Re: To

[Guest guest]

Dear

I am sending you a letter today. Life has been so busy here. I am getting

married in 7 weeks and i feel rushed. i have been planning this for over a year

but the closer we get to the date the more i think of that has to be done. plus

madison and all her appointments. so it gets crazy. glade to hear the

convention went well we look foward to next year. Madison raised ALOT of money

already for next years trip so as long as her health is good we will be there.

chrissy

Lequiz@... wrote: Chrissy,

I am so happy to hear that you received the box of goodies. I was

afraid I had sent it to the wrong address. Thanks for the compliments about

Jessie - she is very happy and so full of life! A joy.

I just got back from the convention. I was sorry that you couldn't

make it. I was hoping to meet you. It was an informative few days.... I am

sure the listserve will be full of all the news so I won't go it to it all

here.

I would love to see pictures of Madison. Our address is 1412 Creek

Way, Virginia Beach, VA 23454. I know you have a lot going on so whenever

you can is good enough.

Hope you all have heard good news from the Insurance company and that

your husbands job hunt is gong well!

Quisenberry

[Guest guest]

,

I wish I had some words of wisdom to share with you. - I will give you some

hard learned advice at the very end of this post because It sounds like you

are struggling with the same situation my husband ( and I , who had recently

married him ) had with his adopted daughter. I was eager and willing to raise

her as my own, but at 17 it was all ready too late to make any changes in her,

and I am not sure I would have been able to have done this even if I had

gotten there sooner. She was 17 at the time and a seinor in high school. She

was

skipping classes, didnt do homework, lied all of the time and was sneaking out

nights and also stealing a lot of things. We wrote up a contract after she

ran away from home the first time (no lieing , stealing, sneaking out, skipping

school etc )- she did sign it, but then did not abide by any of the house

rules , refused to clean up after herself and continued to steal anything that

she could get her hands on. Money , jewelry, makeup, and electronics frequently

" were missing " and she continued to sneak out of the house at night through

the window and skipping school. She was doing poorly in shool , lieing about

homework - all of the things you describe. We found knives, screens used to

burn drugs on, burnt spoons used to heat drugs in , stolen jewelry and liquor in

her room. - we had to put a lock on our bedroom door and lock up anything in

there we did not want stolen, I had to go in and out with a key to get my

purse or to go in there for anything i needed - it was a terrible way to have to

live. She is 22 now and never did graduate from high school - so all of our (

and everyone elses ) efforts were a waste. She has moved from place to place

takeing advantage of people who feel sorry for her , and stealing from them

until she is asked to leave - and then just moves on to someone else. She was

adopted , had problems with stealing and lieing and in school since she was

small, and her adoptive mother died a couple of years before I married her

adoptive father. ( he and I had both been widowed the same year ) - so there

was no

mother to send her to live with.- or we certainly would have tried this

because there seemed to be nothing we could do to help her. Her grandmother

took a

try at takeing her in, but she could not take all of the behaviors either,

and she was sent to live with an aunt and then a cousin who she stole from and

created chaos in their lives. They thought maybe they could make her finish

high school there- by this time she was 19 - but she didnt attend classes or do

the class work there either. Not in alternative school and not in the GED

program afterward either . How everyone thought she could go to college

eventually - when she could not even finish high school is beyond me - but she

conned

them that college was eventually in her plans, if she could just finish high

school !

Knowing what I do now, Id say you are right and are makeing the right move

to want to send her to live with her mother. - Its not working there, and her

own mother needs to try and deal with her own child ! - Fathers dont always

have a lot of talent when it comes to dealing with difficult daughters and

laying down the rules to them - some do and some dont. It doesnt sound like her

dad

is haveing very much success and you have tried and have given it your best

and have endured all of her behaviors - so Id give her mother a turn at it now

! ( no matter what kind of a mother she is ) Dont set yourself up to where

you can be blamed for this girls failure ! - giveing that responsiblility back

to her parents is the best wisdom and advice I can offer. Knowing what I do

now, Id send her to her mother and Id do it now rather than later - Good luck !

Its not an easy situation to be in ~ann

In a message dated 10/4/2005 8:52:13 AM Eastern Standard Time,

WTOParentsOfBPs writes:

> So how do you get through the teen-age years? I have a 17 yo stepdtr who

> is probably BP (we are currently working with her T on a dx; she is also

> bipolar and ADHD, her mom is udbp). She has been living with us for the last

9

> months and we have a very structured environment for her -- rules, limits,

> consequences, rewards, etc. She has a part-time job, chores around the house,

> she's a trainer with the football team. She basically failed the first

> semester of 9th grade (all core subjects), I helped get her straightened

around with

> a 504 Plan, and she made it through second semester of 9th grade, passing

> most classes. Sophomore year was better and she is now a junior. We are

> trying to get her to a place where she will be able to survive when she goes

to

> college but it is a constant struggle. You cannot say anything to her without

> it ending up in an argument. She cries, lies, cheats, feels sorry for

> herself, etc. She literally works on homework every night for hours. I have

> totally taken myself out of the educational mix b/c she never, ever changes.

