Re: Well The Honeymoon is Over

[Guest guest]

My daughter's hubby will be home from jail (once again) next Tues and today

we started to make ME out as the bad guy. Time to get rid of the mother, I

guess. As you all know, I have been babysitting the boys and the everyday,

bringing them to school and picking up from school, have them all day Sunday

and during week, I give them dinner and bring them backs just in time for

babths and bed because she is " exhausted " from working, being 6 months pregnant

and all plus baby never sleeps thru the night even at 10 months old. I have

brought that baby to Dr appts, picked her up early from daycare when she was

sick and babysit for her and the boys

so my daughter doesn't mis a minute of work. I go over early in the AM when

daughter has obstetrician appts and then bring baby to daycare as well.

Well today, I was told I am trying to usurp her position as their mother.

That the boys accidentally call her Nana all the time. I told her they call

me Mom on ocaission as well. That was the wrong thing to say, I guess because

she again went off on me that now that he is getting out, she doesn't need

me to be doing so much for her. I told her, I have been in this scene before

and I know what she is up to. Dirtbag is the one who doesn't like my being

involved in the boys lives when he is out so now she will be trying to push me

out of the picture again. I lost it and told her to consider that her

mother is dead and gone because as far as I am concerned I have NO daughter. I

told her my son (her brother) and everyone else who knows my situation has told

me since Oct when dirtbag wnet back to jial that my lovely daughter was

simply using me to the full extent of my ability to give. I guess, I am not

surprised just ticked off that she could be so blatantly a user.

I told her if she gives me an ounce of trouble in seeing the boys, I will

not blink an eyelash about having her back in court and this time all the cards

are on my side dsince from the restraining order to now SHE has sought out

my assistance in watching them and taking them to Dr appts, etc

The irony is that she is about 1 mortgage payment away from losing the house

and had just asked me to relocate to a new company who has wanted me to go

there and will give me a better split. She went to talk to the broker owner

and I doubt that they give a damn if she relocates or not, but told her they

will give her a better split if she can talk me into going to this company.

That isn't a snow ball's chance in HE__ of that happening now.

Jean

[Guest guest]

I don't remember you. How old is your daughter?

Jean

[Guest guest]

PJ

Her response to me tonight is that she is depressed and cares about nothing.

Who knows what is reality and what is bull.

Jean

[Guest guest]

From what I have learned, I believe that your daughter is not intentionally

using you. She doesn't know how else to express her fear, her feeling of

loneliness and desperation. She is probably feeling these things because her

hubby is coming home. I know in my daughter's experience that any change from

the norm causes chaos in her life whether it is a good thing or a bad thing. I

have also said those things to my daughter, knowing that I didn't mean them but

had too out of the frustration I was feeling. I got so tired of my daughter's

constant threats of suicide and telling me that I was going to be the one to

have to live with that and having to drop whatever I was doing and run over to

her place to stop her that one day she was threatening to strangle herself with

the curling iron cord so I looked her straight in the eye and told her that if

she was going to do it that she would have to do it looking me in the face. It

was the hardest thing I have ever had to do because she

was turning blue but thank god she realized that she couldn't do that to me (at

least until the next time she threatened me with it). Anyway, as hard as it is,

we have to not take personally the terrible things they say to us and learn that

when the verbal abuse starts to walk away. Hang in there and know that I will

have you in my thoughts and prayers.

cascorsam@... wrote:

My daughter's hubby will be home from jail (once again) next Tues and today

we started to make ME out as the bad guy. Time to get rid of the mother, I

guess. As you all know, I have been babysitting the boys and the everyday,

bringing them to school and picking up from school, have them all day Sunday

and during week, I give them dinner and bring them backs just in time for

babths and bed because she is " exhausted " from working, being 6 months pregnant

and all plus baby never sleeps thru the night even at 10 months old. I have

brought that baby to Dr appts, picked her up early from daycare when she was

sick and babysit for her and the boys

so my daughter doesn't mis a minute of work. I go over early in the AM when

daughter has obstetrician appts and then bring baby to daycare as well.

Well today, I was told I am trying to usurp her position as their mother.

