Ruthie (was Billy)

[Guest guest]

> we have lost one son, we don't

>want to lose another, even though it is looking increasingly like we

>are losing him anyhow, just another kind of loss; a loss for which

>there are no funerals or sympathetic supporters, only critics and

>introspection on where we went wrong.

>

>Ruthie

Oh how well put Ruthie! I can really see how difficult it is to stop

actively trying and just wait for him. (I really think that either he

is saying totally different stuff to the counsellor, or she is

incompetent or unethical though to be taking your money if he has

such an issue about being independent from you)

Where there's life there's hope though... he might change. Once he

really is independent and successful he might be a bit nicer to you

and more relaxed about having parents. (I think some people do have

difficulty with the very notion and would prefer to have been found

under a gooseberry bush and raised by wolves)

I had this happen to me (different kind of relationship)

Unfortunately by the time the person 'grew up', I had moved on and

wasn't ready to take the risk of including them in my life any more,

especially as they picked a sub-optimal time, but I think with a

child it would be different. (I also know that being financially

dependent on someone you are not getting along with otherwise does

not make for the best behaviour and certainly doesn't make you appear

grateful - and sometimes extra little kindnesses make it even worse)

All I can suggest is that you plan something really nice to do with

the money you will be saving from not paying for your independent and

successful son's rent or counselling :-) (Or if you are feeling

philanthropic you could use it for something like the Plan

International scheme other people have been discussing here)

--

jennifer@...

Vaudin