famous people, etc. Because while what was said about is certainly ugly, unkind and could be damaging to her reputation, it hasn't caused her any type of damages that would be required by a court of law. Damages are a required element for the case to even be filed, doesn't have it (or doesn't appear to from the facts she posted and per what she's said from info she's gotten from an atty where she lives). Kelley C. PJ pj7@...> wrote: Yes, I understand, . My point was that you could file charges against your daughter - not to win but to demonstrate to her how awful her treatment of YOU is. PJ WHOA! Slow up PJ! I NEVER filmed them having sex!!! There are NO tapes of any such a thing!!! There were NO CHARGES BROUGHT AGAINST ME!! Just her imagination formulating yet another batch of hurtful crap to spread around and see what grew from it! The only one hurt by all this, once the dust settles, is HER. HER CREDIBILITY HER INTEGRITY HER HONESTY HER TRUSTWORTHYNESS. My boudaries are that he's not welcome on my property. She's not staying in my house again, I cannot trust her. And...the only ones I will help are the grandchildren. Please do not combine my message with anyone else's. My situation is personal and unique to me as Debbie's is to her. Thank you, PJ wrote: Very different situations. One is legal - your affair. The other is illegal - producing films of people having sex without their permission. If we are talking about drawing boundaries the situation of the video camera charges is clearly a situation where some boundaries could be drawn. However, one must consider the consequences in taking any action. Losing in court is not a big deal, but the daughter deciding she will NEVER speak to mom again or permit her to see the grandkids would be. You would have to debate if the public lawsuit would force the daughter to see that what she is doing is outrageous and nuts. Most likely she would see nothing. But then you have to consider whether you want your small town community always thinking YOU are the nut and a pervert. This situation would be a tough call for me - worse than my situation. PJ Re: Character In a message dated 3/6/2006 12:55:12 PM Eastern Standard Time, pj7@... writes: Have you considered filing some sort of lawsuit such as defamation of character against her since she is spreading a really bad rumor about you? PJ, Just an experience I encountered with this route. In our state, NJ, dont' know if it's federal law, but only people of influence can get away with filing for defamation of character, ie., lawyers, judges, police, etc. The commoner doesn't stand a chance. It's like a " he said, she said " scenerio. No win situation. My husband encountered this while going through his divorce w/his ex. She filed charges against him, stating he did this and that, got an RO against him. Well, she had some pretty hefty charges against him, some would require doing time. While he was getting divorced, standing before the judge, she more or less had him by the gazoons, he couldnt' tell the judge she was trying to blackmail him into signing over the deed to her for the 6.5 acres and home they owned, because if he told the judge she was making him sign over the property to her in turn for dropping the charges, she never would have dropped them. As soon as she got the deed in her hot little fist, the charges were, lo and behold, dropped like a hot potatoe. We tried the character thing, would never been able to prove. People spread rumors all the time. This was the trauma that triggered by daughter's BPD. Her father sat her down one day when she was 13 and told her of an affair I had when she was around 4 yrs. old. She had never known of it, we moved on with our marriage, going to counseling, putting it behind us. Well, we were not doing well in our marriage, filed for divorce, but in the meantime he decided she should be made aware of it. For what reason is beyond me. She snapped, and well, five years later here we are. He told her all sorts of stories and rumors about me. What was I to do besides defending myself and trying to tell her they weren't true? The damage was done and I was left to pick up the pieces, spending five years with the chaos. He left after the divorce and wasn't there to help with her, after he had caused the damage. You could sit in court all day telling them what he did, trying to defend your character, nothing is going to happen to him for spilling his guts. What can I do, sue him for making her ill? It's not worth it. He was an obsessed alienator and was going to do whatever it took to ruin me, and our daughter's expense. He had her watching my every move, suspicious of everything I did. It was sad what it did to her. Needless to say, she now realized what he was trying to do, but it sure was a nasty roller coaster ride to get to this point. DebbieL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2006 Report Share Posted March 7, 2006 What does anyone win by taking a family member to court? There are no winners -- there are angry, emotional upsets. Our bp kids don't forget it. Some on the board made matters worse temporarily. I can understand grandparents wanting to see their grandkids. I think in my state grandparents don't have rights. Either way, going through court or not, don't you have to work through the parents to see the children? If there's anyway to stay away from the legal system, I would. Carol --------- Re: Character > > > In a message dated 3/6/2006 12:55:12 PM Eastern