That the boys accidentally call her Nana all the time. I told her they call

me Mom on ocaission as well. That was the wrong thing to say, I guess because

she again went off on me that now that he is getting out, she doesn't need

me to be doing so much for her. I told her, I have been in this scene before

and I know what she is up to. Dirtbag is the one who doesn't like my being

involved in the boys lives when he is out so now she will be trying to push me

out of the picture again. I lost it and told her to consider that her

mother is dead and gone because as far as I am concerned I have NO daughter. I

told her my son (her brother) and everyone else who knows my situation has told

me since Oct when dirtbag wnet back to jial that my lovely daughter was

simply using me to the full extent of my ability to give. I guess, I am not

surprised just ticked off that she could be so blatantly a user.

I told her if she gives me an ounce of trouble in seeing the boys, I will

not blink an eyelash about having her back in court and this time all the cards

are on my side dsince from the restraining order to now SHE has sought out

my assistance in watching them and taking them to Dr appts, etc

The irony is that she is about 1 mortgage payment away from losing the house

and had just asked me to relocate to a new company who has wanted me to go

there and will give me a better split. She went to talk to the broker owner

and I doubt that they give a damn if she relocates or not, but told her they

will give her a better split if she can talk me into going to this company.

That isn't a snow ball's chance in HE__ of that happening now.

Jean

[Guest guest]

Jean,

I agree with .

I don't think your daughter is trying to get rid of

you...I think it more that she's not making decisions

based on facts.

You are factually a decent person.

<...

As you all know, I have been babysitting the boys and

the everyday...

....>

Yes...all that is beyond question...and the way you've

described things in the past makes me believe she

understands those facts...factually you are a decent

person...factually you have acted as a decent mother

and grandmother by what you described.

Don't argue with yourself about that...When you argue

with isn't it really arguing with yourself? If

you keep doing it...It'll drive you nutz.

Now...when it comes to that hubby and her...you've

probably got a semi full of facts...but it ain't about

facts. Its about her feelings. IMO...it is likely

about her feelings and unfinished business with her

father.

You bringing facts to the party is like bringing a

knife to a gunfight...and my teacher friend...I don't

want you emotionally shot.

<...

Well today, I was told I am trying to usurp her

position as their mother...

....>

When I was a little boy someone told me the moon was

made of green cheese.

People will tell you all sorts of things.

Be careful who you trust...

--- Naegele fayx2_mom@...> wrote:

> From what I have learned, I believe that your

> daughter is not intentionally using you. She

> doesn't know how else to express her fear, her

> feeling of loneliness and desperation. She is

> probably feeling these things because her hubby is

> coming home. I know in my daughter's experience

> that any change from the norm causes chaos in her

> life whether it is a good thing or a bad thing. I

> have also said those things to my daughter, knowing

> that I didn't mean them but had too out of the

> frustration I was feeling. I got so tired of my

> daughter's constant threats of suicide and telling

> me that I was going to be the one to have to live

> with that and having to drop whatever I was doing

> and run over to her place to stop her that one day

> she was threatening to strangle herself with the

> curling iron cord so I looked her straight in the

> eye and told her that if she was going to do it that

> she would have to do it looking me in the face. It

> was the hardest thing I have ever had to do because

> she

> was turning blue but thank god she realized that

> she couldn't do that to me (at least until the next

> time she threatened me with it). Anyway, as hard as

> it is, we have to not take personally the terrible

> things they say to us and learn that when the verbal

> abuse starts to walk away. Hang in there and know

> that I will have you in my thoughts and prayers.

>

>

>

>

> cascorsam@... wrote:

> My daughter's hubby will be home from jail (once

> again) next Tues and today

> we started to make ME out as the bad guy. Time to

> get rid of the mother, I

> guess. As you all know, I have been babysitting the

> boys and the everyday,

> bringing them to school and picking up from school,

> have them all day Sunday

> and during week, I give them dinner and bring them

> backs just in time for

> babths and bed because she is " exhausted " from

> working, being 6 months pregnant

> and all plus baby never sleeps thru the night even

> at 10 months old. I have

> brought that baby to Dr appts, picked her up early

> from daycare when she was

> sick and babysit for her and the boys

> so my daughter doesn't mis a minute of work. I go

> over early in the AM when

> daughter has obstetrician appts and then bring baby

> to daycare as well.