> I got an email three weeks ago from a teacher that I could've (and probably

> did) gotten two YEARS ago (b/c it's a class she's repeating from 9th grade).

> She lied that the homework was done and at home. But it wasn't. I know

> that all this seems like little stuff but it happens day in/day out, and for

me

> it was just the last straw. Since that incident, she has been caught

> cheating on a test, created a huge scene at school, begged the teacher not to

email

> us, swore to us, looked at us in the eye, that she wasn't cheating, etc. We

> talked to the teacher, who of course, knows she was cheating, etc. We keep

> all knives, sharp objects locked up b/c she has cut in the past. She does

> pretty good with limits and understands that if she cuts, she immediately goes

> to the hospital. She's done that once and doesn't want to go back. She is

> doing other things at our house that I feel like are trying to undermine

> the relationship b/w her father and me. I think her dad feels sorry for her

> b/c I really am at my wit's end with her and have told her under no

> uncertain terms that if she doesn't start to try to make some permanent

changes, she

> will have to go back and live with her mom. I don't leave her alone in the

> house b/c she goes through things -- in our room and my daughter's room. She

> has stolen things before -- money, make-up, clothes, perfume, etc. We have

> found knives, burned ashes, my hormone therapy patches (the empty packages),

> scalpels (used in training at football) in her room. ARGGHHHHH! I am just so

> tired.

>

> Any words of wisdom to help me get through 18 more months without sending

> her back to her whacked mother?

>

> Kelley C.

>

>

[Guest guest]

thanks so much for responding. and i don't really find your words harsh at all.

i guess maybe it's validation for me. i know that what i see in my sdtr is

really not " bad " in terms of what you and others have faced on the board. but

my own kids are grown (two in college and my youngest lives with his dad--sr. in

high school) so i'm really not up to dealing with all of this and didn't

actually sign on for it. she didn't live with us full-time when i married her

dad and we were not aware of this dx at the time we married either. i am at the

point where i will have ZERO problem sending her back to her mom, even though i

know it really probably will not be in her best interests to live with her mom.

and if her dad is opposed, i guess he can go with her! i laugh as i type

that, but i really am at that point. i know you're right -- at 15, 16 and 17,

you cannot change them; they are basically already raised and the damage is

done. at this point, megan will help herself, and we

will continue the therapy. she will make headway and change will come on a

permanent basis, or she will go back to her mom's. her dad is now solely

responsible for all the educational issues, which included transporting her back

and forth to school as she goes to a high school out of our district. that is

not a decision i really supported, as there is a high school less than a mile

from our house. it is wearing on him VERY quickly and you're right, dads don't

hold up well when they REALLY have to bear the weight of bringing up daughter

alone. so now HE mentions sending her back to her mom. i don't comment. i

give it another 4-6 months before she's back at her mom's. at christmas, if she

has any D's or F's, she has to transfer to the school in our district or go to

her mom's if she wants to continue at the out-of-district school. we'll see

what happens.

thanks for listening.

kelley c.

itsalison2@... wrote:

,

I wish I had some words of wisdom to share with you. - I will give you some

hard learned advice at the very end of this post because It sounds like you

are struggling with the same situation my husband ( and I , who had recently

married him ) had with his adopted daughter. I was eager and willing to raise

her as my own, but at 17 it was all ready too late to make any changes in her,

and I am not sure I would have been able to have done this even if I had

gotten there sooner. She was 17 at the time and a seinor in high school. She

was

skipping classes, didnt do homework, lied all of the time and was sneaking out

nights and also stealing a lot of things. We wrote up a contract after she

ran away from home the first time (no lieing , stealing, sneaking out, skipping

school etc )- she did sign it, but then did not abide by any of the house

rules , refused to clean up after herself and continued to steal anything that

she could get her hands on. Money , jewelry, makeup, and electronics frequently

" were missing " and she continued to sneak out of the house at night through

the window and skipping school. She was doing poorly in shool , lieing about

homework - all of the things you describe. We found knives, screens used to

burn drugs on, burnt spoons used to heat drugs in , stolen jewelry and liquor in

her room. - we had to put a lock on our bedroom door and lock up anything in

there we did not want stolen, I had to go in and out with a key to get my

purse or to go in there for anything i needed - it was a terrible way to have to

live. She is 22 now and never did graduate from high school - so all of our (

and everyone elses ) efforts were a waste. She has moved from place to place

takeing advantage of people who feel sorry for her , and stealing from them

until she is asked to leave - and then just moves on to someone else. She was

adopted , had problems with stealing and lieing and in school since she was

small, and her adoptive mother died a couple of years before I married her

adoptive father. ( he and I had both been widowed the same year ) - so there

was no

mother to send her to live with.- or we certainly would have tried this

because there seemed to be nothing we could do to help her. Her grandmother

took a

try at takeing her in, but she could not take all of the behaviors either,

and she was sent to live with an aunt and then a cousin who she stole from and

created chaos in their lives. They thought maybe they could make her finish

high school there- by this time she was 19 - but she didnt attend classes or do

the class work there either. Not in alternative school and not in the GED

program afterward either . How everyone thought she could go to college

eventually - when she could not even finish high school is beyond me - but she

conned

them that college was eventually in her plans, if she could just finish high

school !

Knowing what I do now, Id say you are right and are makeing the right move

to want to send her to live with her mother. - Its not working there, and her

own mother needs to try and deal with her own child ! - Fathers dont always

have a lot of talent when it comes to dealing with difficult daughters and

laying down the rules to them - some do and some dont. It doesnt sound like her

dad

is haveing very much success and you have tried and have given it your best

and have endured all of her behaviors - so Id give her mother a turn at it now

! ( no matter what kind of a mother she is ) Dont set yourself up to where

you can be blamed for this girls failure ! - giveing that responsiblility back

to her parents is the best wisdom and advice I can offer. Knowing what I do

now, Id send her to her mother and Id do it now rather than later - Good luck !

Its not an easy situation to be in ~ann

In a message dated 10/4/2005 8:52:13 AM Eastern Standard Time,

WTOParentsOfBPs writes:

> So how do you get through the teen-age years? I have a 17 yo stepdtr who

> is probably BP (we are currently working with her T on a dx; she is also

> bipolar and ADHD, her mom is udbp). She has been living with us for the last

9

> months and we have a very structured environment for her -- rules, limits,

> consequences, rewards, etc. She has a part-time job, chores around the house,

> she's a trainer with the football team. She basically failed the first

> semester of 9th grade (all core subjects), I helped get her straightened

around with

> a 504 Plan, and she made it through second semester of 9th grade, passing

> most classes. Sophomore year was better and she is now a junior. We are

> trying to get her to a place where she will be able to survive when she goes

to

> college but it is a constant struggle. You cannot say anything to her without

> it ending up in an argument. She cries, lies, cheats, feels sorry for

> herself, etc. She literally works on homework every night for hours. I have

> totally taken myself out of the educational mix b/c she never, ever changes.

> I got an email three weeks ago from a teacher that I could've (and probably

> did) gotten two YEARS ago (b/c it's a class she's repeating from 9th grade).

> She lied that the homework was done and at home. But it wasn't. I know

> that all this seems like little stuff but it happens day in/day out, and for

me

> it was just the last straw. Since that incident, she has been caught

> cheating on a test, created a huge scene at school, begged the teacher not to

email

> us, swore to us, looked at us in the eye, that she wasn't cheating, etc. We

> talked to the teacher, who of course, knows she was cheating, etc. We keep

> all knives, sharp objects locked up b/c she has cut in the past. She does

> pretty good with limits and understands that if she cuts, she immediately goes

> to the hospital. She's done that once and doesn't want to go back. She is

> doing other things at our house that I feel like are trying to undermine

> the relationship b/w her father and me. I think her dad feels sorry for her

> b/c I really am at my wit's end with her and have told her under no

> uncertain terms that if she doesn't start to try to make some permanent

changes, she

> will have to go back and live with her mom. I don't leave her alone in the

> house b/c she goes through things -- in our room and my daughter's room. She

> has stolen things before -- money, make-up, clothes, perfume, etc. We have

> found knives, burned ashes, my hormone therapy patches (the empty packages),

> scalpels (used in training at football) in her room. ARGGHHHHH! I am just so

> tired.

>

> Any words of wisdom to help me get through 18 more months without sending

> her back to her whacked mother?

>

> Kelley C.