Standard Time, pj7@... > writes: > Have you considered filing some sort of lawsuit such as defamation of > character against her since she is spreading a really bad rumor about you? > PJ, > > Just an experience I encountered with this route. In our state, NJ, > dont' > know if it's federal law, but only people of influence can get away with > filing for defamation of character, ie., lawyers, judges, police, etc. > The > commoner doesn't stand a chance. It's like a " he said, she said " > scenerio. No win > situation. My husband encountered this while going through his divorce > w/his > ex. She filed charges against him, stating he did this and that, got an > RO > against him. Well, she had some pretty hefty charges against him, some > would > require doing time. While he was getting divorced, standing before the > judge, > she more or less had him by the gazoons, he couldnt' tell the judge she > was > trying to blackmail him into signing over the deed to her for the 6.5 > acres and > home they owned, because if he told the judge she was making him sign over > the > property to her in turn for dropping the charges, she never would have > dropped them. As soon as she got the deed in her hot little fist, the > charges were, > lo and behold, dropped like a hot potatoe. We tried the character thing, > would never been able to prove. People spread rumors all the time. This > was the > trauma that triggered by daughter's BPD. Her father sat her down one day > when she was 13 and told her of an affair I had when she was around 4 yrs. > old. > She had never known of it, we moved on with our marriage, going to > counseling, > putting it behind us. Well, we were not doing well in our marriage, filed > for divorce, but in the meantime he decided she should be made aware of > it. > For what reason is beyond me. She snapped, and well, five years later > here > we are. He told her all sorts of stories and rumors about me. What was I > to > do besides defending myself and trying to tell her they weren't true? The > damage was done and I was left to pick up the pieces, spending five years > with the > chaos. He left after the divorce and wasn't there to help with her, after > he > had caused the damage. You could sit in court all day telling them what > he > did, trying to defend your character, nothing is going to happen to him > for > spilling his guts. What can I do, sue him for making her ill? It's not > worth > it. He was an obsessed alienator and was going to do whatever it took to > ruin > me, and our daughter's expense. He had her watching my every move, > suspicious > of everything I did. It was sad what it did to her. Needless to say, > she > now realized what he was trying to do, but it sure was a nasty roller > coaster > ride to get to this point. > DebbieL > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2006 Report Share Posted March 7, 2006 I told a friend of mine that after having thought about it (pursuing grandparent rights), I can only see the end result being that the grandchildren would be really confused and scared, and more gunk for daughter to throw around... And for all I know, the history I have with her being what it is...she could change her mind tomorrow and let me see the kids! My main concern is for the grandchildren, I don't want to contribute to anything stressful no matter how well intentioned I may be. I sure do miss them tho. bosoxfan199@... wrote: What does anyone win by taking a family member to court? There are no winners -- there are angry, emotional upsets. Our bp kids don't forget it. Some on the board made matters worse temporarily. I can understand grandparents wanting to see their grandkids. I think in my state grandparents don't have rights. Either way, going through court or not, don't you have to work through the parents to see the children? If there's anyway to stay away from the legal system, I would. Carol --------- Re: Character > > > In a message dated 3/6/2006 12:55:12 PM Eastern Standard Time, pj7@... > writes: > Have you considered filing some sort of lawsuit such as defamation of > character against her since she is spreading a really bad rumor about you? > PJ, > > Just an experience I encountered with this route. In our state, NJ, > dont' > know if it's federal law, but only people of influence can get away with > filing for defamation of character, ie., lawyers, judges, police, etc. > The > commoner doesn't stand a chance. It's like a " he said, she said " > scenerio. No win > situation. My husband encountered this while going through his divorce > w/his > ex. She filed charges against him, stating he did this and that, got an > RO > against him. Well, she had some pretty hefty charges against him, some > would > require doing time. While he was getting divorced, standing before the > judge, > she more or less had him by the gazoons, he couldnt' tell the judge she > was > trying to blackmail him into signing over the deed to her for the 6.5 > acres and > home they owned, because if he told the judge she was making him sign over > the > property to her in turn for dropping the charges, she never would have > dropped them. As soon as she got the deed in her hot little fist, the > charges were, > lo and behold, dropped like a hot potatoe. We tried the character thing, > would never been able to prove. People spread rumors all the time. This > was the > trauma that triggered by daughter's BPD. Her father sat her down one day > when she was 13 and told her of an affair