>

> Well today, I was told I am trying to usurp her

> position as their mother.

> That the boys accidentally call her Nana all the

> time. I told her they call

> me Mom on ocaission as well. That was the wrong

> thing to say, I guess because

> she again went off on me that now that he is getting

> out, she doesn't need

> me to be doing so much for her. I told her, I have

> been in this scene before

> and I know what she is up to. Dirtbag is the one

> who doesn't like my being

> involved in the boys lives when he is out so now she

> will be trying to push me

> out of the picture again. I lost it and told her

> to consider that her

> mother is dead and gone because as far as I am

> concerned I have NO daughter. I

> told her my son (her brother) and everyone else who

> knows my situation has told

> me since Oct when dirtbag wnet back to jial that my

> lovely daughter was

> simply using me to the full extent of my ability to

> give. I guess, I am not

> surprised just ticked off that she could be so

> blatantly a user.

>

> I told her if she gives me an ounce of trouble in

> seeing the boys, I will

> not blink an eyelash about having her back in court

> and this time all the cards

> are on my side dsince from the restraining order to

> now SHE has sought out

> my assistance in watching them and taking them to Dr

> appts, etc

>

> The irony is that she is about 1 mortgage payment

> away from losing the house

> and had just asked me to relocate to a new company

> who has wanted me to go

> there and will give me a better split. She went to

> talk to the broker owner

> and I doubt that they give a damn if she relocates

> or not, but told her they

> will give her a better split if she can talk me into

> going to this company.

> That isn't a snow ball's chance in HE__ of that

> happening now.

>

> Jean

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I told her if she gives me an ounce of trouble in seeing the boys, I will

not blink an eyelash about having her back in court and this time all the

cards

are on my side dsince from the restraining order to now SHE has sought

out

my assistance in watching them and taking them to Dr appts, etc

Jean

Jean, this looks like a good approach - draw a tough line. How did she

react to this? Do you think BPDs act like bullies? If so, then it should

help to stand up to them like this.

PJ

[Guest guest]

PJ

Her response to me tonight is that she is depressed and cares about

nothing.

Who knows what is reality and what is bull.

Jean

Jean, I am sorry I don't remember, but are you having to deal with her all

by yourself? I know you have a son who is a fine adult and on his own. Is

anyone else standing with you to deal with your daughter though?

PJ

[Guest guest]

Jean

I am new to this site. My daughter is 21.

cascorsam@... wrote:

I don't remember you. How old is your daughter?

Jean

[Guest guest]

,

In previous posts, I believe you mentioned your wife had bpd and doesn't

anymore. How is that possible. What happened that " cured " her?

Carol

-------------- Original message --------------

> Jean,

>

> I agree with .

>

> I don't think your daughter is trying to get rid of

> you...I think it more that she's not making decisions

> based on facts.

>

> You are factually a decent person.

>

> <...

> As you all know, I have been babysitting the boys and

> the everyday...

> ...>

>

> Yes...all that is beyond question...and the way you've

> described things in the past makes me believe she

> understands those facts...factually you are a decent

> person...factually you have acted as a decent mother

> and grandmother by what you described.

>

> Don't argue with yourself about that...When you argue

> with isn't it really arguing with yourself? If

> you keep doing it...It'll drive you nutz.

>

> Now...when it comes to that hubby and her...you've

> probably got a semi full of facts...but it ain't about

> facts. Its about her feelings. IMO...it is likely

> about her feelings and unfinished business with her

> father.

>

> You bringing facts to the party is like bringing a

> knife to a gunfight...and my teacher friend...I don't

> want you emotionally shot.

>

> <...

> Well today, I was told I am trying to usurp her

> position as their mother...

> ...>

>

> When I was a little boy someone told me the moon was

> made of green cheese.

>

>

>

> People will tell you all sorts of things.

> Be careful who you trust...