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

we have more in common than I imagined - my stepdaughter wasnt

living at home when I married her father either ! - She was liveing

in another state at her aunts house after haveing run away from home

and went there to escape the jurisdiction of her own state where she

was in trouble and going to be sentenced to juvinile hall. - Two

months after I married her dad, her aunt suddenly bought her a train

ticket, and dumped her on us with no warnings ! - Wanting to make the

best of things I tried to be a friend and mother figure to her and I

thought we were developeing a nice relationship , but she was only

trying to figure out how she could manipulate me. When this wasnt

possible , she turned on me too. I Just wanted to let you know that I

didnt sign up for it either, and I totally understand and support

where you are comming from ! ~ann

> ,

> I wish I had some words of wisdom to share with you. - I will

give you some

> hard learned advice at the very end of this post because It sounds

like you

> are struggling with the same situation my husband ( and I , who had

recently

> married him ) had with his adopted daughter. I was eager and

willing to raise

> her as my own, but at 17 it was all ready too late to make any

changes in her,

> and I am not sure I would have been able to have done this even if

I had

> gotten there sooner. She was 17 at the time and a seinor in high

school. She was

> skipping classes, didnt do homework, lied all of the time and was

sneaking out

> nights and also stealing a lot of things. We wrote up a contract

after she

> ran away from home the first time (no lieing , stealing, sneaking

out, skipping

> school etc )- she did sign it, but then did not abide by any of the

house

> rules , refused to clean up after herself and continued to steal

anything that

> she could get her hands on. Money , jewelry, makeup, and

electronics frequently

> " were missing " and she continued to sneak out of the house at

night through

> the window and skipping school. She was doing poorly in shool ,

lieing about

> homework - all of the things you describe. We found knives,

screens used to

> burn drugs on, burnt spoons used to heat drugs in , stolen jewelry

and liquor in

> her room. - we had to put a lock on our bedroom door and lock up

anything in

> there we did not want stolen, I had to go in and out with a key to

get my

> purse or to go in there for anything i needed - it was a terrible

way to have to

> live. She is 22 now and never did graduate from high school - so

all of our (

> and everyone elses ) efforts were a waste. She has moved from

place to place

> takeing advantage of people who feel sorry for her , and stealing

from them

> until she is asked to leave - and then just moves on to someone

else. She was

> adopted , had problems with stealing and lieing and in school since

she was

> small, and her adoptive mother died a couple of years before I

married her

> adoptive father. ( he and I had both been widowed the same year ) -

so there was no

> mother to send her to live with.- or we certainly would have tried

this

> because there seemed to be nothing we could do to help her. Her

grandmother took a

> try at takeing her in, but she could not take all of the behaviors

either,

> and she was sent to live with an aunt and then a cousin who she

stole from and

> created chaos in their lives. They thought maybe they could make

her finish

> high school there- by this time she was 19 - but she didnt attend

classes or do

> the class work there either. Not in alternative school and not in

the GED

> program afterward either . How everyone thought she could go to

college

> eventually - when she could not even finish high school is beyond

me - but she conned

> them that college was eventually in her plans, if she could just

finish high

> school !

> Knowing what I do now, Id say you are right and are makeing the

right move

> to want to send her to live with her mother. - Its not working

there, and her

> own mother needs to try and deal with her own child ! - Fathers

dont always

> have a lot of talent when it comes to dealing with difficult

daughters and

> laying down the rules to them - some do and some dont. It doesnt

sound like her dad

> is haveing very much success and you have tried and have given it

your best

> and have endured all of her behaviors - so Id give her mother a

turn at it now

> ! ( no matter what kind of a mother she is ) Dont set yourself up

to where

> you can be blamed for this girls failure ! - giveing that

responsiblility back

> to her parents is the best wisdom and advice I can offer. Knowing

what I do

> now, Id send her to her mother and Id do it now rather than later -

Good luck !

> Its not an easy situation to be in ~ann

>

> In a message dated 10/4/2005 8:52:13 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> WTOParentsOfBPs writes:

>

> > So how do you get through the teen-age years? I have a 17 yo

stepdtr who

> > is probably BP (we are currently working with her T on a dx; she

is also

> > bipolar and ADHD, her mom is udbp). She has been living with us

for the last 9

> > months and we have a very structured environment for her --

rules, limits,

> > consequences, rewards, etc. She has a part-time job, chores

around the house,

> > she's a trainer with the football team. She basically failed the

first

> > semester of 9th grade (all core subjects), I helped get her

straightened around with

> > a 504 Plan, and she made it through second semester of 9th grade,

passing

> > most classes. Sophomore year was better and she is now a

junior. We are

> > trying to get her to a place where she will be able to survive

when she goes to

> > college but it is a constant struggle. You cannot say anything

to her without

> > it ending up in an argument. She cries, lies, cheats, feels

sorry for

> > herself, etc. She literally works on homework every night for

hours. I have

> > totally taken myself out of the educational mix b/c she never,

ever changes.