I had when she was around 4 yrs. > old. > She had never known of it, we moved on with our marriage, going to > counseling, > putting it behind us. Well, we were not doing well in our marriage, filed > for divorce, but in the meantime he decided she should be made aware of > it. > For what reason is beyond me. She snapped, and well, five years later > here > we are. He told her all sorts of stories and rumors about me. What was I > to > do besides defending myself and trying to tell her they weren't true? The > damage was done and I was left to pick up the pieces, spending five years > with the > chaos. He left after the divorce and wasn't there to help with her, after > he > had caused the damage. You could sit in court all day telling them what > he > did, trying to defend your character, nothing is going to happen to him > for > spilling his guts. What can I do, sue him for making her ill? It's not > worth > it. He was an obsessed alienator and was going to do whatever it took to > ruin > me, and our daughter's expense. He had her watching my every move, > suspicious > of everything I did. It was sad what it did to her. Needless to say, > she > now realized what he was trying to do, but it sure was a nasty roller > coaster > ride to get to this point. > DebbieL > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 2006 Report Share Posted March 7, 2006 And now that SIL has lost his job, your dtr may be bringing them around some. You never know. catfile catfile49709@...> wrote: I told a friend of mine that after having thought about it (pursuing grandparent rights), I can only see the end result being that the grandchildren would be really confused and scared, and more gunk for daughter to throw around... And for all I know, the history I have with her being what it is...she could change her mind tomorrow and let me see the kids! My main concern is for the grandchildren, I don't want to contribute to anything stressful no matter how well intentioned I may be. I sure do miss them tho. bosoxfan199@... wrote: What does anyone win by taking a family member to court? There are no winners -- there are angry, emotional upsets. Our bp kids don't forget it. Some on the board made matters worse temporarily. I can understand grandparents wanting to see their grandkids. I think in my state grandparents don't have rights. Either way, going through court or not, don't you have to work through the parents to see the children? If there's anyway to stay away from the legal system, I would. Carol --------- Re: Character > > > In a message dated 3/6/2006 12:55:12 PM Eastern Standard Time, pj7@... > writes: > Have you considered filing some sort of lawsuit such as defamation of > character against her since she is spreading a really bad rumor about you? > PJ, > > Just an experience I encountered with this route. In our state, NJ, > dont' > know if it's federal law, but only people of influence can get away with > filing for defamation of character, ie., lawyers, judges, police, etc. > The > commoner doesn't stand a chance. It's like a " he said, she said " > scenerio. No win > situation. My husband encountered this while going through his divorce > w/his > ex. She filed charges against him, stating he did this and that, got an > RO > against him. Well, she had some pretty hefty charges against him, some > would > require doing time. While he was getting divorced, standing before the > judge, > she more or less had him by the gazoons, he couldnt' tell the judge she > was > trying to blackmail him into signing over the deed to her for the 6.5 > acres and > home they owned, because if he told the judge she was making him sign over > the > property to her in turn for dropping the charges, she never would have > dropped them. As soon as she got the deed in her hot little fist, the > charges were, > lo and behold, dropped like a hot potatoe. We tried the character thing, > would never been able to prove. People spread rumors all the time. This > was the > trauma that triggered by daughter's BPD. Her father sat her down one day > when she was 13 and told her of an affair I had when she was around 4 yrs. > old. > She had never known of it, we moved on with our marriage, going to > counseling, > putting it behind us. Well, we were not doing well in our marriage, filed > for divorce, but in the meantime he decided she should be made aware of > it. > For what reason is beyond me. She snapped, and well, five years later > here > we are. He told her all sorts of stories and rumors about me. What was I > to > do besides defending myself and trying to tell her they weren't true? The > damage was done and I was left to pick up the pieces, spending five years > with the > chaos. He left after the divorce and wasn't there to help with her, after > he > had caused the damage. You could sit in court all day telling them what > he > did, trying to defend your character, nothing is going to happen to him > for > spilling his guts. What can I do, sue him for making her ill? It's not > worth > it. He was an obsessed alienator and was going to do whatever it took to > ruin > me, and our daughter's expense. He had her watching my every move, > suspicious > of everything I did. It was sad what it did to her. Needless to say, > she > now realized what he was trying to do, but it sure was a nasty roller > coaster > ride to get to this point. > DebbieL > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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