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> --- Naegele wrote:

>

> > From what I have learned, I believe that your

> > daughter is not intentionally using you. She

> > doesn't know how else to express her fear, her

> > feeling of loneliness and desperation. She is

> > probably feeling these things because her hubby is

> > coming home. I know in my daughter's experience

> > that any change from the norm causes chaos in her

> > life whether it is a good thing or a bad thing. I

> > have also said those things to my daughter, knowing

> > that I didn't mean them but had too out of the

> > frustration I was feeling. I got so tired of my

> > daughter's constant threats of suicide and telling

> > me that I was going to be the one to have to live

> > with that and having to drop whatever I was doing

> > and run over to her place to stop her that one day

> > she was threatening to strangle herself with the

> > curling iron cord so I looked her straight in the

> > eye and told her that if she was going to do it that

> > she would have to do it looking me in the face. It

> > was the hardest thing I have ever had to do because

> > she

> > was turning blue but thank god she realized that

> > she couldn't do that to me (at least until the next

> > time she threatened me with it). Anyway, as hard as

> > it is, we have to not take personally the terrible

> > things they say to us and learn that when the verbal

> > abuse starts to walk away. Hang in there and know

> > that I will have you in my thoughts and prayers.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > cascorsam@... wrote:

> > My daughter's hubby will be home from jail (once

> > again) next Tues and today

> > we started to make ME out as the bad guy. Time to

> > get rid of the mother, I

> > guess. As you all know, I have been babysitting the

> > boys and the everyday,

> > bringing them to school and picking up from school,

> > have them all day Sunday

> > and during week, I give them dinner and bring them

> > backs just in time for

> > babths and bed because she is " exhausted " from

> > working, being 6 months pregnant

> > and all plus baby never sleeps thru the night even

> > at 10 months old. I have

> > brought that baby to Dr appts, picked her up early

> > from daycare when she was

> > sick and babysit for her and the boys

> > so my daughter doesn't mis a minute of work. I go

> > over early in the AM when

> > daughter has obstetrician appts and then bring baby

> > to daycare as well.

> >

> > Well today, I was told I am trying to usurp her

> > position as their mother.

> > That the boys accidentally call her Nana all the

> > time. I told her they call

> > me Mom on ocaission as well. That was the wrong

> > thing to say, I guess because

> > she again went off on me that now that he is getting

> > out, she doesn't need

> > me to be doing so much for her. I told her, I have

> > been in this scene before

> > and I know what she is up to. Dirtbag is the one

> > who doesn't like my being

> > involved in the boys lives when he is out so now she

> > will be trying to push me

> > out of the picture again. I lost it and told her

> > to consider that her

> > mother is dead and gone because as far as I am

> > concerned I have NO daughter. I

> > told her my son (her brother) and everyone else who

> > knows my situation has told

> > me since Oct when dirtbag wnet back to jial that my

> > lovely daughter was

> > simply using me to the full extent of my ability to

> > give. I guess, I am not

> > surprised just ticked off that she could be so

> > blatantly a user.

> >

> > I told her if she gives me an ounce of trouble in

> > seeing the boys, I will

> > not blink an eyelash about having her back in court

> > and this time all the cards

> > are on my side dsince from the restraining order to

> > now SHE has sought out

> > my assistance in watching them and taking them to Dr

> > appts, etc

> >

> > The irony is that she is about 1 mortgage payment

> > away from losing the house

> > and had just asked me to relocate to a new company

> > who has wanted me to go

> > there and will give me a better split. She went to

> > talk to the broker owner

> > and I doubt that they give a damn if she relocates

> > or not, but told her they

> > will give her a better split if she can talk me into

> > going to this company.

> > That isn't a snow ball's chance in HE__ of that

> > happening now.

> >

> > Jean

> >

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Carol,

I'll give you my observations and conclusions

regarding my wife.

The more I would do for her, the less she seemed to do

for herself. When things started out, I was the " white

knight " eager to protect her from her dragons or go do

battle with them...

But, after a long exhaustive epic journey...I learned

that the knight is supposed to say " go slay the

dragons of your past yourself...you are the only one

who can do it "

I had to try to be as functionally useless as

possible...but to be there in spirit.