> > I got an email three weeks ago from a teacher that I could've

(and probably

> > did) gotten two YEARS ago (b/c it's a class she's repeating from

9th grade).

> > She lied that the homework was done and at home. But it

wasn't. I know

> > that all this seems like little stuff but it happens day in/day

out, and for me

> > it was just the last straw. Since that incident, she has been

caught

> > cheating on a test, created a huge scene at school, begged the

teacher not to email

> > us, swore to us, looked at us in the eye, that she wasn't

cheating, etc. We

> > talked to the teacher, who of course, knows she was cheating,

etc. We keep

> > all knives, sharp objects locked up b/c she has cut in the past.

She does

> > pretty good with limits and understands that if she cuts, she

immediately goes

> > to the hospital. She's done that once and doesn't want to go

back. She is

> > doing other things at our house that I feel like are trying to

undermine

> > the relationship b/w her father and me. I think her dad feels

sorry for her

> > b/c I really am at my wit's end with her and have told her under

no

> > uncertain terms that if she doesn't start to try to make some

permanent changes, she

> > will have to go back and live with her mom. I don't leave her

alone in the

> > house b/c she goes through things -- in our room and my

daughter's room. She

> > has stolen things before -- money, make-up, clothes, perfume,

etc. We have

> > found knives, burned ashes, my hormone therapy patches (the empty

packages),

> > scalpels (used in training at football) in her room. ARGGHHHHH!

I am just so

> > tired.

> >

> > Any words of wisdom to help me get through 18 more months without

sending

> > her back to her whacked mother?

> >

> > Kelley C.

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/13/2005 11:51:27 AM Eastern Standard Time,

somalitamale@... writes:

Tell your daughter she has a very wise and wonderful

mother. Will keep you posted.

.

Thank you . I'm glad to see you back, hope dad is okay, and good

that you are at least enjoying some peace. One day at a time. I was again

wondering this morning about you and was going to send you another mail. Bide

your time w/the job and school, but not for TOO long ! You won't jinx anything

keeping us posted. Doesn't it feel great, having those major boulders on

your shoulders much lighter? I know how that felt. I'm glad for you, keep up

the good work.

DebbieL

[Guest guest]

Thank you for thinking of me, I haven't been on line

for the past week, I have been taking care of my dad

who fell. He'll be ok.

I'm afraid to say it, things are still ok with my

daughter (I don't want to jinx it!!) She even has

been a little more helpful. She still isn't

committing to her work or school plans, but just

having the respect from her right now is satiating me.

Tell your daughter she has a very wise and wonderful

mother. Will keep you posted.

.

--- funnygirl1154@... wrote:

> Morning ,

>

> Been thinking about you and wondering how things

> are going w/your daughter

> and home?

> Hopefully all is still well with you. Keeping you

> in my thoughts and prayers.

>

> DebbieL

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

__________________________________

Start your day with Yahoo! - Make it your home page!

http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

[Guest guest]

Good words, ! I'm glad you and yours continue to do well.

Hugs,

DebbieL

[Guest guest]

Okay, I was just wondering...my pcp was kind of surprised I think when I asked

for it. I don't take it everyday. But there are days when I do take 2 or

3...just never know.

Hugs,

To

I only take hydrocodone 2 or 3 times a day. Most of the time 2 times a day.

hugs,

Debra V.

__________________________________________________________

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know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

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[Guest guest]

Ouch.  That must be horrible.  Have they considered a surgery or have they done

a surgery for the back?  But, when I think about it, I probably would not choose

surgery with that problem if I had that problem.  Surgeries on the spine/back

are dangerous and sometimes people are worse off after a surgery of that kind. 

(of course there are success stories too though).

hugs,

Debra V.

Subject: Re: To and /overdoing

To: Fibromyalgia_Support_Group

Date: Sunday, May 11, 2008, 8:05 AM

I have an L5 herniation for about 10 years now.

Even before the FM hit me really hard I typically could not walk more

than 30min without my toes dragging on the ground.

What I wouldn't give for a scooter.

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

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know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

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[Guest guest]

I went to -the- back specialist, Dr Carl Swan.

It cost me $400.00 for a 15 minute consultation.

He's very realistic and does not lean towards surgery to correct the

problem, in his words, " I can take you out in the waiting room right

now and show you several of my patients that have had 1 or more back

surgeries and are no better off today " .

His advice, live with it as best you can.

My herniation is directly on the spinal cord, corrective surgery is

too risky and the risk of paralysis is too high for me to go through with.