Her recovery?...I'm convinced my very survival

required me to be firm in principle...but fluid in

style.

Example...the suicide threats stopped when she saw I

was sincere about calling 911 immediately...that I

wasn't going engage in any talk or action otherwise.

I think Debbie L posted a few times about setting

limits...based on strong convictions...and being

consitent and unwavering in principle...a lot of her

story is my story too...'cept she talks with bigger

words...and seems to use more complete sentences.

When the hurtful comments stopped...oh my God did that

feel better. And when the rage stopped...wow.

We still have some " endless conversations " ...but not

to the degree in the past.

BTW...I didn't make the conclusion that she wasn't BP

initially...a trusted counselor who understands all

this stuff did...I was very reluctant to believe it.

--- bosoxfan199@... wrote:

> ,

>

> In previous posts, I believe you mentioned your wife

> had bpd and doesn't anymore. How is that possible.

> What happened that " cured " her?

>

> Carol

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I honestly don't know what the heck her problem was on Monday and when will

I learn to just ignore her outbursts? Because for the past two days, she

asked me if I could please take them to school again and she said she knows she

is not a loser just because she has no time to do anything but work. I quite

honestly like her working because she works with a lot of nice people (the

rest is a large major chain) who give her advice and when the idiot gets out,

she will not be so isolated as she was the last time around when he was

living off credit cards that to this day, I don't know hoiw he got them (and

all

the cards are maxed and all the creditors are after him, HA HA HA). ANd my

daughter was paying all her bills from the $50,000 she had from refinancing the

house last February. SO this time around, there is a lot more reality

settingin for both of them. He will have to work and make arrangements to pay

his

debt or else and she will have to keep working till she sells a house or 2

to make the mort payments. So neither of them can remain in la la land too

long.

I " think " she has enough self preservation to make him work or else. I hope

so. SHe spent many hours on the phone with me in tears Monday night asking

why I was being so mean (which I wasn't) and threatening the running herself

off the road business to which I hung up the phone after telling her to grow

up. I called her 2 hours later and asked when she would be home so I could

bring the boys home and she said, " I never went out " .

I do know she was nervous about the results of the ultrasound, has been

worried about birth defects, etc. So, I think Monday's antics of torturing or

trying to torture me was how she dealt with her fear and stress.

I keep making ref to things that would indicate that Will will be home while

she is working and she keeps telling me that I am mistakenly under the

impression that he will be allowed to stay in her house while she is out

" busting

HER a__ " . She says he has a week to get a job or get out and if he has to

get out, she says she gives him 2 weeks before he OD's and she says that would

be the best thing he could do for her. Even I don't know what to say to that.

Any comments anyone??????

Jean

[Guest guest]

Thanx for the explanation, .

I agree my daughter does better when she knows I am consistent and I am not an

enabler. Big difference.

She does better with structure in her life and people around her who don't/won't

put up with her sh (stuff).....

If she moves back home (hopefully not with us) even though she's an adult, I'm

thinking of taking the rules to print. She may do better that way.

Thanx,

Carol

-------------- Original message --------------

> Carol,

>

> I'll give you my observations and conclusions

> regarding my wife.

>

> The more I would do for her, the less she seemed to do

> for herself. When things started out, I was the " white

> knight " eager to protect her from her dragons or go do

> battle with them...

>

> But, after a long exhaustive epic journey...I learned

> that the knight is supposed to say " go slay the

> dragons of your past yourself...you are the only one

> who can do it "

>

> I had to try to be as functionally useless as

> possible...but to be there in spirit.

>

> Her recovery?...I'm convinced my very survival

> required me to be firm in principle...but fluid in

> style.

>

> Example...the suicide threats stopped when she saw I

> was sincere about calling 911 immediately...that I

> wasn't going engage in any talk or action otherwise.

>

> I think Debbie L posted a few times about setting

> limits...based on strong convictions...and being

> consitent and unwavering in principle...a lot of her

> story is my story too...'cept she talks with bigger

> words...and seems to use more complete sentences.

>

>

>

> When the hurtful comments stopped...oh my God did that

> feel better. And when the rage stopped...wow.

>

> We still have some " endless conversations " ...but not

> to the degree in the past.

>

> BTW...I didn't make the conclusion that she wasn't BP

> initially...a trusted counselor who understands all

> this stuff did...I was very reluctant to believe it.

>

>

>

>

>

> --- bosoxfan199@... wrote:

>

> > ,

> >

> > In previous posts, I believe you mentioned your wife

> > had bpd and doesn't anymore. How is that possible.

> > What happened that " cured " her?

> >

> > Carol

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

I have to say I agree too. It's very hard not to take things personally with

our children, but that is the trap. I don't think she was thinking about you,

she is thinking about the situation at hand, her hubby coming back and keeping

him happy. That means keeping you out of the picture right? It is her

inability to balance the people in her live that was talking, I don't think her

comments were to hurt you but rather her panic to make everything right for the

loser. It's warped and not reasonable, that's the illness.

L ezcmezwent@...> wrote: Jean,

I agree with .

I don't think your daughter is trying to get rid of

you...I think it more that she's not making decisions

based on facts.

You are factually a decent person.

<...

As you all know, I have been babysitting the boys and

the everyday...

...>

Yes...all that is beyond question...and the way you've

described things in the past makes me believe she

understands those facts...factually you are a decent

person...factually you have acted as a decent mother

and grandmother by what you described.

Don't argue with yourself about that...When you argue

with isn't it really arguing with yourself? If

you keep doing it...It'll drive you nutz.

Now...when it comes to that hubby and her...you've

probably got a semi full of facts...but it ain't about

facts. Its about her feelings. IMO...it is likely

about her feelings and unfinished business with her

father.

You bringing facts to the party is like bringing a

knife to a gunfight...and my teacher friend...I don't

want you emotionally shot.

<...

Well today, I was told I am trying to usurp her

position as their mother...

...>

When I was a little boy someone told me the moon was

made of green cheese.

People will tell you all sorts of things.

Be careful who you trust...

--- Naegele fayx2_mom@...> wrote:

> From what I have learned, I believe that your

> daughter is not intentionally using you. She

> doesn't know how else to express her fear, her

> feeling of loneliness and desperation. She is

> probably feeling these things because her hubby is

> coming home. I know in my daughter's experience

> that any change from the norm causes chaos in her

> life whether it is a good thing or a bad thing. I

> have also said those things to my daughter, knowing

> that I didn't mean them but had too out of the

> frustration I was feeling. I got so tired of my

> daughter's constant threats of suicide and telling

> me that I was going to be the one to have to live

> with that and having to drop whatever I was doing

> and run over to her place to stop her that one day

> she was threatening to strangle herself with the

> curling iron cord so I looked her straight in the

> eye and told her that if she was going to do it that

> she would have to do it looking me in the face. It

> was the hardest thing I have ever had to do because

> she

> was turning blue but thank god she realized that

> she couldn't do that to me (at least until the next

> time she threatened me with it). Anyway, as hard as

> it is, we have to not take personally the terrible

> things they say to us and learn that when the verbal

> abuse starts to walk away. Hang in there and know

> that I will have you in my thoughts and prayers.

>

>

>

>

> cascorsam@... wrote:

> My daughter's hubby will be home from jail (once

> again) next Tues and today

> we started to make ME out as the bad guy. Time to

> get rid of the mother, I

> guess. As you all know, I have been babysitting the

> boys and the everyday,

> bringing them to school and picking up from school,

> have them all day Sunday

> and during week, I give them dinner and bring them

> backs just in time for

> babths and bed because she is " exhausted " from

> working, being 6 months pregnant

> and all plus baby never sleeps thru the night even

> at 10 months old. I have

> brought that baby to Dr appts, picked her up early

> from daycare when she was

> sick and babysit for her and the boys

> so my daughter doesn't mis a minute of work. I go

> over early in the AM when

> daughter has obstetrician appts and then bring baby

> to daycare as well.

>

> Well today, I was told I am trying to usurp her

> position as their mother.

> That the boys accidentally call her Nana all the

> time. I told her they call

> me Mom on ocaission as well. That was the wrong

> thing to say, I guess because

> she again went off on me that now that he is getting

> out, she doesn't need

> me to be doing so much for her. I told her, I have

> been in this scene before

> and I know what she is up to. Dirtbag is the one

> who doesn't like my being

> involved in the boys lives when he is out so now she

> will be trying to push me

> out of the picture again. I lost it and told her

> to consider that her

> mother is dead and gone because as far as I am

> concerned I have NO daughter. I

> told her my son (her brother) and everyone else who

> knows my situation has told

> me since Oct when dirtbag wnet back to jial that my

> lovely daughter was

> simply using me to the full extent of my ability to

> give. I guess, I am not

> surprised just ticked off that she could be so

> blatantly a user.

>

> I told her if she gives me an ounce of trouble in

> seeing the boys, I will

> not blink an eyelash about having her back in court

> and this time all the cards

> are on my side dsince from the restraining order to

> now SHE has sought out

> my assistance in watching them and taking them to Dr

> appts, etc

>

> The irony is that she is about 1 mortgage payment

> away from losing the house

> and had just asked me to relocate to a new company

> who has wanted me to go

> there and will give me a better split. She went to

> talk to the broker owner

> and I doubt that they give a damn if she relocates

> or not, but told her they

> will give her a better split if she can talk me into

> going to this company.

> That isn't a snow ball's chance in HE__ of that

> happening now.

>

> Jean

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

<...If she moves back home (hopefully not with us)

even though she's an adult, I'm thinking of taking the

rules to print. She may do better that way.

....>

Carol,

I like your idea.

The rules put you in charge...absence of rules put her

in charge.

I like both your chances better with you in charge.

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Jean,

It sounds like you are protecting yourself much better

this time around.

And it sounds like there's a lot less room for

flagrant behavior...sounds good to me.

I like what you're doing.

A lot of this may feel like torture...but as long as

you keep focus on what you decide is right...rather

than reacting to what K says or does...

You'll be ok...and she may improve too.

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Thanx, .

Last time around we had rules (mine) but they were oral.

And out she went.

This time (and i hope there isn't one), there will be written rules and she'll

probably still be out in 2 months time.

My stress level goes up when we're in the same home -- so i'm hoping it isn't.

Tx for the support,

Carol

-------------- Original message --------------

> <...If she moves back home (hopefully not with us)

> even though she's an adult, I'm thinking of taking the

> rules to print. She may do better that way.

> ...>

>

> Carol,

>

> I like your idea.

>

> The rules put you in charge...absence of rules put her

> in charge.

>

> I like both your chances better with you in charge.

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Carol,

You're welcome.

Yes...that stress level...I certainly don't know the

exact amount it goes up at your house...but, I've

experienced the awful feelings...all the issues.

Vs...when the BP is not there.

I think one of the most important things is a clear

set of boundaries.

The first boundary...the most important is around your

heart...understanding there is no shame in trying to

do your best...that goes for those who deal with

BPs....and BPs too.

The second boundary is around your mind...that you are

responsible for your issues...and your BP is

responsible for her issues.

If anyone is confused I suggest what someone recently

did and described to me...take a sheet of paper...make

3 columns... " My issues " ... " My BPs issues " ...and " Not

Sure " ...then take each issue in your life and place it

in the column you think it belongs...and think about

it for awhile.

<...

This time (and i hope there isn't one), there will be

written rules and she'll probably still be out in 2

months time.

....>

That may happen.

I certainly don't want to paint an rosy picture when

there may not be one.

The idea though is to reduce YOUR stress level...and

as a result your BP may see that...and one day may

want some of that for herself.

--- bosoxfan199@... wrote:

> Thanx, .

>

> Last time around we had rules (mine) but they were

> oral.

> And out she went.

> This time (and i hope there isn't one), there will

> be written rules and she'll probably still be out in

> 2 months time.

>

> My stress level goes up when we're in the same home

> -- so i'm hoping it isn't.

>

> Tx for the support,

>

> Carol

>

__________________________________________________